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inmyownworld (inmyownworld) wrote in vas_captio_rpg,

Love, passion, and sexuality... L knew the words, of course, but had somehow never applied them to himself. "Um... well... I suppose it never came up," he said, biting his lip, looking away as if he had something to be ashamed of. "I mean... all of that is really a process for reproduction. Right? And... that was taken care of, for me. My genetic material was harvested, purchased by women who wanted genius offspring... I probably have children somewhere. Maybe they look like me, but... I've never thought about it much. It's not like I will ever meet them." there wasn't a trace of sadness or regret in the man's voice, since he had long ago distanced himself from this aspect of his life with resounding success.

"You misunderstand..." L said, curling his shoulders forward and allowing his head to sink deeper between them and toward his chest. "I was never mistreated. I was rescued... please don't get the wrong idea. If Watari had never found me... I probably would not have lived a year out of the hospital. The world scared me... touch, loud noises, dogs... the list was endless. Just walking down the street alone was torture, because I never knew what to expect. In the real world, there is no time to stop in the middle of the street because a car horn has startled you. There is no time to crouch and hold your head and try to collect yourself again. In the world that Watari created for me... there was always time. I was always collected. It was what he wanted, yes... but it was what I needed. Without me, his detective syndication was substandard, but I literally could not survive without him. He kept me from going over the deep end and I simply did what I was best at. Work that made me feel competent and special, because it was so easy for me while everyone else couldn't seem to quite figure it all out. But... as I got older, it became... lonely? It was fun to always win games as a child, but adults search for meaning, even adults like me... I wanted there to be other people like me, and there just... there weren't. The days got longer, the shadows seemed darker... I questioned life's purpose. Watari arranged things so that I wouldn't have to. It wasn't that I was manipulated or coerced into that state of acceptance... I just wanted peace so that I could think. That's all. My curiosity remained intact, but was refocused so that it was conducive to productivity. So... yes. You are correct. In the end... there is no purpose, there is no reason... and what I loved... was a pleasant distraction." he bowed his head for a moment, clearly in very deep thought, before returning to the present and to Laura's question about the women in his life who had never seen him.