Valkyrie (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} elitewarrior) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} valloic,@ 2024-08-17 22:31:00 |
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Valkyrie, Carol, and Maria
WHAT: It's Carol's birthday but her girlfriend is sleeping with her first love who's been dead nearly 2000 years and her dead best friend tells her not to put up with that shit
WHERE: Loch Laggan
WHEN: Today, Saturday
WARNINGS: Some references to death
STATUS: Complete
"Who do I need to fight?"
WHERE: Loch Laggan
WHEN: Today, Saturday
WARNINGS: Some references to death
STATUS: Complete
"Who do I need to fight?"
Today was Carol’s birthday. Her age was a mess, something she kept track of out of habit but was really technically irrelevant. She was immortal—in the same physical shape she’d been in at twenty-eight and unlikely to ever change. And with home (whichever version of it she felt like claiming these days, and lately, it was the second one) running ahead of Vallo time, she could really claim anywhere from 63 to 66.
She tried to keep it chronological as much as possible—one year up for every birthday that passed, regardless of whether it really mathed out—so 66 it was. There were even two of those bulky candles shaped like sixes shoved into her pancakes and lit that morning, which she’d blown out amidst laughter at the sight.
Maria wanted to make plans for the day, to celebrate, and of course Carol couldn’t turn her down. So, once breakfast was cleaned up, she went off to her room to get ready for the day. What she hadn’t expected was to come into the room and see Val sitting on the bed. She frowned, closing the door behind her with a snap, scanning the room in search of the other person that surely must have tagged along.
Nope. It was just Valkyrie. Unfortunately, that did nothing to ease Carol’s tension.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. “You’re supposed to be with Róta.”
Valkyrie knew her time with Róta was limited, but the other woman seemed to think she had more than another day, and had been alright with separate plans for the day… and night. It was a situation to be caught up in, but Valkyrie knew even before Róta mentioned that her time was limited that her life was with Carol. They hadn't spelled it out explicitly, but Valkyrie knew they were otherwise exclusive. And she was truly alright with that, outside of extraordinary circumstances like the first person she'd ever loved showing up in Vallo.
"On your birthday? I think not, Marv," Valkyrie answered easily, standing and walking over to Carol, reaching for her hands. "I know the timing of this is… less than ideal, but today is all yours. Róta can handle herself today, though she does want to meet you."
Some visceral, petty part of Carol wanted to pull her hands back when Valkyrie reached for her, but she curbed the urge and let their hands join for a brief squeeze.
Logically, rationally, she knew Val had done nothing wrong in this situation. Despite the twisty feeling of it deep in the pit of her stomach, she hadn’t been betrayed here. Valkyrie had talked to her before doing anything, and Carol had been the one to grant her permission to do what she wanted. She could have said no, and she knew Val would have respected that. But she couldn’t get over the feeling that playing this any other way would have made her the asshole, and so here she was—in a mess of her own making.
What else was new?
“You should be with her,” she said, stepping past Valkyrie to make her way toward the wardrobe against the farther wall. Her back was to Valkyrie now, and she felt a little calmer. “It’s been, what? A couple thousand years?” She didn’t think Valkyrie even knew the number, but it had to be around there. “You shouldn’t be wasting your time here with me. I’m fine.”
"Carol, being here with you is never wasting my time," Valkyrie said, a faint frown forming as she used her girlfriend's proper name. "Do we need to talk about Róta being here?" She had known by Sure. that Carol wasn't completely comfortable with the situation, but she hadn't been expecting to be sent away either.
"I want to spend today with you, Marv," she said quietly, observing her girlfriend, willing her to turn back around before she walked over there.
Carol stopped. Val’s use of her first name wasn’t the norm. She didn’t mind it—and wouldn’t mind if it was used more often—but for their norm, it was jarring. She knew it meant that she was transparent enough for Valkyrie to see through. She had never been the best at concealing her emotions; even thirty years in space hadn’t changed that. She had grown a more professional Captain Marvel persona over time, but Carol often felt like a separate being. One that she knew completely and not at all simultaneously.
