Dumbledore attempts to 'fix things' "And is that the last of your report?" Dumbledore asked, refilling Severus' teacup and leaning back in his chair to smile at Severus. "I hope you will allow me a few more minutes of your time today, Severus."
Severus nodded, keeping his expression neutral, though he felt a bit anxious, wondering what Dumbledore could want. The man just had a way of springing horrid things on him with that kind, twinkling expression. It was creepy. "Of course."
"I feel there has been a rift between us, Severus, a rift largely of my own making, and I wish to remedy this problem." Dumbledore looked earnestly at him. "I also wish to attempt to explain why I have done and said certain things to you. I would also like to invite you to be free with your thoughts." The headmaster's expression turned wry. "Not that you are, generally, over-eager to spare my feelings."
Severus tried not to look gobsmacked, but he had a feeling he wasn't completely successful in keeping his expression neutral. "All right," he said, but he was thinking, What the hell?
Dumbledore nodded. "Sherbert lemon?" he offered, holding out the tin.
"Thank you." Severus took one and popped it into his mouth, mostly to be doing something. Sweets were good for paying attention to when one had no idea what to say, but wanted to appear that one wasn't just grasping at straws.
Smiling, Dumbledore took one himself, then leaned forward. "Severus, I must apologize first of all, that I ever made you feel as though I didn't value you or trust you. I have always valued you." He paused, then added, "I confess, trust was much longer in coming, but I do trust you, Severus. I trust you deeply."
Severus snorted, but he wasn't particularly insulted. He sat back in his chair with a dry smirk.
"For a long time, I was concerned," Dumbledore said, watching Severus. "I feared first that you were using Remus. It would be easy enough, for a man who can lie to Tom, for you to save Remus' life by telling him of the assassination order. Further, I know that Tom would give his eyeteeth for someone who can earn my trust and use it against me." He settled back in his chair again. "I worried about Remus, because his emotions run strong, as you no doubt have learned. For a long time after leaving school, he was unanchored, drifting from job to job, from--forgive me--from liason to liason." He sighed. "I knew he harboured secrets from his friends, but I deemed them to be secrets that were not dangerous to the Order--secrets that might not even be dangerous to himself. But I still worried."
He paused to sip at his tea.
Severus bit back a sigh and found that he had to resist dropping his gaze, as he always wanted to do when Dumbledore spoke of his relationship with Remus. He didn't, however, because he didn't want to feel vulnerable. He sucked on his sherbert lemon, watching the Headmaster silently - albeit a bit shocked that the Headmaster knew of Remus' 'liasons', and would speak openly about them.
"I am telling you this because I want you to understand, Severus, that I truly did wish to trust you--but I knew that Remus had weaknesses that you would be all too capable of exploiting."
Severus nodded, keeping his face expressionless. "Of course I could have. It would have been incredibly easy. He never even would have known until it was much too late."
Dumbledore nodded. "And if you were truly Tom's man, you would feel no compunction about using Remus in such a way. So I felt I must watch and test and wait. I tested his feelings for you, but those were, for me, never in doubt. He would not have brought you to me if he didn't care for you enormously. I tested your feelings for him, and I became persuaded that you were, at the very least, a very good actor." He sighed and sipped at his tea again.
Severus stared down at his tea, feeling disheartened by that. "I already... loved him, by the time he, you know, kidnapped me and dragged me in for a meeting with you." He didn't usually like talking about these things, but he felt compelled to mention that.
Dumbledore reached out and patted Severus' knee. "I believe that, my boy. I have for some time. I realised, on the day that Remus revealed to us that he has taken you as his mate, that you truly do love him, and that you have from the beginning. If you had been serving Tom with your relationship, knowing what you know about werewolves, you would never have allowed him to do so." He beamed at Severus. "Being Remus' mate would change you, much as it has changed him. It is a binding relationship. It was at that moment that I realised how deeply committed to him you are--and how deeply committed he is to you."
That was all very well and good, but... "So, up until that point, you didn't trust me?" Severus asked, his demeanor not changing.
