WHAT: An emotional roller coaster of a proposal WHERE: Mushroom Hill Ski Resort WHEN: Tonight! WARNINGS: Mentions of panic/anxiety, a little bit of angst STATUS: Complete
âThat snow is coming down hard,â Catra announced, closing their resort roomâs door behind her with a soft click. A blizzard was sweeping through and made the outdoors an impossible venture, one she dared step out to anyway, very briefly, as sheâd forgotten a wad of spare cash in her car. Itâd been a last minute oh shit right after she had just finished putting herself together for dinner â a sultry suit â but she had enough sense to switch out the shoes for snow boots, and sheâd stolen Adoraâs marshmallow coat for a bit to brace herself from the icy wind and snow.
But her hair needed some touching up after that little stint outdoors and that was fucking aggravating; sheâd just gotten it to be perfect before her brain was like you need tip money for that super expensive dinner youâre taking your girlfriend to so you can propose to her. And she was trying to make sure everything was exactly that for tonight - perfect. Adora deserved perfection. She deserved everything, and Catra hoped she could give her that.
It was their second chance. She wasnât wasting it.
With the coat and cautionary boots shed, Catra plopped back in front of the vanity to give herself a proper check. Adora was still in the bathroom getting ready. It gave her a moment to breathe, taking a brush casually into her hair to rid herself of the snowflakes and deal with the minor dampness. This past year had been â good. More than good. Perfect in all these little imperfect ways, because they were flawed and trying and Catra had been doing her best to make up for those years of separation.
The ones sheâd caused unnecessarily by breaking up with her, thinking Adora would be better off without a Catra-shaped ball and chain keping her here. They managed long-distance during her final semester without a hitch and as promised, Adora came back. They made it work. With the holidays approaching - along with the fact that it was their anniversary, and they were nearing Adoraâs birthday - she saved up every nickel, dime, penny for this getaway.
Adora was getting spoiled, and loved, and hopefully sheâd accept this ring on her finger as a token ofâoh my god, what if Adora only says yes out of guilt?????
No. No. Alex would slap the intrusive thoughts out of her brain if she was here to do so. Worst case scenario sheâd just, uh, reject Catraâs proposal and theyâd awkwardly come back to their room and wait out this potentially dangerous winter storm that was starting to rage outside their window, andâ
Think happy thoughts, you dumb bitch.
âBaaaaabe,â she called out, adding a little more eyeliner to the outline of her blue eye. âThe reservationâs for fifteen minutes from now - are you done yet?â Catra paused, straightening up to look over at the door. âYouâre not sick, right?â
That was fine if she was, really, they could order room service and Catra would propose to her sick ifâwait, should she do that? She could wait for her to get better, that was totally fine. She didnât have to propose tonight.
âŠ
No, no. She did. The wait was going to kill her.
Adora was not, in fact, sick. Well, not in the physically ill, stomach revolting kind of way.
It had all started out perfectly innocent. In the bathroom, sheâd been finishing up the rest of her date prep after blow drying her hair and dressing up, at her girlfriendâs request. There were a lot of sparkles, but she liked it, and she thought it would complement Catraâs suit well, so she went for it. Theyâd planned these outfits before coming out for their little vacation. The restaurant Catra had picked out was supposed to be top-quality and a little high-end, and that required a little bit of fancy, so she hadnât thought much of it.
Unfortunately, one of her less-than-appealing qualities was that she could be a little nosy. It was mostly a controlled habit, but sometimes, when a thing caught her eye, she couldnât resist poking further. And laying beside the sink, close to the door, was this cute little velvet pouch that she hadnât noticed before. She assumed it was Catraâs and she had just forgotten where sheâd put it, but it could also be for her, and that had Adora curious. She wasnât much of a jewelry girly, but she knew Catra understood her minimalist tastes.
That took a turn toward surely I can just peek and her very carefully plucking through the cinched opening of the pouch to pull out her prize. Then, she was frozen in panic, clutching a ring in her hand that, unless she was severely mistaken, was an engagement ring. There was even an engraving on the inside of the band itself that confirmed that was just its intention. And her brain was like that SpongeBob scene â filled with internal screaming and knocked down filing cabinets with a fire spreading.
So, no, she wasnât sick, exactly. Sick in the head, maybe, some people would call it. Freaking out for no reason was more likely. After all, why was it so wrong that Catra wanted to propose to her? They had talked about the idea of being married plenty of times before, right? It was always the most probable path for them, but it had also been one that seemed vaguely in the far-off future.
Now, here it was, literally staring her in the face, and her internal monologue was nonstop. Oh my gods, what is happening? Is this real? She wants to marry me? Why does she want to marry me? What if Iâm horrible and a bad wife? What if she decides she hates me again in a few years and we have to divorce?
But Catraâs voice finally broke through and, panicked, she dropped the ring into the nearest receptacle â a stack of foamy cups with the resortâs logo stamped on it â and made for the door, trying to school her expression into something calmer. She was pretty sure she half-succeeded, at least.
âIâm good! Hi!â She crossed the room and gave Catra a kiss on the cheek. âSorry about the snow, good thing you wore those boots.â
The outfits were planned but seeing Adora step out in it, was â wait, did she say something? Catra blinked, and felt warm lips against her freckled skin, and her hand moved on auto-pilot to put down that eyeliner. Her arms needed to wrap around her girlfriendâs waist, like, yesterday.
âHi,â was her delayed reply, pressing her chin against her stomach to look up as she was still seated on that little vanity stool. It was hard to tell if her eyes were full of absolutely smitten adoration, or the heavy need to get Adora out of this dress. The fabric was too expensive to meet its demise by her claws.
She could unzip it like a normal person.
