innerslytherin (innerslytherin) wrote in viciousmoon, @ 2007-03-20 23:28:00 |
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Current music: | Dave Matthews Band - Typical Situation |
Remus runs afoul of a werewolf - Part 1
Severus was leaning over a stained and scarred wood table in his workroom, a pile of parchments on the table separating him from the Dark Lord. He was just setting down a small vial of red liquid in front of the Dark Lord, whose gaze was moving swiftly, excitedly, over the parchment before him covered in Severus' tiny cursive.
The day at the Dark Lord's headquarters had been uneventful thus far. The Dark Lord was pleased with his work, had complimented him, and hadn't mentioned anything about Dumbledore or the school the entire meeting.
Severus should have known it was too good to last.
The door burst open and slammed into a stack of cauldrons, heralding Greyback's entrance to Severus' workroom with a crash that shook Severus' teeth. He spun, a scowl already in place, shouting abuse at the werewolf and flicking his wand to restore his cauldrons.
Fenrir marched right over to his table and ignored him completely, which should have been a clue, because Fenrir never came down to Severus' workroom. No one save the Dark Lord was even allowed.
"It was a fucking disaster," Fenrir shouted, slamming a muddy paw on Severus' table. Potions vials rattled, and the werewolf again ignored Severus' string of insults and expletives, his fierce gaze locked on the Dark Lord, who had gone rigid. He didn't even say a word about the intrusion, which had to be another clue.
"Tell me," the Dark Lord said, calmly, and Severus' stomach plummeted. He couldn't even afford to think why he should have any interest in this conversation, and fluttered around the table, righting his things and clearing away notes Fenrir had no business seeing, all the while with one ear trained on them.
"I told you I hate working with that fucking Alpha," Fenrir growled, drawing his hands back and smearing blood on Severus' worktop.
Severus grabbed a vial and a swab, sponging it up and shoving the swab in the vial -- werewolf blood was an incredibly expensive ingredient in many dark potions.
"You said you would be able to handle him," the Dark Lord said, raising his chin a little, gaze icy.
"I said I thought I could, but that I hated having to do so, because we do not get on! I told you he was a risk! I told you he was too --"
The Dark Lord hissed a curse, and Fenrir screamed, falling to the ground. Severus took hasty steps away from the werewolf as he jerked and shrieked upon the ground, though he otherwise looked bored. The Cruciatus was ended with a flick of the Dark Lord's wand, and Severus pressed his lips together thinly.
"Is this the correct forum -- "
"Silence, Severus," the Dark Lord snapped, turning his glare in Severus' direction.
Severus dropped his gaze immediately.
"I don't want to hear your complaints," the Dark Lord snapped, turning his attention back to the werewolf, who was slowly getting to his feet, pulling himself up with the table edge. "Tell me what has happened."
It was clearly an order, and Fenrir, shakily, obeyed. "He killed my wolf," Fenrir growled, keeping his eyes lowered and his shoulders hunched. "He said Lupin was interfering with pack business and wouldn't co-operate..."
Severus was rolling up parchment when his world ended. He kept on rolling, too, because even now, his first thought was to keep from giving himself away, but everything seemed dimmer, as if his senses had been dulled, as his brain put two and two together.
"He killed Lupin?" the Dark Lord repeated, his interest captured.
Severus hadn't thought such words would cause numbness. He'd thought his shields would break, his will crumble, and he would be lying, mind hideously bared with pain, at the feet of the Dark Lord.
Instead he banded the parchment to keep it from coming unrolled and stuck it on the shelves with the others.
"He bloody murdered my wolf!"
Severus was aware he was openly listening. He didn't care; it would be expected of him to want to hear about the death of someone he'd hated at school. But...
"What did you do?" the Dark Lord asked, voice low.
What would Fenrir do? Severus was, on some level, shocked to hear that the man cared...
"I killed one of his wolves."
"You will take care to handle this fallout delicately, of course."
"Of course," Fenrir growled, sounding not the least bit delicate.
Severus risked a glance at Fenrir's face -- he was still furious, and his eyes had a feral light. So that probably wasn't Fenrir's blood on his worktop.
"And?"
"What am I supposed to do? Lupin was my wolf! I needed him -- "
The Dark Lord's attention focused on Severus again. "Let us continue this discussion elsewhere, Fenrir. Severus, you are dismissed for the day. I will Summon you if I need you before the next meeting."
Severus ducked his head and watched the Dark Lord and Fenrir stalk out of his workroom. He stared at the blood stain on his floor, where Fenrir had fallen.
Remus was dead. Fenrir was angry, had killed in revenge. Which meant that Remus was dead --
Severus had to get out. He Disapparated immediately to Hogsmeade and ran to the Hog's Head, bursting into the dodgy pub in much the same manner that Greyback had burst into his lab. There was no sign of Aberforth, but he ran for the stairs that would lead up to the private rooms, where there was a Floo connection...
"Oi, boy!" Severus heard, right before he slammed bodily into Albus' brother. Severus tried to ignore him, tried to push on, but surprisingly strong hands gripped his shoulders and shook him. "Boy! What are you doing, running through here like ya got someone chasing you?"
Severus stared into Aberforth's eyes. They were the same blue as Albus'. He was going to murder Albus. Remus had told him of the mission he'd been sent on by Dumbledore, but he'd had no idea that Remus would be dealing with other werewolves -- Greyback, other packs -- he'd just said he was going to help the victim of an attack. No mention of Greyback or Death Eater involvement, no mention of other werewolves at all, and now...
And now...
"Fuck!" Severus shouted, and shoved the old man unexpectedly, pulling out of his insistent grip by sheer force of will alone, he thought, and was running again, steps thundering up the stairs. He ran into an open door and for the fireplace inside, dumping the entire bucket of Floo powder inside. "Fuck --shit -- fucking -- bloody -- cunt -- Dumbledore's office!"
He'd almost expected it not to work. He'd almost wanted to end up Flooing to Antarctica. He would've liked that. The numbness was wearing off, startled away by Aberforth, and when he tumbled out of the fireplace and into Dumbledore's office, he expected to just keep tumbling until he shook apart entirely.
