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skipped3rdgrade ([info]skipped3rdgrade) wrote in [info]vas_captio_rpg,
@ 2009-07-16 22:24:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!complete, day 15, dean winchester, lexie grey, location: gym

Day 15: Gym, 4:23 PM

Who: Lexie Grey and Dean Winchester
What: Catching up
Where: The Gym
When: Day 15, Afternoon
Rating: PG to start

Status: Complete

People had disappeared again. They'd disappeared and those who were left went to a party and pigged out as if nothing was wrong. They'd eaten and drank and then went home and had their naps as if nothing had happened at all in the middle of this insane place called Vas Captio. Lexie sighed, she was back in her room, with her knees pulled to her chest and staring at her journal, willing more people to count themselves as present on Sam's all call for people. Dean was listed there; but, she hadn't seen anything else in there from him aside from that he'd turn up. Didn't he realize that it made her nervous when anyone disappeared. When people went missing they didn't usually come back.

Sighing she reached under her bed and pulled out a bottle of water. Cracking it open she forced herself to take a drink. It was so quiet in the gym she could hear her own heartbeat. She could swear she could hear all the way to the main doors. She was listening. "C'mon, Dean," she urged. Nothing.

Closing her journal and setting it and the bottle on the small table she'd made as a night stand she curled up, wrapping herself in a blanket. No Dean. No Elliot. No Andy. She felt very, very alone right then.


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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-17 02:44 am UTC (link)
Dean had taken great pains to ensure that his body wasn't in some sort of grotesque, messy disorder. He'd checked every inch without his clothes as soon as he had wakened in the library beside the stack of Curious George books of all things. That seemed like some sort of sign but he wasn't going to ponder it just now. He had to get the fuck away from everything remotely reminding him of what he'd just been through. Preferably he'd find himself at Moby's down on the Shrewsbury River at the New Jersey beach but he was still in the glass bubble. Still captive.

Which meant his first priority was to find Lexie and be sure she hadn't been sucked into the experiments. Or if she had, god forbid, make sure she felt safe again. He could do that for her if he had to. He felt nothing of the sort for himself but if she needed it, he could provide.

With steps as heavy as lead, Dean made his way through town. It was slow going but after a while he was at the gym. It took a long moment of leaning against the doorframe before he went inside. She wasn't in the main room and so his hope was that she would be in the little office she'd claimed as her room.

"Lexie? Lexie!" he called out, trying not to let the frantic worry surface in his tone. Then, suddenly, there she was. Safe. Sound. In her room. She looked unhappy but unhurt and he smiled, almost laughed with the happiness that washed through him. He was on his knees beside her, dropping heavily and quickly, his arms wrapping around whatever available bit of her he could reach at that level. "You're safe," he breathed.

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-17 02:51 am UTC (link)
She'd heard him coming before she'd seen him. There were those heavy steps that gave Lexie pause and hitched her breath. She thought that maybe someone was coming in hurt; a healthy person didn't walk like that. Then came the calls. 'Lexie? Lexie!' It was Dean. He was moving quickly, she could hear those pounding steps as they came down the hallway and lead right up to her door. He was inside and he looked unwell, especially so as he crumbled beside her.

"Dean?" She'd seen a hint of a smile as he'd dropped there, reaching around to snare her in an embrace. She was scooting closer, off the cot and onto the floor. "Hey, hey," she tried to catch him. "I'm fine," she said quietly. "Andy had said to run; I don't know where or why..." She shook her head.

"You Ok?" She was trying to catch his eye. "Dean, you alright?"

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-17 02:57 am UTC (link)
Dean didn't look at her. His eyes were cast down and then closed as his hands caught her face, tracing the line of her jaw before he kissed her. It wasn't one of his firey, passionate, wanting kisses. This was more a kiss of relief and familiarity. She was home to him right now and he was taking full advantage.

When his lips fell away from hers, his hands slid away until his arms wrapped around her middle. He held her for a long, silent moment before releasing her, his expression a bit dazed. He was so tired. So exhausted from what had happened and what he had remembered. There was so little energy for this reunion and yet it was the most important thing he could think of.

