Marina had warned Eleanor that The Magicians would be bleak, and the videos they had watched certainly suggested it as well. But having someone die from a spell gone bad in the first episode still caught her off guard. However, Marina's intermittent commentary was an amusing addition she wouldn't have gotten watching on her own.
Eleanor was still surprised that Marina had agreed to watching along, with as guarded as she seemed. She wasn't complaining though. There was a full bar and FB seemingly deemed her worthy of his attention, occasionally settling in next to her or even stretching out across her lap. This was probably the ugliest cat Eleanor had ever met, and she loved him instantly.
When the second episode came to an end, she looked over at Marina. "I know that's not you, you. But I like that version of you all the same."
Marina had her own feelings. Somehow the Unimpressive White Man started off even less impressive than the last time she saw him? That wasn’t surprising so much as it was indicative of how boring he was as an individual and how little she should care about him as a person. She’d leave that to Julia. Even if she didn’t understand why she cared about him since he seemed pretty shitty and annoying.
“Well, of course you do. Have you seen us?” Marina made an expression paired with a gesture meant to showcase that that comment was obvious. Of course Eleanor would like her. Compared to some of the men in this show. It was interesting to see a different version of Penny, though. He seemed somehow more tolerable. Less do goody. She preferred it, but that group as a whole seemed that way.
"Yes, I've seen you," Eleanor replied with a grin. "Sexiest hedgewitch I've ever met." And the only, but who was counting. The Marina-who-wasn't easily stole scenes and should have been in more. "I like Angry Yelling Guy too," she added. "Penny?"
“Of course I am.” But technically Julia was a hedgewitch, too. But she wasn’t going to point that out. She was sure someone out there liked Julia more than her. Marina refrained from agreeing with his name. She didn’t really want it to be obvious she remembered their names. She wasn’t really sure what the reasoning behind it was...or maybe she was. Either way, she tilted her head. “Creepy rom-com guy is different in this version than usual. But I guess he is Angry Yelling Guy this season. Huh.”
"Wait, you're saying Angry Yelling Guy is Creepy rom-com guy when you know him? I need a chalkboard to keep all their names and nicknames straight." Of course she needed a chalkboard rather than a more practical way of keeping tabs. Marina would know what that was about after watching all four seasons with her. This place was weird, but in an odd way she appreciated not having to explain everything.
“Yeah. And he’s in love with Julia or something? But he was sleeping with Glasses in Texas.” Glasses being Alice, but again, she wasn’t just going to admit she knew their real names.
* * *
Marina let things go with only a mild comment here and there. Then came the part where her and Julia were messing with the Unimpressive White Guy. As far as she was concerned, he deserved it, but Julia, as always, let her conscience get the better of her. “I put a lot of work into getting my memories back, I guess. Huh. Glad it took less effort in Twenty-three.” The explanation was left out for now, but she was sure it wouldn’t last forever.
The thing about magic, Eleanor was learning, was that it was as impressive as it was terrifying. Quentin getting locked in a scenario of Marina and Julia's doing was fascinating, but also the ease with which the-Marina-who-wasn't wove through deciding to fuck with someone's mind and then cutting off Julia for daring to care about her friend was more than a little scary.
"Would you do the same thing? To Julia?" Eleanor asked.
“What? Trap her in her own mind to get what I wanted?” She tilted her head slightly, considering it for a moment. “I mean, not now? Then? Well…” She had sort of drawn her into a trap before, but she didn’t say so out loud just now. It would come up in Season 3. She was willing to sacrifice some Julia person she didn’t know to stay alive. She hadn’t really cared who or how she managed the things she did, just that she managed it. And then her Josh was killed. Big woops. That didn’t mean she really mourned him, though. It wasn’t like she really super cared about him, but he was also one of two people she’d been stuck with for a long time.
