Constable Benton Fraser (benton_fraser) wrote in voicesinmyhead, @ 2007-10-18 20:06:00 |
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Entry tags: | benton fraser, prompt #16 |
Prompt #16 - What moment from your life do you wish you could re-live again?
What moment from your life do you wish you could re-live again?
There are so many moments I would like to relive. That last phone call with my father is one. My father never believed in regrets. He always felt regret ate into a man and took away his confidence about his decisions. I've tried to live my life without regrets but I admit I have not been entirely successful. I have many regrets.
If I could relive a moment again it would be that phone call between the two of us. I knew something was wrong, I heard it in his voice. I wish I had asked what was wrong, if there was anything I could do. He has said, well his ghost (I'm not sure quite what the presence of my father is) has said that even if I had asked he wouldn’t have told me.
I'm not sure. Perhaps if I had pushed enough, or asked the right questions, perhaps I would have realised what was wrong. Perhaps I could have prevented shi murder. But even if he hadn’t told me what was wrong at least I would be more secure in the knowledge I had done what I could. Although had he not died I wouldn’t have come to Chicago. I wouldn’t have found friendship and love here perhaps my greatest regret is really guilt that my father's death created a wonderful opportunity for me.
But still I would like to have the chance to talk to him, one last time.
Then I think there is another moment where I ma running for a train, running for darkness. I shouldn’t have been running for that train. If I could relive that moment again I would stay on the platform and watch her, and the train, pull into the distance without me. In fact I should really have realised who she was far earlier. I would like to relive the moment we met and not clung to my guilt and regret. My father was right it ate into me and the outcome was terrible.
Perhaps that is the moment I should relive again, if only to respect my father’s words and not let regret eat into me. I think he’d understand too if that was the moment I chose. It’s strange how small moments can change the course of lives, or deaths. Having the chance to change one moment in mine would mean more than I can ever say.
Fandom: due South
Muse: Benton Fraser
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