"You.. Lexie," he muttered, abandoning the playful nickname of "Doc" for her real name. A rarity. He was serious now. Heavy-lidded eyes taking her in as a slow smile crossed his face. "You are a sight for sore eyes," he finished with a small smile. "Are you okay?" he asked then, ignoring her question to ask his own.

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-17 03:06 am UTC (link)
She leaned in to the touch of his hands to her face. Taking that kiss for what it was, a sweet 'hello' of sorts. It didn't manage, though, wash away her worry. She'd never thought she'd see him crumple. She never thought she'd witness him like that. Smile or not, to see her hero buckle at the knees made her earth feel a bit shaken.

"It's not so bad seeing you, either," she didn't need to tell him she'd been worried. That wouldn't make anything better. It would make her seem clingy and impossible.

"I'm fine, really," she said quietly, reaching up to run her fingers along his shoulder. "You missed the party," she teased for a moment. It hadn't been lost on her that he avoided her question. She didn't want to press; if he wanted to talk he would, right?

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-17 03:13 am UTC (link)
He tried not to wince at her touch. Tried to lean closer to her, be nearer and feel her. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to keep her near. Never let go. Or at least not for a long time. She was his anchor right now. If anyone was clingy it was him and he was unapologetic about it at this point.

"Lexie, I-" he started and coughed slightly. Even now, in spite of (or maybe because of?) everything that had happened, certain words were like so much clay in his throat. He wanted desperately to say everything to her. Tell her exactly how he felt but would he be saying things out of the heat of the moment or would they be true? He wasn't sure and couldn't bring himself to do anything more than look at her, his eyes saying a lot more than his mouth did.

"You're the party. I haven't missed anything," he said after a pause and smiled, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. Her hero may have fallen but he was still in tact. Still there with her. "Anything um interesting happen while I was away?" he asked and glanced around as if there might be a change in wallpaper or something. He knew he was empty-handed when he had promised peaches and he hoped she wouldn't ask. He didn't want to tel her about what he had been through. Didn't want her to worry or ... pity him.

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-17 03:21 am UTC (link)
She could feel him, slowly moving closer. It was like it was a fight for him to do so - and this wasn't something she easily understood. Her hand was slow at the back of his neck, making gentle circles there in his hair. Something wasn't right. Something was wrong. She could see it. And when he started and stopped she could hear it. Something had happened and it hadn't been good.

His words were sweet and they made her smile, eyes dropping to the space between them. Whatever had happened, he was still in there, wasn't he? "You missed a party, seriously. With food. Lots of food... And a sign saying 'welcome survivors.' That red-eyed guy got drunk..." She smiled a little, looking up to catch his eyes.

"I'm glad you're here." And she was. Her fingers found his hand and gently twined with his. He didn't have to talk if he didn't want to; but, she was here, ready to listen if he did. "You did miss out on cold beer, though."

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-17 03:29 am UTC (link)
When her eyes dropped he kissed her again, a bit quicker than before. It was like taking a hit. She was safety, she was home. Kissing her, however briefly, renewed his sense of balance right now in way that he couldn't have even begun to explain had he tried. He wanted to tell her but he couldn't form the words. The unspoken words still registered in his eyes though, plain for her to see.

But then a darkness passed over his features when she mentioned the red-eyed guy getting drunk. The demon had escaped the torture that he himself had been put through? He'd been put through it twice now and that dude had gotten through it scott free. There was something inherently unfair about that and it made him fume momentarily until the quiet, reasoning part of him reminded him that no one, no one deserved to go through what he'd been through. At least he'd been able to handle it. Maybe that glib jerk wouldn't have been able to.

He smiled again, her fingers in his, and in his hair giving him such a peaceful sense of security unlike anything he could have hoped to dish out for her even though he'd planned on it should she have been in the same experiments. He leaned against her hand and kissed it softly. "A cold beer sounds good. I'm jealous. Hope you had one or two yourself."

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-17 03:37 am UTC (link)
She watched that swift change in him. From the sweetest kiss, and a look that said something; to a slow look of near anger that flitted by at her mention of Gambit. She didn't know why. She didn't know if she ought to press as to why. Then, like sunshine, out came his smile again. That smile that could melt away cloudy days.