Worries about the life-changing question paused for the moment, Catra squeezed her. âYouâre perfect.â
Adoraâs cheeks turned pink and she shook her head. âIâm not really,â she protested lightly with a small scoff. That wasnât normally something sheâd push back against, but she felt like she had to make that clearer than usual right now. If Catra thought she was perfect, for real, she was going to be really disappointed when they got married.
If they got married. Should they? Could she really bring herself to say anything but âyesâ to spending the rest of her life with her favorite person?
âDid you get the money?â she asked, deflecting her own thoughts out of her head for the time being. If she dwelled, she was just going to get panicky again.
Catra could have bitten her through the dress for that not really comment. It was offensive. Her teeth were pointy though, she wasnât about to ruin the dress with them - so she opted to be nice and rub her hands up and down her sides.
âI diiiiiiiiid,â she hummed, giving her a lazy little grin. âI just gotta put on my fancy shoes and Iâm good to go. Weatherâs gotten really crazy out there. Thinking it might keep us indoors for a while. Not that I have complaints about that.â
She was all for being warm and cozy inside with Adora. Because â body heat! That was important.
Adora smiled softly, the nervous slipping aside as she reached out to smooth her hands down through her girlfriendâs soft locks. âIâm not complaining about that either.â
As far as she was concerned, this whole thing was supposed to be a nice, romantic getaway to celebrate a year theyâd been back together. She wouldnât mind going out, enjoying the ski hills, but there were plenty of indoor amenities they could enjoy. She remembered the snow pounding down outside at this time last year, too; it was why Catra had been forced to spend the night, why theyâd had the time to reconcile.
She didnât mind a snowstorm at all.
âI need fancy shoes, too.â She bent down and pressed a quick kiss to Catraâs lips, careful not to smear her lip gloss. She gazed at Catra for another moment, thumbs smoothing across the freckles dotting her cheeks. âI love you.â
That. That right there - the kiss, the words, the way the soft pads of her thumbs grazed her cheeks - was what Catra wanted for the rest of her life. The purr was instant, and she was tempted to pull the ring out right then and there. Somehow, her restraint was remarkable.
She turned her head to press a kiss to her palm and, reluctantly, pushed her girlfriend back. âYou get your shoes on,â she smirked. âIâll get mine - because agreeing to wear shoes is how I show I love you - and maybe you can hang off my arm for once on the way to the restaurant.â
âDeal,â Adora agreed, just as reluctantly allowing herself to be pushed back. She didnât want to let go, and honestly, she didnât really care about going to dinner right now either. The anxiety was starting to co-exist with guilt. She felt bad for even thinking Catra proposing could possibly be a bad thing. It was soon, but long engagements were a thing, right? It could be a few years before marriage actually came into the picture.
She tried to swallow that guilt as she went to gather her shoes and sat down on the side of the bed to put them on. Maybe Catra wouldnât try to propose tonight, and they could come back after dinner and talk about it instead. She was going to make that her goal â to keep Catra distracted enough not to go there, not yet, and sheâd confess later.
Putting on footwear was a quick affair. Catraâs were dress boots with a small heel to them, tailored specifically to her unique feet (and clawed toes). Once they were satisfied with appearances, they embarked on the adventure out of their room, and into the rest of the resort.
Which, she had to admit, was shiny. The decor was Christmas themed, and while she wasnât a fan of the holidayâs gaudy decor, theyâd done it tastefully - soft, twinkling lights (she tried not to fixate), fresh poinsettias (poisonous to catsâdid that include her??), arches and erect Nutcracker silhouettes. They passed by a natural, massive tree with ornaments and ribbon and a shiny star on top andâ
Donât ruin proposing to your girlfriend by destroying a fucking Christmas tree, stupid.
âThe foodâs supposed to be ridiculously good,â she whispered, waiting their turn to approach the hostess stand to give a name for their reservation. Catra held Adoraâs hand throughout it all, and she leaned into her with a smirk. âYouâre allowed to get the most expensive steak they have to offer, by the way.â
âMaybe allowed but not a chance,â Adora whispered back playfully, squeezing Catraâs hand. She had a little bit of money from her parentsâ passing and from the past six months sheâd been working, but she was stingy and careful with money â even moreso with Catraâs money. She was determined that they saved up for the future.
A future Catra could very well be broaching them progressing tonight, she realized, face flushing slightly. Hopefully the mood lighting in here would disguise it well enough.
âIâm begging you to put a hole in my wallet,â Catra whispered again, but loudly, and pressed a fat, loving smooch against her cheek before giving the hostess her name. They were seated seconds later, not far from the nightâs low-key entertainer - which was a man working his magic fingers over piano keys, alternating between love songs and Christmas tones.
The booth they were given was cozy and intimate, and she was thankful they werenât placed in the center of the restaurant at an exposed table. But maybe she should have opted for a private location if she wanted a completely private proposal, though she thought this was the best of both worlds.
The waiter poured them water out of a crystal carafe as she picked up the menu. âLet me wine and dine you without you being stubborn?â
âIâll let you dine me, but no wine unless you want me to be a useless puddle,â Adora replied, plucking open the menu set before her. âAnd I canât make any promises on the stubborn, but you love me for my stubbornness, so you canât complain.â
Adora could see why Catra had been so determined just to get into this restaurant. The booth was decidedly cozy, and she had the room to snuggle up against her side even as she browsed the menu. It was simple, with a lot of rich choices, and the steak was definitely appealing.
âI think maybe Iâll go for something a little more snow-appropriate. The shepherdâs pie feels like itâs calling to me,â she mused aloud.
Catra sighed, a wind of fondness and exasperation, as she peeked through the menu despite knowing most of the contents. She had studied the restaurant for its vibe, its food. Most fancy restaurants didnât have a lot of selections, but she knew that just about everything listed on here was something Adora really liked â and that was important to her.
