WHAT. Tessa appreciates her husband’s music and then talks to him about Some Things to make sure they’re on the same page. WHERE. Music room, Blackthorn Hall WHEN. Today! WARNINGS. N/A really! It’s tame and sweet. ART.Here! STATUS. Complete!
It was oddly quiet in Blackthorn Hall, save for the traveling tones of Jem’s violin. Mina had gone out like a light for her afternoon nap following a very busy morning, the teens were off investigating something, and Will was off causing some amount of chaos, she was sure of it. Julian and Silas were likely in their own quiet corners, so Tessa took the opportunity to make Jem a cup of tea the way he liked it.
She took her time, nothing calmed her quite like hearing Jem play the violin, and there were moments she could just sit and listen, content to do nothing else in life but hear Jem’s beautiful music.
But she didn’t want his tea to get cold, and there was also something that lit inside her when she got to watch him play that violin. So she slipped into the music room, balancing two cups of tea and trying to be as quiet as possible. She had a little table setup for him for moments like this, and set down his cup carefully.
On one hand, Tessa didn’t want to disturb him, but on the other-- she did. Or, at the very least, she wanted to stare at him and objectify a little, as was her right. So she settled into the comfortable chair across from him and took a slow sip of her tea while watching his every move. If Jem’s music was beautiful, it paled in comparison to how Jem looked when he was playing - even with his darker hair, it was angelic and graceful, and Tessa often let her imagination run wild in moments like this.
Not even a saint could know exactly what Jem could do with those hands beyond the violin and not let their mind wander about it.
The sudden and surprise arrival of Jem's violin had almost been something like a final piece of a puzzle slipping into place that solidified his presence in Vallo. He had Tessa, he had Will, he had Mina and Kit--and now he had his music. He could have almost certainly found a new violin to rent or even purchase and eventually that instrument would come to feel like his, but it wasn't his violin. This one was nearly as old as himself, meticulously taken care of, and not at all as used as it should have been, given the years that Jem had lived without hardly any music in his life.
That was then, though, and this was now. Jem had once been very good, something that he was willing to admit to himself but only in his mind, but those skills had slipped thanks to so many decades not playing. In some ways, picking up his violin had been like riding a bike. He remembered the notes, the positions of his fingers, the scent of the rosin on the bow as it would glide across the strings. It was the little quirks and tricks that he had learned with study that had given him an edge that he was relearning now. Now that he had grown past the initial disappointment and frustration that he had lost some of his ability, Jem had grown to enjoy relearning a craft that he loved and gave him peace.
He was at peace now, his eyes closed as he played from memory, but he didn't mind that peace being quietly broken. Even unseeing, Jem knew that it was Tessa that had slipped into the room, not simply because Mina was most certainly asleep by now and Will would likely not be quite so subtle, but also because he just knew. Maybe it was memorizing the cadence of his steps or just something that came with their deep connection, but Jem knew that when he opened his eyes, Tessa would be there.
Still, he took his time, finishing off the piece. It was less to show off and more because Jem knew that Tessa appreciated the music and getting to watch him play it; that knowledge gave him a dash more confidence, which was apparent in the little smile on his lips when he finally lifted the bow from the instrument and opened his eyes. He paused a moment, just looking his fill of his wife with clear adoration (and appreciation) behind his gaze before saying a simple, "Hello there."
Tessa was fully smiling when Jem looked at her, and it only widened when he greeted her. She had been enjoying both the view and the music that accompanied it, and found herself getting lost in all of it, lost in him. “I will never tire of that.” It was true. They had gone so long without music, but her and Will had both always been thankful they’d had Jem at all, in any way they could have him.
Now, she was spoiled. She had him in every way she could want him. She was selfishly glad that they had not stopped any romantic intimacy with both men being here, that there had still been kisses and hugs and holding, that she could sleep between them both and wake feeling warm and safe there. But it was still a conversation they would have to have, before too long. All of them together, though, as it should be.
“Hi, you don’t have to stop on my account.” Or ever, though that was a far less reasonable request given that his arms would likely get tired eventually. “That was beautiful.”
Jem smiled at the compliment, it doing wonders to quiet the voice in the back of his mind that critiqued every missed note or what could be improved on. He could be a bit harsh on himself, but hearing Tessa appreciate his skill was a balm to that.
"A piece from when I was much younger," he explained, carefully setting his violin and bow aside. "I had memorized it long ago and was pleased that I could still put it together without sheet music even now. I hope Mozart appreciates it, wherever he is."
Violin aside, he crossed the space toward Tessa, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to her cheek--then the corner of her mouth, because he couldn't help being at least a little cheeky</i>--before sitting beside her. "I love that violin and spending time with it," he continued, reaching for the cup of tea he had brought for her, "but I love you far more, so I'd like to spend some time with you, too." Besides, Jem would almost assuredly end up playing something else for her before the evening was complete.
