Tiberius Nero Blackthorn đȘđżđ§ (tynero) wrote in valloic, @ 2023-12-01 08:49:00
Log: KitTy
Kit Herondale &
Ty Blackthorn
WHAT. Ty goes looking for a little comfort and advice after What-if!Julian shows up. WHERE. Kit's apartment! WHEN. Immediately after THIS LOG WARNINGS. TW for talks of sibling death, grief, necromancy gone wrong. Also boys cuddling. STATUS. Complete
Ty wanted Tessa to like him, to be trusted by Kitâs mother-figure seemed like an important thing. So heâd been doing things right, by knocking on doors and respecting her rules (there werenât many) or letting them know where the pair would be when they had plans for the day. Things thar reminded him of when Julian had shouted behind Ty and Livvy when theyâd been on their way out of the Institute on some weird task. He was used to that.
But if any time felt like a âleap from one balcony to the other and climb in through Kitâs windowâ, it was now. It was still fairly early in the morning, Ty had been up a little while, eaten breakfast, fed Irene, and had-- the most alarming conversation with Julian. Well, not alarming.
Unsettling.
This Jules was from an alternate world, one where Ty had not survived, whereas Livvy had, and Ty still didnât know what to do with that information.
It seemed wrong to see Jules in the state he was in and to be glad, but his sister survived, somewhere. Not just Thule. She had lived, and Ty was always glad when Livvy lived, even if he was beginning to wonder if they were cursed to never grow old together, as twins should.
Ty had thrown out the entire rulebook of necromancy for his sister, and there was a world where he didnât have to do that. He couldnât, because of how it had gone.
It was an obvious thing to want to tell Kit about it immediately, or to at least just see him. He needed a little guidance, and Kit was a calming presence. He couldnât stop the window from making a creak noise as he opened it, but he was still silent as he slipped in. He wasnât there to creep, so immediately he whispered, âKit, are you up?â
Kit was not, in fact, up. Somewhere around four in the morning he was up to use the bathroom, stare groggily in the mirror, before giving himself a pep talk about going back to sleep. This had been a frequent occurrence, the late night wake ups, where his body seemed to shock him into thinking about where he was and how and why and all the other things in between. Tessa was here. Mina was here. Ty was here and they kissed. More than once. Maybe subconsciously his body was worried that it was all a dream. A very long, multi-month dream.
What if he was in a coma? No, no, that wasn't right. He imagined it would be a lot darker, visually, not conceptually. A coma was ridiculous. His vivid dreaming though was less so.
But that was four-in-the-morning Kit, not current Kit who was sleeping peacefully in his bed, with his face smushed into his pillow, and his hair looking chaotic. He had the decency to sleep with a shirt on at least, which would save him from the early morning embarrassment when he realized it was Ty climbing through his window, and Ty in his room, and Ty asking if he was awake. The real Ty, not the dream-coma Ty. Kit sat up so fast at hearing his voice, like he was attuned to it.
"I'm up," Kit said immediately, though he was only vertical in the sense of up, and not mentally conscious up. That took another moment or two of blinking owlishly toward Ty, fixating on the fact that he had climbed through the balcony window, which meant he had jumped across balconies for this conversation. At least, this time, he wasn't naked. He'd never be able to live that down with Livvy floating in here.
"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" Kit asked, as his brain booted back up, and he started to pull himself out from under the covers of his bed. Whatever had happened he wanted to already be moving in the direction Ty needed him.
All at once, Ty looked embarrassed and felt a little bad for yanking Kit out of his sleep so readily. He wasnât surprised that Kit had been sleeping, but also didnât expect him to wake so quickly. Sort of.
But then he was a Shadowhunter. And this was a reminder that Ty had missed the bulk of Kitâs Shadowhunter training, with the pair being away from each other. It was probably for the best, given that they tended to distract each other and get too much and not enough accomplished all at once. Heâd been told it was annoying, but Ty found it amazing.
Ty waved a hand in the universal no no gesture, now worried that Tessa might hear him and come investigating. He sat down on the edge of Kitâs bed with a little sigh. It was best to keep his voice low, for this, with the hope that theyâd stay alone for a while. âNothingâs wrong, not really. I guess. Jules is having that memory thing like others, he woke up that way this morning.â
Even though Ty was telling him nothing was wrong the things he was saying definitely sounded wrong. The memory thing was a huge deal, and if Julian was going through it in a noticeable wayâenough for Ty to come over now, through his window, and not waitâthen that meant it was something bad. Kit inched over to the side of the bed so he could sit beside Ty and keep their voices low.
