Ronan got it into his head that he wanted to bring Chainsaw on this date. It wasn’t the first time of course, but it was the most ridiculous time.
“It’s not real. It’s just top-notch animatronics,” he said, when they stopped him in the lobby, because of course they fucking did. There was a large asshole of a bird on his shoulder. He turned his cheek against her wing and smirked. “Say walk the plank, asshole.”
Chainsaw barked something vaguely resembling fuck off instead.
“Close enough,” Ronan shrugged.
Somehow they bought it. Or they just weren’t paid enough to stop a guy with a buzzed head and tattoos from bringing his raven into an escape room. The latter was a fuckton more likely. He’d leave them a big tip or something.
The doorway and ceilings were all a little low because the place was designed to look like a ship; Chainsaw mirrored how he ducked his head to enter the room. Inside, it looked like the pirate captain’s quarters. Old wooden furniture and caskets. Flags and maps on the walls. Even a chandelier full of skulls.
“Kinda wish I’d brought an eyepatch now,” he murmured, turning to smirk at Adam as the door slammed shut behind them.
Adam was skeptical, but he wasn't about to tell Ronan not to. Bringing Chainsaw into an escape room under the guise of animatronics was as far-fetched as it came. But his own curiosity to see if actually worked won out. Adam was dangerously, smugly quiet when Ronan was questioned, and shook his head in amused disbelief when they ushered them inside the "ship". His boyfriend was both ridiculous and infuriating and he loved every stupid second of it.
"Wouldn't do you any good," Adam said, scratching underneath Chainsaw's beak as he passed by Ronan to get to the table in the middle of the room. The most obvious place to start. And Adam wasn't going to waste time in something that absolutely was built to be competitive. There was a clock counting down above the door, after all. "Most pirates used them to keep one pupil dilated for—"
Adam trailed off picking up the map on the table. Well, a partial map. Part of a map. They likely needed to find the rest of it. He showed it to Ronan. "How are your cartography skills with bad Latin?"
Ronan was feeling pretty good about how that all went down, but even better when he saw the gleam in Adam’s eye that said he was already enjoying himself. Even if they got kicked out five minutes from now, he’d still have that look to hold onto later. It widened his grin as he moved up beside Adam and took the map.
“I was gonna say the eyepatch would be for effect, but fuck.” He covered up one eye to stare at the map. “Nope, doesn’t help.” They’d said someone would be listening. For the occasional clue or whatever. So he directed his mocking at the ceiling. “Your latin sucks ass,” he announced.
A voice came over the speaker, gravely and amused. “Arrrrrr….we knoooow.”
To be fair, that made Ronan huff a laugh through his nose. He brought his sharp gaze back down to the paper and then inspected the room. Sure enough, there was larger map peeking out from behind a tapestry. He moved over to push it aside and there was a hole in it, conveniently shaped like the map fragment in his hand. “Get over here, Parrish.”
"You shouldn't piss off the pirate ghosts," Adam said, glancing toward the ceiling where the voice came from. "They may not let us out. Then you'll be stuck in this room with me forever. I don't know enough pirate jokes to keep you entertained."
He did look impressed though when Ronan uncovered the map behind the tapestry. Adam murmured something about him usually being the one that bossed Ronan around, and he lifted the piece to slot into the rest of the map. All of it together was easier to see what exactly this was a map of—not necessarily the island that was depicted.
"It's of the cabin," Adam said, but in a way that sounded unsure. He pointed to various spots on the map then to their corresponding spots around the room. "The skull in the middle, the chandelier. The edge here, Cornwall's Plutuem, but it's spelled wrong. Plutuem is shelf in Latin." There was a bookcase in the corner stuffed with books, a fake skull, and a spyglass. Adam raised a brow at Ronan, his hand casually coming to touch his side, and grinned. No one said they couldn't be affectionate while solving a multi-layered puzzle, and they were pressed impossibly close.
"Too much to assume the X here actually marks the spot?" Adam asked.