As it was, when he did collapse in a heap against Dumbledore's rug, instead of getting up and immediately casting the Killing curse, Severus stared down at the floor and wished for something sharp and pointy to stab into his temple. Something to distract himself from the reality that, he could tell, hadn't hit him yet, that Remus was...
Remus was...
"Fuck," he mumbled, mouth feeling as if it were full of marbles.
Papers drifted to the floor of Dumbledore's office as the headmaster stood swiftly. He walked around his desk and approached Severus, still huddled on the floor. "Severus, my boy?" he asked, his voice concerned.
This was how it was going to end? Like this? Hearing about it from Fenrir Greyback, the Dark Lord's expected unconcern, Fenrir's surprising anger? And now he had to tell Dumbledore, those were Dumbledore's shoes he was staring at, and they had a scuff at the one toe, and now he was totally alone?
Severus opened his mouth to speak, and this throat tightened painfully. For a moment, denial hit -- No, no, of course he couldn't be dead, because it just wasn't real, it couldn't end like this, and in a moment he'd tell Dumbledore, and Albus would say, Don't be daft, dear boy, he's resting under Poppy's care. Had a bit of a scare, but nothing to worry about, just some minor injury...
He had a feeling, however, at the way he couldn't manage to produce speech, that he was lying to himself. Inwardly, he knew that wasn't true. That was why he took in a deep breath and pushed himself to his feet and stared at Dumbledore. That was why, when speech returned, instead of telling Albus what he'd heard -- and if the fucking git was so worried to see Severus, then he had to know he'd sent Remus into more danger than Remus had told Severus -- what he actually said to the Headmaster was, "You -- twat!" ridiculously, in a very loud, angry voice.
That had the unique effect of rendering Dumbledore speechless. The headmaster stared at Severus, and though his face was expressionless, his silence was obviously surprised. Finally he murmured, "I beg your pardon?"
"You sent him out there, and you didn't tell me, and I hate you, I hate you and I hate Remus because neither of you could bloody even tell me what he was doing," Severus shouted, lunging as if he might throw himself into Dumbledore the way he did his brother, but in the end he only slumped forward, defensive and defeated.
"You didn't even tell me what was going on!" He had a feeling that he'd said that already, but he didn't care. He was so furious that he'd thought Remus was going on one of Dumbledore's harmless, stupid errands, and instead Remus had gone and got himself killed -- and over nothing at all, from the sound of it! He wanted to march back to the Death Eater headquarters and attack Fenrir Greyback for failing to protect his wolf, for having the audacity to take away something of Severus'.
Severus glared at Dumbledore, fists clenching and raising, but he was torn between pulling them protectively to his chest and raising them against the Headmaster. Nothing should be allowed to take Remus away from him like that, and so very stupidly! Feeling helpless only fueled the fire raging inside him, and he desperately wanted to bite and hit and kick and tear until it all went away.
Dumbledore blinked, raising his eyebrows. "Remus? Remus went to help a young woman who was attacked by werewolves earlier this week," he said. "He should be home by the week-end, if not sooner. Her parents were very glad to know I was acquainted with a polite and discreet young werewolf who would keep their secret for them." He looked down at Severus and rested a hand lightly on his shoulder. "Would you like some tea, dear boy? You seem quite distraught."
"By the week-end?!" Severus shouted, jerking away from Dumbledore's hand, his angry expression beginning to crumble. He grasped at the feeling desperately, needing to feel that so he couldn't feel anything else. "By the week-end? He said -- he said -- "
Something snapped. It literally felt that way, as if Severus' sanity truly were just a thread, taut in his mind, and could be snapped like so much kite string. "He's dead, you fucking ponce! He's not coming back!" Severus lashed out blindly with his fists, not caring what he hit, so long as his blows struck something.
Dumbledore staggered, perhaps as much from the blow of Severus' words as from the blows from his fists. But instead of retreating in the face of Severus' anger, he moved forward again, reaching out his hands to catch Severus' arms. "What?" he asked, softly but intently.
Severus pushed against Dumbledore's grip, but when it held fast, he didn't struggle. He needed the weight, needed resistance, needed Remus to not be dead. He tensed, the snarl on his face freezing in place for a moment, and then squeezed his eyes shut tightly as hurt washed over him, squeezing at his heart. "Greyback told the Dark Lord that Remus had been killed by a werewolf."
"Greyback?" Dumbledore's voice was still soft, the headmaster's entire bearing seeming unfocused somehow. He was frowning. "Why was Greyback involved? There were to be no werewolves involved, just the girl..." He trailed off, but then the old man's grip tightened in Severus' arms. "Ah," he said softly. "Ah. A trap. Dear God."
"Yes, a fucking trap!" Severus pulled back, trying to get free. He didn't want to be touched any longer because he was certain now that he was going to shake to pieces, and he wanted to be able to stumble around and throw things. Dumbledore had a lot of things good for throwing. "They killed him!" His breath, he realized, was shaking -- as was the rest of him. "Fuck!"
Dumbledore swore, very softly, and let Severus pull away. He looked old, suddenly, as he moved to the nearest chair and sank down into it. "Oh, Severus," he murmured, "my dear boy...I am so very sorry."
That was not what Severus wanted Dumbledore to say. He wanted denials, reasons, explanations, irrational hope -- anything but 'I am so very sorry'. He stared at Dumbledore a moment, then sank down to his knees on the rug and wrapped his arms around himself, staring down at the floor and ignoring that his behavior was odd. It hardly mattered in the face of Remus' death, oh god.
No more Remus to sleep next to at night, no more bright grins and fry-ups and now if he could afford to buy his mum's house, they wouldn't have to worry about what to tell Remus' friends, because -- and now he was going to have to get his things out of Remus' flat so when they went to take care of it, he wasn't discovered -- No more lying by the fire or fabulous sex or soppy 'I love you's. Never again.
Severus sank into a sitting position and stared, not seeing the room at all, not noticing anything besides the sharp pain in his throat and a deep sense of loss.