“Probably, yeah. I mean, I don’t know about this me, but like I didn’t know Julia in my timeline. She was at Brakebills with the rest of them, so her life and death meant basically nothing to me.”
"Well I mean cut her off and send her away like that," Eleanor said, but Marina had essentially answered the question, hadn't she? "If you were in that same situation?"
“I feel like the answer was just right in front of you. Same situation doesn’t really change it, does it?” Different situations changed things. Losing her entire hedge and then basically being alone but for two other people? That changed things. Not enough to keep her from sacrificing people to save herself, though. It was probably Texas that really changed things for her if she was being honest.
“I’m the most important person to me, so it tracks.” Her general existence was very grey area and she stuck to it. Morals weren’t the biggest thing. And meeting Julia once didn’t really change her feelings for her. It wasn’t like she really knew her and she couldn’t have cared any less about her friends. She offered a shrug as a means of apology, but she was pretty sure it wasn’t much of an apology and it probably didn’t read that way.
"Cooool," Eleanor replied, drawing it out. "I was just checking," she added, making a mental note to never cross Marina. Though what she'd said about not messing with Julia now seemed like it would also carry over to this. The woman sitting on the opposite side of the couch wasn't the same as the one she was watching on television, and it wasn't just different timelines.
Marina wasn’t going to stress herself about the whole thing. She asked something she knew the answer to. It wasn’t her fault the answer didn’t change. She could have lied. But she didn’t think the lie would hold up given everything.
* * *
She decided not to make a big deal out of the whole fishing spell in which Kady’s mom died. They shouldn’t have stolen from her...or tried as it was. They didn’t get anything. Look. It was absolutely her fault. She definitely did that. Well, a version of her did. At least she hadn’t exactly physically stabbed her. Okay, maybe it was about the same as.
Either way, it was a little longer until they got to the stuff with the goddess. Marina didn’t trust it and the group was kind of depressing, really. Like did they think they were cool? Yeah, Marina was pretty sure they just liked the look of yoga pants. But as everything unfolded, there was an uncomfortable feeling settling in her stomach and she frowned. The whole…memory thing was, well, a thing. She knew because of who she was and what she dealt with, but if Julia asked for it, she wasn’t sure she could deny her it. “Well…” She really didn’t know what to say there. “That was...yep.”
"You know, I actually like Kady and Julia," Eleanor said at some point after Kady's mom died and before the entire cult thing blew up in their faces. Which was definitely something. Eleanor looked over at Marina, who looked like she wished she was anywhere else at the moment.
"I mean other than making her forget she was pregnant with some evil god's baby, that was the nicest thing you could have done."
Marina wasn’t that warm and fuzzy about Kady. Julia was just one of those people that she smashed men’s heads in for. Which was something for someone that valued her own life over everyone else’s. Kady just wouldn’t stop holding her mom against her, which she didn’t do. Thanks.
“I didn’t know about the baby thing. Just the other part. I don’t think anyway.” Her fingers fidgeted slight with something before she stared at her sock. “I mean, I guess you can’t just murder your god...rapist. But I guess she tried anyway.” Which would be why she died later. Bait for an asshole god with rapey tendencies. And sick enough to do it wearing a face you trusted or at least someone that you liked before. “He sucks.”
Eleanor knew this wasn't technically the same Marina, but it was clear she mostly felt the same way as her other self. Time loops were confusing. At least with her, she'd been the same all the way through, just with constant memory wipes.
Even so, she saw this one as justified. "Yeah, well that gave her a chance," Eleanor pointed out. "But that seems like enough of this torture for now?" It wasn't just Marina having to watch her alternate self on television. Every time they showed the exterior of the castle in Fillory Eleanor found herself drinking more. She liked Margo and Eliot far better while they were at Brakebills.
Marina agreed, standing up and taking a sip of her drink. “Yeah. Definitely over this for right now and I’m not looking forward to what I know is coming.” She wrinkled her nose slightly. “I mean, it’s whatever, but who really needs to see it?” She wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to watch all of this. “How do you feel about loaded potatoes.” Because she needed carbs.