"I couldn't eat," she shook her head, "Not hungry." Partial lie. She was worried. She was scared of the food. She was scared of the company. She was just scared.

She took a chance, for as nice as it was to be held by Dean, something told her that he needed to be held. She shifted, pulling up against him and wrapping her arms around his shoulders, her face planted in the cook of his neck. "You're alright," she whispered, and she had intended it to come out as a question, instead, it sounded much more like a reassurance as her words were muffled by his skin. "Really," she followed equally as quietly.

He was there, but he was hurt, and Doctor Lexie Grey would figure out some way to heal it.

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-17 03:47 am UTC (link)
"You?" he asked, feigning incredulity and feigning the energy and mischievousness to feign the incredulity. "You weren't hungry? No. After all the chocolate you ingested yesterday, I can't imagine how you weren't hungry." His tone was unmistakably teasing. So teasing in fact that it sounded farcicle. He had no idea what to say so he said the stupidest thing he could think of. Be stupid and happy and no one can question your cognitive functions, right?

When she wrapped her arms around him and told him he was alright Dean almost let the tears threatening at the edges of his exhausted psyche fall against her cheek. Her face felt so good against his neck and the fact that she wanted to comfort him spoke volumes for how she felt in return to his own unspoken emotions.

"You're something else, you know that?" he asked quietly against her ear. I could spend a few hours like this in your arms, he thought but the words never passed his lips.

But what if he lost her? What if they took her and experimented on her and she didn't come back? What then? What do you do about that, Winchester, you impotent son of a bitch? You can't save her here. The least you can do is be honest! He remained speechless.

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-17 03:55 am UTC (link)
"Hey, you say that like I'm little Mikey and I'll eat anything!" Second Mikey reference to a Winchester. If Dean didn't get it, well, they must have had one sheltered childhood. "Don't ever say the 'c' word," she warned.

Then she was holding him. She was feeling his breath as his chest rose and fell and listening as she hoped maybe he'd talk. That perhaps he'd let something out, ever so quietly. 'You're something else, you know that?' He'd asked, and Lexie just shook her head. She wasn't anything special, just a girl with a photographic memory and an allergy to eggs.

"Yesterday I watched sam eat an entire candy bar in one bite," She had, too. She thought he had dislocated his jaw. "Why am I thinking you taught him that?" She took a deep breath and let it go slowly. She could hang like this, against him, with him, for him for as long as he needed her to. He'd push away or pull her off or just tell her to go, wouldn't he?

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-17 04:05 am UTC (link)
Dean grinned then in spite of himself and parroted the old television commercials. "Hey Mikey, he likes it!" He scuttled a bit closer to her and rested some. "Truth was Mikey didn't die of eating pop rocks and cola. He turned out fine and leaves a normal life, right?" He chuckled softly against the side of her forehead. "Promise I won't mention the 'c' word."

He could feel her shaking her head in contention with him calling her something else. He shook his head yes so that she could feel it. "Don't try to deny it. You crinkle better than anyone I know. And," he said, his voice dropping slightly as he became more serious, "you know how to patch a guy up when he's down. That's important."

Dean chuckled again when she mentioned Sam eating an entire candy bar in one bite. That was definitely Sam and he was so grateful to know that Sam had been close to Lexie when he was away. If there was one person he trusted to protect the things he thought were important, it was his brother. "I have no idea where he learned that. Maybe Dad taught him," he responded, a smile in his voice.

He kissed her hair then and felt frustration well up in him. These displays of affection were going to trigger her notice soon and he wasn't going to be able to be honest without scaring her. He needed to stop but he needed to keep going. "Lexie," he breathed.

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-17 04:13 am UTC (link)
Score! We have one Winchester who knows who Mikey is! That made Lexie smile. Perhaps they weren't really migrant workers afterall. Or in the mob. Or UFO enthusiasts. Maybe they were just normal guys who thought that their jobs weren't cool enough to score chicks? "Good," she nodded.

"Crinkle-junkie," she teased softly, breathing into his shoulder as she shifted against him. Her hands were now running slowly up and down his back. Dean may not have said he needed comfort; but, the fact he hadn't pulled away had spoke volumes. "I do my best," she murmured. Enough about me, Dean. "That sounds like a guilty conscience there," she said a little bit more audiably. Dean totally taught Sam that, she knew it!

