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Posts Tagged: 'you%27re+the+worst:+gretchen+cutler'

Oct. 21st, 2021


[info]magicianeliot
[info]valloic

[info]magicianeliot
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]magicianeliot
[info]valloic
Your high king has arrived. Or you can call me your majesty. Or Eliot. I'll answer to them all. Seems fitting I arrived here during chaotic times. Story of my life. Who has the good vodka?

Sep. 27th, 2021


[info]terseness
[info]valloic

[info]terseness
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]terseness
[info]valloic
Hey guys, let's fight.

How many toddlers could Gretchen realistically vanquish in no-weapons combat?

Sep. 22nd, 2021


[info]secunit
[info]valloic

[info]secunit
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]secunit
[info]valloic
I thought it relevant to state that Morgan is a cat now, so if you have any problems with Tag!, bother me directly and if I like you I'll fix them.

Sep. 21st, 2021


[info]psychokines
[info]valloic

[info]psychokines
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]psychokines
[info]valloic
Never have I felt more awkward over a virtual post. Take a shot.

Hello all. My name is Shi Meiying. Please call me Mei. I'm a representative of a group you've probably never heard of - the Enki Coven. We're a coven that deals mostly in technomagic; the integration of magic and technology. We're fairly small in comparison to some of the other covens out there.

You're more likely to have heard of our business venture - Mage Net. We deal with cybersecurity, app development, green initiatives, and community outreach. It was through them that we came across Tag! and its very amusing dick pic recognition software. We invested in it and, with that, have been pushing our Elders to pull the sticks out of their asses and let us come play with you all.

Late afternoon today, we invite you to gather with us at Sanya Beach for the creation and release of paper lanterns in honor of the mid-autumn. There will be supplies available for anyone interested, to design lanterns with any messages or designs you see fit. Messages can include hopes for this coming year, prayers, questions to the ancestors, dick pics - honestly, go wild. We'll release them after sunset.

I hope I get the chance to meet some of you this evening there.

[info]gfweasley
[info]valloic

[info]gfweasley
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]gfweasley
[info]valloic
Posted in the early hours of this morning.

[ FILTERED TO WWW EMPLOYEES MINUS SEREFIN PLUS JIANG CHENG ]
WWW is closed until further notice. You will all get paid for hours you were scheduled for and we'll let you know when we're going to reopen. Sorry for the short notice, we had an accident there last night and we have to set things right before letting people back in.

[ FILTERED TO FRED WEASLEY ]
We got in late last night and I didn't want to wake you up for all of this then, but where are you right now?

Don't go to the shop, Serefin tried to kill Jiang Cheng and me there last night by flooding the place with Jiang Cheng's water totem. We have no idea what's going on with him, but Jiang Cheng's working with his people to track him down and get answers.

Sep. 14th, 2021


[info]freewheeling
[info]valloic

[info]freewheeling
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]freewheeling
[info]valloic
I've lounged by the pool at Morningside. I've watched the torrential downpour waterlog literally everyone who ventured into the lobby. I've visited the adorable little sushi restaurant in downtown Vallo. And I made it through Monday. Someone, please tell me that things get more exciting than bad weather and interrupted vacations.

At the risk of sounding like I'm at an awkward networking event, hello. Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn. You can avoid hurting my delicate feelings by not admitting you've never heard of me or Brooklyn.

Sep. 13th, 2021


[info]65percentbeer
[info]valloic

[info]65percentbeer
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]65percentbeer
[info]valloic
Okay so I got two months left on this cast and finally ran out of this monopoly money that I was given.

Who wants to hire a broken bartender? I'm telling you now that I'm absolutely not going to move around easily for the next few weeks, but my upper body strength is out of this world and I'm great with the books and inventory.

Also, my bartending comes with life advice that you should, frankly, never take and I'm not that great to look at so you never have to worry about me flirting successfully with the customers.

I'm a catch, y'all.

Sep. 8th, 2021


[info]jalapenopoppers
[info]valloic

[info]jalapenopoppers
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]jalapenopoppers
[info]valloic
Oh dip! I was at the fish market for the weird squid flavors and the old guy that sells fake gator but tries to sell it as real gator. We were gonna show him what we thought about that, but then I got distracted by this place call Crahven fish and next to it was Crahven crabs. They said they’re new and they gave me tons of seafood cause DJ Flippers did a little dance. It was bad, but apparently cute, so I got a discount. Does anyone wanna come eat some of this, though? I got a little too excited about free food.

Also maybe someone come help us carry it from the place cause I slashed Motor Rick’s tires in Gator Mike’s honor and he’s probably gonna figure it out soon.

Sep. 7th, 2021


[info]speerly
[info]valloic

[info]speerly
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]speerly
[info]valloic
Anyone want to establish a hand-to-hand practise? I performed pathetically in my first Fight Club last month. Call me egotistical but I'm not accustomed to losing, so clearly some work is in order. I usually fight with a trident and magic. I wouldn't mind keeping either or both of those polished provided that you can practice a strong fire block.

I arrived just before the magic-draining mess last month. Name's Altan, for those who don't remember. I'm on Defense Squad C.




You appear to have a thriving black market. I made the rounds last week. Where do the goods come from?

