InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Don't abandon me. Never."

Shannon Rutherford (ballerinadreams) wrote in vas_captio_rpg,
@ 2009-08-28 17:24:00

Entry tags:

!complete, day 20, location: museum, sam winchester, shannon rutherford

Day Twenty - Late Night
Who: Shannon Rutherford & Sam Winchester
What: Shannon sneaks back to the museum
Where: the museum
When: late night
Rating: PG
Status: Complete

When the sun had gone down and the daylight had diminished to nothing more than a soft moon-cast glow, Shannon was able to sneak out of the theater without worrying too much about being attacked by the Hitchcockesque birds lining all the rooftops of the Glass Cage. Still, she'd managed to sustain a few rogue pecks to her arms and the back of her head when she hadn't been paying attention, but they'd been half-hearted attacks and she'd been able to swat them away.

The museum was pitch black in the lobby when she walked in, but it was familiar enough, still, that she didn't have to think too hard in order to navigate. She remembered the way and didn't need light to guide her across the room, down the hall, and into the room in which she'd slept with Sam for nearly three weeks. The door creaked gently when she opened it and crept inside, and she cringed instinctively, not wanting to wake him.

Sam was lying on the floor in the same place he always laid and was sleeping as she closed the door very slowly behind herself. In spite of herself, she couldn't help smiling a little as she approached his form. Lucky him, she thought, that he was able to relax enough to sleep. She didn't think she would be able to count herself quite as lucky.

As quietly as she could manage, Shannon crossed the room and lowered herself to the floor in front of him, just looking at him for a moment and realizing how much she'd missed him while she'd been away. She wondered if he'd missed her as much she'd missed him. After a moment, Shannon laid down on the floor with her back to him, scooting herself back against him. Shannon raised Sam's arm and pulled it down around her waist. While she hoped she didn't wake him up, she had a feeling she would. So, Shannon braced herself for the possibility of having to somehow reiterate gently that she had no interest in talking about the previous day. Not now, not tomorrow; maybe not ever.

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demonboyking
2009-08-30 11:53 pm UTC (link)

Sam hadn't been asleep for very long. He had waited up for her and would've gone after her long ago if she'd told him where she was staying. She hadn't though, and Sam couldn't help but think that was a deliberate omission. She'd clearly wanted to be alone to deal with having to relive her brother's death and as much as he hated thinking about her on her own, he could understand that. When Jessica died having Dean near him 24/7 had been a blessing and a curse. Dean had forced him to push on, but he also hadn't allow him very much time on his own to mourn the loss of his girlfriend. He could at least allow Shannon some time on her own before he forced his company on her for his own selfish needs of seeing with his own eyes that she was okay. Or as okay as could be expected, considering the circumstances.

When nightfall had come and she still hadn't shown up he'd almost written to her to ask her where she was and to tell her that he was coming to her, except that he'd heard the birds cawing outside and realized that she hadn't been able to return yet. He'd laid down, forcing the fear that she'd be gone again in the morning back and made himself to shut his eyes. The only way he'd been able to convince himself to sleep at all was by promising himself that if she wasn't back by morning he was going after her, birds or not.

He was awakened by the sudden pull of his arm and his eyes opened immediately to find a familiar blonde head of hair in front of him in the low torchlight. "Shannon," he said, letting out a breath of relief as he tightened his arm around her waist. God, it was so good to see her. He thought that he'd never be able to see her again. He leaned forward and kissed her shoulder without thinking, the frustration of the day momentarily forgotten in just being glad that she was there. "It's good to see you."

That was a serious understatement.

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ballerinadreams
2009-08-31 02:03 am UTC (link)

The sound of Sam's voice when he said her name made Shannon smile sadly. The kiss on her shoulder felt so domestic in a fucked up way she wasn't sure she could explain, but she knew that she liked it. He'd missed her. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. She was sorry for having been abducted and for not being able to tell him that she was all right. Sorry for keeping secrets and staying away from him when she knew she'd be insane with worry if he'd done the exact same thing. Mostly, she was sorry that she'd even left him to begin with. Again. She would never do it again; this much, she knew.

His arm had tightened around her waist and she'd snuggled back against him even closer. Shannon hadn't realized just how much she'd missed the feel of Sam's arms around her until just now when they were back. It felt...right. She'd felt different waking up in Boone's arms the previous day. In fact, she wasn't sure she'd liked it and she'd thought consciously to herself that she wasn't going to tell Sam about it. The thing that had struck her most, though - other than the obvious - about her unwanted day trip back to Craphole Island was that when she'd seen Sayid, she didn't feel that familiar skip of her heartbeat that she'd used to get when he'd come around. Something about that told her something about Sam that she'd failed to realize until that day. Somewhere along the way, Shannon had fallen in love with him.

