Who: Edgar Bones What: Feeling down *Voices Plot* Where: Wandering outside When: Friday Evening Rating/Status: Low/Closed (Amelia can join if she wants)
Edgar wasn't sure what was going on in his head. He didn't feel himself at all, something was wrong. The small part of his brain that was still managing to remain logical was telling him this had to be town related, that something had happened, like when half of them disappeared, and that flood had hit. This had to be like that somehow. But he couldn't think of anything that could have triggered it or that would have been a sign of something happening. As a curse breaker, he was trained to think through things like this and retrace his steps, try to figure out what kind of trap he might have tripped, what curse he might have ensnared himself in, but he couldn't come up with anything this time, and the voice in his head was getting loud enough to drown out that part of his mind. The most disturbing thing though was that the voice wasn't just some creepy, disembodied thing talking to him. It was his own voice, his own thoughts, which made them all the more difficult to fight off. It was ridiculous, he knew that. The things he was thinking about himself, about his family, none of it was anything he actually believed, and yet it was so difficult to shut out the words and remind himself of that. As the day went on he felt more and more lost, more and more hopeless, and was starting to wonder if maybe these weren't latent thoughts he'd just buried and ignored. And that possibility only made him hate himself all the more.
The voice in his head was telling him that everyone was better off without him. That he'd been doing a favor to the world by going and getting himself killed. He was a horrible husband, a horrible brother, and would be a horrible father. It was just better for everyone that he wasn't around, and he'd gone and failed even more by getting his wife and children killed. Now the voice had added on that his wife didn't actually love him. She just felt sorry for him, and didn't want to be alone, and he was tolerable, so she put up with him. It was even coming up with the most mundane little details of interactions to prove that fact to him. And on top of that more proof that his siblings hated him. Amelia was just pretending to be excited to see him. She didn't really want him there. He was such a scatterbrained pest, it was probably a relief to not have him around in her time, and then in he comes all alive and shit and imposing his existence on the poor people around him again. And Susan must be absolutely ashamed of him, this uncle she'd heard about for years, what a disappointment he'd likely turned out to be.
Edgar had never felt so hopeless and self hating and down in his whole life. He was wandering around the dark streets of the town, his hands buried deep in his pockets, his head down in case he passed anyone. He didn't want to inconvenience them with his worthless, annoying existence after all. When he'd first left, he'd been setting out to Amelia's place to try and get her to talk him down from all of these feelings, but now he was certain if he found her she would just mock him and tell him he was right to think all of those horrible things. So he'd stopped heading for anywhere in particular and just wandered, until he found himself on the edge of the town. Finally he looked up at the stars that were coming out and the moon that was rising. And the endless expanse of sand ahead of him. Maybe it would be best for everyone if he just wandered out there and never came back, if he died from dehydration and exposure. Leave his worthless body to the vultures, even they would probably be so disgusted by him they wouldn't want anything to do with him. Edgar felt a few depressed tears jump to his eyes, but he fought them back. The voice in his head mocked him, called him a wuss, not strong enough to protect his family, not funny enough to be liked by people, not kind enough to keep his friends and family around despite his sometimes frustrating personality. No, always frustrating, probably infuriating, personality. Everyone hates me, and why shouldn't they? I'm awful he thought, dropping his head down again and staring at his feet. Maybe it was better that he was here. He couldn't get Naomi and the twins killed in the not too distant future. They were probably happier without him, better off, and so would everyone else here be as soon as he removed himself from their way. It would just be best for everyone, the voice told him, but Edgar couldn't do it. Instead he just stood at the edge of the town, staring out at the sand in front of him, thinking about how he was too useless to even get rid of himself for the sake of everyone else around him.