“God, stuck in a room with you forever. How will I ever survive.” Chainsaw got tired of peering from Ronan’s shoulder and slapped his smirking face with her wing as she flew off to perch on a globe. It happened often enough that all he did was raise his eyebrows and blink, as if to say seriously in that tone of voice he used when he was zero percent surprised.
On the plus side, no raven in his ear meant he got to listen to Adam be smart as shit. His fingers drifted idly over Adam’s hand on his hip before he took hold of him to pull towards the bookshelf. They’d been warned that it paid to split up. That digging through clues would take time. But Ronan never did like people telling him what was more efficient.
They didn’t need to split up anyway. It only took a few minutes of toying with things and making snide little remarks to discover the books had a single letter bolded in each of their titles and if they pulled them in the order that spelled out treasure, the bookshelf slid to the side. It revealed a cubby hole with papers and a tiny key inside.
“Gonna guess that doesn’t open the door.” Ronan picked up the key and left the papers to Adam. He waggled his eyebrows. “Looks like a handcuff key.”
There was something a little thrilling when Ronan took charge. Not that it ever lasted because Adam would have this deep, immediate need to fight for control, but every now and then he could give some of that to Ronan. Trust in another person, even to lead the way through an escape room, was something to note. And so Adam did.
The look he shot Ronan though when he mentioned the key going to handcuffs was exasperated and a little bit intrigued. A conversation for later kind of look. Chainsaw made a noise from her perch on the globe as if she could tell what Adam was thinking.
He bit his lip and reached for the abandoned papers in the cubby hole. Maybe they came with some insight to what and where the key unlocked. Except, the papers were—"Oh wow, these are love letters. Not all of them but," Adam paged through the stack: coordinates for various ships, a manifest that just said tobacco, and two that were signed Yours, Smithy.
"Scandalous, someone really likes talking about burying his treasure. And wait—" Adam put his hand on Ronan's arm to keep him from prowling away to find the lock. "Your love is the key to my heart, chaining me down." Adam huffed out a quick laugh, the cheesiness catching him off guard. "Look for something heart-shaped? Attached to chains?"
The connotation wasn't great, but pirates, Adam supposed.
Ronan was already scouring the room with his eyes when he was stopped from moving away, but he’d been too distracted by Adam’s laugh to get very far anyway. He leaned in – looking for all intents and purposes like he was going for a kiss – and then he snatched the letter out of Adam’s hand to imperiously wander away while perusing it.
“Jesus. Mix it up a little!” This was directed at the speaker above their heads that had piped up earlier, even though his eyes didn’t leave the paper. “Hoist the mainsail. Roger my jolly. Shiver me timbers.” He spared Adam a bright-eyed smirk before he started to search for a heart with a keyhole somewhere in the room.
It took time and a lot of griping, to be honest. There was even a five minute break to be generally unhelpful, pet Chainsaw like a comic book villain would, and watch Adam dig through drawers with a sexy little wrinkle of concentration between his eyebrows. Eventually Ronan sighed dramatically and spun the globe. The motion made the skull on the bookshelf pop open its mouth and inside was a bulky looking heart-shaped locket.
“Land, ho,” he joked. The locket opened with the key but frustratingly only held the carved roman numerals ‘I – V – IX – III’ inside. “1593,” Ronan growled. “Feels like how many years we’ve been locked in this room.”
Under his breath, Adam added smiling right back at Ronan, "Dock in my port. Pillage your booty. All hands on deck." Adam held up his own hands, wiggling his fingers for emphasis. They were never going to get out of this because now all Adam could think about was inappropriate behavior in an escape room and bad pirate puns. And he still needed to get Ronan back for that almost kiss. Because if they were going to be shitheads, they would at least be shitheads together.
This only made Adam force himself to focus more—he did not want to recount how little progress they made to Gansey and how they failed at simple, puzzle logic. But as Adam opened another drawer without any breadcrumbs for the heart-lock answer, there was nothing simple about this. It was Ronan discovering the clue inside the skull's mouth that made Adam pop up from his search and wander over to Ronan, chin on his shoulder.
