WHAT: The official confessing of feelings WHERE: Violet's Morningside apartment WHEN: Backdated to April, a few days after the truth sneezing thing WARNINGS: Just smooching and feelings STATUS: Complete
In a couple of days, whatever allergies were activating people’s compulsive truth-telling seemed to have died down. The pressure in Kate’s sinuses had eased, and she no longer felt the need to say every thought that passed through her mind—which was mostly annoyed commentary about her archnemesis, Yelena’s stupid bird. She was back to her usual quiet grumbling when Mango got too loud and only slightly passive-aggressive rubbing at her ears when her sister did nothing about it.
Most importantly, Violet had reached out, just like she promised. It was more of a surprise than Kate had expected, but she was happy to hear from her. There had been understandable radio silence since their interrupted ice cream date. Kate hadn’t reached out, since whatever these allergies were seemed to translate even through texts, and Violet had said she wanted to say what she had to say on her own terms. It was fair. Having her feeling forcibly pulled out of her to avoid physical misery wouldn’t have been her ideal either, but she didn’t regret it and hoped she wouldn’t have to now.
She knew Violet cared about her, and before she’d stopped herself, she had confessed to thinking about the two of them being together. Kate had a good feeling, but she was prepared for that good feeling to go wrong, somehow. Violet wasn’t like Elsa or Emily; she was more of a challenge to get to know, to see beneath the sassy, vibrant, wonderful face she put on for the world. Kate was already crazy about her, but she wanted to know more. She wanted so much more.
She went to Morningside this time. Her house was too hectic on a good day, and she wanted to have this talk somewhere private. Violet had moved apartments after the incident with Carol’s powers but just down the hall from where she’d once been. Kate took a breath, tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and knocked on the door.
When Violet had left her interrupted ice cream date with Kate, she had been sure that, when she saw Kate again, she’d confess the growing feelings she had for Kate, and Kate would do the same, and then they’d, hopefully, fall into bed together, just as Violet had been imagining for months.
And then, that very afternoon, Robin Blyth had shown up.
It wasn’t that Violet was unhappy to see Robin, though his appearance on the Network had been a bit of an unwelcome shock. She liked Robin, and she would have been lying if she said that she hadn’t missed him. She’d missed all of them: Robin, and Alan, and Hawthorne.
And Maud.
She had, in fact, just begun to accept that Maud likely wasn’t ever going to appear here. After all, Edwin had gone a year and a half before anyone else from home had shown up, and who he got hadn’t been Robin but had been herself.
And then, on the cusp of her finally, finally admitting that she was unlikely to ever see Maud again, her older brother had appeared out of nowhere, heartbroken and sad because Edwin had fallen in love with someone else, even if that someone else was gone now.
It was a mess. It was all a mess. And so she’d spent the next couple of days rambling to Dorian about it: What if Maud showed up? What if Maud showed up and she and Kate were together, and then she had to watch that look of heartbreak come across Maudie’s face? Or Kate’s face? Or what of Maud showed up, and Violet told her about Kate, and then Maud ran off and got herself a gun, and … Okay, Maud committing murder over this was unlikely, though it wasn’t entirely impossible.
And then came the questions of how she should tell Robin? She thought that Robin would likely react to the news about Kate better than Maud would’ve reacted to the news about Nikolai, had their positions been reversed, but that didn’t mean that the news might not upset him.
If any of her neighbours had walked passed her door in the last couple of days, they likely would have thought her going mad without how she ranted and raved at her bird, or occasionally screamed into pillows, and also occasionally forwent the pillow entirely.
And then, three days later, she found herself waking up being able to breathe cleanly, her eyes no longer rimmed with red, and when she’d cheerfully told Dorian, “Thank you so much for the six a.m. wake up call this morning, I do so love them, you bloody bastard,” she’d been able to get through the whole sentence without sneezing once.
She’d made a promise to Kate. A promise that, for much of the morning, she considered ‘forgetting.’ But then she got herself a caramel macchiato from down the street, and a rainbow bagel from Glenn’s bagel cart, and then she made her way back to her apartment and called Kate, and shoved Dorian’s cage out onto the balcony so he could enjoy some fresh air, annoy any neighbour who was also trying to enjoy their balcony today, and wouldn’t interrupt their conversation. She wasn’t entirely sure how the conversation was going to go, right up until the moment she opened the door, and found Kate on the other side of it. She felt her breath catch in her throat at the sight of her.