It was almost incomprehensible to her now that she’d managed to spend years being completely okay in an open relationship with Valkyrie. Now that this was more than just a random girl to warm Valkyrie’s bed, she could hardly stand it. Róta was an exception of the highest order and one Carol fully supported Valkyrie prioritizing. But maybe that was the problem – Róta was someone significant, and Carol’s inherent competitiveness saw her as a challenger she couldn’t beat.
She tipped her head up, breathing through her nose until she’d steadied, then turned around. “I know,” she said, meeting Valkyrie’s gaze. “I love that you want to be here for me, and I love you, and I’ll meet Róta tomorrow, okay? But you deserve your time with her. I’ll be here when things go back to how they were.”
"You're telling me that you don't want me here for your birthday?" Valkyrie asked, wide-eyed. "Because I will spend time with her, I know it's limited, Marv. But today you're my priority."
Carol swallowed roughly, her left hand tensing but not quite balling up. She was doing a poor job of keeping her composure, but so far, she’d held on. She could keep going, be honest and transparent without losing herself. She was going to try her hardest, anyway.
“I want you here,” she said, “but right now, everything in me is telling me I need to make you choose, and that’s not fair. It’s not how I want to be. So, I need to keep it separate. I’d rather you just…be with her for now. No overlap.”
This time it was Valkyrie who turned around and walked away. She took a deep breath, considering her options there. She loved Róta and always would. Her time with her was limited, but that time could be spent outside of the bedroom. Because she also loved Carol, and if that's what she needed, she would give it to her. Another breath, and she turned back to Carol.
"Marv, if you need for me to cancel that free pass, I will. I love you."
Carol’s breath caught and she gave up on trying to stand, taking a few steps over to drop onto the end of the bed and bury her face in her hands. Why was this so hard? Why was she always like this? Why couldn’t she have one feeling and say one thing and stick to it? She hated being a conflicted mess, even though she knew no one judged her as harshly for it as she did herself.
With a long, tired sigh, she raised her head back to Valkyrie and firmly said, “No. I gave it to you, and I want you to take it. I know you would do the same for me if this was reversed.” She pressed her lips together and took another breath. “But our situation before? It worked because I wasn’t there, babe. I didn’t see anything, and I didn’t have to think about it, and I don’t have that now.”
"Oh Marv, I would," Valkyrie agreed, joining Carol on the bed. "And if this is what you need, then I'll leave and we'll come by tomorrow or Monday when it's not your birthday. Because I need the two most important women in my very long life to meet each other before that's no longer possible. But you need to know, if roles were reversed? I'd be feeling the same way. It wasn't the same for me back when our relationship was open, I hadn't tied my entire life and future into you then. I have now. Róta's my past. Just an incredibly important part of my past who I never thought I'd see again."
She leaned in, and placed a soft kiss on Carol's cheek. "I'm yours, Marv. Nothing's changed there."
With that, Valkyrie stood back up. "I'm claiming a weekend away with you somewhere to celebrate your birthday belatedly now." Not that they could go that far away in Vallo, but she'd figure something out.
Carol couldn’t do more than nod, not with the way her throat had tightened and her eyes started to water. This was insane. She was acting insane. But her heart hurt at the very idea of Valkyrie being with anyone else, especially someone so important to her. Róta may be Val’s past, but here she was in the present, no matter how temporary it may be, and it felt like a threat looming.
She sucked in another breath and slid her long fingers through her hair, pulling it back from her face. “Yeah, maybe. We’ll talk about it.”
If Valkyrie didn't know Carol, she'd think that leaving her to go back to Róta would be a horrific mistake, one that might end their relationship. Even knowing her as she did, believing that Carol wanted her to have time with her former lover, she had concerns about leaving things as they were.
