Allen Walker; Exorcist of the Black Order (belovedclown) wrote in voicesinmyhead, @ 2007-08-12 05:23:00 |
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Current mood: | cold |
Prompt #7 What was your greatest loss?
I remember what it felt like to stare at the one I loved as his life was starting to leave him. I can still hear his breathing as it rattled in his chest like a cold wind. His hand was so terribly frozen it seemed compared to how warm they used to be. That icey touch lingers in the dead of the night. I can hear his words as if he was dying again right in front of me. Its for him I walk on like he asked me. Its for him I will fight until there is no life left in my body because I promised him.
...He gave me a chance, and still worried about me even when he should have been concerned for himself. My world shattered to pieces and I felt like I was bleeding inside. It ached and there was no one to make it better, to hold onto. Just the grave that sat as still as the night sky on a cloudless night. Words etched into stone were all that remained of a living man above the ground. I tried to keep going, to press on like I said I would. But the grief I couldn't control it.
It raged out of control and all I wanted was to see his smile again. to hear him laugh again...to be loved and held again. I was selfish in my desires to not be alone. And it cost Mana a lot. The Earl...came to me when I was at my lowest. I think it was hunger and pain that made me so vulnerable to his words. They were the hope that I couldn't trust God with back then. It hurt worse than anything else to hear Mana curse me. But nothing was compared to when my innocence awoke...even worse? Mana telling me he loved me and to destroy him.
I know what drives people to accept the Earl's deal. Maybe attachments are wrong or something terrible. But I don't regret loving and still loving Mana, my foster father. I just will never let anyone that close to my heart ever again.