Tessa’s cheek dimpled when a kiss was placed upon it, and she moved in for one of her own kisses as soon as Jem settled in. She made herself comfortable next to him, by wrapping an ankle around his leg and smoothing a hand over his side. She didn’t want to impede him from drinking his tea, or risk spilling his own, so she didn’t move beyond that, outside of taking a small sip of her own.
“But I love watching you play and listening to you, so I think you should give into my every whim, Jem Carstairs.” She said it so innocently as if he didn’t do just that all of the time. She was spoiled by him, and Tessa knew it. “Has Will been watching you just as much? It’s probably been good to keep him out of trouble.” And they both needed all the help they could get in that category, that much was known.
Tessa let her head fall a little to rest on Jem’s shoulder. She knew why Jem loved this room, it was well-lit, had beautiful windows, it felt like a room that was easy to love, just as Jem was for her. “How have you been feeling about all of this? Being here?”
"I don't think that I'll ever be able to keep Will out of all trouble," Jem said with a quiet chuckle, memories of their youth being evidence of that, "but if my playing helps, that's a win for us all, especially if it falls under me just playing more and therefore giving into your every whim." He shifted next to Tessa as she got comfortable beside him, an arm looping around her as though showing just how willing he truly was to give into those whims; not that he really needed to. Jem's adoration for Tessa was pretty overt at this point, he had to think.
With Tessa's head on his shoulder, though, Jem raised his hand to trail his long musician's fingers through her hair. It was a good, idle gesture to indulge in as he considered her question. He hadn't been in Vallo for very long, but it hadn't been difficult for him to settle, either. There was adjusting that he was still doing, of course, but with so many of his loved ones here, especially under the roof of the Blackthorn's manor, how could he not mostly feel a sense of comfort?
"Good," he finally decided on, because it was the simple truth. His head tipped to the side, his cheek coming to rest on the top of Tessa's head. "I could have never imagined something like this, but having all of us here--all of us," he clarified, knowing Tessa would understand who he was including under that statement, "does a great deal to make this place feel like home. I feel lucky, in that regard." And then, even though he knew it was obvious from what he'd already said, he added, "Having Will in our lives again is a blessing, too."
Tessa could have so easily fell asleep like this. Her head resting against Jem, so close for her lips to lightly graze his neck. Other things might have happened as well, if recent changes weren’t on the forefront of their mind. There had been kissing and touching, of course, with all of them, but something just felt-- off, when it came to physical intimacy past that, with either of them.
Not until they talked about it. Which they would never do if she fell asleep every time she was lulled into this warm cocoon of comfort.
“I’ve felt very lucky too,” she replied, softly. “I have the great loves of my life all under one roof, happy, healthy,, and whole. I know we’re both thankful for that.” She peeked up at him now, tentatively, and her hand went to where the parabatai rune had once been on his body, now just a shell of itself. “There are a lot more potential avenues here, if you think about it.”
Jem didn't have to look down to where Tessa's hand was to know that the placement was purposeful. He'd cherished his parabatai rune when he'd had it, being able to see that physical representation of just what Will was to him. The rune was faded to a scar now, but it had acted as a reminder of their connection, a very welcome one before Will had walked back into his life, alive and well. Now he could see Will, talk to him, touch him--but he was still grateful for the remnants of the rune.
But he knew that Tessa wasn't just talking about his friendship with Will that had led to becoming parabatai in that moment. His mind thought back to the dance that they shared, his cheeks turning a gentle shade of pink at the edges as he remembered the charged moment and how Will had expertly directed them away from it. Jem didn't know what would have happened had he not. Would Jem have done it instead? Would they have acted on an impulse, making today and every day that would have come after look different? It was hard to say and Jem didn't rightly know, bur that hadn't kept his mind from wandering in that direction; it was part of why he'd had the uptick of playing in the evenings, on top of just being happy to have his violin back.
At the end of the day, though, Jem knew that his feelings for Will had left the notions of platonic behind. He didn't know when that had happened, but he suspected it had been a very long time ago, even if he hadn't realized it. The world had been different, then his emotions had been dulled, and then time had gotten the best of them all. That wasn't the case in Vallo, though.
"I, ah." Jem paused, pulling in a gentle breath of what may have been resignation or relief or a little of both. "I know. I have thought about it, if I'm being honest." He looked to Tessa's face, searching. He knew that there was an understanding of just how deep their love ran between the three of them, but this still felt different and he needed to ask, "Is that all right, if I've thought about it?"
It would have been standard for that statement to provoke jealousy, one’s husband admitting he thinks of another person romantically. But they were not “standard”, were they? There was nothing standard about any of them.
Her love for both was different in as many ways as it was the same. It was fierce and protective and had never diminished, even in the years of solitude she spent without either of them. They were still always there, in her heart and in her mind. Jem and Will, Will and Jem. Woolsey Scott had once told her how lucky she was, to have two loves in her lifetime, when most were lucky to even find one.