"I missed you," she whispered back in the dark and relaxed against him for a moment before turning to face him, pressing her lips against his briefly. She didn't want to be facing him, because she was afraid that would only invite conversation she didn't feel like having, but she'd missed him too much. And, quite honestly, she'd wanted to. Shannon liked kissing Sam. One hand stroked the side of his face gently. "Good night, Sam," she said quietly, kissing him again, chastely, before moving to roll over again. That would be it. That was all she was allowing, she decided. Because, the more she looked back at him, the more ashamed of herself she'd be for what she'd let happen to Boone all over again when she could have and maybe should have stopped it. Sam wouldn't have let it happen to Dean; she shouldn't have let it happen to Boone. ...and now she'd have to live with knowing that every time she looked at Sam. Great.

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demonboyking
2009-09-02 06:05 am UTC (link)

Sam's grogginess was slowly wearing off as he caught her quiet apology. His arm instinctively tightened slightly around her waist to tell her that it was okay. He wasn't really upset with her. If anything he'd been upset with the Doctor when he'd thought incorrectly that he'd done something to upset her. The feeling that was moving throughout Sam right at that moment was sheer relief that she was alive. It was tinged with a feeling of guilt, considering she'd been back in her time and away from Vas, something that he could only imagine was a better situation, but then again she'd said she'd been forced to relive her brother's death and that was a kind of hell he wouldn't wish on anyone.

"I missed you too," Sam said, again overwhelmed at the understatement of those words. When he'd thought that Shannon not coming back had even been a possibility the world of Vas had suddenly seemed too small, claustrophobic, suffocating. He'd spent hours in the tunnels with Rorschach, mapping things out and banging on doors trying to find her body. He'd been ready to leave Vas without a second thought for what it might mean to anyone else. He couldn't be there knowing he'd let her down, that he'd failed to protect her like he had Jessica and Madison.

She turned towards him and kissed him, her soft lips pressed up against his for a moment and he realized that there were other things she had in common with Jessica and Madison, mainly the way that he felt about her. His relationship with Madison had been short lived, but there was no doubting the way he'd felt when he was around her. It wasn't the same as the way he'd felt and to some degree would always feel about Jessica, but it had been similar and now with Shannon he found himself feeling that same pull. He'd just been afraid to admit it to himself until now. Getting involved with someone had seemed out of the question two weeks ago, but now knowing that it felt to think that he might never actually be able to say it or see her again he was more willing to acknowledge the feelings that had been slowly building for her. Her hand brushed his cheek and she whispered goodnight before kissing him again and moving to roll over. His hand reached out and gently caught her by the wrist, pulling her back towards him for another kiss, long and slow.

He broke the kiss and pulled back to look at her. He folded his right arm under his head, his left arm holding her in place against him so she couldn't roll away. "Okay, seriously, you've got to promise not to leave. Something bad always happens when you do."

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ballerinadreams
2009-09-03 12:39 am UTC (link)

After her apology, as if in response to it, Shannon felt Sam's arm tighten slightly around her waist. A wan smile crossed her lips, if just barely. That single gesture, Shannon thought, was Sam's way of letting her know that she was forgiven. He told her that he missed her and Shannon closed her eyes tightly against tears threatening to fall. So easily he forgave her now. She wondered what he'd think of her if he knew that she'd had the chance to save a life and had sat back and watched it snuff out instead. How he'd feel about her if he knew that the life in question was her brother, flesh and blood or not, especially after the way she'd talked about doing anything to see him again a long time ago, it seemed, when she and Sam had first really talked.

It felt good to kiss Sam again, but it felt better still - even if she didn't like being stopped from rolling away when she wanted to - for Sam to kiss her the way she'd done him when he'd come back from being locked away underground and left for dead with a group of random others. It felt like he'd missed her more than he was saying. Maybe more than he could say and whether that was true or not, it made Shannon feel really and truly special for the first time in more years than she cared to count.

Shannon couldn't look back into Sam's eyes when he pulled away to look at her. She could feel his eyes on her and no matter how much she wanted to, at the very least for his benefit, she couldn't make herself meet his gaze. Nodding solemnly, Shannon wet her lips and rested her forehead against his. The first time she'd left him, there had been an Earthquake the next morning. The second time, she'd been sent home before she could get back to him. As much as she didn't want to admit it, Shannon could see his point. "I promise," she whispered. Even as she said it, she found that she actually meant it. In fact, she didn't think she could ever want to again, so long as he could give her her space when she was feeling particularly shitty. ...like now.

