Not even three days had passed since Sabrina's sudden, inexplicable, and most welcome arrival, and Nick had begun to believe that there was a way out of this nightmare for the first time since he'd arrived. He leaned against the door frame, observing Sabrina as she stared at her phone, the corners of his mouth quirking upward.
Nothing could keep the smile off his face for long. Not their failed spelled attempt with Ambrose. Not the fact that she'd told him she'd stay behind if the three of them couldn't make it out. (Because all three of them would make it out, and no way was she going to have to choose.) Not the question of how that remained unresolved or the broken ribs he'd suffered fighting off demonic goats. Not even the cracked walls or uneven floor of this distorted version of the mortuary. No, since she'd introduced him to Dan as my Nick, he'd held onto that and turned it into the driving force that allowed him to believe they'd make it to her version of Vallo.
Even with his conversation with Lucifer weighing on his mind, and the realization that he could no longer ignore the consequences of his time spent in Hell couldn't cause his mood to falter for long. Last time he'd pushed her away. Now he knew better than to make the same mistake.
"You're beautiful, Spellman," he said in greeting, still taken by the sight of her after two long months apart and having only recently reunited back home. It was one way to make his presence known. "Are you busy?"
Sabrina had been trying to hold onto the optimism that seemed to have sprung up in everyone over the networks being connected. It was a step forward, one that she knew would lead everyone on both sides to try and figure out how to fix the mess they were in. She didn’t doubt for a moment that those back in her version of Vallo would be able to get them out. Simply didn’t trust that Vallo would allow her friends to come along with her. Why else would it have put them in this place instead of bringing them to her version? Others had come and gone during the two months Nick and Roz had been in this awful world so why had they been shunted to this one?
She couldn’t make sense of it or the magic that seemed so fractured in this world, slowly driving her crazy with how off it felt. The updates on the network didn’t really help her darkening mood that threatened to pull her into a deep melancholy. It would probably be a good idea to stop looking at it as often as she was, but she wanted to be kept in the loop.
Nick’s words brought out a smile from her though and she turned to look at him as she set the phone back down. It was still surreal to hear him and see him, to be able to reach out and touch him something she was still wrapping her head around.
“You’re not so bad looking yourself,” she teased before motioning for him to join her on the floor. “But, no. Not busy at all.”
Nick dropped to the floor next to Sabrina, trying not to wince as the previous day's injuries protested, and reached for her hand. As evidenced in his conversation with Lucifer, he had not yet reached the point where he could discuss the subject at hand comfortably, but for her sake, he was determined to finally talk about it.
"I spoke with Lucifer," he began. "About... the other Lucifer Morningstar. And I think we need to talk, Sabrina."
A chill spread through Sabrina, leaving her body cold as she recalled a similar start to a conversation that had happened only a few months back. One where he’d walked away from them and while now she understood why he had done so, that he’d needed that time to try and heal from all that the Dark Lord had put him through, it had still hurt to lose him.
And it seemed it was about to happen again. “Oh?” Sabrina forced out, willing back the tears she could feel wanting to start.
"I haven't dealt with it, not really," Nick said, his gaze focused on her hand in his. "But Lucifer gave me perspective on... everything. I see why you trust him, by the way." At that Nick dared to glance over, though not realizing how he was being received.
The next few words were spoken deliberately, as he forced himself to voice his thoughts. "If we're going to be together, I need to face all of it. Somehow. I owe that to you. And to myself. But I'm not pushing you away this time, Spellman. I promise."
It took a moment for what Nick was saying to actually register in Sabrina’s brain, her mind needing to rework what she thought was happening to what was actually being said. She knew he hadn’t dealt with what had happened to him. How could he have when everyone simply pushed it to the side, expecting him--all of them really--to just keep moving forward? Her mortal friends had helped her rescue him from Hell, and while that was better than how everyone else had seemed content to leave him to his sacrifice, none of them had known how to help him when he’d returned.
Sabrina squeezed his hand, blinking away the tears that had started to form. “Dealing with...it's hard. Back in my version of Vallo I see a therapist a few times a month. I’ve found that helpful to try and work through my own issues. I dunno if that’s something you’d want to do or not. But I’ll be there for you however I can while you work through what you need to.”
Therapy was not an option that Nick had ever considered, and he initially recoiled at the idea, but quickly rethought his aversion. "How?" he asked. "We don't exactly have normal issues, Spellman."
Understatement.
"For the longest time I felt like if I hadn't been so weak, I wouldn't have let him get to me. That his words wouldn't have twisted my perception on reality, that I would have been strong enough to fight him off. Lucifer pointed out that torture is what he does..."
Nick took a deep breath and closed his eyes, willing himself not to close himself off from her. Exhaled. "It helps, though?"
“You’re not weak, Nick.” Sabrina reached over, touching his cheek. “You’re one of the strongest people I know. You kept him locked away inside of you for weeks on end.” Even longer for him in Hell. “No one else would have been able to do that.” She wished he hadn’t needed to do so, that there had been another way to lock him away. That Lilith hadn’t been horrible and added to his humiliation the way she had.
“The Dark Lord is just...really good at twisting everything inside of us until we can’t see the good parts anymore. It’s kind of a speciality of his.” She was glad that the Lucifer here had been able to help Nick see that he’d been tortured, that it wasn’t his fault that he’d broken under that strain. How could he not?
“It’s helped me to see my therapist, yeah.” Sabrina sighed as she thought back on her sessions. “He can’t understand everything but he helps me with that feeling of self-loathing and the guilt that I racked up from basically everything. Helps me work through all of those feelings and everything that happened.”
