βοηηιε βεηηεττ (impsychicnow) wrote in valloic, @ 2020-08-12 20:01:00 |
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He was barely able to contain his excitement. There was a thread of disappointment running through him, of course, because he had missed the twins’ birth, but meeting them for the first time was overriding that by a long shot. He just felt sorry that Bonnie had to go through the first few months alone. He planned to make up for all the time lost, but first he needed to get to the twins first.
There was a small, a very small part of him that was nervous, that had all those old insecurities and doubts running through him about whether he was up for being a father to anyone, but he didn’t let that stop him from coming to a stop at Bonnie’s front door and knocking immediately. Whatever doubts he had, he was mentally in a good place to put them aside. They were just doubts, not reality, because it’s what he did going forward that would determine whether he was a good father or not. And trying, putting any sort of effort forward, was the first step.
Bonnie could hardly believe what she had read after logging into the network. Sirius was back. Her Sirius. Not one who wouldn’t know who she or the twins were. She didn’t let herself hope that people would come back after they were gone, even if she said it sometimes. Not because she wanted to give up on them, but because she didn’t want to set herself up to be miserable. It was a situation she had no control over. So she mourned it, and did her best to keep going.
And she had kept going. Caroline coming back and been a huge help, along with many members of the community. She’d made it through. The twins were only five weeks, but it somehow seemed like simultaneously longer and shorter than that. She’d made peace with the thought that she’d be raising them as a single mother. She’d tell them all about their dad, she’d share photos and memories. She’d do her best to make sure they knew who he was.
But now, hopefully (there was that word again), they’d be able to find out themselves.
There was a knocking on the door, and Bonnie shook her head. She was pretty sure she’d told Sirius to come in. She made sure the twins were secure in their bassinet, and then headed for the door, pulling it open. When she saw the familiar figure of Sirius Black, her face broke out into a huge smile, and she would swear a weight was lifted off her shoulders. He was here. “Better late than never, I guess.”
The smile that had already been on his face grew wider as he practically threw himself at Bonnie. He hadn’t told anyone yet, but he had moved forward in the timeline back home and he had been spending too many long hours stuck in the Black household. Mentally, it was a taxing thing and he was pretty sure he was slowly going mad there. But being back here, his memories of Tumbleweed and Vallo helped bring him back to center. And seeing Bonnie after what seemed like years for him, a weight similar to hers lifted off his shoulders. “You have no idea how good it is to see you,” he breathed into her hair, before pulling back and holding her by the shoulders.
Looking her over, noticing that she seemed tired like any new mother would she still looked striking as ever to him. “You look gorgeous and I’d compliment every bit of you if I weren’t so eager to see our twins.” A little impatiently, he looked over her shoulder. “Where are they?”
She had some idea of how good it was to see each other again, but for other reasons. Her dad had been a single parent for most of Bonnie’s life. While he did his best, she was glad their kids didn’t have to only have one parent. Even if Sirius’ reason for being gone was nothing like her own mothers.
“This way.” Bonnie said after she let go of a very tight hug. She motioned toward the living room, evidence that there were two newborns and a child living in the apartment everywhere. While she and Caroline kept the place clean, there were still toys, children’s books, Lucas’ artwork, blankets, and so on. The bassinet was in the living room, the twins side by side and awake. She lead Sirius over to them, and then went around the other side of the bassinet, so she was behind their heads and Sirius could have a clear view of their twins.
“This is Zayna Sheila Bennett-Black,” she said as she said, motioning to the twin on his right. “She’s older by 11 minutes. And this,” she said, motioning to the twin on his left. “Is Seren Rasalas Bennett-Black.”
Gazing upon them for the first time, Sirius unconsciously held his breath in, amazed by the two little babies that were looking up at him. They were beautiful, just like everyone had been telling him. The spell broke, when Seren cried out, reaching up like babies did when they wanted to be picked up.
