jontim.
Is it? How the hell do you explain to someone who was one of your best friends that you don't remember them at all? That all of your memories and history has been fucking overwritten by a blond haired she-demon that actively fucked with your emotions and did shit to make you even more insecure than you already we about your feelings and make you think that you were stupid for ever caring in the first place?
How in the hell do you explain that you didn't even get a chance to mourn properly because you didn't find out she was dead until your emotions were all a massive clusterfuck that was impossible to separate from the mess that had been created?
And no, I'm not having a panic attack. You're having a panic attack.