"How--how did you learn of it?" Dumbledore asked. "Is there no hope it was mistaken information?"
Severus heard Dumbledore but his question barely registered, and in any case speech was quite beyond him at the moment. He didn't answer.
"Severus?" Dumbledore lifted his head and looked up at the young man. Getting slowly to his feet, Dumbledore crossed the room to Severus and bent to rest his hands gently on Severus' shoulders. "Could you not be mistaken? Could it be that Greyback was lying? You've heard nothing from Remus?"
Severus stared up at Dumbledore, unable to mask the pain from his features. He swallowed several times, and finally managed to answer. "He told the Dark Lord when I was present. He said that the Alpha of another pack had killed Remus, and that he killed one of the Alpha's wolves in revenge."
Dumbledore knelt, the movement ungraceful, his expression pained. "Severus," he said softly. After a long moment, he sighed. "I will go to Shropshire. I will learn the truth." He bowed his head. "I have done nothing but place demands on you and hurt you from the moment you came to me for aid," he murmured.
Severus wanted to demand to go along, but he couldn't be seen with Dumbledore by anyone -- especially with werewolves in the area. Of course, he didn't know what Dumbledore expected to find. He just didn't want to sit on Dumbledore's floor, thinking about it. He'd been so much better at repressing Regulus' death -- but the thought that it might not be true, that Remus might still be alive somewhere --
"You have to find him," he uttered softly -- desperately.
The headmaster was silent for a long time. Finally he sighed. "I will do everything in my power to find him, Severus. But you must swear to me that you will remain here, where it is safe for you."
"What am I supposed to do while you're gone?" Severus asked, not even managing to sound the least bit willful.
Dumbledore sighed again. "You may do anything you wish, as long as it will harm no one, including yourself." He stood very slowly.
Severus nodded slowly. "I'm going to...go back to his flat." He had to see for himself that it was empty, and it was the closest he could get to Remus at the moment.
"Do you think that is wise?" Dumbledore asked softly. "I confess, I would rather know you are safe in the castle, Severus."
Severus ran a hand over his face, sniffling hard. "But his things are there."
"Oh, my boy," Dumbledore sighed. He put his hands on Severus' shoulders again. "I understand." He remained that way for a long moment, then sighed again. "I must go, Severus. I must go swiftly while there is still hope."
Severus nodded quickly. "I'll stay here, then, if you'll go."
Dumbledore opened his mouth as if to speak, then merely nodded and squeezed Severus' shoulders a bit tighter. Then he straightened and strode purposefully to the fire, threw in a handful of Floo powder, and left.
*
It was dark, and it was loud. And he hurt all over. Those were the only three things Remus was certain of. Someone was whimpering. He wished they'd bloody shut up, then wondered if he were the one whimpering. After a few moments he decided he wasn't. He tried to open his eyes, but one eye was hot, and a stabbing pain went through it when he tried to open it. He was very tired...
He slept for a while.
When he woke again, it was still dark, though mostly quieter. The whimpering was softer, but at least this time Remus was sure it wasn't him. He rolled onto his side and forced open the eye that didn't hurt. Oh, yes, the girl who'd been bitten. She had been an unwilling, if crafty, participant in his betrayal, but he found he couldn't really hold it against her. She was frightened and hurt, and her world had been ripped apart at its seams. She'd been turned into a werewolf, and it had seemed as though the other Alpha--the one that wasn't Greyback, the one Remus hadn't even known would be here--had a tight hold on the wolves he created.
"Are you hurt?" Remus asked--or tried to ask; his mouth felt like mush. He ran his tongue gingerly around the inside and discovered he'd lost a tooth. Fuck. Severus was going to kill him for this.
The whimpering ceased, then someone scrabbled at his hand and clutched it tightly. "I didn't want to," the girl whispered. "I didn't want to. He said he'd kill me mam. I couldn't let him do that."
"Of course not," Remus slurred, feeling consciousness ebbing back away from him again. "Course..."
When he woke again, it was still dark. He had begun to realise he must be in a cave. The ground under him was damp and sounds seemed to echo oddly. There were whispers and murmurings filling the air around them.
Then a voice that ought to seem familiar roared out, "ULFRIC!"
The noises and echoes and whisperings died away, then a buzz of sound rose up. There were voices, there was shouting. Finally there was a loud, frightened yelp. Then the currents of air were shifting around Remus, and someone who smelled familiar knelt beside him. "Remus, Remus, my boy..."
The voice was broken, grief-stricken. Remus tried to speak, to reassure the familiar-smelling man...Dumbledore, yes. He wanted to tell Dumbledore that he wasn't dead yet. But all that came out was a mushy moan. All the same, the man next to him stiffened suddenly. Then strong, wiry arms were sliding around him gently.
"Remus, Remus...I had to watch Severus shattering to pieces in front of me. You must hold on." Then the arms went away and he was lifted, lifted by air--levitated, his mind supplied--and then there were hands on him again, and then something tugged hard at him, and the world went black again.
The fireplace in Dumbledore's office roared into life and Dumbledore stepped out, cradling Remus Lupin's limp form.
Severus had turned to lean against the desk and watch the fire for signs of Dumbledore's return -- hours seemed to have passed, but he had no idea how much time actually had. His attention was riveted to the fire when it flared up, and he watched with red-rimmed eyes as Dumbledore stepped out of the flames -- carrying a familiar form.
Severus jumped to his feet immediately, knowing he would feel worse later for the hope that welled up in him, but he couldn't help it, because if Dumbledore had found him dead, would he have come back here, first?
Dumbledore met Severus' gaze, acknowledging the terrible fear and hope, and said only, "We must hurry." He strode ahead of Severus to the staircase, his steps hurried as he made his way to the hospital.
Poppy was already preparing a bed--the bed that had housed Severus more than once--and gathering potions. She glanced over her shoulder when they entered, but her hands didn't still. "Your Patronus arrived well ahead of you," she said. "Bring him here quickly. Were you able to save the girl?"