âI think the steak drowning in garlic butter is what calls to you,â she snorted, tail tickling at her girlfriendâs side a little before falling on her lap. It probably went against some unspoken etiquette that she couldnât just invade Adoraâs lap whenever she pleased, but some body part of hers would. âI might just get that and let you take pieces that youâre going to inevitably eye.â
âOrdering to share sounds good to me,â Adora replied with a pleased smile. She set the menu back on the table and raised her arm to curl it around Catraâs shoulders. If Catra was determined to get that steak, she wasnât going to stop her, especially if it meant she got to steal off her plate.
It was decided then. The waiter came back to give a whole explanation of the menu, something about its most fresh fish (she almost had second thoughts, but stuck to her original decision) and wines that paired with what - but Catra (politely, because she wasnât a total asshole) cut them short. Orders were placed, and the first thing theyâd receive would be what was surely an overpriced charcuterie board appetizer.
âBe honest with me,â Catra leveled, reaching over to brush some of that blonde hair away from Adoraâs cheek. âIs this place a little too much?â
Theyâd always been a fairly casual couple. A date night for them could be drive thru burgers and finding a spot to park with a nice view, listening to music as they ate. That particular example was very reminiscent of their high school days, though this wasnât high school anymore. They were adults, with adult goals and responsibilities.
And adult possibilities, too. The implications of her thoughts made her stomach jump in her throat, nerves all tangled.
âNo,â Adora assured her swiftly, her smile soft and reassuring. She didnât want Catra worrying she had done something â anything â wrong. Bringing her here was a sweet gesture, and a pointed one considering her insider knowledge. âItâs very nice. Not necessary but still nice. I donât mind getting fancy with you sometimes.â
This was definitely beyond their usual spots. Of course, theyâd only been dating as adults (if twenty-two and fresh out of college counted) for the last year. They finally had their own time, their own money, their own lives. High school was so long ago it felt almost like another life.
Catra believed that. Fancy was nice from time to time. Seeing Adora in a dress like that was a treat in itself and there was nothing wrong with the occasional extravagance. She didnât think Adora suspected anything. It was their anniversary, and that should be enough reason for all of this â right?
Her ears twitched a certain way. It was a flicker of unease she tried to veil, her hands passing through her hair and over them in hopes of passing it off as an insignificant tickle. âItâs been a year since my terrible breakdown in your room,â she laughed, but it was quiet, and she leaned her head into the back of the booth as she looked at her. âYou didnât have to give me a second chance. You did it anyway.â
She didnât have some kind of speech rehearsed to, uh, lead to the ultimate question. Catra didnât have a time nailed down for that aside from dinner. Would it be before their food, during their food, after their food? She didnât know.
(Oh, god, she should have done an Adora and written everything down on flashcards.)
Adoraâs eyes were on Catra. She saw the way her ears twitched, and her heart fluttered in her chest, even before she began speaking. That did nothing but solidify her anxiety. Every word she said felt like it was aiming in one direction, but she just smiled through it, lifting her hands to frame her girlfriendâs face. She could distract her.
âI loved you, there was never not going to be a second chance,â she said simply, because it was true. âIâm happy I got to have you again. Itâs been nice, taking things a little slow, getting to know each other as adults. You know?â
Well.
That was weird.
Catra didnât know if she was overthinking what she was saying or not. She blinked, brows cautiously furrowing, the wrinkle in the space between them so deep they ought to be permanent. The appetizer hit their table right as she opened her mouth to say something, and after thanking the waiter she grabbed her glass of ice water and took a sip. It helped her throat, which â also felt weird.
âI didnât know there was still more to know,â she replied lightly, masking her insecurity with an impish smirk, little fang out and all. âIs this the part where you tell me you have a foot fetish? Youâre always awfully fixated on digging things out of my feet. Shouldâve known.â
âFixated is not the right word,â Adora protested, one hand dropping to lightly smack at Catraâs shoulder. âI donât want you stepping on things and getting permanently injured or, like, splinters in your bloodstream. Is that so wrong?â
âSuuuure, weirdo,â Catra snarked, the quirk of her lips downright cocky as she took another sip of her water. She hadnât touched the food yet â it looked good, with the bacon jam and toast crackers, the fancy cheese and grapes â but that might be because her stomach was twisting. Wonky nerves had a tendency of killing her appetite. She was working on regaining some control over her feelings before she pulled out⊠that. âI stepped on a rusted nail once when we were kids and youâve been making up for that little accident with dutiful feet checks since.â
âSomeone has to look after you and your feet. Itâs basically the equivalent of those brain damage checks youâre always doing on me.â With that, she turned her attention to the food, stacking up a little sandwich and presenting it to Catra between her fingers. âIâd rather be concussed than have a nail jammed in my foot.â
Catra grabbed her wrist, brushing her thumb against the little pulse there. âOh, please,â she scoffed. âIf you want to get in a debate of whatâs worse - a nail in your foot or a concussion? Iâm going to win. With the amount of times you somehow conk your head on things youâll probably experience acute memory loss by the time weâre, like, forty.â
Just to defy the jitters in her gut, she leaned in to take a teeny chomp of that fancy lunchable sandwich offered to her. âRusty nails,â she paused to chew and swallow, âare totally fine to have if you have a tetanus shot.â
Her logic was formidable.
Adora took the next bit of her makeshift sandwich before she responded to that argument. âJust because you have a tetanus shot doesnât mean rusty nails belong in your foot, Catra. Maybe youâre right, maybe itâs not as bad as potential brain damage, but maybe it is. What if you get tetanus, huh? What, then? Do you even know what tetanus does to you?â
This was perfect, just the distraction she needed. They always got into these petty little arguments. It was nothing truly damaging or relationship-ending â just good-natured bickering that had been a part of their dynamic for as long as she could remember.
âTetanus wouldnât give me early on-set dementia,â she shot back, like it was the most duh and obvious thing ever. âAnd itâs not fatal!â
Catra stopped at that. No, she didnât really know what tetanus did and she wasnât going to bluntly admit that either.
