InsaneJournal

Diego Hargreeves, former current superhero and all around badass, absolutely fucking better than stupid fucking Luther and his stupid fucking obession with the stupid moon, was having one hell of a time. He had just left the Umbrella Academy, Ben was dead and Five had disappeared into who the fuck knew where, just up and teleported away, Klaus was about two seconds from self-destructing yet again, Allison was talking about going to Hollywood and Van–Viktor (his brain corrected, because even though Diego was pissed at his sibling who just got to play his violin, Diego had been told about the transition. Good for Viktor. Still sucked) was doing who knew what. Luther would stay at the Academy and really, what the fuck was left for Diego there?

Besides Grace. She had sent him off with cookies and a first-aid kit that had money hidden in a false bottom. Anyway, whatever, the fact of the matter was he was a badass who didn’t need anyone or anything and could absolutely handle a baby–that was his baby, apparently, which, what the fuck was that all about?? With the shrieking girl! In any case, he obviously didn’t need anyone or anything, he could…take care of a baby.

Fuck his life.

“Okay, just, stay right there,” he told baby Graciela, who was laying on her stomach on a rug while he was trying to figure out how to fit the bottle all together–there were so many fucking pieces! “Just don’t move, okay? Stay still.” Right, she was a baby who probably couldn’t understand him, case in point, the way her little body wiggled and she babbled some baby nonsense–so maybe she did understand him?? Either way, Diego basically dove for her like she was on the edge of a cliff and about to take a header instead of attempting to lift her head. “Shit fuck shit fuck! Shitting fuck! Can you understand that too? Shit!”

Lila might have had a massive chip on her shoulder and a head full of her mother's brutal wisdom, but she was still young and malleable. This whole business was madness, of course, but something felt true about it anyway. Maybe it was looking into the eyes of baby Graciela and seeing so much of herself staring back at her.

Too bad that didn't help with the lunkhead that she was seemingly stuck with for the duration of this stupid adventure.

"Stop shouting at her, you twat. She's just doing the wiggle worm thing they do." She waved her hand to punctuate the sentence as she crouched down by the baby and shoved at Diego's shoulder. "Focus on the bottle. I'll keep her from uh. Bashing her little head in, yeah? It's got that terrible soft spot still." Reaching through Diego's hands, she brushed her fingers hesitantly over the baby's downy head and tried not to let the feeling upend her whole world.

"Have you ever even seen a baby before this?" It was meant to sound snide, but she just sounded vulnerable.

“I’m not yelling, she’s just fucking breakable as shit!” Diego snapped, but then looked down at Graciela who peered up at him with dark eyes that somehow looked like she was asking him a question–which was fucking stupid, because she was a baby, the only questions she was probably asking were like ‘where’s my milk’ and ‘which one of you are going to change a diaper?”

Oh, Jesus Christ.

In any case, this baby was just a baby and nothing was her fault because she was a baby, so Diego at least tried to lower his voice while he fiddled with the weird straw looking thing that…why did the bottle have this at all?? “I don’t know, all of my siblings are the exact same age because our dad was a fucking weirdo,” he muttered. “And we didn’t go to school or anything so no one I knew had a baby. I’ve seen babies before, obviously, there are babies in public everywhere,” Diego quickly clarified, before glancing at Lila. “Why, have you?”

"You ramble when you're nervous. And you do it very loudly," Lila observed snootily. She knew who he was. Everyone in the Commission knew the Umbrella Academy and her mum had made sure she was no exception. If anything, she was the rule. Even if she hadn't known who he was though, she'd have known what he was. She could feel his power on the edge of her conscience like an electric fence. Projectile control wasn't particularly useful with the baby though, so Lila ignored it. For now.

"Anyway, no. I've never seen one this close." Or one that looked like her. Interesting that she didn't have any power coming off of her. It was a relief somehow. Her mum would probably find it disappointing. "Or smelled one this close." She wrinkled her nose and reached for the diaper bag. She was training to be a fixer, she could change a bloody diaper. "Can you give me a little room?"

“How about you give me a little room,” Diego snipped back, because being contrary was his instinct whenever anyone told him to do anything thanks to having his whole life be about what someone else wanted him to do. Not that he, you know, actually wanted to change a diaper–also not that he’d actually admit it but he didn’t exactly know how to change one. And for once, he stopped his immediate reaction and showed a modicum of restraint and didn’t offer to cut off the diaper. It would scare little baby Graciela and he didn’t want that.

After he’d made his very important point that he wasn’t moving just because Lila had said so, Diego did in fact, scoot out of the way. Fortunately, for the most part, Graciela seemed like a super chill baby, which wasn’t a surprise because Diego was super chil–well, not that. But he was obviously very awesome, and had literally no doubt that whatever kid he did have would naturally be just as awesome. “This is weird, right?” he asked, while finishing up with the bottle. Now, how to tell if it was too hot? That was a thing people did. “Having this baby? I mean, you’re just a kid.”