Dumbledore's voice was heavy. "She died. And I consider it a small price, if Remus lives."
Severus knew to steer well clear in situations like this, how to keep out of the way, but he couldn't force himself from the bedside when Dumbledore lowered Remus down. He ached for his lover, for how very bad off he clearly was, but at the same time, he couldn't help the relief that mixed with pain and fear and horrible, desperate hope -- there was a chance. Remus wasn't dead yet. Merlin, he considered it superior strength of will that kept him from crawling into bed next to Remus, and now he knew how Remus had felt when their positions had been reversed after the battle in Diurn Alley.
Poppy shoved past Dumbledore, relegating the headmaster to the sidelines now that he had brought her patient to her. Her hands were swift and sure, casting diagnostic spells, performing the triage charms that would reveal the most serious injuries first. She didn't spare a glance for Severus, but she shoved a jar of ointment, a bottle of liquid, and a wad of gauze into his hands. "Make yourself useful and treat his eye." Her voice was gruff, but not unkind. "The liquid first, then a thick coat of the ointment." Then she worked silently, stripping Remus efficiently down to his boxers and setting to work cleaning away the blood and sealing up wounds.
Severus only nodded, springing to work immediately and flushing Remus' eye with the liquid, watching the muscles around it twitch. He frowned but then applied the ointment, thickly, and then bandaged it, stroking Remus' cheek as he twitched a little. He spared a glance for the rest of Remus, appalled. He'd never looked this bad, even after the full moon.
When it was obvious Remus' worst injuries had all been dealt with, Poppy moved on to the less threatening ones, and that was the point at which she began muttering under her breath. Most of the words were inaudible, but occasionally something like "stubborn old goat" or "merciless" came out a little louder. Dumbledore didn't flinch under this attack, but stood where he had stood since she pushed him away. His gaze was fixed intently on Remus' face.
Severus tore his gaze from Remus to Poppy and then Dumbledore, glancing back quickly to his lover. He moved his hand and looked over the rest of him, casting a few simple healing charms on the least threatening of Remus' injuries. Once he felt unneeded, he supposed he could leave Remus for a few moments in Poppy's care, and strode over to Dumbledore, facing him. His eyes were still red, and it was easy to tell what a toll thinking Remus dead had taken on him, but he looked like he'd mostly put himself back together now. "Thank you."
Dumbledore's shoulders sagged, and the headmaster actually stumbled back a step. He raised one hand and gripped Severus' shoulder tightly. "Don't thank me, Severus," he said heavily. "I sent him."
"And you brought him back," Severus said fiercely. "He's still alive. You could have left him to die."
"I would not," Dumbledore said quietly. "I could not. Severus, this is my fault."
Poppy harrumphed and stepped back from Remus' bedside. "Enough of that, you old fool," she said. "Severus needs to come sit with his one. I've done all I can. The rest will be up to Remus and Severus."
"I know, but you saved him," Severus said, then returned quickly to Remus' bedside, hovering over Remus as he scrutinized him.
Severus wanted to touch so badly; he wanted to lick and nibble and nuzzle and all manner of odd things that didn't make any sense to him but he knew Remus had done them to him for the same reasons. Claiming and reassurance and love, those were important. He reached out and very gingerly touched a part of Remus' skin that was left unmarked because he needed the reassurance that Remus was here and real and safe.
"That's right," Poppy encouraged. "Let him know you're here." She glanced at Dumbledore. "The headmaster and I must speak." She led the way back to her office, where she closed the door behind them.
"Remus," Severus breathed when the door closed, letting his hand cover a larger area of skin. "It's Severus. I'm here. You'd better not die or I'll bloody kill you."
Remus had felt things changing, had felt hands on him, hurting him and soothing him at the same time. But he'd resisted the return to consciousness, fighting against facing the reality that he had allowed himself to be tricked, had been taken captive, was certainly about to be killed. Severus would never forgive him.
Then, impossibly, he felt warmth and security stealing through him, felt himself relaxing slightly. He drifted closer to alertness, and finally he heard Severus' voice, speaking to him. Going mad, he decided. From the pain. But Severus' voice stubbornly continued.
"Love you, you daft git. Remus." Severus stared down at his lover, thinking on how sure he'd been -- not an hour ago -- that he would never see Remus again. That Remus was dead. He curled his hand around Remus' arm lightly, since his hands were bandaged. The feel of his lover's skin, warm instead of cold, helped so much.
Remus realised he was smiling, though it hurt his mouth. He opened his good eye and discovered that his feelings of safety and warmth were true. Severus was here. He tried to speak, but his throat was too dry, and he just ended up making a rusty noise.
Severus was winded by that smile, staring as Remus' eye opened and looked at him. Not dead. Really not dead. He let out a quiet noise of relief and found a spot on Remus' forehead that seemed clear of injury, pressing his lips to it softly. "Water?" he asked, pulling back, and sure enough there was a pitcher and a glass with a straw. He poured some water and held the straw to Remus' lips, thinking his throat must be quite dry.
Remus felt an inexplicable desire to cry. He sucked at the water gratefully and stared at Severus hungrily.
When Remus finished, Severus set the glass aside, hovering nervously. He wanted to put his arms around Remus, but he was worried about his injuries. "Remus." He stared down at his lover, feeling desperate with relief.
Remus coughed. "Sorry," he whispered. "Severus."
"Love you," Severus murmured, stroking Remus' hair. "Bloody hell, you're alive... love you."
It took some concentration, but Remus moved his arm enough that he could hold on to Severus. "Didn't know...stupid. Love you." His thoughts felt fuzzy. "Hurts."
"What hurts?" Severus asked softly, not sure what Remus was talking about. He tried not to lean too much into Remus' light embrace, but he was so desperate for it.
"Everything. Not you." Remus groaned faintly. "Don't leave." He squeezed his good eye shut. "God, m'brain's not working."
Severus hesitated a moment, then slowly and carefully slid himself onto the bed so he could lie next to Remus and within the circle of Remus' arm. "You'll be all right. You're alive." That just wasn't getting old.