âAt least I donât think it is,â she added, and let go of her wrist so her hand could curl around the curve of her neck. Adora was getting kissed even with crumbs on her mouth so she did just that, smothering their mouths together playfully in their own little bubble. âBut, I mean. So what if it is? I have the shot, Iâm immune, I win.â
âNo, you donât,â Adora huffed against her mouth. She couldnât resist pausing to kiss her back for a moment, but she was not done. Not even close. She actually knew things about this, and she did have a tendency to go into know-it-all mode on occasion. In this case, it was helping calm her nerves from the Big Possibilities, too, and she needed that.
âYouâre supposed to get tetanus boosters once every ten years after the first one,â she informed her girlfriend. It sounded like she was reciting information from memory, which she was. Sheâd taken some basic medical classes at school, thinking it might help in her future career choice. âAnd itâs only fatal in eleven percent of cases, but it can cause seizures, which can cause brain damage, which can cause dementia. So youâre just as at-risk as me, in that case.â
Did she look a little smug right now? Absolutely. It was just her face, she couldnât help it.
It took two seconds for Catra to kiss her again.
That smug face absolutely needed to stop. It was annoying. It was â hot, okay. If she waited any longer she would have most likely seen Adora do the eyebrow waggle thing at her, it was always the dorkiest thing but made her insides melt every time. She had butterflies again, but not from fear. These were from love. They were warm and comfortable, and she tried not to think about how terrifying it was to love someone this much.
âIâve never gotten a tetanus booster shot,â she whispered, like it was some dirty, salacious secret - and the look she was giving Adora was suggestive, there was no doubt about it. But her face was also beginning to break out in a stupid grin, because this was just ridiculous, and the next kiss was to solely hide the fact that she was about to laugh.
Even Adora couldnât be bothered to feel anxious at that moment. She loved when Catra grinned like that, a little salacious but just as open and free. It was a good face, the best face, and Adora liked every single one of her faces so that was saying something. She couldnât explain how much she loved this girl, always had and always would. Having her back was honestly the most amazing thing that could have happened to her in this last year.
So, she kissed her back. A little deeper than was totally appropriate in a public restaurant, but it was an intimate sort of place, so she suspected kissing was more excusable than it might be in, say, the nearest Chiliâs.
âWe,â she murmured, breathy as she broke the kiss just to speak again, âare getting you a booster appointment ASAP. So you can keep your immunity.â
âYou wanting to keep my vaccinations up to date is really hot dirty talk,â teased Catra, feeling lighter. She was happy, and this silly moment was an echo of all the other moments shared this past year - the banter, the kisses, the talking. Being on the same page. Knowing that they wanted a future together, whatever that might look like. Sometimes it didnât feel theyâd spent three years apart at all.
They had, though. It was important to acknowledge and talk about. Time apart changed them, but ultimately, they were still just Catra and Adora.
âI hope you think I say this enough, but - you know youâre my favorite person, right?â she asked, switching the tone of their conversation to something softer. Vulnerable. She didnât know how to lead the conversation to what she ultimately wanted to bring up, but she was trying. âYouâve been my favorite person since the first day I hissed at you.â
Which was also the first day they met. Catra was always an ornery little thing, and Adora never seemed phased by that. The claws, the teeth - she was different. That could sometimes scare people. It never seemed to scare her.
Adora couldnât help softening, too. Her anxiety had ebbed, and although she knew in the back of her mind what this might lead to, she couldnât help letting those walls down. This was Catra. She loved Catra, more than anyone or anything. She did want to spend forever with her, and sheâd known that since the day she mentioned â that little hiss that had been her first greeting had brought about intrigue and a desperate need to befriend this angry-looking little girl.
Which she had successfully, though not without some trying points. Their clashes had always matched their connections, and though that had ebbed with time and their knowing of one another, it was still one of Adoraâs absolute favorite things.
âYouâre my favorite person, too,â she agreed, granting her another kiss â this one to the bridge of her nose. âEven when youâre behind on your boosters.â
Catra giggled, a quiet and soft sound that was meant only for Adora. âIâm lucky to have someone who cares so much about my booster shots,â she drawled out, giving Adoraâs nose a little eskimo kiss too - which wasnât really an actual kiss, just their noses brushing together. She loved the closeness. It did nothing to stop her from pressing their mouths together again, capturing Adoraâs bottom lip with her teeth for a moment.
Her intentions were actually chaste, even if that little move was intimate.
âI love you,â she then said after pulling back, allowing space for her to study Adoraâs face. âIâve loved you before I knew what that really meant, I think. I loved you when I wrote get out on a note and stuck it in your locker, because â that was me not knowing how to say it, and being terrible at feelings.â Catra laughed a little at the memory, but it bled with nervousness. âI loved you even when I ruined things for us, and in that time we were apart. You were never just some school girl crush for me. You were always just â everything to me. My best friend. My Adora. Um.â
There was a ring in her pocket. The time felt right; she just had to reach for it and pull out the velvet satchel it was tucked away in.
âFor a while, I thought I lost youââ Catra reached for her pocket and found it empty. Wait. âAnd we wouldnât ever haveââ Wait. It wasnât in her other pocket, either. The horror of the realization hit her like a bucket of ice was suddenly poured all over her.
She frantically pulled open her blazer to check the bralette she was wearing. The inner pockets.
There was nothing.
âNo. No no.â Catra patted herself down, frantic. âFuck. Uhhhh.â She shot up off the booth, stood up, patted herself more - and then spun around in circles looking around on the floor, wondering if it had fallen there?? Except it hadnât. Where the hell wasâ âHi, babe, can you excuse me for a sec?â
The guilt Adora felt in that moment felt like a full-grown elephant dropping onto her shoulders. She had known this was coming, but she couldnât even focus on the beautiful words Catra was saying and the emotion behind it, the sweetness. This was what she had tried to prevent, but sheâd gotten content and lovey, and now her poor, beautiful girlfriend was trying her best to lead up to a proposal without a ring. And she didnât have the ring at least in part because Adora had found it and hidden it. Like a scared, insecure dumbass.