He whispered her name and her breath hitched. "You don't have to talk about it," and he didn't. He really didn't. "I'm here and I've got you, Dean Winchester. I won't let go unless you tell me to, Okay?"

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-17 04:21 am UTC (link)
"Crinkle-junkie," she said and he laughed even though it sounded a bit high pitched and strained to his ear. Maybe she wouldn't notice as he cut it short. "You know me too well, Lex," he answered with an unseen grin. Could he fall back into their rhythm? Could he start the laughter and not stop for five or ten minutes the way they did usually? He wasn't sure but he wanted to try. For her.

"Guilty conscience?" he asked, trying to sound affronted as he pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes. His smile was exhausted as he searched her for any tell-tale signs that she, like he, was concealing some sort of horrible experience. She didn't seem to be and so he pressed his face against her temple again, brushing a kiss to it with affection as he did.

He was caught though. She'd read right through him. He was off his game after all. The morning had taken its toll on him and he felt so unlike himself that he wasn't sure how she recognized him. "Don't let go," he echoed. He needed her to not let go right now. "Thank you." And echoed himself this time in a softer voice, "Thank you, Lexie."

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-17 04:28 am UTC (link)
He wasn't off his game, Lexie had just been paying attention. She'd been listening and watching and she cared. Games only worked when the person didn't want to see the man behind the curtain, Dean; and Lexie was watching intently. He'd surveyed her face and pressed another kiss to her hairline. He was lavishing her with affection and it only made her wonder just what they'd done to him. To everyone that had turned out to be missing. What had they all gone through while people hung back here and ate?

"I won't, promise," she assured him. She held him loosely, just keeping herself pressed to him as she relished in the feel of his closeness. She shifted to set her rear on the floor, down from her knees her arms went around his middle instead.

"No problem, Dean," she replied, looking up from her now slightly lower position against him.

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-17 04:39 am UTC (link)
She was there for him. She had her arms around him, settled in for the long haul and he couldn't have been more relieved and at ease than he felt now like this. His body relaxed for the first time. Even when he'd been out cold, his body had been rigid, curled tightly into a fetal position. As he'd dragged himself to the gym, it had taken all his strength.

Now, with her close, he could finally let go. She was letting him do that and he wasn't able to do anything else but give in. Let the walls down. Raw and emotionally naked, he rested there in her arms. She was to him what he always wanted to be to everyone around him. She was his hero.

His fingers pressed into her sides, his arms still wrapped around her and long enough to reach the place above her hips. There was an urgency, a gentle one that was nowhere near the sexual subtext of any interaction they'd had previously. It was so unconscious that if Dean had realized he was holding to her for dear life he might have died on the spot from embarrassment.

"I love -- this," he said after a long moment.

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-17 04:47 am UTC (link)
She was there. Mentally, physically, emotionally. She was always there. Most people didn't notice and sometimes those who did just walked right over her like a mat; but, that didn't keep her from being present in every moment; especially ones like these when someone needed her. She was sure Dean needed her.

She felt like he was clutching, clinging, and grabbing. It was a need, something she'd recognized. It was the way she'd grabbed her sister the day their mom had died. That urgent sense of want that went far beyond words and didn't need to be articulated. All it took was to feel it once in your life and you knew it when you saw it. It was with empathy Lexie held on to Dean; because she knew she'd want to be held.

'I love -- this,' came past his lips and the only reaction Lexie had was a slow nod. He was saying he felt safe; it made her feel good to know she could make him feel that way; a man who'd made his life making others safe and sound and comfortable. "It's here as long as you need it to be, Dean," I'm here.

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-17 01:46 pm UTC (link)
Lexie was so quiet. So calm. No barrage of questions. Seemingly no fear that something might have happened to others. He had no idea where her thoughts were but it meant the world to him that she seemed to be in the moment and with just him.

It took him a moment to realize that he was crying. Again. Damn this place. But he had no energy with which to be furious about the circumstances they found themselves in where this grand glass-covered experiment was concerned. They had done their best to wear away at him, break him down and lay him bare. He felt exposed for the completely ineffectual jackass that he had always been. At best his heroics of the past were a bunch of pompous gallivanting. No more.