"You know you can always win me over with food," Eleanor answered easily, before casting a long look at Marina. "We don't need to keep watching this, hot stuff. I want to, but not if you're not up for it."
Marina was counting on it. “It’s just weird watching most of this because it’s not even my part of the story. I mean not really.” Cause this was her but it wasn’t. It was a version of her that hadn’t lost everything twice. More than twice if she was being honest, but she didn’t want to talk about her childhood.
“Like I don’t even know when things happen exactly and then it’s just a bunch of them and...ugh.”
"Well," Eleanor started, walking over to Marina and giving her a nudge. "Let's order potatoes. Drink more. And then maybe in a couple days we watch more or maybe we don't."
Marina pulled up her phone, moving to start ordering the potatoes. She wasn’t sure she really wanted to ever watch the show again, but she had the annoying feeling that missing Julia would drag her back and she’d regret it. She hated caring about people. It was the stupidest thing she’d allowed herself to do. “I’m getting extra bacon bits, cheese, and sour cream and I’m not apologizing for it. So let me know if you need an order with less stuff.” Once she finished their order, she set it down, making a double shot before downing it quickly and deciding to settle for less of those before the end of the night to avoid the inevitable hangover in the morning. She needed a spell for that.
* * *
A few days later, Eleanor was squeamishly watching Marina die on screen, completely unprepared for how bad it would be. Well maybe the actual death was offscreen, and maybe it wasn't the Marina she knew, but that didn't stop her from reaching for the remote to keep the next episode from automatically playing.
"Holy fuck." She stared at the screen for a moment before tilting her head toward Marina, not sure what it would be like to watch that happen to a version of yourself. "You alright?"
Marina hadn’t quite realized how bad it was and she’d seen Julia’s face when she told her. She’d said it was awful, but now Marina was silently struggling with the guilt of being a dick to her about it as much as she was. She felt bad for the cat. Cupcake. Also whose insult was it to point out she only cared for her cat? At least she had that. What did he have? And Henry was a fucker and if she ever saw him again, she’d be sure to tell that to his entire face and then punch him in it. But she wasn’t actually surprised by it. She wasn’t one of his special little babies. So what would he care? If she’d been Julia, he’d have helped.
“It’s not that big of a deal. It’s not even me. But that guy is a Class A dick.” She’d be kind of disappointed if he didn’t die. “Who even bites fingers off in this day and age?”
"Oh he's definitely more than a dick," Eleanor said, getting up and retrieving their glasses, marveling at how much of an understatement that was. Sure, Marina could refill their drinks magically, but Eleanor wanted to feel like she was doing something. So she poured two new drinks, and handed Marina's over before sitting down closer than necessary to her.
Reaching forward to retrieve the remote, she didn't yet hit play as she leaned back into the couch, turning her head to Marina. "You weren't kidding about bleak," she offered dryly.
Marina was cautiously aware of how close Eleanor was. She took the drink, head tilted as she looked at the TV. It was still kind of weird. She wasn’t sure how happy Julia would have been with her watching it, which twisted the guilt a little more. Then again, Julia may have been right there watching with her.
“Yeah. It’s definitely not much of a happy place. It’s like Margo said. Magic doesn’t come from sunshine and good vibes. Or whatever the fuck she said. I already forgot.”
"Sounds right," Eleanor agreed. "Vallo seems to be better for that at least?"
She didn't give Marina much of a chance to answer, hitting play before setting the remote back down. By the time they got through the part where Julia and Kady managed to bring the other Marina back from the dead, Eleanor was completely questioning her decision to watch any of the show.
"This may not have been my best idea," she admitted quietly, still trying to deal with watching someone who was essentially Marina but yet, not Marina, endure torture, death, and then briefly resurrect. This was nothing like watching her own life, as Marina had tried to warn her.