But did she want to admit to being a scared, insecure dumbass? Not if she didnât have to. So she sat there, hands folded together tightly in her lap, and watched Catra pat herself down and look around for a ring she wasnât going to find. She bit down on her bottom lip hard enough that it started to ache, but she couldnât bring herself to say anything. She couldnât bring herself to admit that she had hidden the ring in a moment of intense panic.
Because why should she be panicking? Why was her first response to the thought of Catra proposing something that scared her so much? It shouldnât be that way.
âShould,â she began at last, pulling her teeth from her sore lip, âuh, should I ask for the waiter to pack up our food?â
âNo no, justââ Catra held her hands up, taking a few tentative steps back. âJust wait here, okay?â Then she turned around, and whacked right into a waiter holding a tray of food. It was a spectacular disaster that hit the floor with a clang of plates, covered the waitstaff in sauce, but miraculously left her unscathed. âSorry! Sorry! Shit - Iâm sorry! Iâll be right back!â
She bolted.
She bolted almost right into another poor, unsuspecting employee carrying drinks, but this time she tapped into those feline genetics and skillfully jumped over her. âSorry!â Catra shouted again but didnât look back. She just ran and ran through the corridors, ignoring elevators and taking the emergency stairwells down to the lobby because no doubt she was faster than those damn death boxes anyway.
Catra barrelled into security personnel who were brave enough to grab her by the arms. âMiss, are you trying to go outside? Weâre recommending everyone stayââ
âA ring!â she blurted. âI went to my car and I thinkâit was in a satchel, it was an engagement ring??â It wasnât anything flashy or terribly expensive; she knew Adora wasnât crazy about jewelry, she knew she liked things simple, and she tried to find a token to honor her tastes. âDid someone turn in something like that??â
âWell, no, Iâm afraidââ
âThen move!â
It was almost cartoonish how easily she shoved the grown man aside, went through the doors, and found herself already in knee-deep snow. The evening sky didnât even look dark; it was pale with clouds, a flash of lightning behind them. It was impossible to see.
Didnât stop her from clawing into the snow looking for what she lost, though. âMust haveâughâdropped it, like an idiot! Hey! Does anyone have a shovel?!â
Adora did as she was asked and stayed there â for about ten seconds. As soon as she witnessed Catra clattering into a waiter and knocking over a trayâs worth of food, she knew she couldnât just sit idly by and watch her panic. It wasnât fair, and the only fair way to handle this was to go find her and be honest about what had happened and what she was feeling. It wasnât something she was excited to do, but it was better than watching Catra freak out by far.
She stood and caught their waiter as they returned, requesting that he have their food sent up via room service when it was ready. There was no way she was bringing Catra back here; this was a private conversation, one they needed to have away from any other prying ears.
By the time she reached the lobby and the main door and saw Catra clawing through what could only be described as a small wall of snow, the security guard seemed to have given up on her, maybe in search of that shovel. She hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath and going out to grasp her girlfriend by the elbow.
âCome back inside, Catra. The ring⊠I know where it is.â
Catra was about to tell her to go inside. Adora was in a sleeveless dress, and it was cold, and she didnât want her getting sick and if she just had a damn shovel she could â probably??? â locate this goddamn ring.
Until she said⊠that.
The blizzard might as well have stopped spiraling around her. She didnât register the wind, the snow, nor the cold. Her ears were damp and floppy and the lower half of her body was numb. She just stared at Adora, blinking rapidly.
Then, she let out a disbelieving: âWhat?â
âCome inside,â Adora repeated, completely aware that was not at all what that question was intended for. But she wasnât going to explain it out here in the snowy hellscape because, yes, she was in a sleeveless dress, and honestly, Catraâs outfit wasnât any better suited for this kind of weather. âI told the waiter to send our food up to the room. Come on.â
With that, she took Catraâs hand, laced their fingers together, and led them back inside without taking no for an answer or leaving any room for protest. She led them through the lobby, into the elevator, and through the winding hallways until they were back in their room.
As soon as the door was closed behind them, she reached out to help Catra pull off her blazer. âWhen I was in the bathroom, I saw that little pouch you were keeping it in,â she explained at last. âAnd I peeked and saw the ring.â
Catra hadnât protested. Not verbally. Not physically. She either allowed herself to be taken or was too dumbstruck by what happened to process the idea of pulling away from Adora. Her mind raced with thoughts â it had the time to do that, since they had both fallen silent as they traversed towards the wing with all the guest rooms.
She didnât lose the ring.
At some point, she must have gotten too distracted by her nerves and left it a place it shouldnât have been.
Adora found it. Saw it. She knew what it was.
She knew what question sheâd planned on asking, then.
âHuh,â was all she said as her girlfriend pulled the blazer off her, exposing those striped arms and much more skin. The snowflakes had melted in her hair already, the moisture making her curls more pronounced than usual. Her face was pink from the cold. Fingers â a little numb, but okay. Her dress pants were wet.
Catra studied her, not anxiously or fearfully; but carefully. Her tail wasnât twitching, and neither were her ears. She held herself in check, trying her best to gauge what Adora was feeling. Her own emotions were masterfully hidden. She was good at that with most other people, but never this good with Adora.
She moved around her, walking towards her open suitcase. After pulling out a pair of sweatpants, Catra dropped to the end of the bed and began to take the boots off. âIâm guessing itâs still in the bathroom?â
Every word Adora spoke felt leaden coming out of her mouth. She was anxious and guilty and trying not to feel either of those things, but she had brought them on herself. Fear was creeping up on her, too: fear of explaining herself, fear of the prospect of the proposal that was rooted right back in its own anxiety. She felt like a mess, but she managed to stay mostly composed.