"I thought you didn't mind being trapped in a room with me," Adam asked, squeezing Ronan's sides from behind. He eyed the numerals. "Can't be the year 1593, it would be M-D-X-C-III. Or should be," Adam whispered the last part, because insulting their game masters was too easy at this point and it felt unfair when the clock was still ticking. "Another lock?" Adam didn't sound convinced. He tried to recall anything with numbers on it in his search, and then—
"Eighteen. Add the numbers up together. Is there eighteen of something around here?" And just like that Adam was back into the escape room and peeling himself away from Ronan and going toward the desk.
Ronan stashed away Adam’s euphemism suggestions for later. He’d already been thinking they needed some pirate roleplay after this but now it was a lock.
“I know that,” he scoffed about the year correction. Mostly so he could hide the heat in his face after all hands on deck replayed a second time in his head. “I was just building off the Latin flub.” He distractedly watched Adam’s hands as he moved away. Following him was the instinct that always pulled at Ronan’s gut, but he stayed put and let his gaze drift across the room. The idea was to not focus. Just wait and see if something jumped out at him. Maybe if he blurted out obnoxiously sappy shit it would help.
“There's no one I'd rather be trapped in a dumb room with forever. Just…so we’re clear.” A ship’s wheel mounted to the wall caught his attention. There was the vague shadow of roman numerals on the wall behind it - in the shape of a clock - and one of the wheel handles was painted red. “Wait…Shit, Parrish, I might actually have something.” He crossed to the ship's wheel and grabbed it by the red handle, turning the wheel four separate times to put the red handle at different positions – one o’clock, five o’clock, nine o’clock, three o’clock. As soon as he hit three, a hidden door behind Adam slid open with a loud click.
Adam stood from his scouring at the desk: first to smile at Ronan, and say we're clear, and second to see what Ronan found. He waited quietly, watching Ronan spin the wheel to the appropriate numbers. He had taken a step toward Ronan in anticipation for whatever was going to be unlocked so they could move on. Except the door behind him popped open and Adam startled, then swore, once.
He probably should have waited for Ronan to cross the room and join him, but so enthralled with the idea of a secret room, Adam stepped inside. The light was dim, and the space was wildly cramped. Adam wasn't sure if both of them would fit inside, but not like that stopped him from reaching a hand behind him without turning, expecting—knowing—Ronan would take it.
His eyes scanned the mass of tiny paintings covering the walls in the room. Between some of them were plus and minus signs, and carved out letters into the wood. And then all at once it hit him. "It's a rebus," Adam blurted out. And then sounding a little pained, he added, "The pictures spell out the words."
This was where things got complicated. Normally he would spend time analyzing things more closely, researching possibilities, comparing and contrasting notes. It was the pressure of the time crunch that was making him sweat it out. No one warned him that escape rooms could be stressful. Maybe this was why he was easily distracted by Ronan when they kept separating and coming back together.
"This might take a while without a pen and paper. I might have preferred the bad Latin. Or pirate puns. Let's go back to the pirate puns?"
For a split second, Ronan had to remind himself they were somewhere safe. That Adam disappearing into darkness was nothing to be concerned by. Fuck the last few years for inspiring even the briefest flare of panic at a moment like this.
He grabbed onto Adam’s hand and ducked into the tiny space with him. The light was dim because it was a lamp with a flickering flame inside. No doubt fake and not actually fire. But it gave the room and the rebus a moody setting. Ronan glared. It was an easy enough decision to make, in his opinion. He crowded up behind Adam, chest to back, and he pressed a kiss to the side of his neck.
“There’s probably pen and paper in here somewhere.” Another kiss delivered, after Ronan crooked a finger under Adam’s collar to expose more of his neck. “Pretty sure that big brain of yours doesn’t really need them, though. Come on, Parrish.” He scraped his teeth across Adam’s skin. “Impress me.”
If Adam was not so adamantly atheist, he would have taken this moment right now to pray to whatever god for a fraction of strength against the absolute, immediate yearning in his gut from Ronan's mouth on his neck. Then his teeth. Ronan was playing unfairly, and Adam was unable to suppress a single shiver that ran through his body. He took a deep breath, eyes closed.