Remus relaxed a little as Severus moved closer. "Good," he said, sighing a little and turning his head to rest his cheek against Severus. "Thought you'd be angry."
Severus sighed. "I'm too relieved you aren't dead." Remus was warm, and his presence, next to him, alive, that made him feel so good.
"Love you." Remus shifted, then whimpered when that hurt, but didn't move away from Severus. He shivered and tightened his arm a little. "Hold me."
"Don't want to hurt you," Severus murmured, but slid a hand over Remus' upper arm tentatively.
Remus shivered again. "I was scared," he confessed. "C'n I have some more water?"
"Yeah, of course," Severus murmured, stretching to reach the glass of water and bringing the straw to Remus' lips again. "Need anything else?"
Remus drank thirstily, then shook his head and immediately groaned. He shut his good eye for a long time, trying to will the stabbing pain in his head to go away. Finally he opened his eye because he needed to look at Severus again. "Thought I was going to die," he said. "I don't want to die."
"I don't want you to die either," Severus murmured, hushed.
"I was afraid I'd die without seeing you again." Remus sighed. He wanted to tell Severus how badly everything hurt, but he was afraid if he did, Severus would go away, and Remus suspected he might surrender to the panic edging at him, if Severus went away. He shivered.
Severus frowned at Remus' shiver. "Are you all right? Do you need Pomfrey?" He felt like turning the tables and using a sticking spell on Remus when they got home. It was a very tempting idea.
"Don't leave me," Remus pleaded in a whisper. He didn't know what he needed, except that he needed Severus.
"Never," Severus replied, smoothing back Remus' hair again. "What do you need? Do you hurt?"
"I need you," Remus said. He swallowed hard to keep from sobbing at Severus, because yes, he hurt, he hurt all fucking over, but he didn't want to say so.
"I'm right here; I'm not going anywhere," Severus said soothingly.
Remus nodded jerkily and sighed. "Good."
At that moment the door to Poppy's office opened. Poppy strode over to the bed with quick steps, Dumbledore following her but several steps behind. Poppy frowned. "Remus is awake?"
Remus tensed slightly. "M'awake," he muttered.
"How do you feel?" She reached out to touch his forehead.
"How d'you think?" Remus replied.
She sniffed. "Impertinent, apparently. Does your head hurt? Your eye? What else? I suspect the bruises over your kidneys are aching rather badly."
He sighed and nodded. "All of that," he admitted.
Frowning, Poppy waved her wand around his head, muttering to herself. "If you have a concussion, I can't give you too much pain-numbing potion, or it will interfere with the healing of the concussion."
Remus didn't say anything in response to that.
Severus kept himself quiet and still, frowning and wishing he could do something to take Remus' pain away. Or stop acting like a mongrel with his master.
Poppy sighed. "Well, I'm certain I can count on Severus to not let you sleep more than twenty minutes at a time. I'll risk a stronger pain-relieving potion than I would otherwise." She gave Severus a bracing look. "At least your one is an expert in potions." She turned away and went to her potions cabinet. Dumbledore took the opportunity to approach.
He bent over the bed, taking Remus' free hand in his. "I am so very sorry, Remus," he murmured softly. "I sent you straight into a trap, one that I should have foreseen. My mistake nearly cost your life."
Remus just stared tiredly at Dumbledore, trying to think of something to say through the haze of pain. It wasn't as if he could truthfully say it was all right, or no harm done. He sighed. "Don't be stupid," he said, and then realised after a few moments that might not have been the best response.
Severus snorted quietly, but didn't offer comment. He imagined how he must look like this, but it wasn't enough to make him move. He didn't think anything could have, just then. Not even the entire Order marching in.
Dumbledore didn't laugh, as Remus might have expected. He merely looked rather stricken and patted Remus' hand softly. "I am so sorry, my boy. Severus...I am sorry." He gazed down at them and sighed heavily, then turned and started for the door.
Remus wondered if he should say something.
Severus didn't. He'd tried to thank Dumbledore before, for finding Remus, but obviously the Headmaster didn't want to hear it, so Severus wasn't going to bother. Besides which, there would be plenty of opportunities to have a discussion while Severus wasn't huddled next to his badly-injured mate.
Before Remus had decided, Poppy came back and held a vial of potion to his lips, and as he swallowed the nasty-tasting stuff, Dumbledore left the hospital entirely. Remus tensed slightly to keep from shuddering at the taste of the potion, but murmured his thanks afterwards anyway.
Poppy snorted. "Severus, mind you don't let him sleep tonight, at least not for more than twenty minutes at a time. I'll be back in to check on you later, Remus, but I'm well aware you both think I'm only in the way." She reached out and smoothed a hand over Remus' hair. "You gave us all a scare, boy," she murmured. "And from what Dumbledore said, it nearly wrecked Severus to have to come here and tell us you'd been killed. Don't get yourself 'killed' again." With that she turned away, her heels clicking on the tile floor as she went back to her office.
Remus swallowed and lifted his head slightly to peer at Severus with his good eye.
Severus watched Remus guiltily, as if he'd done something wrong, and let out a quiet whimper. He didn't want to talk about that, or think about it, or especially think about Dumbledore telling other people.
After a long silence, Remus swallowed again. "I was killed and didn't know it?" he asked. It came out as a whisper.
"Fenrir thinks you're dead," Severus answered after a while. "He told the Dark Lord that you'd been killed by some Alpha."
"My God," Remus whispered. The pain potions must be kicking in; he didn't want to groan as he shifted to wrap his arms around Severus and hold on to him. "God, Severus, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I--I--God, I'm sorry." All right, so he was going to give in to the panic that was stalking him. He shuddered and clung to Severus.
"Not your fault, it's all right, hush. Just relax and get well," Severus murmured.
"I didn't know," Remus said. "I just wanted to help the girl, that's all. I didn't--and then Ulfric showed up--I didn't know! Severus, I'm sorry."
"Later," Severus uttered, frowning with concern. He stroked Remus' hair, taking slow breaths.