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demonboyking
2009-09-07 08:25 am UTC (link)

Sam didn't miss the way that Shannon wouldn't meet his eyes and the thought that whatever she'd been through was too much for her to share with him made the frustration from earlier surface again. He really did understand that she didn't want to talk about her brother dying. If anything had happened to Dean, it would be the last thing he wanted to talk to anyone about. The thing was that there was more to the story and he could see it written all over her face. It was in the way she'd talked about the Doctor. All he wanted to do was help and he couldn't. That was what ate him up inside and made him even more determined that he was finding a way out and a way to get at the people who had put them there. Whatever they'd done to Shannon, he would do whatever he could to make sure they didn't do it again.

Except here he had no say or pull. Shannon's disappearance had proved more than anything that he had no real power or ability here. Even when things were at their worst Sam had always had the opportunity to fight back, but here he had no idea who he was fighting, or why he'd been chosen to be a participant. What was it the Doctor had said about pumping his fist? He had been clinging onto the thought - no the promise - of a fight ever since the large group of people had gone missing, but it was a one sided promise that the management had no intention on following up on.

All of this along with the fact that he couldn't save someone he genuinely cared about some pain and suffering made him want to press the issue, just because if he knew the specifics maybe he could find some kind of hole. Some way they could fight back. At least he'd know his enemy better. She pressed her forehead against him and Sam closed his eyes, trying to calm his thoughts. He knew she wasn't ready.

"Good," he whispered when she promised not to leave again. He swallowed, trying to focus on the softness of her skin under his fingertips. He'd refused to believe she was okay until he'd seen her in person. Even now he wanted to sit up and inspect her to make sure she wasn't hurt. "Are you okay?" He asked, opening his eyes. "I mean, physically? You're not hurt or anything?"

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ballerinadreams
2009-09-21 12:18 am UTC (link)

Shannon's eyes closed when Sam whispered back. It made her feel good to know that he felt that strongly about her staying with him. Part of it made her feel loved and the other part made her feel safer than she had any right to feel. He couldn't protect her, that was plainly clear, but no one could. At least Sam wanted to. That was good enough for her, for now.

Slowly, Shannon opened her eyes again and forced herself to meet Sam's. "Yes. I'm okay in that sense. I'm not hurt," she assured him. She was nowhere near okay, by any means, but physically, at least, she could give Sam peace of mind. She hadn't been physically injured in any way. Well, mostly. There was a small cut on the back of one of her shoulders from a rogue bird that had divebombed her as she'd been sneaking over to the museum, but she didn't feel the need to tell Sam about it because it didn't hurt anymore. The initial impact had smarted, but it wasn't a bad cut and she'd deal with it in the morning.

Shannon pressed her lips against Sam's again and then rested her forehead against his once more. "Sam, I'm sorry...I'm completely exhausted in every sense of the word. I really need to sleep. I know you're worried, but I'm fine - or, I will be - and I just...really want to sleep okay?" she asked quietly.

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demonboyking
2009-09-30 12:22 am UTC (link)

"Good," he said when she said she wasn't hurt. At least he didn't have to worry about that. He searched her face trying to figure out a new way to crack her want for silence. Maybe he could say just what she needed to hear to know that she could trust him with keeping whatever secrets she had. It wasn't that he begrudged her secrets, he had more than a few of his own, but he couldn't let it go if it meant he might be able to take away some of the hurt.

She pressed her lips against his against his and leaned into him and Sam suddenly realized just how fragile Shannon really was. Maybe it was in the way she carried herself or the way she talked tougher than she really was, but looking at her Sam forgot how tiny she was. Something in the tiredness of her voice told him that she didn't need someone picking up her cause and running with it as much as she just needed someone to hold her.

He sighed, feeling stupid for not realizing it sooner and being unsatisfied with not following things through to the end. He still needed to know for his own reasons, for his own ammunition when the time came, but he could give her what she wanted first. "Okay," he whispered back to her, brushing his lips against her forehead. "Get to sleep. I'll be here."

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ballerinadreams
2009-09-30 11:50 pm UTC (link)

Although the tone in Sam's voice suggested that he wasn't entirely happy with her answer and the look in his eyes made her think he probably wanted more information, the fact that he wasn't pushing for it anymore made Shannon happy. She appreciated the fact that he was willing to let it go for now. A small smile that didn't meet her eyes crossed over her lips when he left it at that.

"Thank you," she whispered back as Sam kissed her forehead and said that he'd be there; that she could go to sleep. Just knowing that he'd be there if she needed him was enough for her. She mumbled something more to herself than to him as she laid down and closed her eyes. If he'd overheard and was paying very close attention, he might have understood the half-asleep, "love you," she murmured right before she fell asleep.

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