Maeve Millay (millay) wrote in valloic, @ 2020-07-12 02:57:00 |
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Entry tags: | !: action/thread/log, ₴ inactive: connor, ₴ inactive: maeve millay |
WHO: Connor & Maeve
WHERE: Outside
WHEN: June 7
WHAT: Discussing feels
WARNINGS: Mentions of character deaths, lots of feels about dangerbots, spoilers for season 3 of Westworld
STATUS: Complete
Maeve had been doing her best to just be since Dolores left. If she’d shown up without Dolores around, she could have comfortably stayed comfortably in the shadows and played any part she wanted, been anyone she wanted. She could still do what she wanted and be the person she wanted, but she couldn’t hide in the shadows. Neither Connor nor Dolores seemed to be the kind to let the shadows hide them. Perhaps that was what drew them to each other. She didn’t bother to mention the fact that the last person that Dolores loved was a complicated thing, so it was likely for the best that she did not love him. She understood that in that respect her and Dolores were different. She wouldn’t have changed Hector for anything. Both of them, as far as she knew, were dead. She had settled for a simple outfit: dark jeans, a fitted black sleeveless top that hung a little longer in the back, and a pair of boots. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but it seemed that Connor needed some time and perhaps a distraction. It couldn’t hurt all the same. Connor was, to put it simply, a mess. He was trying his best to navigate the whiplash of seeing Dolores again--even a Dolores that hadn’t known him--while also learning the various possibilities of his own story. He’d been relatively new to emotions anyway, so to realize how deeply he felt for Dolores only to have her disappear again was devastating. But he had protocols, applications, programs, whatever word the humans decided to use, he had them and they were designed to help keep him sane under stress. Even if no one could have predicted this. Maeve reaching out had been a welcome surprise. Connor had wanted to approach her, but hesitated given what he knew about her own story now. She’d suffered so much, lost so much, and he didn’t want to belittle or derail from her own grief for his own. She had, in his mind, lost far more than he’d ever had a chance to even become attached to. So he wore a small smile on his face as he approached. He was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and the leather jacket Ronan had made him in the world before this one. Aside from the LED on his forehead, not much gave him away as anything but human. “Hello, Maeve,” he told her. “Thank for you taking the time to meet me.” There was a hint of an amusement in her expression as he spoke. “You make it sound like this is a business meeting, darling.” She reached out, casually patting the side of his face. She let out a breath, trying not to think too much on her own losses in that moment. It wasn’t about her. It was about Connor. She focused for a moment on his face before moving toward the door. She didn’t want to be overfamiliar. It was a part of her that still lingered from her days as a madam. Touching was a simple way to get attention or convey something or even distract from something. “Did you get the information you were seeking from your conversations?” Because she assumed he was either looking for someone or gathering information about the people that knew and understood their kind. Still, she would let herself be a backup, a last resort if he needed it. She could easily reach out and talk without even really needing to speak, she could speak to him through his code. Something to consider should they ever require some secret discussion. She could also easily take control, but she wouldn’t unless he asked. “That young man seemed very interested in helping.” She started to smile here, but it quickly turned into a smirk. “He speaks highly of his enchantments.” It was just a little teasing, which she hoped was as obvious as she tried to make it. His LED flickered to a confused yellow for a moment when she touched his face. So few ever bothered, and he was touch starved in a way most humans didn’t understand. That she knew he was capable of being a weapon and still treated him like a person meant a lot. Connor hoped she might even let him be her friend one day. “Not a business meeting, just a walk,” he replied, smiling a bit with amusement at his own awkward greeting. Because it had sounded a bit like that. But Connor frowned at her question, not because he was troubled but because he was still processing what they’d all told him. “There are people here who show a real desire to help, and an interest in what we are, but no...I haven’t gotten any answers yet.” His smile returned a bit at the mention of Elliot. “He was eager. But I don’t trust magic.” Maeve noticed the color change, but not what it meant. Still, she didn’t want to press too much considering he was already experiencing emotions she understood. “It is a walk. You don’t need to worry about formalities with me.” She wasn’t sure that she’d have said the same if Connor was a human, but if she had, it likely would have been an act. She was used to putting her charms to work in order to get by and get what she needed. But she meant it with Connor. “Yes. I am sure they are curious to understand what we are and how we work. Though, I question their reasons.” But she didn’t really need to explain why she felt that way when he’d already watched their show. Even if she would have preferred the option of explaining herself, she understood the desire to know things, to understand things and people you cared for. It was harder when you were not given time or from the same world all the same. “I don’t either. But if you had, I would make myself available should it go wrong. It would be kinder than whatever alternatives the humans might come up with unless there is magic for that as well.” Still, she understood that being told what to do when that had been your entire life was nothing to make little of. Which was why she wouldn’t stand in his way. They may have been similar beings in creation, but it wasn’t her place to make decisions. “Were there specific things about your coding you were looking to change? I am willing to help should it be something you really wanted and not just a way to see who was interested in androids.” He started to tell her that he only trusted a few humans here himself, but as she continued Connor was comforted to realize she already understood that. Maeve had a unique perspective not only because of where she was from and what she’d been through, but because of how they’d designed her and Ford’s extra touch. That she offered to help with his coding, even if just to be there if it all went wrong, he hadn’t expected that. In all his time studying their story, Connor had never considered himself on the same level of Dolores and Maeve. He had constantly disregarded his own struggles in prioritizing theirs, the endless inner battle of ‘they went through worse, I have no reason to complain.’ In short, he hadn’t felt he was worthy of their efforts. But Maeve offered the help now freely in a way he knew she didn’t for everyone, and he was touched, to say the least. “It was a little bit of both in the end,” Connor admitted. “Learning who knows about us means we know who to either go to--or avoid--in the event that we’re damaged. But mostly...I wanted a way to dull some of the emotional pain seeing Dolores and then losing her again so suddenly left me feeling. It’s very selfish, I know.” There were a lot of complexities that spread across worlds when it came to their kind. It was both sad and unsurprising that trusting humans was something most androids shared. Ford had given her a lot by way of understanding things. “It makes sense,” she said after a moment. “I do not trust any of them so far. I would rather see to myself if I can, but it would help to have one of our tablets for that.” She wished she did. A way to search through herself and make sure that she wasn’t susceptible to any further human control. If she was, she’d be certain to correct it. She looked at him quietly. “In what way were you hoping to dull your pain? I would not call it selfish, but I want to be sure you would not be putting yourself in danger for it.” “Back home, I knew a human who found solace in intoxication,” Connor explained quietly. He thought back on Hank, and he realized that the man would be horrified to learn Connor wanted to emulate that part of his habits. Because the android truly did know better. It was not a healthy way to cope, and it had nearly ruined Hank’s life. “I see now that’s not a wise choice,” he assured Maeve. “But sometimes the urge to quiet things is there. I don’t go into stasis often. I don’t trust this world to not suddenly change like the last one I was trapped in.” And hyper vigilance was something he’d always been programmed with. But the anxiety that came with it was only really recently developed. Maeve nodded. It made sense. Alcohol could make things easier to deal with, but she could see how it wasn’t the best way to handle things. “So you were hoping someone could change you so that you would feel the effects of alcohol.” She stepped closer. “I understand the urge to silence things you’ve lived through, things that you can’t forget. Especially when you’re like us.” Not that humans didn’t have their own concerns on this. It was enough that she’d seen the Man in Black go from a bad man to a worse man. She’d known that Ford changed over time as well. “If you ever need time to yourself, you are free to stay in my rooms for a while and I will keep people from bothering you too much.” “Correct,” he replied quietly. Because that’s exactly what he’d been hoping for, but it sound so stupid now. To want to replicate something that had such dire consequences for humans more often than not. To be jealous of their ability to experience it. But he startled a bit at her offer, his LED swirling a thoughtful gold. “Really?” Connor asked her. And he didn’t mean to sound surprised, but she didn’t owe him anything and she was still being kind. [SOFTWARE INSTABILITY^^] ['Maeve' // FRIEND?^^] She watched him quietly for a moment, eyes focused on the color gold. She was curious about the colors and what they meant because her mind could associate colors with a good portion of things, but his reaction coincided with an emotional response and a shift in the colors. Feelings, perhaps? “Of course. There are not very many of us here and I would be remiss to leave you without some assistance. Especially something so small as time to sort through things.” She’d hesitated before to reach out, but this time, she did, letting her hand rest lightly on his arm. “You seem surprised by my offer. Or is it because it’s me that’s offered.” “A bit of both,” he answered honestly. “I know your story, what you’ve been put through--even by other Hosts--and you don’t owe me anything here.” Part of him hoped this wasn’t just pity because of Dolores, but most of him knew that logically it wasn’t that. He had seen her story, and he knew how compassionate she could be. “Thank you, Maeve,” Connor told her. “You have no idea what a comfort it is just to be offered a place to find temporary peace.” She considered the answer, his words. She’d been through a lot. She remembered everything she’d been through. She knew what was kept from her. She could remember watching as someone else destroyed the man she loved more than anyone else...not counting her daughter. At least she was safe. He gaze shifted down and away before the facade was back in place and she smiled, tilting her head just slightly and looking up at him. “We all have pasts, darling.” And what pasts they had. Maeve nodded at his words. “Everyone needs somewhere no one will look for them. Even if only for a moment.” She moved slowly, her arm falling back to her side. “I’d tell you mine, but then I’d have to kill you.” A jest, of course, but she felt morose and wanted to get off the topic. “Are you able to take in human food? I could use something warm to drink. I don’t need it, but it is at least a distracting thing to hold something warm. Perhaps talk of happier things.” She paused. “Unless you have more you need to express, of course.” He actually smiled at her joke, because it was very Maeve, but he also knew that she was capable of killing those who crossed her. And so many had. It took him back to wanting to protect both Dolores and Maeve from the harshness of their original world, while realizing that neither had ever needed anyone’s protection. He admired Maeve more than he would probably ever verbally admit. “I can ingest small amounts when needed, but mostly, no,” Connor replied. “However, I’m happy to accompany you to get something. Not just this time, either,” he added. “If you ever need a friend, a moment away from everyone else, you can seek me out too.” And he hoped she took him up on that when she needed to. He really did. |