"Sorry," he whispered and breathed out a quiet chuckle, knowing he was getting her wet. Knowing this was so completely inverted from what their relationship had been before now. He wanted to laugh with her again but all he could manage was this internal hollowness and a driving need to just be close.

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-17 02:02 pm UTC (link)
There were times for everything and this was not the time to push and shove and be loud. Some people had a hard time with that lesson. In the ER she'd seen people who pushed around and kicked and flailed, thinking it made them sound more confident, more in charge. They yelled for intubation and scowled that they needed their c-line right then. Hell, some of them snatched and grabbed. Those doctors, the ones who forced things; they were the ones that often made things worse. They made the patient scared; they made the staff nervous, and they never quite seemed to be in control. Quiet Little Grey was never suited for that. She'd quietly do her job with a soft voice and a patient demeanor. Either that or she'd clam up. She'd done that a couple of times, not knowing which way to turn in the headlights; but, she was learning.

Lexie hadn't realized he was crying until she felt the wetness on her shoulder and a slow heave of breath from him. Still, she continued to run her hands in slow stokes up and down his back, letting him hang there against her. "You're okay," she responded softly to his apology. What had they done to him? What could they have done to him? The guy who ran around ignoring his own safety for the sake of others? Had they tortured him? Done something to Sam? Maybe they'd tried to make some kind of deal with him? It didn't seem almost fair to think about. Most of the time, imaginations were worse than actual reality, right?

"What did they do?" She whispered that question softly, so quietly that if he wanted to ignore it he could. If he wanted to pretend he hadn't heard she wouldn't mind. She wouldn't push you, Dean; she'd just be there.

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-17 03:44 pm UTC (link)
Good thing she was fine with him crying on her because he wasn't stopping just yet. He'd thought the day he'd sparred with his clone and watched the guy die had been the last time he'd cry. He'd thought that was as bad as it could get in this place. Being faced with your own denial and self-hatred. That was nothing compared to what he'd just been through.

He was silent for what felt like an eternity to him. She might think he hadn't heard her question but he had. One hand slid away from her, his grip loosening some so that he wasn't holding so tightly, and he wiped the tears from his eyes. They'd be red-rimmed and his nose would be puffy and he hoped to heaven she would make a joke about it when he looked at her again.

When he completely released her from his arms, he didn't move back very far. When he spoke his voice had recovered some of its usual timbre. "Things that no human should ever have to endure. And it wasn't just me. There were people I didn't recognize there with me. Lexie, please tell me they didn't do anything to you." He couldn't believe he hadn't thought to ask before but she'd seemed fine and he'd been focused internally. Now he was concerned, looking over her face slowly for any sign that she had been traumatized herself.

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-17 05:23 pm UTC (link)
Go ahead and cry, Dean Winchester. Lexie'd been there, too. She'd been balled up in a giant hug from Andy when she needed to break. He'd made her laugh and somehow tried to make it all light; even as they were both broken and mashed. She could do that for you, too. If you'd let her. She wanted to, really. She needed to because she'd been the world's most ineffective doctor as of late. She needed to feel like she could do something to heal someone. So, she'd hold tight, listening to him breath and letting those silent tears fall where they may. It didn't matter that he was crying; what mattered was that he needed to and could. She wouldn't tell anyone, Dean. Just like she knew Andy wouldn't tell anybody about her. Everyone breaks.

He shifted and moved and she could feel him pulling away. He'd moved back far enough that she could see his puffy eyes and where tears had streaked down his cheeks. "You sure you're not allergic to me? You're looking a little bit puffy there..." Instinctively her fingertips came up to push the tears from his cheeks and to settle in that spot again where shoulder met spine. She's smitten with you, Dean Winchester, even like this. Especially like this.

When he finally spoke she didn't know what to respond to first: The people he didn't know? The fact something horrible happened? That nothing happened to her? "More people?" She asked. Sorry, Dean, she'd always think of others first; and yes, that included you. She shook her head, it was more the thoght of what he meant by what had happened to him. He still hadn't said, and she had noticed. More head shaking. "No, nothing... Just the party." Her eyes were searching, looking for something, anything in his own. Something that made it all make sense.