"I love you with everything I have, Marv," she said, gently reaching toward Carol, fingers brushing her chin, turning her girlfriend's face toward hers. She leaned in and kissed her, lingering in the moment before pulling back. "Don't you ever doubt that," she told her. "Alright?"
Not a thought entered Carol’s mind at that moment. She reacted completely instinctively, her hands finding Valkyrie’s shoulders and digging in as their lips met. Another insistent tug followed and this time she kissed Val, fingers tight in the fabric of her shirt.
“I don’t doubt it,” she breathed in answer, belatedly. “Not for a second. I’m sorry, I wish I could be better about this. I really, really do.”
"No need to apologize," Valkyrie said, looking at Carol with gratitude. "I know that we're going to be alright." She leaned in and stole another kiss, and then said, "Trust me, Marv. It'll be alright."
And then she pulled back. She had to. She was going to honor Carol's wishes and leave, but that didn't make it any easier to accept that her girlfriend was sending her away on her birthday, something that Valkyrie was looking forward to spending with her. So she turned and left their room, spotting Maria on her way out and recognizing her instantly.
She didn't say anything, didn't introduce herself, just nodded back toward Carol's room as if to say her presence was needed before she left the covert to go find Róta and explain how things had gone completely awry.
Carol didn’t move, stunned silent with tears streaming down her face. For the first time, she thought she really understood how Emmeline had felt when her feelings for Natasha had re-emerged—when Nat had become her Nat and not just Nat. That had been sudden, an overwhelming well of repressed feelings surfacing that neither of them had known how to handle. But she could imagine the raw, awful hurt and feeling of helplessness weren’t much different.
This wasn’t completely comparable; she had done this to herself. She’d had plenty of opportunity to stop it if she truly wanted. She’d denied it at every turn. She told Valkyrie to go do this, go be with Róta—so what right did she have to be this torn apart?
Maybe, deep down, she’d wanted Valkyrie to change her mind on her own and decide to choose only her. She hadn’t, and Carol couldn’t even truly blame her. She’d listened and given Carol what she’d wished for. She had done nothing wrong.
The sound of footsteps coming closer ripped her out of her head. She wiped at her wet cheeks with her palms, took a breath, and looked up at the figure standing in the doorway. “I’m fine,” she said, despite a whole lot of evidence to the contrary. “Sorry Val had to go. I’ll introduce you another day.”
Maria had been heading Carol's way after it was taking her an unusually long time to get ready. When she spotted Valkyrie leaving she'd had to stop herself from saying anything, not wanting to interfere unless Carol asked her to. But so far she was far from impressed by the other woman.
But she took one look at Carol and knew she was not fine. But she didn't bother trying to argue with her about it, knowing how stubborn her best friend had always been. Instead she wrapped her arms around Carol wordlessly and pulled her into a tight hug.
"Who do I need to fight?" she asked after a moment, not pulling back yet. She'd let Carol do that.
Carol huffed out a watery laugh. Her arms latched around Maria and she pressed her face into her shoulder, quietly inhaling her scent. If there was one upside to this shitty situation and her inability to admit what she really wanted, it was that Maria was here with her. In a way, she was glad this version wasn’t who she’d been in a romantic relationship with so long ago. It was easier to have her best friend without the complicated feelings she knew Valkyrie was dealing with now.
“Me,” she admitted as she raised her gaze back to her best friend. “For not having the balls to say what I really want because of the tiniest possibility I might be in the same situation someday.”
"Call her back here and tell her that," Maria said, no-nonsense.
“Maria, I just practically shoved her out the door and told her to go do what she needs to do. I think it’s past the takebacks stage.”
"No, it's not. Now if you’d rather make excuses, just tell me and I'll drop the subject. But I am always going to be one hundred percent team Carol so if you're unhappy with what you've decided, now's the time to fix it," Maria said. "But what you want matters, Carol. You're in a relationship, you're allowed to want things from your partner."
She paused. "Am I coming on too aggressive best friend-ish? I can reign it in."
