InsaneJournal

Things were awkward with Abi and Kellach couldn’t stand it. Every time he tried to dig at the intangible memories of being somewhere else, hoping to get some kind of answer, he was overcome with feelings of annoyance, contempt, but most of all, lust. Whatever it was they had done together had been extremely intense and Kellach had no idea what to think about any of it. Looking at Abi now made his entire face flush and he didn’t know if that was him, or if that was just these intangible memories he couldn’t seem to get a grasp on.

Kellach had a dozen questions, but was far too mortified to ask any of them, and so as he did with a lot of things in his life, he avoided them. Which, unfortunately meant avoiding Abi as well. Which was extremely hard. He missed their daily runs, talking about art and movies and whatever else came to them. He missed her. So when she texted him asking if they could meet for coffee, he couldn’t help but to immediately reply yes.

Now he was seated across from her, his coffee mug gripped tightly in front of him. His eyes were trained directly at a single spot in the middle of the table. Every time they ventured upwards, he felt his cheeks grow hot.

Abi felt much the same. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t noticed he was attractive before, but now she felt permanently and physically aware of it all the time. They’d been awful in that other world, but whatever they had going with each other had been good. Now she couldn’t stop wondering if it would be just as good here, where they actually liked each other.

More important than that, though, was their friendship. Abi wanted that back, whether they ever went any further than that or not. That was why she texted Kellach: because things were weird and she wasn’t about to let it stay weird.

“So…I’m thinking about taking Caleb’s magic class,” she said, finally breaking the silence that had reigned since they sat. “Learn to throw fire again, but…you know, not be evil with it.”

“Aye?” Kellach was proud of her for wanting to still learn even after everything that had happened. He admired the way Abi was able to take such a terrible experience and get something positive out of it. He wanted the best for her. “I think that’s a good idea, lass.” he said. “Ye’ve come a long way over the last year. Ye kin keep up with me on the track every morning, you stabbed the tar outta Bloody Mary and now yer gonna sling fire. Yer gonna be a bonafide badass in no time!”

In his excitement, his eyes moved up from the spot on the table. When they met hers, his train of thought nearly completely derailed. Abi was pretty, Kellach had always thought so, but it was like he was seeing her with new eyes. His mouth fumbled his words. “Uhm, uh.” What had he been saying? Heat rose up Kellach’s neck to his face and he quickly brought up his coffee mug to drink.

Abi found herself smiling without meaning to—maybe because Kellach believed in her, maybe because she noticed him blushing, maybe both. It made her feel brave, something she was still getting used to being. If she was going to be on her way to being a badass, though, that couldn’t just be about flinging fire. A real badass couldn’t be scared of feelings or things being weird, either.

“You know you’re a huge reason I feel like I can even do that, right?” she asked, tilting her head in an attempt to catch Kellach’s expression. “Every time I start doubting myself, you’re always there to believe in me. It, um…it really means a lot to me.”

Kellach shook his head. “I believe in you because I know ye kin do anything you set yer mind to,” he said. He set his mug down. “It’s so easy t’ just give up on something when the goin’ gets tough, but you don’t. You keep right on goin’. Yer talented and a lot stronger than you give yerself credit for. I want you t’ be able to see that because I –”

Kellach stopped himself before he said something that would only make their whole situation even more awkward than it was. What alarmed him was just how easy the words I care about you had come to him. And not just “care” like how he cared about Leon or Sydney. What he felt about and for Abi was deeper than that.

The heat was back and this time in his entire face. “I just want you to see what I see, that’s all.”

Abi smiled like sunshine for that. Kellach was so sweet; she could hardly believe he liked her that much. (Did he maybe like her a little more than that? He was blushing again! She might actually have a shot, if she could find a way to suggest a date that didn’t sound stupid.)

“That’s funny—I always think that about you,” she said. “You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for, and your artwork is beautiful, and you manage to stay really kind and generous even after all the awful stuff you’ve been through. You’re pretty incredible.”

Kellach’s mouth felt dry and his face was much too hot. What did he say to that? He wasn’t incredible. He was nothing, a nobody. He was expendable. He drank too much, smoked too much, swore like a goddamn sailor. He wasn’t good.

And yet, Abicared</i> about her? That her smile was the most beautiful thing he’d seen? Jesus Christ! How fucking sappy was that?! What if she didn’t feel the same way? How could she? Abi was Kellach’s best friend. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin everything by saying something he couldn’t take back.