"Really, I'm fine," relatively speaking, of course.

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-17 05:49 pm UTC (link)
When she asked if he was allergic to her, poking the joke he'd needed her to make, Dean chuckled lightly and kissed her briefly on the lips. "If I am, I guess you better get cracking on making an antidote or your m- er I will be puffy all the time."

He tried to hold the smile on his face but she'd asked about the other people. For a moment every atrocity played for his mind's eye in brilliant color and clarity. Fast and fresh, the pain singed his thoughts and he touched her arm, his fingers holding firmly. She wanted to know what had happened but he couldn't bear telling her. Couldn't bear reliving it in word or thought. Yet he couldn't let her continue without knowing just what they were capable of doing. She should be prepared in case, god forbid, they took her. That thought shook him physically and he shuddered, looking down at the ground briefly to collect himself.

When he could look at her again, he took a deep shaky breath. "They performed... surgeries. We were awake. The only reason I'd even tell you is so that you're aware of the seriousness of this situation we're in." Something about that last sentence had the ring of his old sensibilities. There was a control and precision to the thinking behind it that belied his training and upbringing as the son of a man seeking the supernatural destroyer of his family and the sanctity of his home.

Dean's eyes were penetrating and sharp as he looked into hers. "If they..." his voice faltered slightly and he swallowed again forcing himself to continue, "If they want to take you, I'll make them take me instead. If I can."

He leaned back from her, looked up at the ceiling and spoke in the general direction of the sky. "You hear that? Take me. You can't have her!"

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-18 02:59 am UTC (link)
He was being so affectionate it was almost uncharacteristic. She could take them for what they were, his calls to be smothered and hugged and held and needed; so she did. He was telling her without words that he needed that affection, that security. It was still a little unsettling, despite.

"W-w---" She stammered. She couldn't even get an entire syllable out. "Surgeries?" She shook her head. She didn't know how to respond to that. "Awake? That's imp--" She knew better than to call anything impossible. He wouldn't lie to her, he wouldn't make things up. It had to have happened, the way that he'd said. They'd done something to him and he'd been conscious the entire time. "Oh, Dean," he may have kept the boy-soldier act up; but Lexie knew what she'd be feeling after something like that: Violated. Her hand found his. She'd hold it. She had to.

He said that if they wanted her, he'd go instead. "Don't be foolish," she said quietly. She'd never ask anyone to do that for her. She'd never let that happen. Never ever. "You can't.." she tried to catch his eyes.

It was then he started talking to the ceiling in a tone she didn't recognize, it made her scared. "Dean," he breathed, her hands to his cheeks, willing him to look her in the eye. "Hey --- hey--- listen..." she tried to catch his eyes, those puffy, panicked eyes. "We're here and we're safe. You and me, yeah? Just us..." Her hands moved from his cheeks to his hair. She'd never have thought him to have a flair for something like this. He sounded desperate, it made her heart ache. "We're OK."

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-18 03:09 am UTC (link)
He was being affectionate because under the boy soldier there was really an affectionate guy. This day had worn him down so completely that there was no guile to him. No ability to hide behind a hardass mask of snark and defense mechanisms. Consider yourself lucky, Lexie Grey, to see him so vulnerable. No one but Sam had ever seen him like this and not in many years. But there was also a need to it all too. She was right in thinking that and feeling it. He needed to connect with her. Needed to feel calmed by another human being being near and he was glad she was willing.

"Surgeries," he confirmed because he wasn't sure what else to say. He wanted her to feel the importance and she seemed to get what he was trying to tell her. The gravity of it all. He wouldn't have brought her down for the world if he didn't think it would give her some kind of guardedness to know what had happened even if he was just giving her generalities. No, he just wanted things to go back to how they'd been. When he'd been unaware of the first set of atrocities they'd committed on him; before he'd been taken and brutalized again.

Dean gritted his teeth, anger rising in his throat and forcing his voice out in gruff spurts. "No, Lexie. No. We're not safe. We're never going to be safe. It doesn't work that way here. Listen to me. We're not safe and you have to..." his voice faltered again and he choked slightly, his face going slack again as tears welled up in his eyes again. He wasn't going to let them fall this time. Fuck no! "You have to let me go in your place if they'll let me. You can't face that. You can't."