Marina lightly snorted at the question about Vallo being better. It was a whole new adventure in loss and ridiculousness. Which she hadn’t actually added into her number of times to lose everything suddenly and without explanation. The hardest part of watching this was Julia. She found it rude that Kady felt the need to kick her body even if she sort of understood. She’d kind of been a bitch to her. But really? She was dead.
Julia, though. It was hard to look at the screen. The emotions from both of them were a lot. “We’re all entitled to shitty ideas.” She couldn’t remember ever being that scared. Absolutely terrified and exposed. Maybe when she was a kid, but she tried not to remember all of that. She wished, for the briefest of moments, that she could disappear, but she couldn’t. And she’d done that and hated it. At least if Holland was there, she could blow things up. Maybe she’d just have to find someone else to throw dangerous things at her.
Eleanor finally looked at Marina, unaware that she'd been avoiding it until she stopped, and then immediately had to fight the urge to pull her into a full-on hug, which wasn't usually a thing she needed to worry about. Side effect of the fake good place, undoubtedly. But there was something about that rigid, stoic nature Marina projected that softened Eleanor's self-preservation tendencies. They weren't all that dissimilar even if their personalities were night and day at times. And well, the circumstances of their respective worlds.
Instead, she placed her hand gently on Marina's arm and asked, "You alright there?"
No questionably objectifying nickname tacked on, either.
Marina flinched at the touch without meaning to. Her gaze shifted to the hand on her arm and away from the screen. She didn’t really have people that hugged her or that she let be overly close to her. She didn’t know if she really changed that ever. Like sure...she would kill someone for the people that she cared about. But letting people in when they were probably just going to disappear was exhausting. She’d pretended it wasn’t a big deal, but it kind of sucked. Not quite enough to go out of her way to spend time with Sirius, but...maybe give her a bit. At least he knew who she was.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” It was a lie, but she’d already done the quick, toothless smile to prove it. See? Fine. “Been a little weird, but I’m sure it’ll only get weirder from here.”
"I mean you are fine," Eleanor replied, unable to completely control herself. "But are you one step away from crying into a plunger over a toothbrush holder? No, of course not, because you're not the type to ever let yourself be that embarrassing. That's all me."
But she hadn't missed the flinch, and she knew that unconvincing smile. She'd perfected her own, after all.
"You know, we're a lot alike." And Marina would know, having watched enough of her life and afterlife to see the similarities between them, even if they manifested differently.
Marina couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She was, of course. Duh. “I’m not going to cry.” Her voice was flat as she said it. She wasn’t. She’d just sit in the stew of discomfort and guilt until something distracted her from it. She guessed she couldn’t just sleep with someone to distract herself from it. She peered at Eleanor for a moment, letting her mind consider it briefly before nixing it. Nah.
“Yeah yeah.” Marina was seconds away from standing up when FB showed up out of nowhere to jump on her lap, headbutting her a few times before she gave him head scritches and he made himself comfortable. “We can probably skip the heartwarming feels part of the conversation where we bond over our shared personality traits.”
"You want to skip the best part?" Eleanor asked, even though she knew where Marina was coming from. She withdrew her hand from Marina's arm, but not without first petting the cat. And they hadn't stopped the show, but Netflix was demanding to know whether or not they were still watching, so it opened up the opportunity to continue the conversation.
"Look, I get it. I didn't want to have this conversation, or let anyone close to me either. And you know what? It sucked. My life sucked because of it. That and I was a terrible person and really shitty to anyone who did try and care about me."
None of the scenes they watched had shown Samuel, but he had to have made it to the Good Place eventually. Eleanor was sure of that. Watching the show had made her realize he'd deserved so much better than her. But that wasn't really here or there.
Eleanor was aware that Marina didn't need her there to watch this show, and she could have told her to fuck off when she'd asked about watching it in the first place. Yet here they were.