Dumbledore sighed. "I did trust you, Severus. I trusted you long before I felt it was wise to trust you--I didn't believe that you, Severus Snape, would come to me as a penitent if you were not--even to please Tom. I trusted you with my secrets-- but I was still concerned, until that point, about your relationship with Remus."
"You trusted me with your secrets, but you still thought I was acting with Remus," Severus repeated, trying to work that out. He understood what Albus was saying, but he didn't see how it made sense.
Dumbledore took a sip of his tea and set the cup aside, leaning back and surveying Severus. "Severus, I am well aware that you are a complicated and highly intelligent young man. I felt it entirely possible that you could be dedicated to bringing Tom down while still merely using Remus."
"Why would I use Remus?" Severus demanded, though in the back of his mind he was aware that it hardly mattered, because Dumbledore believed him now. "What purpose would it serve?" He cut himself off, then, sighing and shaking his head.
Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "Not to put too fine a point on it, he was providing you with a home, food, and sex." He waved a hand. "I say all this simply to explain to you the doubts I had. I have not had them for some time now, and I wish to beg your pardon, and mend the rift that I have inadvertently caused between us."
Severus was staring in slack-jawed shock, all pretense of neutrality gone. It took him a while to muster speech, and then his shock turned to anger, his expression clouding over. He clenched his jaw to try and keep himself from saying anything in response to such accusations, reminding himself that Albus didn't think that any longer. But he'd had a good reason for living with Remus! "I had a perfectly good place to live," he asserted, realising he shouldn't speak, but... doing so anyway. "A better place than that! And better food! And house-elves, and a laboratory, and -- " Severus just managed to bite back the word 'sex', because he didn't want the old man knowing that. But then, he thought, Dumbledore might've been thinking that sex was the driving factor beyond the other two reasons. " -- and sex, thank you so much! I wasn't so desperate and without options that I had to use Remus!"
Of course, by the point he'd wound down, he realised what an idiot he sounded.
"Of course I didn't think you were desperate," Dumbledore said. He studied Severus for a moment. "There is also the fact that it could have been your revenge on him for your school days."
Severus was now preoccupied with the horror of talking to Dumbledore about his sex life. And that he'd just inadvertently admitted that he was shagging someone else while he was with Remus. Fuck. He covered his face with one hand, nodding into his palm.
Dumbledore sighed. "I'm afraid I've made you uncomfortable. Severus, I'm sorry, I truly am. I realise this is a difficult topic of conversation." He touched Severus' shoulder lightly. "I wanted to emphasise to you that I have learned how badly I misjudged you. I am sorry for it."
Severus just nodded again, waiting for the floor to swallow him up.
Dumbledore poured them both fresh cups of tea. "I can't begin to tell you how upset I was when I realised that you had expected me to throw you--well, to the wolves, if you'll forgive the expression--after the battle in Diurn Alley."
Severus suppressed a shiver at that memory, forcing himself to sit up straight and sip from his mug. The sherbet lemon had left a too-sweet aftertaste in his mouth.
"I realised too that I deserved that," Dumbledore said after a moment. "I had tested you and tried you, I had sent you into danger time and time again, and I had, by that time, also proposed that your lover go into danger that you insisted was unnecessary. You had very little reason to respect or trust me."
Severus shook his head. "I was injured badly. I wasn't thinking clearly to begin with."
Dumbledore smiled gently. "You needn't defend me, Severus. You were thinking clearly enough. I just hope that you understand now how important your safety and well-being is to me."
Severus remembered Dumbledore agreeing to help them so Remus could live with him with minimal risk. "Yes, of course."
There was a short silence. Finally Dumbledore said, "Is there anything you would like to add? Questions or concerns you have?"
Severus thought about that for a while, but couldn't imagine what he should say there. He bit his lip, thinking. "Well, I... thank you, for telling me, and I appreciate -- I am glad that I've earned your trust, sir." He forced himself to meet Dumbledore's gaze long enough to say, "I trust you with my life."
Dumbledore smiled at Severus again. "It means a great deal to hear you say that," he said. He gripped Severus' shoulder tightly for a moment.