"Okay, so, what does he remember? Or not remember? Is itâ" The first thing that came to his mind was Livvy. Did Julian not know she was dead? Did Ty have to tell him? Kit had gone from tired, to confused, to concerned in the span of three seconds. Vallo was being particularly cruel to people lately, and if Kit could fight the whole city for Ty's sake he would have.
"If you need me to run interference with him, I will. Or I can ask Tessa, she's better at these things than I am. She would know what to say if it came down to it," Kit said, only now realizing that Ty didn't actually explain what was different about his brother. He winced at himself for jumping the gun. "I'm just saying, whatever it is, you have options. For help."
Kit being concerned and helpful had Ty melting into the bed a little. âTessa might be better at talking to him than I am.â Ty admitted sheepishly. He vividly recalled just how heâd told Julian that Livvy was a ghost, not long before heâd jumped through Kitâs window.
It had been a semi-calculated move, with Ty already having put the pieces together of just where he was in this Julianâs world. When Jules had confirmed Emma was still around, and had mentioned Livvy, the way heâd clung to Ty when they hugged-- The puzzle practically solved itself. âHe doesnât know anything about this world. But I think a lot of other things are the same except Livvy-- We didnât bring her back.â
He glanced up at Kit through his dark eyelashes, trying to gauge a response before he continued to verbally stumble forward. It was a difficult topic for both of them to talk about, and one Ty didnât relish out of fear of pushing Kit away again. âWe didnât have to, but also I couldnât because I wasnât there. So at least thatâs something that worked out right?â
Kit had been doing this thing. While Ty was talking, his fingers were slowly inching closer on the bed to close the gap between them. He wanted to take his hand, or maybe a gentle touch of pinky to pinky. Just some sort of contact. Because Kit had finally realized that from the moment he was awake until he fell fitfully asleep at night, he was thinking about Ty. It just so happened that this morning he didn't have to think about him on his own, he was here in his room. And privacy for them, even in the light of an awkward and complicated morning with the memory thing, was precious.
He was listening, he was, but he was slow to understand what Ty was sayingâwhether that was because of his bodily presence next to Kit or that he was being vaguely blunt, he wasn't sure. But when Kit looked up at Ty, his face was soft; Livvy was a hard topic even on the best days. But his expression went from sympathetic to confused. His brows furrowed deeply.
"Wait, what?" Kit asked. The hand that had been scooting closer to Ty's was suddenly moving in the air at his own uncertainty. "You weren't there? Like you weren't there to do it, or that you wereâ" Kit shook his head, as if the thought was too awful to think about. "That's not something working out, Ty. You know that, right?" It was worse, it was so much worse.
Okay, now Ty looked sheepish. He looked back down to Kitâs messy bed, and his entire face flushed a little. Heâd misread this whole thing, heâd misread how to say anything to Julian, and how this felt like a good thing to him because that meant Livvy was alive, which was all heâd ever wanted.
But others wouldnât feel the same way. His family wouldnât see it that way, Kit wouldnât see it that way. He started tracing shapes on Kitâs sheet to focus on something. âIt just- To me itâs what Iâve wanted, but I guess if one of us is still gone then weâre still broken. Iâm beginning to wonder if thereâs ever a world where both Livvy and I can be alive together.â
It felt especially cruel, that thought. That twins, the siblings that had never truly been apart from each other until death took one of them, would be nothing but separated for the rest of their lives. Except for this Ty. This Ty, who had risked so much and gambled, but had locked his sister in an eternal prison of spectral-life.
Again and again, he traced the same symbol on the sheet. âAt least she was smarter than I was and didnât bring me back. But I always knew she was smarter than me.â
"I know it's what you want, but it's not always the right choice, Ty." Kit knew he shouldn't get angry. And in some ways he wasn't, not exactly. But he had watched Ty continue to place his life below everything else lately, and it was starting to grind at Kit's resolve about not saying anything. Now, in this new weird thing with Vallo where it felt like a messed up version of their lives, Kit was seeing the repercussions it was having on Ty, and he wasn't even the one with the alternative memories.