"Anyway, this all sucks," she said, gesturing toward the television. "But maybe if you talk about it, it'll suck a little less?"
Marina did want to skip it. She’d let people close and all that got her was being in a place that was trying to be just as shitty with none of them. But she didn’t want to talk about it because it didn’t do anything. Sure, a weirdo god taunted her for all the lack of people she’d had in her life. Or the other her, really. She wasn’t going to worry herself about how many people would cry about it if she died. She was already sure two people were living their lives with another her unaware of her being alone or she was gone and they probably thought about her sometimes, but not like...sadly. Then there were a couple in their home world having forgotten she ever existed even though she still remembered them. It was whatever. And talking about it didn’t change it and she was pretty sure it wasn’t going to make her feel better. She sure as fuck wasn’t going to cry over anything. That was lame.
“Mmmm...pass.” She stared at the screen, her clockwork eye accidentally zooming in too far before she blinked and brought it back into focus. “The whole kumbaya, yoga pants, feelings sharing things is not my thing, so I think I’ll just leave that to people who want to talk about things.” She shrugged before moving to refill her drink magically. “Anyway. How much more of this did you want to watch tonight?”
“Your choice,” Eleanor said, because she knew better than to force the issue. She was experienced in the art of avoidance after all. “But the offer stands if you change your mind.”
She held out her glass as a way of asking for one of those magical refills, then answered, “At least one more? Or Real Housewives or something… I don’t want that to be the last thing I’ve watched before I try and sleep.”
Even though she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to forget any of that anytime soon, its impact multiplied by the woman she was sitting next to even if it wasn’t really her. This show was a trip. A really dark trip.
“But don’t knock yoga pants until you’ve tried them. They’re so comfortable it’s dumb.”
Marina was a staunch believer in ignoring your feelings, so she was glad to be able to go back to it. “Yeah. Sure. The faster we watch it, the sooner it’s over.” And then no one could say anything that she wouldn’t know about. Even though she already knew about the whole blonde thing. But she didn’t want to blindly have whatever a future version of herself did on blast.
She let out a small breath before refilling Eleanor’s drink as well. “I’m still gonna knock them. Not sorry to say.” Mostly because yoga pants. She had to agree with the other version of herself on that one.
Yeah, the next episode wasn't any better, mood wise. When it was over, Eleanor went to finish off her drink, but she'd already done so in the process of trying to get through all of that. It was like the show never, ever let up, one bad thing leading to the next with absolutely no room to breathe in between. Was that their lives? "I am sorry to say, but your world is fucked, man. It's just never ending… terribleness."
It was definitely not great. Marina had to give it to their lives for sucking major dicks and then hoping everyone would make it out alive and sane. She frowned at the screen for a brief moment. “I basically told you it sucked.” Which was true. It was so different from Eleanor’s general existence. Minus the fact that they might’ve had hot dogs shoved into questionable orifices. She didn’t really enjoy thinking about that too much. “We probably should have gotten the cliff notes version.”
Marina's world was a lot to take in, and Marina herself often talked about it and the people in it with a level of casualness that betrayed what it was really like, though maybe that was the result of nothing but shit thrown at you day after day. Eleanor hadn't even seen this Marina on screen yet. And it wasn't like her world, even her afterlife in the Bad Place was pretty fucking chill in comparison. At the very least, it was hard to actually compare the two.
"Yeah, I think I'm done with this for the night."
* * *
Murder turkeys were officially on Marina’s shit list. She was going to rip their throats out and stab them with their own...whatever they had. Beaks? She didn’t study birds. She was turned into a bird once, but that wasn’t the same thing. She would make sure to take extra joy in their murder and eating them in the coming year. Stupid turkeys.
She couldn’t even really drink...or she could, but she was choosing not to because...well, she wasn’t going to be Ghost 2 and they mentioned something about not wanting to bleed too much and she definitely wasn’t interested in it. So she was sitting on her couch, glaring slightly at the space in front of her and wanting something to eat.
