Obi-Wan Kenobi (ex_negotiato813) wrote in voicesinmyhead, @ 2007-07-23 09:57:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | obi-wan kenobi, prompt #06 |
Prompt #6: Anger
[internal thoughts private, actions visible to all]
My datapad weighs heavily in my robe's pocket as I walk the hotel floors, looking for a quiet place to sit. Others pass, glance up as I go by. From time to time, their eyes meet mine and light with curiosity. Most times, however, their gazes remain dull, focused elsewhere. Many have implements in their hands not much different from my pad. In their own chairs, some write in leather-bound journals or scribble on loose sheathes. I have to wonder: do we all toil on the same mysterious question, or is this one tailor-made for me alone?
What makes you angry?
I slide into an isolated seat. The view is magnificent, blue skies and sunlight that reaches forever, but it does nothing to erase my frown. I could ask Anakin what his question is, I suppose, though that might lead to uncomfortable discussions. Or I could simply answer it, despite the fact I am offering up nothing but redundancies at this point.
I pull out my datapad and begin to write. I am a Jedi. I let my emotions go into the Force. There is no passion; there is serenity. I...
For reasons I cannot explain, I choose that moment to look up. As I do, Anakin strides past with his head down, oblivious to my presence. He, like all the others, is focused on another place, on Coruscant no doubt, and the message that he has tried unsuccessfully to send there, a message that he does not think I heard him rise in the middle of the night to send.
He turns a corner and disappears. Eventually my gaze drifts back to my datapad and its half-answered question. I delete everything.
What should I write about? Should I write about the sight of Maul crouched over my Master's prone body and the only true rage I have ever known? Shall I speak of how I wished to sever each of his limbs slowly, and how it was only Qui-Gon's saber in my hand that pulled me back from the urge? Shall I speak of a petty, petty jealousy instead?
Even if his message could reach her, Padmé is beyond Anakin, I know that. They are too different. I asked him once, when we were forced to leave her behind in the midst of war, "What do you think Padmé would do?" Her duty, Anakin replied, and followed her example. It wasn't what his heart wanted. It has never been what his heart wanted. Loyalty, friendship... for him, these things come before any duty, any Code. He may be a Jedi, but he will always be Anakin Skywalker first, and she will always be Amidala. It cannot be.
It just cannot be. It isn't.
I tuck my datapad away, leaving the entry blank. I cannot answer this question. After all, I have nothing to be angry about, do I?
---
479 words, open to role-play and critique, herowithnofear's actions described with permission.