So Kit bit down on his tongue and let Ty talk, because yelling at him to care more about his life had never gotten Kit anywhere good. And Kit knew he would never miss Livvy in the same way Ty wouldâand hell, maybe they were doomed twins who would never grow old togetherâbut he wanted Livvy here now to side with Kit. Maybe Ty would listen to reason from her instead of him.
He traced the same shape as Ty did on the sheet, mirroring his movements. Like he was trying to figure out Ty's line of thinking. "You're smart. You're both smart, in different ways. You shouldn't put yourself down because of something that did or didn't happen in whatever life your brother is now remembering. I'm sorry it's..."
Kit looked down and finally touched his index finger to Ty's. "I'm sorry it's like this, though. Not having each other."
Ty stopped tracing a pattern and let his finger hook with Kitâs, it was instantly healing in a way. Warm and it made him want to wrap himself in Kit, if he could. But he didnât move any closer, not while they were talking like this.
âJust because sheâs smarter doesnât mean Iâm dumb, I know that.â It might have sounded smug out of the mouth of anyone else, but from Ty it just sounded earnest, and a little naive. Ty looked up at Kit, and then shut up for a few full seconds because he found himself lost in Kit. Heâd always had a hard time with eye contact anyway, but with Kit it was difficult to concentrate on anything when he was so pretty.
Now was probably the worst time to be getting distracted about how pretty Kit was, though. Ty looked back down to their hands, instead, and the voyance rune that he knew well. âI told him. Not everything, and I didnât mention you. But I told him a little. And he wanted to know why it didnât work and I couldnât tell him and I donât know if that was the right choice. Should I have told him?â
Kit exhaled heavily when Ty took his finger. This little point of contact was so much and not enough at the same time, but Kit wasn't about to ask for more. Their conversation was tenuous at best, and he could feel the uncertainty coming off of Ty. It was unusual. Ty was always more confident than Kit was when it came to saying things or making decisionsâthough he imagined both of them would argue the point if Kit admitted that to Tyâthat he sat up a little straighter when the question was posted to him.
"I don't know," Kit said, and squeezed their fingers together reassuringly. "But I don't think so, if I really had to guess. There's no good answer but telling him where it went wrong might have made him think he could do it and not make the same mistake." Kit frowned at the word, because bringing Livvy back was not a mistake. And Livvy being around as a ghost was not a mistake either, but it hadn't been the intended outcome. So it was wrong in its own right, but Kit didn't want to think Livvy being here was some sort of flaw.
The whole thing was complicated and he was so bad at explaining it eloquently, let alone in a way that wouldn't hurt Ty's feelings. He hoped that Ty understood what he was trying to say; they were good at that. Sometimes.
"You did the right thing for the situation. But if, when, he's back to the Julian we know, you might have to. Tell him. He'll probably ask the same questions again. And we'll have to be ready." Kit didn't say you have to be ready because he wanted Ty to know he didn't have to do everything alone. Kit would still be here, no matter what.
Ty had seen that flash of scowling that Julian had done, and while itâd all gotten better, it still made him frown thinking about it. He hated lying to his brother, a lot, and even though heâd mostly told the truth, it was difficult to not just blurt everything out to Julian.
Heâd been avoiding the truth about Livvy for so long by being in the Scholomance. When he came home, they were just weekend trips, short and he hadnât been given enough time to have to hide much. It was getting more and more difficult the more time passed and they were all together.
Ty would have been in the same predicament once his schooling finished and he was living in Blackthorn Hall.
Everything suddenly felt like a lot and he felt emotionally drained. Tyâs body tipped forward gently and his head dropped to Kitâs shoulder. âI know. I donât really want to but I donât think I can hide it much longer. I just donât know what Iâll do if my Jules hates me for it. Or is disappointed in me not telling him.â
Kit startled, only momentarily, when Ty leaned on him. But he immediately relaxed, and brought his arm instinctively around Ty's shoulders. He wasn't pinning him here, and his grip was loose enough to break out of, but Kit wanted to make sure Ty could feel that protectiveness around him. And maybe, he found it comforting too. Kit did. It wasn't often he got to take care of Ty, who was beautiful and determined and focused to his detriment. When he slowed down like this, Kit would always be there to catch him.
