Kasia (kasia) wrote in voicesinmyhead, @ 2007-07-30 16:08:00 |
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Entry tags: | kasia redstar, prompt #01 |
Prompt 1 - Kasia Redstar
My name is Kasia Redstar and I am a Jedi. I am not from a Star Wars universe as most people may know it.
Beginning:
I first came in contact consciously with the Force at the age of three. I say "consciously" because before that time I may have only used it instinctively. My first taste with accessing the Force consciously wasn't at a good point in my life. I was stolen from my guardian for a slave ring and tortured with other Jedi children in order to use my abilities in a way they wanted. I remained with these individuals for only three months, but it was enough to scar me. When my guardian finally found us, he took me to Ithor where I could rest and heal. I began to feel I could finally forget.
At age seven, Dalvok, a Dark Jedi and one of those who had stolen me in the past had found me again; apparently he'd been searching for me all that time. He killed my guardian. After the death of the one who cared for me, it became apparent I was to be my own guardian now. Dalvok fed off of me power. If he could find a new way to create stronger spikes of energy from me, he didn't hesitate to use it.
I was forced to endure years of darkness and pain alone. Dalvok continued with the dark training I began years earlier. He enjoyed creating hatred within me, even if it was directed at him. He turned me into a slave, and fed on the dark power that I gave off, using it to empower himself. I hated him with all of my being, yet didn't feel I could ever leave him. He had me so much under his control that I never even tried to leave him.
By age eleven, I realized that I was powerful and secretly planned to finally break his hold on me. There was another child my age who he had taken in, and we had both worked on a way to escape together. When the day came when we would leave, the other child told Dalvok the plan hoping it would make him look better in Dalvok's eyes. As a reward for telling him, Dalvok killed the boy and forced me to watch.
Master:
(There is more that happened, but I'm trying to be brief.) I was finally put into custody of the one I would call Master. He renamed me Kryzasiah, and told me I was to shed off everything from the past. He was also Dark, but his methods were divine compared to the hellish existance I lived with Dalvok. I worshipped my new Lord with every ounce of myself. At age thirteen my training with with him began. Over the next years I learned how to perfect the rough skills I learned with Dalvok. I felt pride in my accomplishments and did everything for him. He taught me saber combat, ship command, and starfighter piloting. He sent me on personal missions and gave me my own fleet of starships to command.
Vengeance:
For nearly ten years I stayed this way with my Master as his right hand. Until the day a Jedi killed him while I was sent away. That began my burning search for the one responsible for my Master's death, the only one who returned the dignity to me that I had lost. The time after the death of my Master, was filled with anger, burning thoughts of revenge, and ultimately guilt and confusion. I burned with a lust for the death of anyone suspected as being involved with my Master's death. I struggled with myself. I understood that no matter how many Jedi I killed, it would not bring my Master back. Yet I continued.
During my search I discovered a Jedi living in isolation on Tatooine. His name was Jacen. My first reaction was the desire to attack him like the previous Jedi, but I stopped. There was something familiar about him and I realized he was one of the children I met years ago within the slave ring. He told me that my life didn't have to continue down the path I was on, and I still had a choice. Much to my own confusion, I said nothing and left.
I followed one last trail to a small world, only to realize the trail was dead. Perhaps a part of me finally wanted the trail to die. The constant searching and failing had worn me down. The flame within me was spent. I was in constant pain and guilt over how I had forcefully retrieved the information which led me to that little world. I couldn't stop myself. Or maybe the truth was I didn't want to stop.
Turning Point:
The search led me to a Jedi Academy on a small outer rim world. In order to infiltrate, it was decided that my Dark persona of Kryzasiah needed to step back. I entered the Jedi Academy as Kasia, a Jedi looking for training. After a couple years of training, there began a struggle within. Memories continued to remind me of my old desire for veangeance. I decided that I would continue at the Academy, for it seemed my trail had grown cold. I reminded myself that I wasn't always the way I had been. I was a product of what was done to me and it was up to myself to fix it. I stayed. I saw this as my chance to grow and heal. The dark memories became silent. All the while, I grew in strength.
It was my decision to find solace not only for the past, but for myself in the present. 'Kryzasiah' said not another word as I chose to remain in this Jedi haven seeking peace that I could not ever remember knowing in my lifetime. While here I learned more about Jacen and the reasons he had isolated himself on Tatooine. He had lost his mother and sister during the same Coruscant battle where my Master had also died. I had always planned to speak with him about this, yet didn't for many years.
More time passed and I trained students of my own. I had several students who did very well. One of my most promising students, Dorial, fell into Darkness and attempted to kill me and other loved ones. I was forced to kill him to defend those with me. As a result, I went through a time of refusing to teach anyone. I left the Academy and found myself returning to Tatooine. It was my original intent to speak with Jacen so he could teach at the Academy in my place. Instead, I stayed there with him on Tatooine, both of us dealing with the past together. I remained for several years, until we both returned to the Academy together - with our child.
Present:
I am training once again. It is my hope that I can pass on to my students and future Jedi some of my knowledge and bring out in them the potential that I see within.
Kasia Redstar, Jedi Master
(I apologize for glossing over some events, yet I am long-winded and this could easily become too long. *g* If anyone would like to know more about a certain period in my life, please ask.)