Severus had been debating over saying something else, too, but it hadn't seemed like the right time, then. However, when Dumbledore released his shoulder, beaming merrily at him, he judged that they were done with the subject at hand.
"There is something else unrelated that I wanted to mention to you, sir. I didn't include it in my reports because I didn't think it was anything the Order specifically needed to know, but I thought I should tell you." He shrugged a moment. "The Malfoys are going to have a child soon, early June, they said, and um, they want me to be the godfather."
"Ah." Dumbledore drew the word out thoughtfully. "I assume you have agreed?"
"Well, I didn't agree so much as get informed that that's what I was doing," Severus said, trying to keep the dry amusement he felt out of his voice. He didn't think Dumbledore would appreciate that he and Narcissa were friends.
Dumbledore raised his eyebrows in amusement. "I see. Very well, then. I cannot think of any significance to it, but I do appreciate your telling me, all the same."
"No significance, but I thought it would seem odd if I just never said." Severus shrugged.
Dumbledore nodded. "Thank you, Severus." He settled back in his chair again and took a long sip of tea.
Severus nodded in return, sipping his tea as well.
After a short silence, the headmaster set aside his teacup. "Have we anything further to discuss today?"
Sitting up straighter, Severus cleared his throat and set his mug on the desk. "No, sir."
Dumbledore nodded. "Very well. Shall I see you on Tuesday evening as usual?"
Severus nodded, rising to his feet.
Dumbledore stood, too, holding out a hand. "I thank you for your time today, Severus."
"Thank you," Severus said, shaking Dumbledore's hand. "See you on Tuesday." He drew away and went to the fireplace to Floo out.
The headmaster watched him for a moment, then turned and began to clear away the tea.
Severus stepped out of the Floo into his house, dusting powder off his sleeve. He saw that Remus had fallen asleep on the sofa in front of the fireplace. His book had drooped down to his chest. Severus smirked and crept over to the sofa, then picked up Remus' book and laid down next to him, reading the title.
The motion woke Remus, who drew in a long breath, then opened his eyes. "Hi," he said.
"Hi," Severus repeated, smiling faintly at him. "Sorry to wake you."
Remus smiled sleepily and wrapped his arms around Severus. "'m glad you did."
That was nice. Severus relaxed into Remus' embrace, his eyes almost closing. "Dumbledore says he trusts me," he murmured.
"Mmm." Remus nuzzled Severus. "Course he does."
"He also said that up until he found out we were mated, he thought I was using you," Severus added, stroking Remus' hair.
That woke Remus up more thoroughly. "What?" His voice went up at the end. "Bastard."
"Yeah, he believed that I truly was trustworthy and wanted to bring the Dark Lord down, but that I was using you for shelter and food and sex." Severus frowned, but nuzzled Remus.
Remus stared at Severus for a moment, then tightened his arms around him. "No," he growled. "Bastard. So he doesn't trust my judgment, is that it?"
"Well, I don't think that's it, exactly... I think he just had an incredibly low opinion of me." Severus frowned.
Remus growled again. "Well, I never did." He kissed Severus' neck and buried his nose in Severus' hair, breathing in his scent. "I love you. Have for ages."
Severus smiled, feeling warm and content. "Mm, I know. Love you too."
"Good," Remus breathed, licking at Severus' skin. Merlin, he was getting hard just from having Severus close like this. He stroked one hand down Severus' back, wishing his robes weren't so thick.
"Mmm." Severus shifted closer. "Oh yeah, and Dumbledore knows you were a tart."
Remus went still, his eyes flying open. After a moment he screeched, "What?"
Severus winced, yanking his head back. "That was right in my ear."
Remus shifted his grip to Severus' shoulders. "Why the fuck was Dumbledore calling me a tart!?"
Severus stared at him, wide eyed. "Well, he didn't use the word tart, he just said that after you left school, you became directionless. Going from job to job and .. 'liason to liason'."
"Oh God," Remus moaned, feeling his face go hot. "How the fuck did he know?" He let his head thump back against the sofa and closed his eyes.
