willowthewitch (willowthewitch) wrote in voicesinmyhead, @ 2007-07-29 00:11:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | prompt #03, willow rosenberg |
Prompt #3 - My Thoughts on Love [private]
Love…
It’s not all about hearts and flowers and sappy sugary songs on the radio. Just like it’s not about pain, heartache and sacrifice all the time.
I suppose that I’ve been lucky enough in love, even if it’s a short list that consists of Xander, Oz, Tara and Kennedy. Each one of them have been unique and special in their own way and each of them have changed my life and hopefully made me a better person.
In fact I’ve been lucky enough to have had two great loves in my life. Oz taught me so much about myself but when he left me during our first year of college, it was if someone had ripped my heart out of my chest. All I wanted to do was curl up in a tiny ball and die.
And then Tara came into my life, just when I thought the pain would never go away. And she taught me all about healing. Even if I was a horrible girlfriend to her, I know that she loved me no matter where we stood. When she died, I wanted to destroy the world because of the pain I felt. I couldn’t imagine a world without my Tara in it.
Now I am afraid to fully let myself go when it comes to love. It’s not that I won’t love someone, I’m just afraid to lose control again. And love is all about letting go of your control and handing it to someone else. Ironically it’s not the whole letting someone else have control and power over me that frightens me, it’s my reaction to them walking out of my life, whether it’s willing or not.
Xander’s told me time and time again that it’s normal to want to die or to want the world to go away when your heart’s been broken. But I am afraid of the power that I have at my disposal to make either of those two things happen. Until I can control my emotions more, I am afraid of what will happen if I let go completely when it comes to love.