Impress me was a challenge that Adam had no right in accepting, but it was like an urge he couldn't resist—and Ronan knew this. His stubbornness required him to mentally shut off every nerve-ending as to not be so distracted by the press of Ronan against his back. Adam intentionally leaned heavier into Ronan. Because he could be impressive and also be an asshole right back, purposely upping the stakes. Why make things easy?
"A smooth sea," Adam said, after a long moment of working through the various pictures, counting letters and numbers, and rearranging the sentence in his head. It took only marginally longer than it would have with something to write with. "Never made a skilled pirate."
His reward, Adam decided, for figuring it out was kissing Ronan. So he turned around and did.
Ronan hummed against Adam’s throat when he felt the shiver run through him. His fingers curled into Adam’s hips, too, but he knew there was only so much they’d be allowed in this tiny room where they were undoubtedly on some kind of shitty little camera. That didn’t stop him from kissing Adam back of course. He always gave as good as he got and then some.
And okay maybe he gave a little too good. They bumped hard into a trunk on a table and Ronan had a hand buried in Adam’s hair when the table rotated. He had to snap out a hand to catch his balance - for both their sakes - and lucky for it too. His hand pressed against the trunk lid and it came open, apparently unlocked by the turning of the table. He wondered if they’d missed a clue to that somewhere in the other room. Not that it mattered.
“There better be some good treasure in here, because I’m starting to want to just kick the exit door down.” He sounded a little breathless.
“No kicking any doors down,” the overhead speaker said, forgetting to even put on his pirate voice. “I mean, arrrr, you’re runnin’ out of time, mateys.”
Ronan rolled his eyes and peaked into the trunk. Inside was a lot of random “treasure” - fake gold coins, jewels - and right on top was an impressive looking skeleton key, much more substantial than the handcuff key.
“I’m taking credit for this one,” he said.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Adam knew that making out in an escape room was a poor use of time. That part of him that wanted to manage his time accordingly, like currency, was twisting up into knots at the blatant, indulgent use. He had been better about quieting that side of him, and right now with Ronan's hand in his hair and lips on his, that voice could piss off for a while.
But then there was moving furniture, and uncoordinated grabbing for tables, and a voice reminding them of the ticking clock. Later, he could continue this later. Even if they were getting farther in the room, faster, by accidental discoveries through kissing.
Adam did not, however, make any move to fix his hair or readjust his shirt. He just stared, gloriously disheveled, at their new find. "It was a group effort, " Adam said, a little smug, and turned to look around the room. Was it too much to ask if this clue was actually their way out?
He walked out to the center of the room, beneath the chandelier of skulls, and looked up. Nothing. "I think we missed a step somewhere." Adam mused out loud. And then Chainsaw made a noise from her new perch by the portrait of what Adam assumed was the captain of the ship. Holding the skeleton key.
"Is it cheating if she helps?"
“Fine, but I’m taking all the credit for how well-fucking-kissed you look right now,” Ronan smirked. It would’ve been too easy to fall right back into distracting Adam from their task, but he knew his boyfriend needed a balance of success and reckless behavior to be happy. Besides, Ronan was a competitive shithead and he refused to lose at a lame ass escape room anyway.
“Fuck no it isn’t cheating. This is a team sport.” He moved to run his fingers up under Chainsaw’s feathers and she hopped over to his shoulder, chirping in his ear. “Let’s see what you found, asshole.” The painting didn’t move. Ronan scowled after a few shoves did nothing. But then he remembered the rebus and looked a little closer. Behind the captain in the portrait was a choppy sea. And a strange circle was inside the water. The circle swiveled up and out of the way under Ronan’s guiding touch, revealing a keyhole. He beamed a stupidly large grin at Adam.
“Get over here and stick it in, Parrish,” he joked.
The time limit was demanding, and the clues were both nonsensical and painfully cheesy, but the smile on Ronan's face when he figured out the next step made Adam's whole chest hurt. How many times had Adam been around to see Ronan light up like that? How many would he have missed when he was tucked away at Harvard? How many more would Adam coax out of Ronan and their time together here? Forever in this pirate room did have its perks.