"I don't know. Legillimancy, maybe. He said he wasn't concerned about it, because it was harmless. But then he said that when I came around, he started worrying about you, because your um... your emotions 'run strong'." Severus shifted closer, stroking Remus' side in what he hoped was a comforting way.
Remus wrapped his arms around Severus again and held on to him. "Well, about you they do." He sighed. "About anything that's mine. I may get angry at my friends, but I do love them. And you--God, I'd do anything to keep you mine and keep you safe."
Severus nodded. "He was simply worried that I would hurt you." He nuzzled Remus again, resting a hand on his neck.
Remus growled softly and tried to push away the embarrassment inherent in knowing Dumbledore knew about his sex life. "He--he didn't tell the others, did he?" he asked after a moment.
"No, he said they were harmless secrets to be keeping," Severus replied, kissing whatever skin was in reach.
Remus sighed. "Good. I don't want to tell them until I can tell them about you." He stroked Severus' hair. "God, I'm so bloody embarrassed."
"I was, too; I had to defend myself against accusations that I was only using you for sex," Severus grumbled.
"Ugh. Nosy old parker." He nuzzled Severus and kissed him. "I suppose he wasn't at all embarrassed about it."
"No, not at all. It was incredibly embarrassing." Severus frowned, but returned the kiss.
"I'm sorry he's so bloody horrid to you sometimes." Remus nuzzled him again. "And he thinks he's made everything better, doesn't he?"
"Yes, he said he was trying to 'repair the rift between us'. By calling you a tart and saying I was only using you. Really, I mean, I hope he never has to give me bad news."
Remus snickered. "Good lord. I suppose being candid is nice, but he does it so rarely, in the middle of all his machinations."
"Yeah, I don't know. I was kind of hoping for something more insightful than 'I thought horrid things of you'. Bit of a let down." Severus shook his head as much as he could and kissed Remus again.
"Well, I never thought horrid things of you," Remus whispered. "Naughty things, but not horrid ones." He smiled at Severus.
Severus smirked back. "Naughty is good."
"Mmm, yes, I think so," Remus replied, sliding his hand down to cup Severus' arse. "I'd rather like to do naughty things to you just now."
"Oh good, I was hoping you'd say so." Severus' smirk widened.
Remus growled faintly at him and squeezed Severus' arse.
Severus rumbled approvingly, shifting closer so their hips were pressed together.
"Mmm, now I'm just your tart," Remus murmured, nipping at Severus' jaw.
Gasping, Severus slid a hand behind Remus, groping his arse in return. "Nnn, that is really sexy."
Remus growled at him happily. "What d'you want from me tonight?" he whispered. "I'll do anything you want."
Severus watched Remus uncertainly. Why did he always have to ask? This was the one area Severus didn't mind Remus being in charge in, and so of course Remus had to mess with it. What did he want? He tried to think, but nothing specific came to mind. "Um... I don't know."
Remus nipped once more at Severus' jaw, then pulled away a little. "Then I get to decide?" he asked. "You'll let me do anything I want?" His gaze was heated as he watched Severus.
Severus tried to quickly think of anything Remus might suggest that he wouldn't like. Merlin, they'd shagged outdoors against the privacy fence, he didn't think there was anything he wouldn't do. Well, except he wasn't any good at giving orders, so he didn't like doing that. But from the way Remus phrased that question, he assumed that wouldn't be what he'd ask for. "Yes," he said simply, as if that answer should be obvious.
Remus smirked slowly at Severus and kissed him once more. "Good," he breathed, and rolled them carefully off the sofa and onto the floor. The transfigured carpet had been given the place of honour in front of the fireplace, and Remus intended to make good use of it. He flicked his wand to block the Floo, because the only thing worse than Dumbledore knowing he'd been a tart would be Dumbledore barging in, for some reason, on this.
"I need to get you out of these clothes," he murmured, and began working slowly, teasingly, on Severus' buttons.
Severus watched Remus curiously. "What are you going to do?"