He didn’t miss that he had his aunt’s name for his middle name. Looking over at Bonnie, he gestured to Seren. “Can I…?” He had held Harry as a baby a few times, but he was still relatively new at this and was a bit nervous. But as nervous as he was at the prospect of holding his son, he was eager.
Her first reaction was to reach out for Seren when he started crying, but she noticed Sirius’ reaction and immediately stopped herself. It was something she would have to get used to, but would gladly do so. “He’s your son. You don’t have to ask.” She remembered how nervous she’d been just a few short weeks ago. It had lessened, just a little. But she was sure Sirius would be fine, and she told him as much. “You got this.”
The cries of one twin set off the other, something she was also used to. Sighing, Bonnie shook her head. “She’s probably only crying because he is.” But while she left Seren to Sirius, she reached down to pick up Zayna, talking soothingly to her as she did.
Gently, so very gently, Sirius picked up Seren. He wasn’t used to being around babies and it showed in the uncomfortable way he was holding his son. But slowly, he adjusted, looking over to Bonnie holding their daughter and grinning. “We have the best babies in the world, Bonnie.” All that uncertainty about fatherhood and having children melted away. He so desperately wanted this responsibility and was glad he had it with a partner like Bonnie.
After a few minutes of rocking and cooing at Seren to get him to calm, Sirius asked, “Time to switch?” He would have made grabby hands at Zayna if his hands weren’t already full.
Bonnie would have laughed if she didn’t think it would disturb Zayna. She did, however, roll her eyes. “You know, if you sit down you can just hold both at the same time,” she said, motioning toward the oversized chair in the corner. He wouldn’t always have to sit down to hold both, but they weren’t strong enough for that. “That way we don’t have to play the switch game every few minutes.”
Gleeful at the idea of holding both, Sirius made his way to the chair she had indicated as being ideal for this. He sat down slowly, so not to disturb Seren from the peaceful doze he had seemed to have fallen into, and then held out his other arm for Zayna to be placed in. “They’re so little,” he marvelled, still fully amazed by the two little beings that he had helped make.
“Mmm.” she agreed with a nod, “They are, but they’ve already changed a lot.” When he sat down, she very carefully played Zayna into his free arm so he was holding both of them. “I have hundreds of photos though, don’t worry.” And speaking of. The second her hands were free and Sirius had both twins, her hands went to her back pocket and she pulled out her cellphone.
Bonnie quickly typed in the code and tapped the camera app on her phone. First time holding both twins? Yeah, she needed about fifty new photos. “Smile,” she told Sirius as she raised the camera.
Photos. They weren’t the same as memories, but at least he had photos. He had already missed so much at the beginning of their lives, but he had no intention of losing any more time with them. Looking away from the two for a second when Bonnie pulled out her camera phone, he smiled as he was told to. “I’m going to need you to share all of those photos when you get a chance.”
Zayna made a little gurgling noise and he looked back down toward her, still mesmerized that these were his children. Merlin, who thought this was a good idea? “I’m going to be there for you, you know,” he added, speaking to Bonnie but still looking at the twins. “Whatever you need, whatever they need, I’ll be there.” If they wanted to take a more magic approach, she could always share her memories, but given her life and the way she was raised, that was never her first thought. “Of course.” she had an entire album saved, she would add him to it.
“Well, obviously.” she said as if that was a no brainer. When she was done taking photos, she put her phone back in her pocket. “Do you think I’d let you through the door if I thought you weren’t going to show up for them? Parent trauma bullshit ends with our parents.” They both had very different issues with parents, but they both still had them, and she wasn’t going to let that happen to the twins.
“Thank you for saying that because that’s exactly what I was afraid of whenever I used to think about having kids. That I would be my father, my mother when it came to them.” But Bonnie believed that they wouldn’t be their parents and he wanted so desperately to take her at her word, so he did. Simple as that. “Now, I don’t think that anymore. So thank you for believing in me. And I don’t think I have to say so, but you’re definitely a fantastic mother.” The evidence was clear by how well taken care of the twins were.