Well, except for her face. She was frowning, and she could feel it, and even when she attempted to school her face into something more neutral, the frown remained. She had never been the best at hiding her emotions. She could when she had to, but it had always been harder around Catra. And in these stupid, messy circumstances of her own making, she wasnât doing well.
âYeah, but before we go there, I just need toââ Adora folded her hands together tightly and pressed them to her chin, watching as Catra started to disrobe. âAre you sure you want to do this?â
Catra didnât know what to make of that question, hence the very sharp, slow rise of one single eyebrow.
There was a very obvious lack of overwhelming joy with this topic now out there to dissect, and sheâd admit that it wasnât the reaction she was hoping for. Adora could have gotten herself another room here if she wanted to dodge this situation. She could have let Catra believe she did lose the ring, just to avoid her popping the question overall. She didnât owe Catra a yes to a proposal that barely got off its feet.
They had talked about marriage in the abstract. It was an idea, a nice thought they agreed to. She had to accept that having the very real possibility presented to Adora could make her change her mind. That it may be something she realized she wasnât ready for, and that was fair. That was okay. They were young, and maybe Catra was just moving too fast. Too eager. Too much.
Maybe Adora was realizing that she couldnât go through with her after she broke her heart a few years back. That was fair, too.
It wasnât fair to assume rejection without fully talking about it, but Catra was bracing herself for it. She stood to pull the sweatpants up properly, leaving the bralette on thatâd been under the blazer. The thought of putting on an actual shirt wasnât something she even considered doing right now in the face of all â this.
âI knew what I was doing when I bought it,â Catra answered, bunching her hair up all over the front of her shoulder. She was â calm. There wasnât any waver to her words, nor a wobble to her lips. âRemember how I used to collect all these little rocks, all of them in the same shade of blue - for you? Because they would always remind me of your eyes? And I guess, I donât know, that must have been my first clue of my gay-wakening. Now that weâre older I wanted to get you an actual nice rock that matched your eyes for this. A rock that meant something.â
She breathed in, chest rising as it filled with air.
âI knew I wanted to marry you when I learned what it all entailed. Well, at first I didnât really know all of it, but I knew it meant that it was a promise to be with someone forever. You were just my friend then. Wanting that with you felt right.â
This was word vomit. Unrehearsed, raw and vulnerable word vomit. Catra had never really excelled at articulating what she felt into coherent, tangible words. The last time she managed it (barely, she thought), she got Adora back â but this wasnât reconciliation. This was marriage.
Her arms dropped to her sides, fingers curling in, claws poking into the soft flesh of her palms.
âEven when we werenât together, I never once doubted wanting that kind of cheesy forever with you. I still donât. And if itâs a lot, if itâs too soon â thatâs okay. You can tell me. Thatâs not going to change how I feel about you. If you want me to ask years later, Iâll do exactly that. If you decide you donât want me to ask at all, thatâs fine. Iâm â fuck, Iâm babbling. Sorry.â That breath she was holding in was finally let go, and she offered Adora a small smile. âThat was a lot of words. I donât even know if they were good words.â
Catra swallowed. The nerves were showing.
âThereâs no wrong answer, okay? I promise.â
Was Adora crying? Absolutely. She couldnât even try to pass it off as snow melting off her face if she wanted to because the tears were flowing, and it was taking everything she had not to outright sob. Not bad, sad sob â this particular sob was some mix of confused and frightened and happy all at once. She was feeling so much emotion, and she had never been the best at regulating it; her attempts just led to anxiety, and that was a whole vicious circle she didnât want to get involved in again.
She couldnât stand anymore, so she sat down on the vanity bench across from the bed, and she raked her fingers into her carefully brushed and blow-dried hair, gazing at Catra through very watery eyes. She was really just a blur, but she was a Catra-shaped blur that Adora knew better than she knew herself.
Every word she said was so much. Adora hadnât let the beginnings at the table impact her properly because she had fallen into a guilt spiral, but now, without that little secret lingering between them, all she could do was feel them. She knew Catra meant everything she said. She knew this wasnât something her Catra, of all people, went into lightly or thought about casually. She could tell that this had been a process for her â maybe for longer than Adora had even realized.
And she wanted to just get up and say yes. Because she loved Catra so much, and of course she wanted to be her wife, just like sheâd wanted to be her friend, then her girlfriend. Both changes in their relationship, at very different phases in their lives, had brought her so much overwhelming joy. She could feel that little bubble of joy beneath the surface, trying to burst through the lump of fear and not quite getting there.
She had to say this. She needed reassurance, certainty. Right now, with the way Catra was talking to her, she knew she would get both of those things, and maybe it would be enough to get rid of these last vestiges of fear that were gripping her so tightly.
âWhat if you change your mind?â she asked, her voice trembling. She felt like a jerk immediately, and she let out a shaky breath and gripped the fabric bench on either side of her before she went on. âI know thatâs not fair, and I donât want you to think I hold what happened against you, but itâs hard not to feel⊠a little scared, Catra. You pushed me away once because you thought it was best for me, and I donât think I can stand being pushed away again if, like, we get engaged, or married later, and you decide that Iâm better off without you again.â
Oh. That wasnât rejection.
That was fear.
Catra felt and thought a lot of things when she saw how glassy Adoraâs eyes became, how her voice shuddered, the way her knuckles almost matched the snow with how tight she was gripping the upholstery. She was swift when she moved closer but tried not to be too abrupt as she dropped to her knees, hands sliding up those tense arms and shoulders until she cradled her face like she was fragile glass.