“I think that I would be a glorious hypocrite if it wasn’t all right,” Tessa replied softly, and with a gentle smile. “I have a confession to make,” It was a little less of a gentle smile now and something a bit more devious as she leaned in to whisper to Jem, as if it truly was a secret she was about to tell him. “I’ve thought about Will in the most horribly debauched of ways. Truly it’s a sin.” She couldn’t keep it straight as she ended in a giggle to his shoulder.
Having got that out of her system, she pressed a kiss to his shoulder when her giggles stopped. “But to be serious for a moment, I want you two to be happy. You deserve that, and this place seems to provide opportunities for roads not taken. I could never be upset when it comes to the two of you. I love you, James Carstairs.”
Tessa's laugh had always been infectious, so it was easy enough for Jem to catch onto her giggle with a chuckle of his own. Her words did snag within his heart and mind, though. He hadn't even begun to consider Tessa being a hypocrite if she had had an issue with what Jem was more or less confessing to, but it certainly wasn't because of any issue he had in return. When he had stepped out of their lives as Brother Zachariah, he had been relieved that Tessa and Will would have one another. Knowing they wed, had children, lived out a happy life together, it was something he could only be happy about. And while he was relieved to hear that Tessa wasn't upset, he wouldn't have begrudged her feelings in the least.
Not that it seemed to be an issue at all, which both lifted a weight and set an entirely different one upon his shoulders.
"I love you, Tessa," Jem returned, among the easiest of words he had uttered, before adding just as honestly, "and I am still unsure what I ever did to deserve you." He pressed his lips to the side of her head, placing a kiss before he continued. "I am unsure what the route forward on those roads not taken might look like, though. He may prefer to continue on as we ever have, which I would obviously accept."
Jem’s laughter made her feel light, happy, thrumming with pleasure. It was a sound she wanted to roll herself in for all of eternity, something that made her feel delirious. “Oh, Jem. My Jem. You only need to be yourself to deserve that and more. I would give you the world if I could.” The world and more, if she could manage it. Jem deserved only the finest things in life.
She might’ve been biased, but Will was often included in that grouping of the “finest things”. She had come here first, with the intent to discuss things with both of them separately before dragging them all into a room together. But it meant she didn’t have an answer for Jem, when she so desperately wanted one. “He might,” she admitted, “But Will is also the most chaotic of us, and has had the least amount of time to adjust to everything. He might just need a little nudging, or time to acclimate to the idea. I would be willing to bet a great deal that he has had thoughts before that he’s never admitted out loud.”
That might have been cheating just a little, given she had many decades of marriage to him to fall back on that Will hadn’t experienced yet.
"That is," Jem admitted a bit slowly, "my primary concern in all of this, I'll admit. The adjustment time."
Despite all of them having originated in the same time period, Jem and Tessa had gotten to experience the more cultural changes in the world before landing themselves in Vallo. It hadn't quite been the same, largely watching as shifts in tolerance and understanding occurred while a Silent Brother, but it had been long enough since he was fully Jem again to acclimate. Will hadn't yet had that time and Jem was entirely cognizant of it.
"There was a moment during the New Years party that made it feel as though it isn't a one-sided feeling, on my end," Jem admitted, thinking back to that dance and how charged it had felt between them. It had been new in a way, but also natural. "But I know this sort of thing can be delicate and I want to be sure that if we decide to take any steps forward, we are both comfortable and ready for it, however long that takes, if at all."
Tessa nodded in agreement with Jem, for she was on the same page, almost always. “I saw it. I don’t think you were mistake, but then I might have rose-colored glasses on when it comes to both of you.” She’d watched from the sidelines, drink in hand, face flushed. The two of them with their hands on each other had made her feel a warm stirring in the pit of her stomach that she hadn’t expected, even if it had been something she had thought of before.
But to see it? Tessa had felt like a young virgin on the balcony of Blackthorn Hall, warm and flushed, all over again. It had made her want to drag both of them home, but neither of them had been ready for that. Maybe someday, in the future, she could give into those whims.
For now, taking things one step at a time was a good start, one she did agree with. “I think we’ve given each other enough to think about for now, to watch and wait. I’m not in a hurry, not as long as I have you both and our kids here with me.” They did tend to improve moods, greatly. Tessa stacked her chin on Jem’s shoulder. “Would you play something for me? Something that makes you smile?”
A very familiar contentment settled in Jem's chest as he turned his head and looked down at Tessa at his shoulder. Even with this bit of unsurety between himself and Will, it didn't stand in the way of how overjoyed he was to have his best friend in his life once more. Nothing could dull that happiness. Again, he could only feel lucky: he had Will, he had his wife, and he had their children. He, too, was not in a hurry.
Though, of course, that wouldn't stop Jem's mind from considering what could be.
Later, though. He could let his mind wander later, let himself linger on Tessa's agreement that he hadn't been imagining things and just what that might mean. For now, he kissed the tip of Tessa's nose playfully, before pulling back, wasting no time getting to his feet and reaching for his violin once more. Already his mind was mentally sorting through the sheet music that had been memorized and stored away, lingering on Romance No. 2 in F Major. With his violin in place, he gave Tessa one more smile, the one that was just for her. "For you, my love? Of course."