He sidled up beside Ronan, snatching his wrist with one hand, and plucking the key from between Ronan's fingers with the other. He made sure to kiss Ronan's knuckles as a smug thank you before letting it go. And then he stuck the key into the uncovered lock.
When he turned it, the crank stopped short. He tried again, and again. The lock never fully twisted all the way around, nothing clicked into place. "Either this is not the right key, which I call bullshit," Adam said from his slightly hunched position of trying to jam the key in and out of the lock, "or something is brok—" The soft metal of the skeleton key snapped right in his hand.
Adam, shocked and a little confused, held up the broken piece between them. And then he started to laugh. "Maybe you should have been the one to stick it in."
It was the stupidest shit how quick his heart picked up with something as simple as Adam kissing his knuckles. Ronan could do nothing but scowl petulantly about it until the broken key pulled a snorted laugh out of him.
“Holy shit, way to hulk out,” he said, grabbing the part of the key from Adam’s hand. “Hey! You fuckers seeing this?” He held it up for the camera in the corner. The speaker clicked.
“Uhhh...that definitely shouldn’t have happened. Hold on and I’ll--just hold on….Arrrrr.”
Ronan raised his eyebrows at Adam and then let his gaze drift downwards over his boyfriend with zero subtlety. “Guess we’ve got some time to kill,” he murmured.
His face flushed, a flash of embarrassment at breaking the room. He was usually a little more skilled with his hands—gentle, considerate, thoughtful in their use—but as he watched Ronan hold the broken piece to the camera, Adam knew it only applied to certain situations. Apparently, this was not one of those times.
Adam ran his index finger over the broken piece still wedge in the lock as their escape room directors told them to hold on. He felt bad, and that wave of guilt started quantifying itself in more tangible things—and the only reason why Adam didn't spiral into thinking about costs and replacements was because of the look Ronan was throwing his way.
He pointed in the direction of the clock, without breaking his gaze from Ronan. "Time is still running, though. And possibly without supervision." Adam stepped closer, reaching out to tug Ronan closer by the hem of his shirt. "Is it time for all hands on deck now?"
“The clock better not be running,” Ronan scoffed. “It’s not our fault they used some cheap ass fake skeleton key.” He chewed on it for a second, like that somehow proved it was shitty. Adam’s hands pulling him closer distracted him from being too ridiculous at least. He snorted and pressed his forehead to Adam’s, coiling his long arms around him.
“Maybe this is karma for not stealing Gansey away from his harem for this,” he said, half-serious. “You never know how his magic shit works.” He didn’t actually think Gansey’s magic was behind this; he just felt a little bad. Nothing with Adam was ever lacking by any damn means and he was having a great time but Gansey would’ve been bouncing around the room with a dumbass grin and that had merit too. As much as it annoyed him to admit it.
“Maybe we could--”
The “escape” door popped open, revealing a harassed looking employee with a giant hat. “Hi, sorry, that mechanism is totally busted and it’s kind of integral to the whole escape plan soooo…” He laughed, apologetically. “Please don’t be mad. We’ll refund you!”
Adam hummed in agreement as their foreheads touched. It could have been karma, it could have been Gansey's magic, or it could have just been their shit luck.
"He probably would have told you not to put shit in your mouth," Adam said, tipping his face up to kiss Ronan quickly. He had missed Gansey here too, and it would hit him at the strangest times—Gansey would have figured out the rebus faster, and maybe found the missing step they had accidentally stumbled into, and not broken the key. Ronan vocalizing it only made Gansey's absence more noticeable.
At the same time Ronan spoke, Adam also cut in with, "What if we—"
The door opened. The clock stopped. The room was over. And that little bubble they had crafted around themselves fell away. Adam peeled himself away from Ronan (a hardship, really) and approached the employee in his most congenial way. The one he used to pleasantly negotiate with.
"Is it possible to get credit for another room for a later date?" Adam shot a quick, conspiratorial glance to Ronan over his shoulder, before adding, "But for three?"