"That's for me to know and you to find out," Remus said, smirking at him. He leaned down and kissed Severus' chest where he'd got his robes and shirt open.
Severus blinked, but accepted that. After all, slow undressing and kisses were not the stuff of sinister surprises.
Growling softly, Remus nuzzled Severus' collarbone and then worked his way lower, undoing the buttons with feather-light touches against Severus' skin. "God, I love you in firelight," he breathed.
It was difficult to relax when he didn't know what was coming, but Severus told himself that he was just being ridiculously paranoid. What did he think Remus was going to do? It wasn't as though Remus would do anything bad to him. He took a few slow breaths and concentrated on enjoying Remus' touches.
Severus felt tense. Remus kissed Severus' neck and smiled at him. "Trust me, Severus," he whispered. "I won't do anything you don't like." He sat back and pulled Severus' shoes and socks off, then moved back up to work at Severus' trousers.
Feeling a wash of embarrassment, Severus made himself consciously relax. He knew that. There was no reason to care what Remus was doing, except to enjoy it.
Remus tugged Severus' trousers off and went back to straddle his knees, leaning down to nuzzle Severus' cock, growling hungrily. Merlin, Severus was gorgeous like this, trusting him, letting Remus adore him like this. He looked up at Severus, his gaze warm.
Severus was definitely interested in that. He let out a little gasp, feeling himself harden further. A blow job he could definitely handle.
Smirking, Remus brushed a hand againt Severus' arousal, then shifted up to push his robes and shirt off his shoulders. "Need you naked," he murmured, wanting Severus' help with the sleeves. He left Severus do that while he tugged his jumper off over his head and undid the zip of his jeans. He rose up on his knees to push them down off his hips.
Severus sat up quickly, shedding his shirt and outer robes, and then leaned back but propped himself on his forearms so he could watch Remus easier.
Once Remus had got out of his clothes, he shifted to nuzzle the inside of Severus' knee, stroking one ankle. "Love your legs. Nice long legs." He smiled and licked the back of Severus' knee, because Severus' reaction to that always sent a little thrill through Remus.
Severus gasped at the feel of that, his gaze heating as he watched Remus.
"Mmm." Remus nuzzled his way up Severus' thigh until his nose was brushing crisp curls. "My Severus. My mate."
"Yes," Severus murmured happily.
Turning his head, Remus ran his tongue up Severus' cock in short, quick licks. When he reached the head, he closed his lips around it just briefly, swirling his tongue across it, then pulling away to kiss Severus' stomach.
Severus let out a groan for Remus' talented mouth, but it turned into a whimper when Remus abruptly stopped. "Tease!"
Remus chuckled and traced his tongue around Severus' navel, his hands stroking up Severus' sides until his fingers found nipples to toy with.
Severus gasped, his head falling back a little. "That's good! But you're still a tease!"
"Mmhmm," Remus agreed, nibbling gently up to one nipple, his fingers still circling the other.
Severus wound his fingers into Remus' hair, tugging as he panted lightly. Remus knew he didn't like to be teased. Bastard.
"You're so wonderful," Remus murmured. "D'you really want me to stop appreciating you?" He slid his free hand down to stroke Severus' cock very lightly.
Severus' breathing hitched at the feel of Remus' hand, entirely too light, on his cock. "I said you could do whatever you wanted," he said, but didn't sound thrilled about it.
Remus hummed. "You don't like this," he said. "You think I'm only doing this to tease? I do this because I love touching you." He leaned up and licked the hollow at the base of Severus' throat, doing the spells to prepare himself nonverbally. Severus was expecting Remus to suck him off, but that wasn't what Remus had in mind.
Severus frowned a little, watching what he could see of Remus' head. "Will you kiss me?" he asked quietly.
Remus smiled and lifted his head to kiss Severus deeply, exploring his mouth slowly.
Severus stroked his hand through Remus' hair, kissing Remus passionately.
Merlin, Severus was so bloody wonderful. It made Remus' chest hurt, how much he loved Severus. He was breathless when he finally pulled away. He opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't find the words, so he just lifted a hand to touch Severus' cheek, staring at Severus' eyes.