âI will never change my mind about you,â she told her with a gentle kind of conviction, wanting to kiss the tears from her cheeks, yet holding back so she wouldnât overwhelm her. âWhat I did,â she went on, swallowing again, feeling that well-earned sting in her throat, âwasnât because I didnât love you, or my feelings changed. But I hurt you. I donât expect you to forget that or to never bring it up. I was young, and dumb, and I made a decision that should have been yours for stupid reasons. Thatâs not how I want us or this to be. The only way youâre getting rid of me is if you tell me to go, and even thenââ
She pressed their foreheads together, staring straight into her eyes.
âIâd put up some kind of fight. I let you go too easily the first time and Iâll be damned if I let it happen again. Youâre mine, and Iâll always be yours. For as long as you want to have me.â
If anything, Catraâs approach was too cautious. The hands and even the forehead â they werenât enough, but Adora was too busy white-knuckling the vanity stool to push for more. But as soon as those mismatched eyes met hers, she was done for. She wrapped her arms around Catraâs back and clung to her, eyes squeezing shut as that sob finally broke free.
She wasnât sure sheâd ever felt such immediate, intense relief. She had been worried about this for longer than she wanted to confess. Not always in the front of her mind, but the thought had always lingered somewhere in the background of her mind. Catra had been young â they both had been â but her heart had still been so broken. Sometimes, it still felt a little broken.
But she would heal. She had Catra, now and forever. She was hers, and that was all she wanted.
âYou never, ever have to fight for me because Iâm never going to want anyone else,â Adora said, the words coming out hiccupy and broken. She was struggling to regain composure and shifted to bury her face in Catraâs neck, mumbling, âI love you.â
Catra welcomed Adora into her arms, squeezing tightly, so tightly. âI love you too,â she told her, a subtle crack in her voice but it didnât shatter in full. The relief she felt was almost enough to knock her onto her back and take her girlfriend onto the floor with her â except she was determined to remain steady, a rock for her to lean and cry against.
She still had her. She didnât scare her away. Sheâd spent the rest of her life making up for what she did, if Adora let her.
Instead of digging her claws into the dress, Catra rubbed her palms across her back soothingly, pressing kisses to her ear. To her cheek, neck, wherever her lips could reach, and she didnât mind if they were salted with tears.
It took a little while longer for Adora to let all the big feelings out. Eventually, she lifted her head and released her restrictive hold to pat at her face with the back of her wrists. Part of her couldnât believe sheâd fallen apart like that, but it had been needed.
âIâm sorry I ruined your big night,â she murmured after a moment, turning her eyes back to Catra. She reached out to brush her thumbs across her girlfriendâs cheeks and smile at her. It was still a little bit tremulous but sincere. âIf Iâd never opened that pouch, this would have gone down way less ridiculously, I swear.â
She wouldnât have had time to dwell in the frightened parts of her. Catra would have pulled out the ring, surprised her, and sheâd have been so overwhelmed with that surprise that she would have said âyesâ without a thought. She was sure of that. Too bad she hadnât been that Adora tonight.
âYou didnât ruin anything, dummy,â purred Catra, staring up that rumble of thunder in her chest to help Adora ride out those last bits of emotions. âWe have dinner still coming up, donât we?â Those fingers of hers were kissed, every one of them that she could reach. âWeâll turn on that electric fireplace. Put a movie on, get comfy.â
She rose up from her knees, hugging Adoraâs head into her stomach.
âLet me justâput that ring in my suitcase, okay? Before I actually lose it.â Because the truth was: Catra hadnât asked, and while she burned with the desire to do it and (hopefully) get a solid yes to it, she didnât want to push Adora into anything.
Adora smiled softly, briefly envisioning that evening playing out. She was sincerely sorry that theyâd lost out on their space at the restaurant, but the idea of curling up with Catra for the rest of the night, with the fireplace and delicious food soon-to-be delivered was just as perfect. She preferred the idea of just the two of them, no spectators and waitstaff to contend with.
That fantasy was cut short, however, when Catra mentioned the ring. âNo, no,â Adora cut in, placing her hands on Catraâs shoulders to keep her still. âWait here, Iâll get it.â She was not letting Catra go in there to find the ring in the stack of foam cups where sheâd left it. That would be horrifying, and Adora knew then she would never tell her.
She kissed Catraâs forehead quickly and got to her feet, making her way quickly across the room until her heels clicked on the bathroom tile. She grabbed the pouch from where she had left it on the sink near the door, then continued to the opposite side of the sink to carefully pull the ring out of the cup. She examined it again, but this time, the panic was replaced with warm, excited butterflies fluttering in the pit of her stomach.
She popped the ring back into the pouch, cinched it shut, then returned to Catra, extending the little bag to her. âAsk me?â she requested, her tone pulled back and questioning. âIf you still want to. Or we can wait until I havenât just cried all over you.â
âWelllll,â Catra chuckled, taking the bag in her hand, fingers rubbing the fabric so she could feel the outline of the ring. âI didnât expect to be in sweatpants when I did this. And our makeup has looked better.â The smile she gave Adora was wry, teasing â and she was also watching her, deciphering the look in her eyes, every little twitch of her face.
She searched for doubt. She didnât find any, and the butterflies came back â not intensely, but they were tingly. Warm.
This time she dropped to just the one knee. Catra pulled open the bag, emptying the one thing in it into her open palm. Sheâd been looking at it for weeks now, wondering how it would look on Adoraâs finger. Wondering if sheâd even like it.
Catra pinched the band between her thumb and finger and held it up. âHey Adora,â she breathed out, blue and gold eyes looking up. Sheâd said everything else already; sheâd say them forever if it gave her assurance that she was all in. âMarry me?â
The ring did match Adoraâs eyes. Perfectly, if she was honest. She still had the entire collection of little rocks and stones Catra had collected for her over the years of similar shades, and this felt like the ultimate find â the final piece. Even after staring at it before, seeing it again, offered up to her by the woman she loved on bended knee, it was like seeing it with brand new eyes. And it was beautiful.