“Come in,” she said, before the pause stretched long enough to become awkward. “Wine? Champagne? Whiskey?”
“Uh, pass on… all of that,” was Kate’s response as she stepped into the apartment. Last she had checked, it was barely one o’clock. She wasn’t really the uptight about drinking type, but it did seem early. And usually, when people were drinking early in the day, some nerves were at play. “Are you okay?”
“I am,” Violet said and, after a moment, added, “Mostly.” She decided on a glass of wine after all, and came to perch on the arm of the couch. “I don’t know if you saw Robin post on the Network the other day? The one who clearly had no idea what he was doing with his phone. He’s Maud’s older brother. It was just… unexpected. I didn’t think I’d ever see him here. Not…” she grimaced. “Not that I’ve seen him yet. In person. I decided it would probably be best if I didn’t during the whole allergy business.”
Kate sat on the couch while Violet got her glass of wine together, turning to look up at her as she perched on the arm beside her and explained. When it all clicked into place, the nerves made sense. Robin—as in Robin, Violet’s girlfriend’s brother—was here. She remembered seeing a messy note on the network but hadn’t been paying much attention lately. Skimming had only distracted her from thinking and overthinking her confession for so long, so she’d moved on to TikTok instead.
“That sounds smart,” she agreed. She knew Violet didn’t want to be forcibly honest, and with what had happened between them that same day, she couldn’t blame her for sidestepping going to see Robin for now. From what she knew, Robin and Maud were close, and she wasn’t sure how well that would bode for her. “How do you feel about him being here?”
Violet considered the question, silent for a moment as she swirled the wine in her cup. She did want to be honest with Kate, at least in this, and so she wouldn't just try to brush it off. She took a sip.
“Glad, I think,” she said, finally. “Oh, I know it's all a mess. What with Edwin, and with… with us, and when I first saw him in the Network I had wished that it had been almost anyone else but him, for a minute. But I have missed him. Robin and Hawthorne and Alan.” And Maud, but that went without saying, and would probably be inappropriate besides, given what this whole conversation was. “It was the six of us working together on the Last Contract back home, and I consider all of them more my family than my actual family. Not that I don't love my sisters,” or her parents, though they weren't on good terms, “but… well, it's complicated there.”
She frowned. “I don't really know what to tell him though. I know it must've come as a shock to him to find out Edwin had found someone else. I don't know how he'll react to finding out I have, too? I know that Maud would have hated Nikolai on principle, if she'd been here – at least until he'd managed to win her over, which I have no doubt he would have done. But Maud’s more fiery than Robin.” She tapped her chin. “He's protective too, but he might take it better than she would have in the opposite position.”
“I don’t want you to have to tell him anything you aren’t ready to,” Kate told her sincerely. This was a strange situation, and one that she’d questioned over and over whether she should even involve herself in. Maybe she should have taken a glass of wine after all. This seemed like it might not go in the direction she’d hoped.
But Violet had mentioned her—claimed her as the someone else she’d found. That was a big deal, but it made her think of her position. If Maud turned up one day, would Violet go back to her? Because she was just someone else, filling a gap left in Violet’s life in Maud’s absence. Her two most significant relationships had been here in Vallo, and that hadn’t been a concern before. Elsa had only just started figuring out her sexuality, and Emily wasn’t with someone, didn’t seem to be pining for anyone—just loved Kate and only Kate.
Her throat tightened at the thought, and she had to avert her gaze momentarily to gather herself. Emily’s loss was still fresh here, and even with the year back home making her Vallo absence feel more extended, she missed her still. Sometimes, this felt like a betrayal, but she couldn’t help what she felt. There was something between them, some connection she couldn’t—and didn’t want to—ignore. But if it made Violet’s life harder, or if it wasn’t right, then she didn’t want that either.
“Do you think this is too much, Vi? You and me?” The idea hurt after everything she’d spewed across the table at Violet outside the ice cream parlor, but it felt like the time to give an out. “Because it’s okay if it is.”
“It's not,” Violet said, and there was no hesitation, no considering there. Not that she hadn't spent the last three days considering it – Violet didn't get tangled up in emotional attachments without a good deal of consideration, but she didn't have any doubt. Whatever uncertainties had still lingered had disappeared as soon as she’d seen Kate standing in her doorway. She slid off the arm of the couch and next to Kate, and placed her fingers under Kate's chin to turn her face toward her. “It is most certainly not too much, Katherine Bishop. Things might be more complicated than we'd expected, but I've never been one to back away from complications. Are you?”
