vallo

[FILTERED AWAY FROM THE REVENANTS & EVILS]

So, the DOA and network scrolling caught me up. I know there is SO MUCH going on right now — hi everyone, I hope you're staying safe and have food and aren't being tracked down by evil people — but waking up in a pile of leaves in the forest and finding out you disappeared for two weeks is still jarring as hell.

[PRIVATE TO YELENA BELOVA]

Yelena, Nat's gone and you're not here and I'm trying to st your bird is being so needy. Where's Licorice? No way he just disappeared, he's a Vallo cat. And is there a MAN staying at the house? There's a lot of man stuff here but no man. Don't tell me you suddenly moved a man in here. You can't have been that lonely.

[It's just a view of Mantis' face so far. There's a close up of her left eye, and her right eye, like she is JUDGING the device, and then there's a close up of her mouth as she opens wide and in a deep voice, shouts:]

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO





did I do this right?

Oi!

Can anyone give me an explanation of what the fuck is going on that doesn't involve being kidnapped into a magical fairy land?

Dear all of Vallo from a world that celebrates winter holidays but are not native to this one,

It's going to be my first year celebrating here which, you know, is great for all the new friends I've made here, but not so great when I'm thinking of my family back home and also realizing it'll be the first time I don't even celebrate the Chinese New Year with them, and it's making me feel some type of way.

How the hell do you cope or manage to get through it without a breakdown?

Before anyone suggests "a new hairdo", done and done. Abi and I found a place that did magical hair growth and all and I got longer hair! I debuted it during the wedding even.

Out of hospital and things seem to be mildly chaotic around here as usual. Anyone who needs me I'll be winter prepping and restocking my seed balls in the workshop.

Also I think Chime might be molting, or something? Do dragons molt? I keep finding like thin bits of glass where she's been sitting. Watch your fingers around her, I guess is my point.

So, this is twenty, huh? Gotta say, never thought I'd live to see it.


lmao just kidding, I didn't.



Anyway. If I was back home, I guess I'd officially be an adult now, and be able to legally do all those things adults did, like drive and drink and smoke and vote. Not that I wasn't already half those things anyway (and I don't think voting was ever in the cards, even if I did live to the ripe old age of 20).

So uh. Guess that's a thing now. Sup, adulthood.

[OOC: Posted to the main network because 8-year-old Robin doesn't understand the concept of filters or text messages]

Edwin! Where are you? I'm on a ship and I don't know how I got here! There's a scary man on board. He has three swords and I think he wants to collect my bounty! I'm scared!

Nico Robin & Briar Moss

WHAT: Robin checks in on poor sick Briar and brings him soup and tea
WHERE: Sutton Cottage
WHEN: Early August (Magical Pollution Plot)
WARNING: None
STATUS: Complete!
Briar had never felt so sick in his life, and he’d grown up in a literal sewer.

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Any of you magical types have something to take that would instantly make a hangover go away? Like I mean by seconds?

Filter: Robin Buckley

Okay, I didn't get to properly ravish you in that suit by the end of the night, but I swear, I'm going to make it up to you as soon as I no longer feel like my head is going to burst!

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This stupid place can eat an entire bag of dicks.

Well I still feel like absolute horse dung.

Very handsome horse dung, but still.

The shakkan seems okay so far but I don't dare check with magic in case I do something. At least it doesn't need much water. If I accidentally kill a centuries old tree with magic plague I'm going to be really upset.

And by the way, when I was a kid some stupid witch poured her experimental potions into the sewers and it ended up killing a lot of people, including her, so unless it wasn't already bleedingly obvious I really really don't recommend that sort of thing.

Is it fixed yet? I'm tired of feeling like this. I haven't had a cold since I was a pre-teen. Uuuuuuugh.

After a few delays and false starts, I finally went through with it and bought a houseboat! I’ll be slowly moving my things from my apartment onto the boat over the next few days. I’ve missed living on the water so much!

Now I just need a name. I was thinking “Remember Yesterday” or “Still Waters”

I don’t know, though. I’m not very good at naming things.

Private Message to Edwin Courcey

If you are up for it, I would like to have you over for dinner on my new boat.

Private Message to Briar Moss

Hello, Briar! Would you like to come see my new boat?

Okay, so! Things I have figured out being here so far:

✨ Emojis. Maybe I should say this phone but I feel like emojis are sort of a crowning achievement for me.

✨ Car doors. Way more complicated than they look. Worse than those circle doors that only turn one way. If you pull on the handle at the wrong time they don't unlock. But also sometimes they just unlock or lock whenever. I didn't even see the driver push the button, but he looked really annoyed when I asked so I just sort of stopped. But I think I got it now.

✨ Microwaves. Not a fan. Does anyone else feel like they're kind of yelling at you if you don't pull out your food in time? Also they're not very good cooks.


Things I am still trying to get a handle on:

✨ Washing machines. I feel like the bathtub works for now, you know?

✨ A job. Right, so I'm a really good cook and if someone would like to enlist my services, I would be really grateful.

✨ Friends. Where do people "hang out"? Is that weird to put "hang out" in quotes? It's just I haven't really had friends until I went on this quest but there's like... I'm also good not questing you know? So


I'm feeling really good about this. Like really good.

In exactly one month, I'm going to be 18. THE BIG ONE EIGHT! One month left of me being underaged and being limited in what I can do without guardian permission and afterwards?

... afterwards, I'll likely still be getting guardian permissions, LBR, this is just something that's kinda carry over from my own parents' household. You don't suddenly become your own adult at 18, for brown parents

BUT ANYWAY, before that, I'm going to hit one year of being here in like 12 days. What are the standards for celebrating that day? Is it usually celebrated or is it sometimes met with "aw hell it's been a year, why am I still here?" I would assume not too many would be thinking that because Vallo basically takes all the bad from previous worlds and tosses it out (bigotry, xenophobia, etc) while the bad you usually deal with here are zombie mammoths or something which are still better than dealing with bigotry.

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You'd think I'd be helpful in this particular situation, but whatever magic it is making the plants affect people, it doesn't react to mine at all. Maybe just don't touch anything growing out of the ground for a while? And I'd steer clear of Sutton Cottage until it's over, considering the abundance of roses we've got. I'll be taking my own advice; If I get stuck in a true-love's-kiss situation I'm really in trouble.