Remus shivered and tried to clutch at Severus, but that was difficult with his hands bandaged, and it just hurt, anyway. He pressed the uninjured side of his face into Severus' chest.
Severus realized then, however, that he had to do something to keep Remus' interest, so he didn't sleep -- or if he did, for no more than twenty minutes at a time. Talking would be good, but... not about that. "My turn to take care of you, now. Don't worry, I won't make you cook 'till you're back on your feet, I promise."
Remus tried to laugh. "You'll probably poison us," he mumbled.
"Oi," Severus complained. "I'm not that horrid at cooking. I don't think."
"How would you know? You never try it." Remus couldn't seem to stop shivering. "So cold in here."
Severus frowned, wondering if Remus was just cold, or had fever. "Do you need Poppy?" he asked, placing a hand on Remus' forehead.
"Your turn to take care of me?" Remus muttered. "Just need a blanket."
"Oh." Feeling a bit dumb, Severus grabbed the corner of the blanket and dragged it over them both. "There. Well, I suppose I'll have to try cooking now, won't I?" Or just get takeaway and say he'd cooked it, because now he had to prove to Remus that he could do it even if he didn't. Or maybe he shouldn't do that, because Remus might want him to cook all the time, then...
Remus shivered and curled against Severus, letting his eyelids droop. Warmth, Severus...he felt so much better.
Severus went back to stroking Remus' hair. He wondered where Poppy went, and how long he'd have to make certain Remus didn't sleep too long, and how long they'd be here...
"Feels good," Remus murmured, his words slurring slightly. The pain potion really was helping.
"Yeah? Good," Severus replied, feeling a rush of warmth.
"Love you. It helps, the way you touch me." Remus expelled a heavy sigh.
"Love you, too," Severus murmured softly. Since it helped, Severus continued to do it. He wanted to touch more of Remus' skin, but without really knowing the extent of his remaining injuries, didn't want to risk it.
"Mmm. You're fuzzy." Remus nuzzled him, pleased. He was always so happy to be with Severus. He blinked slowly. He was so sleepy.
"Fuzzy? How am I fuzzy?" Severus didn't really care, but he wasn't looking forward to having to wake Remus up if he fell asleep. What if he wouldn't wake up?
Remus hummed and muttered, rubbing his cheek against Severus.
Severus watched what he could see of Remus' face (which wasn't much) anxiously. He was beyond relieved that Remus was alive, but tired from earlier strain, and still worried about Remus having concussion. He could feel a pang of worry again in his chest, even though Remus was here, and tried not to tighten his arms around Remus.
"Safe." Remus inhaled deeply and hummed again.
"Yes," Severus breathed, unable to manage much more than that.
Remus drifted in a warm haze for a while, listening to Severus' heartbeat, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. This was comfortable, good. He slept.
Severus listened to Remus' breathing evening out. Asleep, most probably. Severus didn't blame him, he was feeling like he could sleep, too, but he wasn't nearly relaxed enough. He let Remus sleep for a handful of minutes, but when he estimated that ten or so had elapsed, he dutifully shook Remus gently to wake him. "Remus. Wake up."
Remus grunted in his sleep and shifted a little.
"You have to wake up in case you have concussion," Severus informed him, mostly to be making sound to wake him up, and shook him again.
Startled partway out of sleep, Remus flailed, his heart thudding in his chest. Then he remembered--he was at Hogwarts, he was with Severus. He went still.
"Ow, fuck, but don't hit me next time," Severus complained, rubbing his ribs.
Remus sighed. "Sorry," he murmured. "'m saying that a lot today."
"S'ok." Severus combed his fingers through Remus' hair. "Sorry I can't let you sleep."
"But I feel all right," Remus said, his eyelids drooping.
"Yeah, well, Poppy says you could have concussion, and if you sleep with concussion, you might not wake up." Severus passed a hand across Remus' cheek, trying to meet his gaze.
Remus sighed and turned his head slightly to enjoy Severus' touch. "C'n I sit up? Is there water?"
"Yeah." Severus shifted into a sitting position and helped Remus sit up, then poured a glass of water for him and held it out.
"Thanks." Remus' hand shook a little, but he managed not to spill any of the water. He sighed and reached up, feeling at the bandage covering his eye. "How bad?" He slumped against Severus.
"It was pretty swollen," Severus said, frowning as he watched his lover. Remus looked awful, bandaged and bruised. He couldn't stop feeling anxious. "You'll probably have a bad bruise." And hopefully nothing worse than that.
Remus nodded. "Love you. What happened? D'you know?" He rested his unbruised cheek against Severus' shoulder.
Severus frowned, curling an arm around Remus lightly. "Not really. Fenrir said that you were dead, so I went and told Dumbledore, and he said that it must've been a trap, and went to find you. Then he came back with you and we took you to Pomfrey."
"Saved me. Ulfric would've killed me." Remus shivered and leaned into Severus.
"Why?" Severus asked softly. "Who's that?"
"Alpha of the pack. One who attacked Holly, the little girl who'd been bitten. Went very bad, very quickly." He sighed. "Holly helped him. He threatened her mum."
"But why'd he go after you?" Severus asked, remembering Fenrir saying he'd killed one of this Ulfric's wolves.
"Because I was helping Holly, and he wanted the girl." Remus sighed and let his eyelids droop again. "Territory."
Severus bit his lip, nodding. "Merlin, how long do you have to stay awake for? I'm going to go talk to Pomfrey."
"Mmm," Remus agreed. "Tired. He said I shouldn' be in their territory."
"Bastard." Severus decided not to tell Remus what Fenrir had done. Now wasn't the time, but he had no intention of telling Remus that Fenrir had appeared to care -- he was certain it was only because if Remus was dead, they didn't have a way into the Order through him. "Hold on, I'll be right back." He detached from Remus gingerly and slid to his feet, then crossed the ward to Pomfrey's office and knocked on the door.
Poppy looked up from some forms she was filling out and gestured him in. "How's Remus?"
"Tired and woozy from the potions," Severus answered, moving into the room and glancing quickly back towards the bed he'd left Remus in. "How long do I have to keep him awake?"