Carol smiled and squeezed Maria around the waist. She hadn’t let go of her and didn’t plan to just yet. Having her here after missing her so much was among the greatest gifts Vallo had ever given her, even if it was temporary.
“No, it’s the perfect amount of best friend-ish,” she assured. It was different from what she’d had with Wanda for so long, who preferred gentle suggestions, but it was no less perfect. Sometimes, Carol needed to be pushed. “And you’re right. I need to tell Val how I feel. I know this is making her look like a complete asshole, but I swear to you she’s not. She’s been so good to me.”
"So when are you going to tell her?" Maria asked. "Because I can make myself scarce if needed. Or I can sit here backing you up. Or we can go do our own thing all day. There was a time that I wondered why you and I never gave it a try, after all."
Carol had started to consider Maria’s question as she began rattling off suggestions of what they could do. She had been excited to go out with her girls and find something fun, but she would admit to having a lot of the wind taken out of her sails at this point. Emotional exhaustion always hit her much harder than anything physical, and she could stand to just lay down and close her eyes for half an hour—truly acting biological age for once.
Then Maria said that, and Carol visibly startled. “You… what?” she asked, incredulous with wide eyes. That was the last thing she’d expected. She had categorized Maria as her ‘sister’ in her gay panic when she was nineteen-years-old, and in this timeline, they’d never looked back from that. They’d never called each other sisters again, but the line had been drawn. And in that life, she’d decided to be passive and enjoy whatever role she could in Maria’s life.
“You’re kidding,” she said after a moment of studying Maria’s expression, brown eyes narrowing. “...Are you kidding?”
"No," Maria answered. "I mean, the answer did become more obvious as the years went on, but I also wondered if things would have been different if we hadn't been content to let things sit as friends. Or if I'd said something during the very brief time you popped back into my life, back then. But you were just then figuring out who you were. Saying something and placing added expectations on you seemed cruel. And maybe, like Monica, I expected that you would be back."
She shrugged, rolling her eyes at herself. "And on top of that, I always figured that this was one-sided."
Not much struck Carol Danvers speechless, but she was there now. She wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like she’d never known a life where Maria loved her, where they’d pushed past her blip of sister zoning and realized their feelings for each other were mutual. But she hadn’t expected it here. She had been sure that if Maria felt that way, she’d have said something sooner. She never had, and with most of her earlier memories still missing, she hadn’t been brave enough to ask.
Hiding for thirty years hadn’t helped her case. She’d been so ashamed of her failure that she hadn’t gone home until she was dragged. But if she had just sucked it up, gone back to her family, and let them support her, she could have still had a wonderful life on Earth.
“It was never one-sided,” she said at last. “I felt like there was something, but you didn’t say anything, and I didn’t think I had the right. You had a life without me.” She squeezed Maria’s waist and gently drew back, getting to her feet and folding her arms over her chest.
The temptation to push this into something more, to take what Maria was so clearly offering her, was strong, but after what she’d just been through with Valkyrie, the urge was gone. No matter how much she loved Maria, her commitment to Valkyrie took precedence now.
“But I can tell you, in another life? We had it. At least for a little while.”
"Another life? Do I want to know?" Maria asked. She shook her head. "No, wait, never mind. This is what we're going to do. We're either going out for the day now, or we'll wait until you call or text Valkyrie. Because case in point, you should go after what you want."
She fixed Carol with a look, daring her to challenge her reasoning on that one.
Carol let out a heavy, exaggerated sigh and smiled, leaning in to swiftly kiss Maria’s cheek. She couldn’t argue with that look in any capacity. It was the look of someone who knew her completely and had never, not once, let her get away with her bullshit. Not when it really counted.
“I will text her,” she relented, pulling her phone out of her shorts pocket as evidence that she intended to do exactly as she said. “Give me ten minutes? Then I’ll be ready for whatever birthday craziness you had in mind. I know how much you love birthdays.”
"You got it," Maria said, heading for the door. She was greeted there by Valkyrie who appeared to just be standing there.