“We’re not our parents,” she said carefully, moving to the side of the big chair Sirius was sitting on with the twins, and sitting carefully on the edge of the armchair of the side was Seren was on. She carefully reached out to run one of her fingers slowly over his cheek. “I’m not going to abandon my kids, or try to ignore what they are, and you’re obviously not any kind of dark-wizard.” That much was obvious to her, she had always seen it very clearly, even if he had doubts. “We both know family isn’t just blood. These two will have more family than they know what to do with.” Maybe not Weasley level family. But getting up there.
At the mention of family, a bittersweet feeling washed over Sirius. He was, without question, glad that his parents would never meet the twins, but also, his brother or sister would never meet them as well. It was a shame because he could easily see Rasalas being enchanted with them in her own way and claiming otherwise. Thoughts turned toward Fabian, not for the first time, and how he was missing this as well. At one point in time, he thought maybe he and Fabian could have been more, but here, they would never find out so he put that out of mind once again. “You’re right,” Sirius said, nodding and adjusting his holds on the twins. “They’re going to be well-loved if the reception I received was anything to go by.”
By the time Bonnie had seen Sirius’ comments, there had already been a flood of others. She wasn’t sure what she did to deserve that many people who cared so much, but she was grateful for it. “I’d say sorry about that, but I’m not. It just means more people who are there for them.” Besides, if you left for a while and made people worry, you got hassled on the internet.
“In the meantime, we need to figure out how this,” she made a gesture motioning to all four of them, “is going to work.” Bonnie lived with Caroline and Lucas, and she had no idea what it was Sirius’ wanted to do. She assumed he wanted to be around the twins as much as possible, but she didn’t know how it was all going to play out.
“I’m not sure how you want it to work, but I want to be nearby. I can take a couch here or see about getting an apartment on this floor, but I don’t want to be far anymore,” Sirius said, tightening his hold on the babies a bit at the thought of being apart. “What about you? What do you want me to do?”
It was easy to understand why he wanted to be close with the babies around, the closer he was the less likely he was to miss anything. “I’m not going to tell you what to do,” she said with a shake of her head. “You can crash on our couch if you want. I think the apartment across the hall is empty as well. Three bedrooms, I believe.”
“If you don’t mind, I’ll take the couch for now? And I’ll see about making across the way habitable for the babies so maybe they can stay for the night there occasionally?” It was all in the future since Sirius had to get a job and build up his funds to buy furniture and things of comfort.
“Of course I don’t mind.” There was no rush, they would figure it out. The idea of the twins being anywhere else made her anxious, but knowing it was literally just across the hall wasn’t as bad. “We’ll figure it out. For right now, is there anything you need while you’re getting acquainted? Hungry?”
“Starving,” he said, shifting the babies again. They were so small and wiggly. It was a good thing he was sitting down to hold them, otherwise, he would have been afraid of dropping them. “But I can wait to eat. I just want to keep holding them for now.” It would be a while before he was ready to let them go.
“I’ll order something in. That will give you more time. They are going to need to be fed soon anyway, so you’re going to have to give up one of them eventually for a few minutes.” She pulled out her cell phone again, tapping open an app to order some food for the two adults, the twin's food safely in the kitchen. “They’re bottle-fed, so you can feed one of them and then we’ll see if we can manage some time to feed ourselves.” She hadn’t expected her night to go quite like this, but she would take it. It was almost picture-perfect, and she was going to make sure the twins had the ability to spend as much as they could with Sirius, a part of her still worried he would vanish again before they could form lifelong memories. Though that could happen to either of them.
“You’re a saint, Bonnie Bennett,” he said, smiling up at her from where he was sitting, before turning back to look at the twins in awe. It would be a while before he stopped looking at them with so much wonderment in his eyes.