"Well, I should like to have him here overnight," Poppy said, "How is he behaving? Is he confused? Sleepy? Nauseous?"
"He didn't say anything about feeling sick. He's sleepy and I hate having to keep him up if I don't have to," Severus said, glancing back out the door again. "I don't know if he's really confused, just a bit woozy, but I figured that could be the potion."
"It might," Poppy admitted, "but I'm not about to let him go until I'm satisfied, Severus. Particularly after what happened with you last time." She smiled slightly as if sharing a joke with him. "Head injuries can be difficult to diagnose, Severus. Many victims of a brain trauma can slip into a coma with the slightest provocation." She studied him. "Would you rather I deal with this? You could go home and get a good night's sleep and come back first thing in the morning." Her tone of voice didn't indicate she thought he would like that option.
"No!" Severus cut himself off and frowned, unable to completely hide how anxious that made him feel. "I don't mind staying here with him and I don't mind keeping him here. I just wondered if I could let him sleep."
Poppy smiled again and patted his shoulder gently. "Not for long tonight, I'm afraid."
Severus clenched his jaw and took a moment to compose himself, force himself calm. "All right," he said quietly, and backed out of her office quickly because he could feel himself wanting to fall apart all over again. He didn't know if it was a delayed reaction to the relief or the stress, but whatever it was, he wished it would delay itself longer.
Remus had fallen asleep again, his head tilted back at an awkward angle.
Severus hurried to shake him awake after having the horrid thought that he looked dead like that. "Remus, dammit, wake up, you stupid git!"
With a snort, Remus jerked back to awareness. "Wha' happened? Where are they?"
"Nowhere, you fell asleep again." Severus sighed and slumped onto the bed.
"Huh?" Remus felt stupid. "Thought I was in Shropshire." He shivered. "Hold me, I'm cold."
"Oh great, you probably do have concussion," Severus lamented, putting his arms around Remus.
"What?" Remus sighed and snuggled against Severus. He wondered how long he'd been here, how long it had been since Dumbledore got him back. For that matter, how long had he been held by the pack? "What day is it?"
"Um...Thursday." Severus frowned. "You just left this morning."
"This...morning?" Remus blinked. "God, it felt like--days." He sighed. "I'm so tired. Did Poppy say what's wrong with me?"
"What, you mean besides getting the shit beat out of you and having concussion? Nothing, aside from that you're fine," Severus said sarcastically.
Remus chuckled. "Mm, my Severus, you sound more like your normal self."
"You're exasperating," Severus said. He didn't feel like himself. He felt worried and anxious and angry and irritable.
"Then I must be getting back to my normal self," Remus said. He smiled crookedly at Severus, then realised something. "You haven't kissed me."
Severus blinked in surprise. "You're the king of random tonight."
"Kiss me," Remus demanded, tilting his face towards Severus.
Severus leaned in hesitantly and gave Remus a quick, barely-there kiss; just a brush of lips, and then pulled back.
Remus stared at him, expression unimpressed. "What am I, a girl? I said kiss me." He pressed his mouth against Severus'.
Remus' mouth muffled a quiet sob that escaped Severus, but he couldn't remain calm against that kiss. He kissed Remus back fiercely, wrapping his arms around him.
That provoked a small gasp, but Remus managed to get his arms around Severus, too, holding on to him as best he could. Oh, this would work for keeping him awake. He let Severus have control of the kiss, though he matched him for passion.
"I thought you were dead," Severus whispered suddenly, holding onto Remus. "I thought I'd never see you again," he added between desperate kisses. "I thought you were buried in some field somewhere..."
Remus lifted one hand, stroking it awkwardly down Severus' hair. "No," he said softly, "no, I'm right here, Severus. I'm with you." He kissed him again.
"Oh Merlin! What would I do without you?" Severus decided he really needed to shut up, so he kissed Remus again.
Remus shivered. "You can't," he whispered against Severus' lips. "You can't do without me. Can't do without you, either." He pressed more closely against Severus, not caring that it hurt.
Severus was shivering now, too, with the effort of not falling apart completely.
"Love you," Remus murmured. He kissed Severus. "Need you." Another kiss. "No matter what."
"No matter what," Severus agreed softly, relaxing his hold a little. "Always. And you're not allowed to die for another two hundred years or so."
"Merlin, we'll be horrid old men," Remus protested, but he was more than willing to agree. "You can't die, either."
"I plan to enjoy being a horrid old man," Severus said. "I want to annoy people by pretending I'm deaf, and carry a cane just to whack impertinent youngsters, and be very rich and lord it over everyone."
Remus laughed, though his chest felt tight. "And I'll have to go around apologising to everyone you've upset, and giving them chocolate and kind words."
"Yes, all right, if you must." Severus smiled a little. "I hope you'll still be with me, even when I'm old and crotchety."
"The last time I checked, 'forever' didn't end after a single century," Remus said. "Kiss me again."
"Well, you know, a lot can change in two centuries," Severus said, and did so.
Remus just hummed and returned the kiss, shifting a little so his awakening cock pressed against Severus. He groaned slightly at the pleasure that provided.
"Remus," Severus chastized, but couldn't help sounding a little amused. "You are definitely too injured for that."
"Feels good," Remus muttered, and kissed Severus again, slowly. "Very good."
Yes, it definitely did. Severus pulled away reluctantly. "Regardless, you're in no condition." He shifted so they weren't pressed together anymore, and ended up on the edge of the bed.
Remus whimpered and sighed. "But--" He couldn't think of a good reason. "But I want you."
"I want you too," Severus assured Remus dryly, "but you almost died."
"But I didn't die," Remus said. He wriggled towards Severus. "And Poppy said you needed to keep me awake."
"Yes, but..." Severus found himself distracted by Remus' wriggling, for some reason. "You're injured. You're covered with bandages and bruises, and you want sex?"
"It would distract me from how much I hurt," Remus said. "And I pretty much always want sex with you."
