There wasn't a thought running through Lexie's mind outside of fear. People wrote mean things in the journals. No, mean sounded like she was in grade school. This was not grade school, this was the real world. No, the things they wrote were cruel. Things about the patient she became smitten with who died. Things about her having obligations and being too scared to carry them out. Things about people dying. It all turned into one big crazy ball of mind fuck, and Lexie Grey was starting to crack beneath it.
Andy was enveloping her like a blanket, even though he wasn't much taller than she was. He'd wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair. There was a visceral reaction in Lexie. The shaking slowed, her breathing became less gasping, and slowly Lexie was becoming able to listen and think.
I'm not going to let anything happen to you.
She'd heard him say that and Lexie was so desperate to believe hi,. That he could keep this place from killing her and keep the people with their mean words and hateful disposition far, far away. That maybe in this fucked up little town she could just breathe for a little while.
Dean won't, either, he'd added belatedly. Lexie didn't realize he'd seen. Or, well, that anyone had noticed. She wasn't sure how she felt about that; because while the gym was a very public place, it had been a very private moment. A few seconds where she'd escaped. Where Dean had managed to take her mind away and fill it up with ridiculous thoughts of the pharmacy and beaches. Though, Lexie hadn't needed to be distracted, she'd needed this. She'd needed to be allowed to cry. She'd needed to be allowed to breathe. With each day she'd been building up her facade, each day it came closer to falling in on itself. Had Andy seen that?
It's going to be okay. Okay? He'd asked this and Lexie didn't know how to respond. She could respond now, because she could breathe and think. "I... I hope so," she managed, her breath coming out shakey.
She was clinging still in that silence, her hand hadn't let go of his shirt and certainly the side she'd pressed her face into was tear stained. Still, she couldn't pull back, not yet. She'd felt so far away with Dean - and that had felt safe because it wasn't here. With Andy's arms around her and his reassuring words, Lexie knew that she could really just be here just for a few more minutes. She didn't have to be flirty or witty or smart. She could just breathe. And it was Okay.