“I hate turkeys.”
"Can't say I blame you. From what people have been saying, they sound like real bitches," Eleanor said, filling a glass of water for herself. If Marina wasn't drinking, she wasn't going to either.
"Need anything? Want me to order something to eat?"
Honestly, she was surprised (but grateful) that Marina had even let her know she was injured. That sounded suspiciously like she considered Eleanor a friend, but that word was never used which she found somewhat amusing.
"So, are we taking a break from hell tonight since you already had enough fun fighting off turkeys? We can always see what Bethenny, LuAnn and Ramona are up to."
Her side hurt and she was definitely annoyed. Her side felt awful. It was gross. But she still nodded at the question. She did want something to eat. She just wasn’t sure what she wanted. She might need something for the pain, but she should wait for the food. “You can choose this time. The food.”
She made herself more comfortable on the couch, focusing on Eleanor for a moment. “Taking a break from hell is probably a good idea because I don’t think I can stomach them being stupid so much and doing so many stupid things all the time.” At least Bethenny, LuAnn, and Ramona were just generally stupid and she would probably be okay if they accidentally offed themselves somehow. “Probably still trying to make their kids feel fat and depressed, but that sounds better than the alternative.”
"Shrimp," Eleanor answered easily. Give her a choice and it was always shrimp. "Sushi, maybe? Or do you want something bland or maybe soup?" She might have been mixing up being injured with being sick. Who knew, really? The only remedy her mother ever gave her when she was hurt or sick was a screwdriver with enough vodka to knock her out so she'd stop whining, saying that the orange juice was good for her.
She pulled up the app on her phone and looked at her options, listening as Marina ranted about the show. She wasn't wrong, but there also weren't many good decisions to be made. No matter they all did, they seemed screwed.
"It's sad when that's the better alternative, really." Hopefully all those kids would flee when they were old enough.
“Whatever you want,” she said quietly. It was a touch different than her usual, but that was mostly the exhaustion talking. And the still lingering feelings about the idiots from home. She couldn’t even remember how much longer it was until she actually showed up. “I don’t think I’m gonna die from eating anything, so it’s fine.”
She picked up the remote, turning on RHONY. At least it wouldn’t require much focus on her part. And the feelings stakes were low. That’s really all that mattered right now.
* * *
"Thanks for showing up the other day," Eleanor said. "I panicked and Katherine hadn't shown up yet and there were so many turkeys. And I know you were still in pain." So it had been a dick move to call, really but Eleanor also knew Marina was good in a fight. And at least she hadn't gotten more hurt.
Marina waved it off with the hand on the side that didn’t still hurt. But she’d been smart enough to bring her amulet that time and she was healing well enough. She was kind of regretting her long standing disinterest in asking for help because she might’ve preferred the lack of injury. She probably could have asked Sirius. She just didn’t.
“I figured you’d probably die without me, so…” She did the flourish that her alternate timeline had done to signal ‘here she was’. It was also teetering dangerously close to the line where it was becoming obvious that she cared, which bothered her, but not enough to correct it. If she kept it casual enough, it would go unacknowledged anyway. “Especially with Molotov Boy on the job.” And finding someone else that was similar to her and not as mind numbing as Jason was nice, too. “I accept your unyielding devotion to me.” And hopefully that would sound enough like her to mask the rest of the things she didn’t want to talk about.
"Unyielding, huh?" Eleanor questioned. "I guess that's not too high of a price to pay since you did save my life, maybe."
Now that Marina-who-wasn't-Marina was off the show, it was harder to watch. Eleanor liked most of the others well enough, but the plot was terrible and well, unyielding. It was kind of weird watching knowing Margo was here in Vallo, but Margo didn't seem like the sort who would care, either.