"I would think you'd just be exacerbating things," Severus countered, staring at Remus' bare chest. The worst of his injuries had already been healed, after all...
Remus sighed. He was suddenly remembering the way he'd acted when Severus was injured and wanted sex. He supposed it was only fair that Severus was saying no now. "Will you at least stay and hold me if I promise to behave?" he asked.
"Yes, of course," Severus said, trying not to sound disappointed. If Remus was going to be good, he certainly had no choice but to go along with that. But if he'd continued to protest after Severus had raised his doubts, well, it would have been only fair to give him something in consolation, though he did draw the line at actual penetration.
"And if you maybe groped me once or twice, I wouldn't mind," Remus said, trying to urge Severus closer so he could snuggle against him again.
Severus hummed doubtfully, shifting closer to put his arms around Remus. "Really, you wouldn't."
"Mmm, no, it would be quite all right with me." Remus draped one arm over Severus, curling the other between them to protect a sore rib. "You make me feel better."
"That's good," Severus murmured, sliding a hand down Remus' hip. He wondered if he really should. He'd see how Remus handled a little petting, and take it from there, he supposed.
Remus hummed and half-closed his eyes, smiling.
Severus brushed his thumb lightly over the bulge in Remus' shorts, smiling a little.
"Ohh," Remus breathed, his breath hitching. "Yeah, that's one part of me that doesn't hurt."
"That's good," Severus murmured, cupping Remus' arousal with his palm. He knew he shouldn't at all, but...Remus wasn't the only one wanting sex.
Remus gasped and lifted his head to kiss Severus again. God, it was so good!
And then they both clearly heard Poppy's office door open, and her footsteps began approaching the curtained bed.
Severus felt his hopes plummet, breaking off the kiss. Of course now that he'd started, he was desperately hungry for Remus. He pulled the blanket over them again, and then discreetly rested his hand against Remus' groin once more.
Remus gasped at the feel of Severus' hand there, but he just tried to control his breathing as he shifted to look up when Poppy pushed away the curtain.
"There, you're awake," she said pleasantly. "And how are you feeling? You look a bit flushed. I hope you haven't taken a fever." She came over to press the back of her hand against Remus' forehead.
"I'm fine," Remus croaked, and cleared his throat.
"He's doing better," Severus added, smiling at Remus as he slowly brushed his fingers against his bulge. "More alert."
Remus' good eye widened slightly. "Yes, more alert," he agreed. "Thirsty."
Poppy nodded, pressing two fingers against his pulse. After half a minute had passed, she frowned. "Your pulse is up. Are you in severe pain?" She turned away to pour Remus a glass of water as she spoke.
"No, not severe," Remus said, his voice wavering on the final syllable at something Severus was doing.
Severus smirked, but sounded concerned when he spoke. "Are you all right?" he asked, slipping his fingertips inside the opening in Remus' shorts.
"I...I..." Remus blinked at him. "Um, fine," he managed. Oh, Merlin, that felt so good! Severus was rotten.
Poppy looked at him in concern. "You sound a bit disoriented. What day is it?"
"Thursday," Remus said slowly, remembering what Severus had said. "I feel fine, Poppy."
She looked doubtful but held the water glass out to him. Remus dutifully took a gulp.
Severus stilled his hand, not wanting to get Poppy convinced Remus needed constant monitoring or the like. He watched his lover contentedly.
Steadying himself, Remus drank some more water. "Feel fine," he said again. "Except I want to go home."
"Not just yet, dear. Remember how you felt when your positions were reversed and Severus lay injured in that bed." She smiled and patted Remus' head. "It won't kill you to spend a night under observation."
"Don't worry, I'll stay here," Severus said.
"You'd better," Remus said, trying to keep the edge off his voice. "What about my eye, Poppy? Will it be all right?"
"It should be fine, dear, it was just a very bad black eye. It should be fairly well faded by the week-end." She smiled. "Would either of you like something to eat? I can have the house-elves fix up a tray."
"I'm fine, thank you," Severus said politely, sliding his hand all the way inside Remus' shorts.
Remus swallowed hard. "No, thanks. Can't I just sleep?"
"You mustn't sleep for too long at a time tonight, Remus," she chided. "Not until we know for certain that there are no injuries to the brain." She glanced at Severus. "Make certain you wake him often, and keep him up for a while before you let him sleep again."
"Will do," Severus agreed, very discreetly wrapping his hand around Remus' erection.
Remus bit the inside of his mouth, his body tensing.
Poppy nodded and turned, pulling the curtain closed behind her again. Her footsteps tapped back to her office.
"God, Severus!" Remus hissed, shifting his hips.
Severus just smirked at him, stroking lightly.
"I--I didn't think--you'd get me off--in front of Poppy!" Remus murmured, his breathing erratic as he tried to strain against Severus' hand without hurting himself.
"I thought you were an exhibitionist," Severus said innocently. He drew Remus' cock out of his shorts and stroked him more firmly. "Relax."
Remus couldn't think clearly enough to frame a response, but he did attempt to relax, sighing and turning his head slightly to kiss whatever skin he could reach.
"There, that's better," Severus murmured, then risked a wandless lubrication charm to help ease things further.
Remus gasped slightly and his breathing sped up as that sent pleasure radiating through him. "Feels so good," he murmured, letting his eye mostly close, but gazing warmly at Severus. "Yeah."
"Good," Severus uttered, smiling as he watched his lover's expression, twisting his wrist and varying his pressure.
Remus gave a muffled groan at that. His mouth fell slightly open and he looked up at his lover's face. "Severus."
Severus leaned in, capturing Remus' lips and muffling his noises like Remus had done for him before. He sped up his pace and added in his little tricks.
Oh, Merlin. Remus moaned into the kiss, trying to be quiet. He lifted one hand to brush his wrist against Severus' cheek as pleasure coursed through him. He felt the tension building in his thighs and groin and then very soon he was pulsing into Severus' hand as his climax crashed down on him.
Severus greedily swallowed Remus' cries, stroking Remus until he was soft and then doing a cleaning charm. He held Remus close.
(continued...)