"The people who love you would never hate you," Kit said quietly. "And maybe he will be disappointed, or confused, or a little angry at first. But I don't think it will be forever. He's your brother. You mean the world to him." And to me, but this wasn't about Kit and his feelings, and so he kept his mouth shut on that.
He just squeezed gently at Ty's shoulders. "You don't have to do it alone, either. If you want to tell him, I can be there too. I was there when it happened. And I can see her too. It might help. Or he can get mad at me. I'm only kind of afraid of your brother." That was Kit's attempt at a joke, and he hoped it made Ty smile a little.
Ty wanted to ask if that was the same for Kit. If what he said meant he could never hate Ty, but it felt like too much, too soon. He didnât want to set Kit back, not when theyâd been making grand progress so far.
This was nice. Being held. Ty normally wasnât one for it except in certain circumstances, and it turned out this was one of their circumstances. Being in Kitâs orbit was overwhelming but comforting all at once, and he found himself wanting more. It was an unusual sensation but Ty didnât run from it for once. He stayed.
And laughed, a little huff of a thing, into the crook of Kitâs neck. âI was going to tell you that he doesnât have to know you were involved, if you wanted to avoid him. But I think everyone knew that I donât do much without you. Ever since I met you itâs been like something is drawing me towards you.â
Hearing Ty laugh, even a little, warmed Kit. Everything was not going to be completely doom and gloom. And Ty not immediately moving away from under his arm was a good sign too. A ridiculous part of him wanted to pull Ty back into his bed and hide away inside his duvet, but practicalityâand the events of this morningâwon out. He simply tucked his chin on top of Ty's head.
"He would have guessed. Like you said, there's little we do without each other," Kit said in agreement. And for a second, one horrible terrible second, thinking about Ty dying in another world and what was that version of Kit doing now was too much. He assumed they would always be together, and if that was true for this worldâwhat had happened? Had he been there too? How did he emotionally survive it? Would he have tried to do necromancy with Livvy? It made his head spin to consider.
He focused on Ty's words instead. The ones about being drawn toward one another, no matter what. He nodded against Ty's temple. "I feel the same way. Even when we were apart, I thought about you all the time. I know it didn't seem like it but I did." Kit said, then took a deep breath and leaned away so that he could search Ty's face.
"Do you want to stay here for a little bit? We'll have to tell Tessa you're here but if you're not ready to face this other Julian again just yet, you don't have to."
Now didnât feel like the appropriate time for kissing, so Ty didnât lean in for one like he wanted to. (Heâd had to remind himself a lot recently that it wasn't always the appropriate time for kissing, so it had already been well-practiced.) He was warm and settled and I thought about you all the time felt like it deserved kissing but Ty worried he might be misreading that.
Instead he just nodded and agreed with Kitâs words before theyâd even registered. When they finally clicked into place, they made sense. But he shook his head anyway. Then nodded again. It was conflicting, but it was conflicting in his head too, so that felt right.
âHe went to go take a shower, so I shouldnât stay for long,â While Ty wanted to stay here or to hide under the covers, it didnât feel fair to Julian. His older brother had been so much for him, more than just a big brother, but a parent and an advocate. âWill you- Will you meet us in a little while and hang out? I need to check with Livvy, too.â
Heâd seen the look on his sisterâs face before sheâd vanished from the room, when Julian had said what had happened to Ty. âDonât go far? And you can tell Tessa. I donât know how much Julian is going to want to be around me but I should at least go back.â
Kit waited it out. He could feel the conflicting thoughts running through Ty at his offer. Nothing about this made a lot of sense, and Kit wondered how he would have dealt with it if somehow he had been in Ty's shoes. Probably poorly; Kit was never good with being rational about things, and especially not when it came to Ty. He had tried to be better but he was still a work in progress.
"I can do that. I will do that. And I'll go back with you when you're ready. Just, whatever you need," Kit said in a rush. There wasn't anything he would deny Ty right now, and maybe that was dangerous, but it was honest. Kit could at least give into his instincts, and right now they were saying, anything, anything.
It wasn't a kiss, but Kit put his lips to the top of Ty's head in some kind of comfort. He was still navigating the ins and outs of whatever they were doing now. Friends but now with kissing? More than that, and it included kissing? Now was not the time, though. The time was to be there for Ty.