But then Julia and Q went to the underworld, and Eleanor found that amusing. "So the underworld is sort of like… the Good Place?" she asked. "I mean, other than of course you guys have lines and ticket numbers. But there's bowling!"
“Yep. I’m worth it.” Which seemed obvious. Marina didn’t care too much about the general group outside of Julia. She still couldn’t understand her and the unimpressive white man, but she guessed that was one of those things. It just happened and then you were stuck with it. Marina had no intention of mentioning it to the other Magicians, but if it happened to come up, she’d make a note of how it was like her to need to know things.
“I don’t know. It sounds awful. Bowling. You have to put your feet in shoes other people are wearing. No thanks.” She was kind of hoping to avoid the bowling as a whole. She wasn’t going to assume that she would live forever, but at least it could be something less...that.
"There are worse fates than bowling," Eleanor pointed out. "But it could at least be cosmic bowling. This is too medium place."
* * *
It was a long journey, getting to the point where Marina as Eleanor knew her showed up. So many episodes of misery without the benefit of knowing any of them personally. Honestly, if she ran into Margo she was buying that woman a drink, maybe without an explanation.
But then Marina was on screen and Eleanor exclaimed, "Hey look, it's you!" And when Marina revealed her intentions to use Julia as bait, she teased, "Hey look, it's really you."
As the episode continued though, Eleanor offered no more commentary. And when it was over, she was looking at Marina in uncharacteristic silence.
Seeing herself was somehow weirder than she thought it would be. Her fingers traced her cheek where the facial scar had been. It seemed like ages ago since she had it. She remembered actually being scared when Julia came close to her, hands placed on her. With god level power, anything could have happened. But she’d healed her. She hadn’t understood why at the time, but she had a feeling it was because she could actually help her this time.
The ghosts in the library were no less creepy this time around. She’d definitely screamed and she wasn’t ashamed to admit that some asshole showing up like Carrie in the library (or Christian Bale in American Psycho if you preferred it) was scary. And he touched her covered in blood screaming about some bambi. Not okay.
She’d casually mentioned before that her hedges all died, but watching herself go from Friends? That doesn’t sound like me to All of our friends died because of what you did had been a trip, but also she knew it was true. In a way, yes, what friends she had died. It was the silence from next to her that seemed the strangest part of this. “What?”
"I'm sorry," Eleanor said. "But I think I've shown amazing restraint." She moved so she was sitting right next to Marina and draped her arm around her shoulders before pulling Marina into a hug that may have been the slightest bit over exaggerated to combat the fact that Marina was an emotional porcupine. Eleanor held her there for a moment before loosening her grip without fully letting go.
"You really lost everything." The statement was made more in understanding than anything else, because it was one thing for Marina to drop that into conversation when they were first watching videos, it was another thing to see it on screen. "I mean, that's all really dark."
Marina was hoping it wasn’t what she knew it was, but then she was trapped in a hug. Her face scrunched up with the displeasure of it and she did her best not to move, which just translated as tenseness. She didn’t hug back because that just wasn’t her life choice. She was not a hugger. She was relieved when it was over, scooching away slightly.
“Yeah, well, that happens.” She glanced back at the screen, letting her mask stay in place. “When some crazy asshole just kills everyone because people can’t let other people go for once. People die all the time. Circle of life.” It was almost the same thing she said to Penny once. “Dark is the M.O.” She shrugged, filling her cup with more alcohol. “You think the dying was bad, imagine having to dig a mass grave the muggle way. If there’d been magic, you probably could have delivered the bodies by dumping them unceremoniously into someone’s yard. Sorry your relative died. Sucks. Send your bill to Brakebills. But when everyone is dead and you’re in a mostly abandoned magic school, you know...who has time to carry people?”
"I can't imagine," Eleanor said quietly, because who could? "I'm sorry." Because as much as Marina might want her to think that it hadn't affected her, she wasn't going to buy that. She knew Marina would probably hate her pointing that out almost as much as the fact that Eleanor's arm was still loosely draped around her shoulders. (Eleanor was, in fact, finding it hard to resist a second hug.)