She was nodding even before the actual question was asked, and as soon as it was, she immediately and emphatically said, âYes.â She put her hand into Catraâs and let her slide the ring on her finger, her smile widening until it settled in place. âNow, please come up here and kiss me because I canât kneel in these stupid heels.â
It was on her finger, finally, and the fit was perfect, like a lock and key. Adora said yes, and all those lingering doubts and insecurities that plagued her mind went up in smoke â because she said yes.
âI would have,â she breathed, pausing to press a smaller, more tender kiss to her lips, âwaited however long you needed me to for that answer, I hope you know that. I love you, princess.â
âI was never going to make you wait. I just needed to know you werenât going to run away again,â she murmured. She sealed their lips together again and as she did, she stepped backwards and turned, taking a few slightly clumsy steps back so she could sit on the bed and bring Catra into her lap instead.
âNever,â Catra whispered the answer, and that was when the walls came down a little. That was when her eyes became misty, and she had to rub her lips together to keep the quiver that threatened them away. Sheâd fallen into Adoraâs lap with ease, knees hugging her hips. âI know one year isnât going to undo those â three,â she told her, tipping her head back with a nudge of her nose, like she was preparing to angle her for another kiss, âbut Iâve got a lifetime to make it up to you. Until weâre old.â
She did kiss her then, pushing her back into the bed.
âWrinkly.â
Catra wasnât far behind, either. She held herself up with her hands, and kissed her again.
âWith fat grandchildren weâll probably spoil every Christmas.â
Adora never liked seeing Catra cry â or even come close to tears, as she was now. Her heart reflexively ached, and she was ready to reach out and stroke her face before her head was tipped back by that determined little nose. Her hands found their way up to the sides of Catraâs neck. Her palms flattened there while her thumbs moved along the curves of her jaw.
She kissed back fiercely when their lips finally met, her back against the bed. Her feet were still heavy with those stupid heels, but she couldnât even bring herself to care when she had the woman she loved kissing her. Hearing those promises she was making â it was scary, to think of a time when she could be a grandmother, but it was the most spectacular kind of scared she could imagine.
âLetâs focus,â she breathed, âon the getting married part first.â She moved her hands up to thread into Catraâs hair. âThen, weâll get to the fat grandchildren. Way, way later.â
Catra let out a watery laugh. âI know, I know,â she sniffed, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand. She really wasnât crying, but she felt like she was about to â because feelings, ugh. âGotta freak you out with one milestone at a time, I know. I canât help it.â
She dropped her forehead to Adoraâs, and they found themselves nose to nose again. Lips werenât far off again either. Catra was going to inevitably kiss her again, and again, and again.
But first: âI just want everything with you.â
âI want everything with you,â Adore echoed, tilting her head just a bit to brush a kiss across Catraâs cheek. âI love you. Iâll give you everything, I promise.â She shifted back to let their lips meet, small, soft kisses. She would have stayed there happily, too.
Until there was a knock on the door.
âOh. Our food.â She blinked in surprise and met Catraâs gaze. âI almost forgot.â
Wait, food?
Catra sat up, sitting on Adoraâs stomach as she glanced over towards the door and let the concept of food sink in. Suddenly, it was as if everything that happened in the restaurant hit her at once as if it was some disastrous revelation. âHoly shit,â she gasped, covering her (grinning) mouth. âI barreled through their fucking employees and made an ass of myself, didnât I?â
It should be mortifying. It was not her best moment but she found herself cackling about it like a damn hyena anyway. âOkay, hold on, lemme â Iâll get it!â she laughed, leaping off of Adora to get the money from her pants first, and then to open the door to let the cart in. âHi, uhhhh, can you give this money toââ
âWe know,â said the room service attendant with a sage nod.
âCatra, come help me out of this dress!â she called out. It was a little shameless, but she didnât care. This had become a sweatpants kind of night, and she wasnât acrobatic enough to pull the zipper down herself.
The cart was fully pulled into their room on covered platters, it was fancy â and sitting in their room with dinner? Way better idea than being out in public, Catra didnât know what the fuck sheâd been thinking. She had picked up one of the lids to peek at an entree when Adora called for her attention, and her plea had her brain short-circuiting a moment
Zipper found at the top, Catra took her time to drag it down, lazy kisses pressed against the back of those broad shoulders. âI can never show my face again in that restaurant, by the way.â
âI think youâd probably be forgiven if you explained the circumstances,â she offered, âbut I canât say I mind having our food up here instead. We got enough of the restaurant atmosphere for me.â She stepped back to the closet to grab a hanger, taking a few moments to hang up her dress, then Catraâs blazer and pants.
Catra was following what she was saying. Mostly. Adora was in her underwear, and the view was very distracting. Did they order dessert? They didnât. But she had an idea of what dessert couldâ
A t-shirt and sweatpants was pulled from one of the suitcases, and she had to present it to her with the utmost seriousness. âHi, I love you, you make a very valid point onâwhatever you were saying, but please put something on because Iâm ten seconds away from being hungry for something else.â
âI would say Iâm sorry, but Iâm not,â she admitted, pulling the t-shirt quickly down over her head and pulling her hair free of the collar. She settled back on the bed again to get into the sweatpants and pull them up to her waist. âBetter?â
âNot even close,â Catra growled out, and she might have just â thrown herself at Adora while she was in bed like that. She was kissing her everywhere. Mouth and chin and fleshy human ears, jaw and neck and mouth again. They were happy kisses, albeit eager and a little sloppy and all that makeup they put in for the night wasnât faring well with how often their faces just kept smashing tonight. âBut Iâm going to be good,â she panted in between another onslaught of lip contact. âAnd make sure youâre properly fed, because you get hangry and whiny when you arenât.â
The food smelled good, and it was some expensive shit. It was important to not let it waste.