Severus couldn't help it; that coaxed a smile out of him. He was so bloody lucky to have this, even if Remus was a horrid tease.
"Severus," Remus whispered, and kissed him again, more briefly. Then he shifted over him, positioning himself, and sank down onto Severus' cock, keeping his gaze on his lover's.
That surprised a long groan out of Severus. He watched Remus, expression slack, and then tightened his arms around him. "Love you."
Remus' mouth had fallen open with the thrill of sensation that sent through him, but he smiled at Severus. "Love you, too," he gasped, squeezing his muscles around Severus.
"Nnn, god, that's good," Severus gasped, his hips thrusting up shallowly.
Remus let out a short huff of air and moved with Severus, resting his palms against Severus' chest. "Ahh, yeah."
"So sexy, Remus. Feels so good inside you," Severus murmured, leaning in to teethe at Remus' earlobe.
"God!" Remus gasped, arching his neck and clenching around Severus again. He felt shivers running down his spine, making him move faster.
Severus kissed and teethed at Remus' neck as they moved together, fuelled by passion.
Panting in Severus' ear, Remus wrapped his arms around him, running his hands down Severus' back. "So good--fuck," he gasped, trying to get Severus as deep as possible.
"Yes," Severus gasped, biting down a little harder.
Remus groaned and reached back around to grip his own erection, squeezing and massaging himself. "God, Severus!" He couldn't hold back the small noises their movements were wringing from him.
Severus held onto Remus tightly, thrusting as best he could. He bit hard into Remus' shoulder, tasting blood a moment later and gasping against the damp skin.
Remus let out a sharp cry, driven to the brink of orgasm. Stroking himself furiously, he tensed around Severus, arching his head back. Moments later he climaxed, hot come splattering their stomachs.
Severus groaned, quickening his pace, and a short time later, followed Remus into climax.
Remus gripped Severus' shoulders and shuddered pleasurably at the feeling of Severus' release inside him. "God, sex with you is bloody amazing," he muttered, lowering himself against Severus and wrapping arms tightly around him. He pressed his face against Severus' neck and panted.
"So glad.." Severus began, but was still short of breath, and had to start again. "So glad you picked me." He licked his lips, startled to taste copper.
"Mmm," Remus replied, shifting just enough to let Severus slide out of him, but staying in Severus' lap.
Severus nuzzled Remus' neck and then leaned his head on Remus' shoulder.
"I always knew I could trust you," Remus whispered. "Love you so much." Mmm, he was beginning to feel very limp and relaxed.
Severus tightened his embrace, never wanting to let Remus go. "Love you."
"Mmm." Remus nuzzled Severus and licked at his neck. "You bit me," he murmured, pleased.
"Yeah, I probably should have asked first, but it just... felt... right." Merlin, that sounded weak.
Remus growled and nuzzled Severus again. "Mm, I liked it."
"I'm glad," Severus said. It definitely would have been bad, had Remus not liked it.
"I think we ought to go to bed," Remus whispered, smiling against Severus' neck.
Severus laughed softly. "Probably, yes." Of course, that would mean letting go of Remus first.
Remus nuzzled him. "Soon, anyway." He licked Severus again.
"Mmm." Severus closed his eyes and stroked Remus' back.
Remus laughed. "Or we could just lie down here for a bit."
"No, no." Severus opened his eyes and lifted his head. "Let's go to bed."
Remus kissed him.
Severus returned the kiss.
Pulling back slightly, Remus gave Severus a crooked grin. "Apparate us," he suggested.
Severus glanced at Remus with an arched eyebrow. He side-along-Apparated Remus with him to the bed upstairs.
Remus was laughing when they arrived in the bed. He kissed Severus again and rolled over on his side, snuggling against Severus.
Severus smiled again, keeping his arms around Remus as he repositioned himself, and held Remus close.
"You make my life so good," Remus said. He closed his eyes, relaxing into Severus' embrace.
"Mine too," Severus murmured, closing his eyes.
Smiling happily, Remus let himself slip into a doze.