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-18 03:20 am UTC (link)
On. Lexie Grey was always on with him. She was making wise cracks, she was fixing, she was flirting. Her brain never stopped and she never let herself think about what she was feeling. She just ran with it, rode the lightning that was bring with Dean Winchester. It was a wild ride; and right now it was a very scary one, too.

She twitched when he said 'Surgeries.' She was a surgeon back home. An intern, but a doctor. Someone who was learning; but, someone who had already learned a lot. As a doctor, not even as Lexie Grey, her insides boiled. Do no harm ran through her mind like fire. You were never to do any harm. You were to heal. You were to help. You were to aid. Never hurt. Never pain. Never torture. Never violate.

She listened as he fell to pieces. 'We're never going to be safe. We're not safe...' He said. She blinked. His voice cracked and he spoke more. "Look at me, Dean. Look!" She was yelling at him. Yelling because it hurt her to see him like this. It made her ache. "Listen up, hero," She was pulling up closer to him, wrapping her arms around him and giving him a tight squeeze. "You don't have to protect me right now, alright? Just be here? For now? Just this minute? Just be, please." That last word came out just a whisper, her voice growing more and more quiet the tighter she found herself holding him.

Those bastards.

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-18 03:35 am UTC (link)
To Dean it was all immediate. He was shellshocked. Waiting for the next bomb to drop. Waiting for her to be snatched from his ineffectual hands. He was offering himself up without the least amount of hope they'd take him instead of her. In his mind she was already dead. Dead like Luna. Dead and gone and he couldn't save her. "Fuck," he muttered and a breath of whispered obscenities issued from him almost unconsciously.

She was yelling though and he snapped to attention, unable to meet her eyes for a moment until she asked him to just be. Just be. How could he just be? He looked at her face then and another shudder ran through him. She was too important now. He couldn't lose her. Couldn't save her. "Lexie," he said, one hand lifting to graze her cheek again, brush back through her hair. He was everywhere and nowhere all at once. Raw nerves, raw thoughts, setting him afloat a tide of emotions.

He was looking at her now. His eyes a bit wild as he tried to calm himself. He was scaring her and he could see it in her face. He had to get control back. Had to relax and not freak her out anymore. Dean was beginning to zipper down those walls again. Unlock them and set them down on the ground between him and her once more in spite of how much he would have rather just told her flat out. Explained in a breath. Oh fuck, he had to do it before he couldn't.

"I love you. I love you for being here and I love you for trying to stop me from going over the edge. I love you." There. He'd gotten it out before he'd shut down again. Truth was truth in spite of the circumstances. He wasn't sure he had the energy to care, just then, whether she believed it to be truth or just part of his ongoing breakdown. It didn't seem to matter. She was there. That was what mattered.

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-18 03:48 am UTC (link)
It was like she was flipping through too many channels all at once. So many that she couldn't focus. She didn't know if she was watching sci-fi or a rom-com. She didn't know if she should be laughing or crying or screaming or all three. She didn't know how she was supposed to react. She didn't know how he wanted her to react. The intern was losing her grasp on all her training. She was walking the tightrope without a safety line or a net. She was out there, all alone and the wind was blowing hard.

'Lexie,' he said, and that hand of his again ran across her cheek which felt raw and pushed back hair that would invariably only fall forward again in a moment. He was repeating himself, he was moving out of reflex. Dean Winchester was on auto pilot.

It was visible as he worked himself down off his perch. First his eyes stopped fluttering, his hands slowed their movements and then his breathing. Her hand at his shoulder could feel the quickened beat of his heart slowing bit by bit. She wanted to talk him down. She wanted to tell him that he was right, that it was good to breathe and to just be quiet and to let those assholes outside the walls of this little room just sit there and play with themselves.

And then he talked.

Lexie listened, lips parting as her mind tried to articulate just what she was supposed to say. Autopilot continued. That's what she told herself. Autopilot that told him to run and yell and scream and say ridiculous things. Things he'd certainly take back later. Things he'd regret. Things she wouldn't let him regret.