"Carol," Maria said, nodding toward the other woman. She gave her friend a quick smile and then stepped out of the room, letting Valkyrie enter. This time Carol's girlfriend was met with a more approving nod.
Valkyrie had spent all of ten minutes back with Róta before the both of them had come to the same conclusion. Val's head was back with Carol, though once she'd arrived back at the covert, her resolve had wavered. There was the lingering question of if she was willing to be done with that particular aspect of her life.
But she hadn't left, because she couldn't even relax with the other woman without thinking about Carol. And so she'd known what she needed to do, but then she questioned if Carol would just send her off again or if it would lead to a fight. Which had resulted in Val standing outside the door to their room, debating with herself. Maria's departure ended that debate, thankfully.
"Listen, Marv, I know you think you're giving me what I want, and I love you for it. I love you so much that even though you clearly hate it, you're willing to let me spend this time I never expected to have with Róta. And I will. But that doesn't mean I have to sleep with her until she disappears. Yeah? I'm not going to regret it if that doesn't happen again. I am going to regret missing your birthday, which I planned for, by the way, because I didn't have my head on straight. So please, believe me when I say that this is where I want to be, and even Róta saw that and told me I'd better get back here."
Valkyrie was not the sort for impassioned speeches, but the words tumbled from her mouth all the same, and she watched Carol the entire time, hoping that her girlfriend wasn't about to send her away again.
Carol wished she could say she had completely kept herself together during that speech Valkyrie delivered. She wished she could say she’d been impassive and neutral. But she was so stunned by Valkyrie’s reappearance that, for the first several long seconds, she was just gaping at her until she gathered herself enough to listen to what she was saying. And even then
It was sweet. It was well-meant. She believed every word of it. She knew Valkyrie loved her. She knew she’d been excited for her birthday – they hadn’t been able to celebrate most of her birthdays together over the years, with how often she was gone – and would be disappointed to miss it. But part of her couldn’t help wondering if that was the only motivation for her coming back. Did she just feel guilty she would miss a birthday?
“I love you,” she said softly, stepping forward and draping her arms around Valkyrie’s neck, pulling the shorter woman closer. “You’re right. I was doing this because I thought it was what would make you happy and what you needed. I didn’t want to take that opportunity from you. But I don’t want you to change your mind now just because it’s my birthday. That’s…not any better.”
Valkyrie stared at Carol. "Did you really only get 'I don't want to sleep with my dead girlfriend anymore because it's your birthday' from all that? Damn, Marv. I changed my mind because it's not just about what I want now. It's about what both of us want, and I want what you want. And now I've gone and said want so many times it doesn't even feel like a real word anymore. But whatever. I want you."
Carol kissed her, both hands cupping her face. It felt like the best response, unlikely to be misinterpreted, and gave her a chance to feel that want Valkyrie was talking about. And she did. She felt the sincerity behind those words in the feel of their lips moving together and the warmth of their bodies pressed together.
“You have me,” she murmured. “You would have had me either way, but I’m glad you came back.” One hand shifted, her fingers skimming across Valkyrie’s cheek. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I really felt. I just didn’t want to step on your time with Róta. I really do want you to enjoy having her here. I know you must have missed her.”
"I will, I promise," Valkyrie said. "Just in a different way than if I wasn't madly in love with you."
Carol nodded and nudged Val’s forehead with her own, kissing her softly again before she pulled away. Her mind warred between two thoughts before deciding on the right one—confirmed by how the selfish little voice in her head bristled at her for letting go so easily.
“You should bring her along today,” she said softly. “She doesn’t know anyone else here. We’ll go out and do, I don’t know, go-karts or something. It’ll be fun.”
Valkyrie smiled at Carol, feeling relieved and a complete 180 from when she'd left their room last. "Text me when you know where you're going, and we'll meet you there."
There was still a chance for things to be awkward. Probably close to a hundred percent chance for things to be awkward, at least at times. But they'd figure things out. They always did.