Marina took a sip of her drink and shrugged. “At least I’m not dead, so that’s a bonus.” Somehow. Either it was them or her. At least in the two timelines she knew about. There were still 38 others with too many variables to consider. One or all of the Wonder Team always seemed to die. Julia seemed like she was always in Brakebills outside of one, but she couldn’t say that for sure. Who knew what happened? Fogg. Fogg knew. If he showed up, she was going to be torn between punching him and demanding that he explain what the fuck he knew. Also why he just let her die when she came for help.
"No, I'm the one who's dead. Maybe. I don't know," Eleanor replied, withdrawing her arm but not without leaning in first. "I am very glad that you're alive though you hot emotional porcupine." Not for the first time she wondered if Marina had agreed to watch the show to be spared having to actually explain things when they could just play out in front of them.
Really it was just easier than having a list of half truths and casual lies to navigate that would eventually be discovered as half truths and casual lies. Then she’d be lying and the sad friend at the same time. It was annoying and useful to be able to see parts of your life play out. Annoying because other people could view it and know things without you knowing they know and helpful because it made it easy to see the parts you didn’t know without having to live them yourself.
“Whatever. No more sad looks. I don’t need anyone being sad about my life. So be sad about it where I can’t see you.” As for the uncertainty about being alive. “And I’d say I could stab you and see if you died, but that seems a little extreme.”
"I'm not trying to be sad about your life," Eleanor pointed out, bemused. "I'm just trying to be your friend, Marina An... Andri... Marina Andre Agassi."
She cast a sideways glance over at Marina and smirked. "Fine. Marina Andrieski. Please don't stab me."
“You’re like Ron Swanson, but not even on purpose sometimes. Which is somehow less cool. Also Ron Swanson wouldn’t hug me. So that’s two strikes.” She wanted to comment that she didn’t do friends, but she’d somewhat accidentally given away the fact that she did. Probably more than once. She did make the face this time.
“I won’t stab you.” She let a long pause go on before she added, “Yet.” Better to keep them guessing.
"But," Eleanor pointed out. "Less cool means he's still cool. So we're good."
“Yeah, but you’re definitely not Ron Swanson.”
* * *
"Hey! I recognize that penthouse!"
Marina smiled a little at this part. She remembered it pretty clearly and all the weirdness of knowing who it was and yet not knowing who it was. “I worked hard to steal it,” she agreed, basically quoting herself. It was weird being able to see it this way, though, knowing who was who and what was happening. Penny’s alter ego was...definitely something. “He was totally into me. It’s weird knowing he was in love with Julia point five seconds ago...or however long it took for them to stop being weird.”
The show was infinitely better with Marina on it, and Eleanor had mentioned that a couple times. But when Eliot the Monster showed up, Marina delivered one of the greatest lines.
So instead of going inside, I'm going to get a breakfast burrito. Wanna join?
Eleanor knew it was probably bad taste, but she laughed. "Hell yeah, bail out of that shit," she agreed, wondering what she would do in that situation. A breakfast burrito actually sounded really good right then.
Marina nodded at the comment. “One failed experience I didn’t experience with a god and I’m not trying to die.” She just wasn’t interested in it. But, if she was being fair, who would be? Except the people that were friends with Monster Boy. She watched Margo destroy any chance of even helping herself. “That was a dumb choice.”
"It really was," Eleanor agreed, wondering how that was going to come back to haunt them. "Not that there's any real good outcomes on this show, is there? Other than your decision to run away to this timeline."
There was probably no good outcomes on a show that thrived with torturing everyone and keeping everyone depressed. “Yeah. I don’t think this show was made for anything good or happy.” She made a face at that. “I’m sure it’ll fuck them over somehow. I’m not sure I’m excited about finding out, but I’m definitely sure we will.”