She hoped that she wasn't. Good God did she hope that she wasn't, because Violet was going to feel very, very foolish if Kate decided that she wanted to back out now. She'd understand, grudgingly, but it wouldn't make her feel any less the fool.
Kate’s gaze lifted when Violet’s hand slipped beneath her chin and directed her toward her instead. Some part of her brain recognized that, unless she was mistaken, that was the first time Violet had initiated touching her—at least in a way that felt much, much more intimate. Her mouth opened then closed just as quickly. The lack of hesitation in Violet’s answer had bolstered her confidence, but for once, words felt lost for Kate Bishop, and they took a second to form.
“No,” she answered. “No, I’m not backing down. I meant what I said the other day. I have feelings for you that…” She raised her hand to slide down Violet’s arm, gripping just above her elbow. “They’re weirdly scary for me, maybe because it’s complicated, I guess. But I want you. I don’t think I can even tell you how much. I just…”
Before she could stop herself with the reminder that she should ask first, because consent was more important than being overwhelmed by feelings, she closed the distance between them and pressed her lips to Violet’s. It was the best way her racing mind could think to assure her that she was in this, that everything she felt and said was real, and that the momentary doubt was just that—momentary.
Consent didn’t always have to be verbal, and Violet returned the kiss enthusiastically enough to make that clear, tangling her hand in Kate’s hair as she did so. She’d thought of kissing Kate often enough that it was almost surprising that the reality not only met her expectations, but surpassed them.
She was a little out of breath when she finally broke the kiss.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry about…freaking out,” a new term, but one that she thought captured the feeling, “the other day, with the truth allergens. There are parts of me that I’m not ready to share yet, and parts of me that… well, I probably should have shared earlier, but the idea of it being forced out of me made the whole thing feel, I don’t know, tainted. I don’t regret that it happened. But when I share parts of myself with you, I want it to be because I chose to share it, and not because magical trees decided to fuck in my general vicinity.”
“I know,” Kate said, and she did. She had understood when it was happening, and she understood now. The last thing she ever wanted was for Violet to be forced to do something she was uncomfortable with, whatever it was. That was where all the uncertainty had cropped up for Kate, worrying she was pushing something that Violet wouldn’t want.
The way she kissed her left much less room for her to be insecure and overly worried. Her expression shifted into something softer and more relaxed, and the tension in her shoulders started to ebb.
“That’s what I want, too,” she continued. Ultimately, she hadn’t minded how her feelings had come out because at least they’d come out when she’d held them back for so long. Still, she understood Violet’s perspective and wasn’t upset. “I’m glad you’re telling me now.” She reached out to brush a few strands of blonde hair back from Violet’s eyes. “It’s nice to hear I haven’t been completely alone in all this the whole time.”
Violet closed her eyes to Kate’s touch, pleased as a cat. “No, not alone,” Violet said. “It has been a struggle trying to act like I didn’t want you, let me tell you.” She grinned wickedly. “Especially after some of the things I remember about being in space with you.”
Kate’s grin easily mirrored Violet’s. “Yeah? What kind of things would that be? Maybe we’re remembering the same things. Like…this, maybe?” She went in for another kiss, lingering and slower, just the warm slide of lips against lips.
“Definitely like that,” Violet said, warm and low. “And maybe some of this,” she added, slipping a hand under Kate’s shirt to rest on the warm curve of her hips. She dropped her head to kiss the place where Kate’s jaw met her neck.
The noise that came out of Kate was remarkably subdued for both how surprised she was and the effect that move had on her. She sucked in a breath and tangled her fingers in Violet’s loose hair, letting her eyes fall closed. Part of her felt like she should resist, but she didn’t have it in her, not after the emotional high they’d climbed to.
“Treading dangerous waters, Vi,” she murmured, curling her toes in her shoes. It wasn’t a warning, just a fact. Her skin felt tingly and heat pooled low in her stomach, and it was taking everything she had to keep her hands in chaste places.
Violet didn’t remove her hand from Kate’s hip, but she did remove her lips from her skin, sitting back a little so she could look her in the face. “Would you prefer that I retreat closer to shore?” she asked.
“Not even a little bit,” Kate replied, tilting her head up to brush her lips teasingly against Violet’s again. “I’m ready to dive into the deep end whenever you are.”
“Well then,” Violet said, grinning wickedly at Kate. She pushed her down onto the couch. “Let’s both go off the deep end together then.”