InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "You bought this palace."

Pandora Montgomery (pandacharms) wrote in vrrpg,
@ 2017-03-19 22:32:00

Entry tags:

char: alec urquhart, char: ewan summerby, char: nora urquhart, char: pandora montgomery, char: persephone montgomery, location: network, time: 2009 03

Who: Dora, Nora, Persy, Ewan, Alec
When: Monday March 20
What: Talking about some things.
Warnings: Language, probably. TBD
Public/Private: Private to individuals

MM to Nora 9:30am: I think I've decided to tell my mother I'm pregnant. Pretty sure I can't hide it much longer anyway. You saw the 'bump.' Plus apparently the baby is a passion fruit now.

MM to Persy 9:35am: Persy, I think i'm going to tell mum. But I don't know if I should do it to her face or just write her, considering everything. What do you think?

MM to Ewan 9:40am: I'm going to tell mum. I think.

MM to Alec 9:42am: I need an opinion that's somewhere between friendship and professional, if you have a moment and don't mind?

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	alec_urquhart 2017-03-19 11:50 pm UTC (link)
	MM to Dora 9:44am: Not at all MM to Dora 9:44am: What's going on? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	pandacharms 2017-03-20 08:10 am UTC (link)
	MM to Alec 9:48am: I need to figure out how to tell my mother I'm pregnant without maybe ending up in a big mess (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	alec_urquhart 2017-03-20 07:43 pm UTC (link)
	MM to Dora 9:52am: Define "big mess" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pandacharms
2017-03-20 09:47 pm UTC (link)

MM to Alec 9:59am: Wel..... We're basically estranged. She hates the choice I made to save the family? Her aurors still lurk. A lot. Oh and she made sure I had time in Azkaban. And the last time I talked to her was at that ball for the election people
MM to Alec 10:02am: And it wasn't a good conversation. MOre like a public shouting match in a corridor of Hogwarts?
MM to Alec 10:03am: But she's my mother and as far as I kno this is her first grandchild and... mine and her problems shouldn't keep her from having a relationship with my child unless she wants it to.
MM to Alec 10:03am: So basically as long as I don't go to jail or anything, I'll probably be happy with the outcome.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

alec_urquhart
2017-03-21 02:13 pm UTC (link)

MM to Dora 10:07am: Wait, you're telling me you seriously want to expose your young, impressionable child to a woman that ensured you spent time in Azkaban and has treated you like shit?
MM to Dora 10:08am: What exactly do you think is going to happen on the day that your kid comes home filled with notions of you being a liar and untrustworthy on account of you being an ex-con?
MM to Dora 10:09am: Look, this may just be my personal outlook on these things, but I can assure you that my parents are absolutely going to be kept from having a relationship with any and all children Nora and I choose to have. The last thing they need is to be exposed to the same beatings or pureblood rhetoric that I was subjected to. No way.
MM to Dora 10:09am: As a parent, it will be my responsibility to ensure my child's well-being. In this case, that includes keeping them away from their grandparents.
MM to Dora 10:10am: And if they're upset about it, well, maybe they should have thought about that before they were assholes.
MM to Dora 10:10am: As far as I'm concerned, the same goes for your mother.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pandacharms
2017-03-21 05:46 pm UTC (link)

MM to Alec 10:15am: Okay so that came out sounding a lot worse than it is in some ways. I'm pretty sure it was more of a lack to help than a willful making sure I was imprisoned, these days, but the bitterness does rather leak through at times. She wasn't a bad mother, just.. distant.
MM to Alec 10:16am: Honest, Alec, she's pretty much just like me, except she's all black-and-white and I'm all grey.
MM to Alec 10:16am: Oh, she's not pureblood agenda. Mother never beat us like that or anything. She was strict. She's the bloody head of the DMLE, you know. She'd never break the law or her strict moral code. And she does have one, don't let her ancestry fool you.
MM to Alec 10:17am: And I'm not planning on letting her alone with my bairn right away or anything. She has to earn that. But I also think she's an aging witch who is quite... lonely, to be honest.
MM to Alec 10:18am: Part of me wants to do just that, exclude her absolutely like she cut me off. But that's also the part of me that's just like her, and I can't be that person and be a good mother, so is it just that vindictiveness, or is genuinely what's best? I'm not even sure any more. Persy doesn't think it's a bad idea, if that says anything.
MM to Alec 10:18am: Fuck it, it's not something I'm easy with, but neither is NOT letting her know either. That's why I'm asking for advice, I guess. It's a fuck up either way I choose.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