Aug. 25th, 2021


[info]queent
[info]valloic

[info]queent
[info]valloic

Glee! Plot 🎵 🎵


[info]queent
[info]valloic
we don't need permission to dance! )

Aug. 24th, 2021


[info]legendaryhero
[info]valloic

[info]legendaryhero
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]legendaryhero
[info]valloic
I want to apologize to the new guy Catra and I found in the forest today. He was already scared, and the glowing eight-foot-tall lady and sexy catgirl probably didn't help the situation. We got him back to the DOA, but it was a feat.

So, new guy, I think you were too busy screaming and swearing to tell us your name - but I'm really sorry for scaring you even more. I hope you're okay. And I promise to be normal-sized next time I see you.

Aug. 20th, 2021


[info]gfweasley
[info]valloic

[info]gfweasley
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]gfweasley
[info]valloic
The cast is off. (Thanks Hannah!) $5 Canary Creams at WWW in celebration!

Morgan, do you want my dick cast? Your art's too beautiful to just throw out.

[ FILTERED TO WWW EMPLOYEES ]
The creator fund is flush, so if any of you are looking to start a personalized line of products in association with WWW, come see either Fred or me and we'll brainstorm.

Aug. 15th, 2021


[info]whoareyu
[info]valloic

[info]whoareyu
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]whoareyu
[info]valloic
If anyone who's friends with Quentin Coldwater would be willing to let me know how he's doing, I'd appreciate it. I've relayed to the medical staff everything I know about what my skills do and how in hopes that they can use that knowledge to treat him more effectively, but if there's anything else I can do, just say the word.

Aug. 10th, 2021


[info]unlovable
[info]valloic

[info]unlovable
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]unlovable
[info]valloic
Alright dumb dumbs - I am just your average squishy human which means all this bullshit is thankfully missing me. Also means I am firmly vertical, sound of mind and memory (at least as sound as I get) and able bodied. I don't do helpful but here we are - if anyone needs anything, sound off? I can do booze runs, coffee runs, food, check in on things. Speak now or forever hold your peace. Seriously though on the forever bit, I will not guarantee how long this bout of selflessness will last.

Aug. 2nd, 2021


[info]unlovable
[info]valloic

[info]unlovable
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]unlovable
[info]valloic
What the actual fuck, Vallo. August? What the hell happened to March through July?

Alright, dumb dumbs, who's still kicking around and buying me a drink? Or several.

Mar. 15th, 2021


[info]terseness
[info]valloic

[info]terseness
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]terseness
[info]valloic
Okay, so I signed up for my first Fight Club. I haven't trained with anyone like, ever, I don't eat people so I don't have all the fun wendigo powers, I have some greater-than-average BS like healing and stamina but like, again, I don't eat people so they're not all that great, a murder turkey once kicked my ass and my greatest win to date has been beating the shit out of some punk in the fifth grade who stole my Cool Ranch Doritos.

a) Am I going to die, and b) who's betting on me?

[info]whoareyu
[info]valloic

[info]whoareyu
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]whoareyu
[info]valloic
Based on everybody's leaked search histories, I'm getting the idea that Vallo needs a better dating app. I've got the skills to build one. What features would you want to see?

Premise: A dating app for all species, all genders, and all sexualities. Ability to match, flirt, or message built-in. Flexible profile system allowing users to include whatever information about themselves or about what they're looking for that users find relevant. Clean, simple interface; profiles are conversation starters, not novels. Can be used equally well to find hookups or long-term relationship possibilities.

Some ideas I'm already working on:
- Some kind of unsolicited-dick-pic prevention. (Murderbot - do you think you could help with the design of a dick-recognition system sophisticated enough to make sure nobody sees a dick they don't want to see, but will also allow requested dicks and not instantly punish people for sending pictures of eggplants and cucumbers?)
- Search system allowing users to filter-in or filter-out profiles based on keywords and features of profiles. (Example: user Jessica Rabbit filters in all profiles with asexual identities, does not apply a filter to gender alone, and filters out all profiles that are identified as BOTH human AND male.) (With the flexible profile system, this can only get but so specific - if user Morgan wants to filter out everybody who hates baseball or filter in only people who enjoy European dance pop, Morgan's gonna have to handle that himself by talking to people.)

I could also use some brainstorming help coming up with a name. Currently scrawled on the whiteboard in my kitchen are:
Dater
Meeter
Alchemy
Connection
Connecter
Attach
Bridge
Tag

Mar. 9th, 2021


[info]owndamnweapon
[info]valloic

[info]owndamnweapon
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]owndamnweapon
[info]valloic
Fuck a god damn duck. POOP IS WEIRD, OKAY? DON'T JUDGE ME.

[ooc: please feel free to have any failures of communication happen!]

Mar. 3rd, 2021


[info]unlovable
[info]valloic

[info]unlovable
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]unlovable
[info]valloic
Anyone up for a hump day bar crawl?

filtered to morgan.
Hey, roomie - got a potentially existential crisis inducing question for you if you're up for it?

Mar. 2nd, 2021


[info]nolawitch
[info]valloic

[info]nolawitch
[info]valloic

[No Subject]


[info]nolawitch
[info]valloic
I hit a low point last night and tried to order Door Dash off the calculator app on my phone. First step back up is admitting it, right?

Anyone need a chef? Not trained in some fancy institute but my gumbo was famous in the Quarter back home. Not a brag, literally just trying to get out of writing a resume.