Sabrina looked over at one of the family photos that was askew on the wall. “ I love my aunties, but they were kind of awful at helping any of us deal with the trauma we all endured since I turned sixteen. I’ve found adults who’ve helped me deal with the nightmares and pain in better ways than denial or the drinking that I started doing.”
Nick unconsciously leaned into Sabrina's touch even as his mind had trouble reconciling her words with how he felt. He had entrapped the Dark Lord, keeping him bound until Sabrina had rescued him, but the consequences were long reaching, and it was Nicholas who still felt entrapped. Just now with the glimmer of hope that he could in fact move forward, and find a way to heal.
He listened as she spoke, hating that she knew the same twin torments of guilt and self-loathing that had plagued him, but took some comfort in the knowledge that she was actually dealing with everything.
"I know about nightmares," he admitted tersely. And with a slight eye roll directed only at himself, "And drinking." Turning his attention back to her, he added quietly, "I'm glad you have people who have helped. Your Vallo seems pretty great, actually."
“I’ve wanted you to be in it since I arrived,” Sabrina told him, keeping up a gentle touch against his cheek. “Even after we broke up, I didn’t care--well I cared that we did--” It had sucked, but she wasn’t going to go down that mental path again. “But I thought if you could just show up in Vallo that you’d have a chance to actually start healing. Away from all the crap at home, to be with others who might not know exactly what you’re going through, but would try to understand and help.”
She’d always wanted him to have that chance, even when they weren’t together. She’d wanted all of her friends and family around, but Nick had always been one she knew would benefit the most from Vallo, similarly to how she had. “I think you can get that help too there.”
"If I try and understand how time works here or how you gain memories all at once, or how you could have been here for a year and yet you were still there back home, my head starts to hurt," Nick admitted. Even knowing Sabrina Morningstar existed didn't really make that any less confusing.
"The idea of staying here with you... not here here but your Vallo? Having a chance to live somewhat normal lives after everything we've been through?" That smile that had managed to disappear as they discussed heavier topics returned. "I think I could get used to the idea, Sabrina."
“It hurts my head trying to think about it too.” She mostly didn’t try to make sense of how time worked in Vallo compared to back home. Doing so only led to headaches and confusion. It was never going to make sense.
His words pulled out a smile from her again though, even if the worry of them not going there stirred again in the back of her mind. She’d try to be optimistic at least for a little while. “I want to show you all of it, share it all with you. We can just be teenagers living our lives instead of handling whatever craziness is getting thrown at us. Learn new magic, go on ridiculous dates, explore everything and anything.”
His smile only grew as she spoke, confirming that they were thinking alike, and the mention of ridiculous dates lining up with another question of his.
"So would you be willing to date me, Sabrina Spellman? And maybe that chance at normalcy could extend into our relationship too." When he had seen her last, she had needed more time until time had deigned to run out. But if they moved onto to the real Vallo, they might actually have time to spare.
Sabrina wrinkled her nose at that, butterflies fluttering in her stomach as she reached over to press her hand lightly against his chest. “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Nicholas Scratch?” she teased. “Because I’m pretty sure I’ve called you my boyfriend or my Nick at least a few times now.”
Because he was hers and she was his and nothing could change that.
"I'm pretty sure you have," he agreed, his entire face lighting up as he looked at her. "So I'll take that as a yes."
Comparing the last time they'd started with the same conversation to now was night and day, as Nick had learned the hard way that he didn't want to face down his demons alone. The past two months had been long and painful, but now the hope that had started earlier that day had taken hold of him. He believed they'd make it out of there, all of them.
Turning to face her properly, he leaned in to kiss her, only to wince and pull back quickly. "Sorry," he said with a grimace, pulling up his shirt to reveal his severely bruised ribs. Right. He probably should have dealt with this sooner rather than later and allowing them to kill an otherwise perfect moment.
Sabrina cringed at the bruises, lightly tracing the skin around them before narrowing her eyes. “Have you been walking around like this since the goats, Nick?” She didn’t need him to answer that, knowing the answer was a yes.
Boys. They were ridiculous. She closed her eyes and placed her hands gently on his ribs, willing her magic to do its work. It had been awhile since she’d attempted something like this, hopeful she could still manage. “Your heart is strong. Your body is healing itself. The swelling is receding, the tenderness is gone. You’re perfectly fine.”
Sabrina pulled away, grinning as she took in her handiwork. “How are you feeling? Because you seem to be all better to me?” she told him as she let her gaze wander across his chest.
"You're the most badass witch in the world, and I get to call you my girlfriend," Nick said, in a mixture of awe and gratitude. And then he kissed her, finally, allowing the time and space that had been between them to completely fade away.
She had been ready to laugh at his words, but then he kissed her and all Sabrina could do was melt against him, kissing him with all of the longing she’d been carrying inside of her. It had been far too long since she’d been able to and Sabrina only broke away long enough to cant her head toward the stairs. “Roz is staying at the apartments tonight.”
"Good thing you healed me then," Nick replied with a smirk, standing up and then pulling Sabrina to her feet. He'd known of course, that Roz was gone for the evening. The direction of the night was all that had been uncertain, but if he had any lingering questions left, Sabrina had answered them.
"I love you, Spellman," he told her. "I never stopped."
Sabrina looped her arms around his neck, fingers curling in his hair. “I never stopped loving you either.” She hadn’t quite expected the evening to take this turn, content to take things slow between the two of them as they found their footing again. But they had never been all that good about doing anything at a slow pace.
She took hold of his hand and tugged him towards the staircase, thankful they had this chance to be together again. Sabrina meant to make the most of it.