Lila rolled her eyes so hard she nearly tipped over. Why were boys so annoying? It didn't particularly matter that Diego was cute when he was so ridiculous. She didn't want to think about this strange alternate life where she might grow up to love such a frustrating knobhead.

"You're just a kid!" It wasn't lost on her that her response was as immature as his, but she liked to think delivering it down her nose helped. She started changing Graciela's diaper with the slow, methodical clumsiness of someone who had zero clue what they were doing and would rather actually die than admit it. "She does kind of look like us though, right? Weird doesn't begin to cover it."

Graciela cooed and grabbed a handful of Lila's hair as she reached over the baby for wet wipes. "Ah ah, let go. I need that!"

Diego cocked his head to the side as if evaluating Lila’s words. It was both hard to see that the baby looked like them–especially him, because he could look at Lila and then look at Graciela and compare the two side by side, and it was easy to see that she looked like them. She had dark hair and dark eyes, like the two of them did. It wasn’t like he knew his own parents to know if he looked like them. But…maybe he could see more than just coloration.

“Here, hold on–” and with more care and gentleness than was typical of Diego or that he would ever admit, he worked on removing Graciela’s fingers from Lila’s hair. Almost immediately she turned her grip on him, little hand wrapping around one of his fingers and she tried to shove his finger in her mouth. Gross, babies were so gross! Since she seemed happy enough though, he didn’t jerk away.

Whatever.

“This is the world’s strongest baby, what the fuck?” But instead of being offended, Diego was actually incredibly impressed. “Seriously, this baby can probably go rock climbing or some shit soon, she’s got a great grip.”

His gentleness was a shock to the system. Lila froze until he had freed her, then she watched him with dark, curious eyes. The way he let Graciela hold on and didn't immediately extract himself too was noteworthy. Most guys his age would probably have fled by now, right off the train. She still didn't trust him a lick, but. Maybe he wasn't the worst of the Umbrella kids she could've gotten stuck with.

"Yeah I know. Nearly tore the hair right out of my head, remember?" Her tone was more reluctantly fond than annoyed. She sighed and sat back again to finish with the diaper. "Anyway. Thank you." That was still snotty. Her mum had never taught her to be particularly grateful. She did teach her to be observant though.

"Watch out for the nails," Lila warned, as payment for the rescue. On cue, Graciela wiggled her grip and dug her tiny baby talons into Diego's finger.

“What? She’s a baby–fuck!” That was very obviously Diego discovering that Graciela somehow had razor blades for nails that she sunk into Diego and surely if he pulled away she would rip off his entire finger. “Jesus Christ, fuckstick!” He grit his teeth hard enough to crack diamonds (which, to be fair, was basically how Diego walked around every day) and waited for the actual torture to end.

It happened when he put a bottle to her mouth and although Graciela kept her hold, her grip significantly loosened but still there. Diego had only just left the Umbrella Academy, he barely knew how to keep himself alive (just kidding, he would do so fucking better out from under the thumbnail of his douchebag father), let alone an actual baby, and he definitely didn’t want a baby now. But again there was something about this baby, content to drink her bottle but also watch the two of them like she missed absolutely nothing.

“If she stays awake, we should like, I don’t know,” he scratched the back of his head. “Take her for a walk or something. Don’t babies need fresh air?”

Lila watched them out of the corner of her eye. It felt hot in the train all of a sudden. She scowled, but Graciela reached her other little hand up and grabbed Lila's pinkie, effectively trapping her there, shoulder to shoulder with Diego.

She wanted very much to run away now. Find something to stab or a destructive power to mimic. And yet. She sighed and hooked a hand up under Graciela, pulling her up into her arms while she still held onto Diego and the bottle propped up on her little belly.

"Your guess is as good as mine, Hargreeves." Graciela gave a gummy smile around her bottle and Lila couldn't help but smile back. "I know I need some air after the diaper and all your panicked shouting," she teased. Smirking crookedly, she stood up with the baby in her arms. She had a good feeling Diego would follow. He was the following type. "Come on then, be a good boy and open the door. We'll go for a walk right now."

"This is the strongest baby with the world's sharpest nails, I don't know what the fuck you want from me!" Diego insisted. He wasn't sure what the fuck all babies needed if they were taking her outside. A coat?? Some sort of stroller thing?? A leash?

Okay, not that, at least. It wasn’t like Graciela was going to suddenly take off running or anything.

Probably.

Groaning and grumbling all the while Diego moved past both Lila and the baby to, in fact, open the door. Not because she said so, obviously, only because it made logical sense that of course he had to open the door in order for all of them to go outside. Casually, like an afterthought, (but because it was Diego and he was terrible at acting, it didn’t look at all that casual or like an afterthought) he ran his finger across Graciela’s soft hair. This was weird. It was so fucking weird that there was some other him, somewhere, that was living this life. But glancing over at Lila holding Graciela as they stepped down from a train (they lived in a fucking train, what weirdos) he thought maybe, maybe. Maybe it wasn’t so bad.