Abi saw him falter and immediately felt like an idiot. She’d gotten too effusive, hadn’t she? It was too much, and now he was probably trying to think of a nice way to tell her he didn’t like her like that.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything,” she said quickly. “How’s your coffee?”

Kellach looked down at the coffee in front of him. He hadn’t even tried it. “It’s fine,” he said. The hand at the back of his neck moved to the mug, clutching at the warm ceramic. Abi wasn’t smiling anymore. Somehow Kellach had managed to fuck up without even trying.

“How’s yours?” He asked next. Oh, yes, Kellach, this is riveting conversation! He never had a hard time talking to Abi before, why was he now? He looked up from his mug and was struck with a faint wisp of a memory of the two of them together in that other world. Oh, yeah…that was why.
“It’s good!” Abi chirped, trying to steer the mood back to normal. Kellach looked so…something. Awkward? Sad? Uncomfortable, definitely uncomfortable. She was immediately determined to fix it.
“So, fun fact,” she began, putting her smile right back in place and trying not to look like she was uncomfortable. She did a medium job of it. “I used to not like black coffee, and then in high school I started training myself to drink it because I thought it would make me cooler.”

Kellach had never been to high school, but the desire to “be cool” wasn’t something that had been invented in the 20th Century. His shoulders relaxed as did his grip on his mug. Abi was smiling again. That gave him hope that he hadn’t fucked things up between them as bad as he’d thought. They were going to be alright.

“Aye?” He said before finally taking his first sip of coffee. “I didn’t even have me first cup o’ coffee until I was in Sydney Town,” he confessed. “An’ I only tried it because I wanted t’ show off to the local Silver Fang tribe. They didn’t like the Fianna – that’s what I am -- an’ I wanted to show I could be just as sophisticated as them.” He chuckled. “It didn’t work out the way I hoped. I hope it worked better fer you.”

“Eventually I got good at it, and now I legitimately like it,” Abi said, then laughed. “To start with, though, oh my god, I made the stupidest faces. It was ridiculous. But fourteen-year-old me thought that serious artists drank their coffee black like their souls, so I was determined. And my mom was happy because it didn’t have any sugar,” she concluded with a roll of her eyes. Her time in Vallo had made her significantly less concerned about her mother’s approval.

“Was it like this?” Kellach scrunched his face up into an overly exaggerated look of disgust. He didn’t hold it long before he started laughing. “I did the same thing when I first tried it too. Didn’t impress anyone. I eventually came ‘round to it, though,” he went on. “When traveling the outback there aren’t a lot o’ places to get cream and sugar. Though, I’m gonna be honest, black coffees good t’ get me goin’ in the morning, but I kinda really like the fancy drinks. The lattes or au laits. I discovered cappuccinos after I arrived here and I really like those!”

Abi laughed out loud at the face Kellach made, and his laugh kept her smiling. “The Friendly Pixie has one called the Snickerdoodle that you’re gonna love,” she said. “We should go there after we run tomorrow and horrify everybody with how sweaty we are.”

There, she’d just talk about their normal running like of course it was going to happen, because everything was normal. Then Kellach could just agree to it, and to a perfectly normal coffee outing, and they could declare themselves out of the awkward phase.

Kellach nodded enthusiastically. He was both happy and relieved Abi wanted to continue their daily runs. That meant they could still hang out together like they had before. That’s what Kellach wanted more than anything. It’d only be weird if he made it and he was going to try his hardest not to make it.
“Aye!” He said happily. “That sounds like a right good idea. Let’s do it!”

“Perfect,” Abi replied with a grin. They were going to be fine. She’d just have to manage the part of her that sort of wanted to climb across the table and into Kellach’s lap. She could squash that with a little extra time, she was sure. It wasn’t like she’d never had an unrequited crush before.

Kellach drank some more of his coffee. Abi was special to him and he realized that it wasn’t just memories and feelings of that Other Place that made him feel that way. He knew he was going to have to be careful. Their friendship was too important to him. Besides, there was no way in hell that Abi felt the same way about him, he was convinced of that.

“What d’ya say after we’re done our coffees we go fer a walk, aye?” He asked. “After the past week or two I’m itchin’ to just do something normal.”

“Oh my god, yes,” Abi readily agreed. “Normal sounds amazing. Let’s go take a super normal walk.”
Super normal. No thinking about holding his hand or anything. They were going to be fine.