"I've got you, okay? This once? This once it's my turn. I'm here. I'm going to keep you from running off into the dark. And you're going to let me." There was a feeling in her gut, one that told her this was the part where she had to take her heart out of the game. She had to put on the Doctor Lexie Grey hat and she had to separate. If she didn't he just might manage to suck her in. She couldn't let him. Not this time.

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-18 03:57 am UTC (link)
Dean was on an auto pilot of sorts, she wasn't wrong about that either. He was going through the motions of self-soothing. Taking what he needed and using it to calm down, relax, assess everything more level-headedly. If he kept on this way though he would take more than his fair share and she might resent him.

"Yes, okay," he conceded. He would let her. He would give her this round to do her thing. She was a doctor after all. What right had he to think there was anything more on her end than that? He wasn't going to repeat himself even though she seemed to have not heard him. Lips zipped and eyes went darker somewhat. Not as wild. He was calming. He was done with the craziness and the out of control anything. Dean Winchester was back in the driver's seat of his own life. Well as much as he could be considering the circumstances.

After a long moment of silence wherein he nodded some and nearly smiled, Dean kissed her forehead softly and slowly disengaged himself from her to stand up. "I need a shower. I'll just be in the other room. You'll be okay in here, right?" he asked, knowing full well that she wouldn't be but that he couldn't change anything the powers that be decided to do. The only thing he might be capable of was protecting her from other people in this place, none of which seemed to ahve any negative aspirations as far as he could tell.

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-18 04:06 am UTC (link)
He was trying to calm himself down, and from what Lexie could tell it was working. He was breathing more deeply, he was seeming more engaged, and he'd stopped telling her that he loved her. Those were all good signs. They were all comforting signs. Except that last one, which was kind of heartbreaking.

He was quiet there. "Thank you," she whispered to him, her lips brushing his ear as her hands ran their slow laps again until the one found his hand and twined with it. So, she wasn't all doctor. She never could be. Not with him.

As he pulled away there came an immediate loss. A loss she hadn't expected. A loss she hadn't wanted. She'd put together this internal bargain with herself that she would do this as Doctor Lexie Grey. That she would put that hat on and be apart. Instead, as he pulled away and stood the disappointment hung heavy on her features, so much so that she had to look at the floor. "Ye--" She coughed. "Yeah, I'll be fine." She took a deep breath, put on her brave face and looked up. "I'll be here when you're done."

If you'd let her be.

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[info]hellsboy
2009-07-18 04:14 am UTC (link)
Dean wasn't blind. He saw her face drop, saw her look down, saw her look as though he'd pulled the carpet out from beneath her somehow. He wasn't so obtuse as to think she was upset to see him stand up to go have a shower. No, she must just be trying to remain subdued so as not to insult him for having been so emotional. Right. That had to be it.

He almost regretted pulling away and standing up though in spite of how he'd explained it all so neatly to himself. He felt the loss too but he figured it was the best thing to do right now. Or had until he'd tried it but he was on a course of action now that he couldn't break, right?

Reaching toward her, he touched her cheek gently and flashed her a winning smile. Or what would have been a winning smile if his eyes and nose weren't still very puffy from the crying he'd done earlier. "If you're here, I'll be back." Whatever that meant. Well, he knew what it meant and what hopes it conveyed if she happened to notice them. Please stay. Please don't leave. I still need you.

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[info]skipped3rdgrade
2009-07-18 04:24 am UTC (link)
Of course he wasn't blind; but, that didn't mean that she couldn't hope that for once in her life her heart on her sleeve hadn't given her away so abruptly. That her expression hadn't been quite as transparent as it was. Perhaps maybe she'd even managed a casual act of subterfuge as she scratched her knee.

His fingers ran so lightly across her cheek it almost made her want to cry. In fact, she didn't know where the feeling had come from, but she mashed it down quickly. Her heart was breaking for him. Bleeding there for the puffy eyed boy and his silly smiles. He said he'd be back, if she was here. It was such a backward statement; but one that somehow she hoped she understood.

Pushing up from the floor she pulled herself back into her cot, pulling up her knees. "Enjoy the hot water," she said quietly, resisting the urge to jump out of her place and wrap her arms around him and promise she'd never let anything like that happen to him ever again.

As if you could stop it, Lexie.

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