alec_urquhart
2017-03-21 06:03 pm UTC (link)

MM to Dora 10:24am: She allowed you to get thrown into Azkaban. That goes far beyond being distant or strict. MY parents were distant and strict. Your mother frankly sounds like she has narcissistic personality disorder. Not to mention that that thing you call all black-and-white thinking is called splitting and is quite common in people with NPD. I have some literature aimed precisely at the children of narcissistic mothers if you'd ever like to peruse it.
MM to Dora 10:25am: Parenting is hard enough. The last thing you need is to make it harder on yourself by adding yet another rogue element into the mix.
MM to Dora 10:25am: And something tells me that Nora is liable to agree with me on this.
MM to Dora 10:27am: Though I will say that under no circumstances should you not take an action simply because you think it makes you like your mother. That's extremely destructive behavior and can lead to narcissistic parenting styles on your part, too. Given that your mother was a distant narcissistic mother, you'd do the opposite to counter her and provide for your children what you didn't have, thus rendering you a helicopter parent.
MM to Dora 10:29am: All I am saying is that this is far more complex and important to think through than it may seem. From the outside, you're asking yourself if you should tell your mother of an important event in your life. But in reality, you are choosing whether or not to open the door for the both of you to have a relationship again, and under no circumstances will I recommend that, as it's liable to end up being extremely destructive and damaging for you.
MM to Dora 10:29am: Now, if you do choose to go through with this course of action, set strict boundaries right from the start, before you talk to her at all, and stand by them with an iron fist.
MM to Dora 10:30am: I think I'd be more comfortable with the prospect of you doing this if you were seeing a therapist on a regular basis, but as you are so very reluctant to do that (no offense), I'm merely hoping to warn you. This could affect your mental health severely, it could affect the health of your relationship with Ewan, your relationship with your future children, and your relationship with your sister. Think very long and hard before going through with this.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

pandacharms
2017-03-21 06:19 pm UTC (link)

MM to Alec 10:35am: In her defense, I am a murderer. I was caught covered in blood. The fact I was only ever caught murdering Death Eaters and the like in a crazed rage is beside the point. It's not like I could actually deny what I'd done.
MM to Alec 10:36am: Well, Nora hasn't said it's a horrid idea, yet. Or Ewan or Persy. So it's a bit up in the air.
MM to Alec 10:37am: I won't argue though that htere's probably something wrong with her. You know she's the sister of the Lestranges who are so very famous. But I'm not precisely always in my right mind either, so I can't throw stones, I suppose.
MM to Alec 10:37am: I'll ask Ewan if he really thinks I should. He's much more objective than I am on the entire thing. I want to be a good mother and I know that's a worry I'll always have, because I take strongly after her and it worries me a lot.
MM to Alec 10:38am: All right, I make no promises, but if you give me someone's name, I promise to consider going. It might ease Ewan's mind, at the very least. I am reluctant, I didn't have any good experiences before, but I'll think about it. I don't want to fuck things up with Ewan or the bairn or my sister or any of you.
MM to Alec 10:39am: I just don't want to do this because I'm being petty and vindictive, because you probably realize I CAN be those things at times. Besides, I'm already fucked up. I just don't want this to be something I'm always going to regret, too.

	pandacharms 2017-03-21 05:47 pm UTC (link)
	MM to Ewan-mine 9:51am: Well. Who else's would it be? O.o (Reply to this) (Parent)