Cassandra Al'Feuran (exiled_queen) wrote in voicesinmyhead, @ 2007-07-17 23:22:00 |
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Current mood: | contemplative |
Prompts #1 and #2
Prompt #1: Who am I?
I've been many things in my life. A Warrior-Witch, a Queen, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a rule-breaker. But what matters is who I am in the end.
I am Cassandra al'Feuran. I am a mother and an exile. I was thrown out of my world because I dared to love outside my caste, and because I dared to have a child with the person I loved. I know my husband was killed for loving me and fathering our daughter. But he knew the risk and he always told me that it was worth it, no matter how many times I tried to push him away for his own sake. The only reason my daughter and I were exiled rather than killed is because our royal blood protects us.
Now, I teach my daughter the things I was taught. I teach her to fight using her magic, but always to negotiate first. I teach her how to rule with compassion, even if she never will rule our home world. I teach her the history of our world, just so that she knows the history of her home. I teach her about her father, just so she knows the wonderful man he was.
People ask me if I would go back and undo what I did. I wouldn't even consider it. I tried to dismantle the caste system and failed, but I was blessed enough to have my husband and to have my daughter. I still regret what happened to my husband, but I remember how much he fought to be with me, how much he pushed back whenever I tried to push him away. I know that he knew what the risks were and he chose to take those risks. I take solace in the fact that he got to hold T'len before we were discovered. At least he knew his daughter, and she knew him, if even for a few moments.
If you were to ask me who I was, I would say I am a mother and a wife. When it's all said and done, that's all I have left.
Prompt #2: Family
Family is something I never really experienced. I was close to my father, but I wouldn't say we had a healthy father-daughter relationship. He was busy ruling, and I was raised by nannies and Warrior-Witches. I know he loved me as best he could, though. My mother was sickly and died shortly after I was born. And my brother.. Well, he was cruel and intolerant and as insane as they come. I didn't seek out his company and he didn't seek out mine. The closest thing I had to family was my best friend, Meriana.
When speakers at school lectured about family and our duty to protect them, I didn't really understand it. I sometimes prayed for my brother's death, because his cruelty hurt my heart. And while I would've gone to war to protect my father, I knew and accepted that he was mortal and would eventually die. And Meriana.. Well, she could protect herself as well as I could, so I never worried about her. I understood duty, but what was this family of which the speakers rambled on about?
That all changed when I fell in love with Joryn. I knew that family was something you leaned on, and something that made you stronger. It was a feeling of being unable to live without a person, because they were a part of you. And then, when my daughter was conceived, I knew what it was like to have someone who was family and kin.
I was destroyed when they killed Joryn. They made me and T'len watch his execution. I would've died with him, if not for the fact that T'len needed me. I was the only thing she had left, and she was the only thing I had left. That alone kept me moving through my grief. And I slowly found my heart again, even though the space that Joryn occupied still aches.
Family is what keeps you moving on through the horrible times in life. And it's one of the most important things in life.