It had been a long time since Keith had allowed himself to have hope. Things had been bad for a while, but after the attack by Melog in 2029, where he had lost Kosmo and gained scars that would never fade, things had just continued to get worse. The losses had come quicker and losing Sara a couple of years later had been particularly hard for Shiro. Gamora had been right around then too, the one woman who managed to make his dad smile like that. But still, Keith managed to compartmentalize and move on for the sake of his family. He needed to be strong and be a shoulder for his people.
His new normal had become to survive and make sure he could do whatever he could to make life seem as normal as possible for Kipp. It was to hold Shiro close on those particularly hard nights and go visit with his father when he didn’t see him around for a couple of days because the man was busy patching up people. Occasionally, he was still able to get out to visit the Sanctuary and Darla, but it was getting more dangerous to do that as time went on.
Still, he made it a point to go see his friends that weren’t at the Outpost because, well, he worried. While other rebel branches had started to move back to the Outpost in the days leading up to The Big Plan, Catradora hadn’t and that was why he was at Darla that night, sitting with Adora as Catra put Finn to bed. He wasn’t there to change their minds about their decision, but to make sure they knew he was still there for them. Catra needed that occasional reminder whenever she looked too long at Keith’s scars and he knew check-ins and seeing familiar faces helped with Adora’s anxieties somewhat.
What helped more was the weed.
“I think I can taste the colour red,” Keith said, as he eyed a strawberry that he had nabbed from Sabrina’s garden earlier that morning when he had made his rounds. He held it out to Adora, who was laying down on the sofa he was leaning against. “Eat that and tell me if it’s spicy.”
Adora still enjoyed a pleasant high now and again. It was good for her, got her out of the anxious state of mind she existed in these days. It had been a long time since she’d been properly medicated and kept in line. She tried her best, and most days, she thought she did pretty well. But her mental health had taken a sharp turn downward not long after what had happened with her eye, and there hadn’t been much improvement since then.
Seeing Keith did help – friends were always a mood booster, provided they weren’t showing up as Thralls or in body bags. They had lost too many, both to unfair deaths and this weird possession trick Interitus wielded. She’d been under it once – back when they thought they’d defeated Interitus the first time – and seeing people she loved (Lena, shit) like that sucked.
Losing her twin hurt. It felt like there was a gaping hole in her heart now that would never be filled. In the just over a decade they’d known about each other, Adam had truly become her brother, syncing into place just like he’d always been meant to. She was torn apart when he was killed, but she comforted herself while her sister-in-law mourned with the dark thought that – well, at least he hadn’t been Thralled.
She was sprawled out on the couch, pleasantly floaty but nowhere near as smiley as she’d once been when she was high. The tension that existed permanently in her chest had eased, though, and she took the strawberry Keith offered her with a bemused eyebrow raised in his direction.
A chomp later, she let out a thoughtful hum before answering. “Tastes kinda tart to me.”
“Your tongue’s wrong,” Keith stated bluntly, before laughing and leaning his head back with a sigh. He closed his eyes as he hummed. He didn’t indulge in alcohol or weed often - mostly because his paranoid ass didn’t feel comfortable letting his guard down and the scarcity of resources - but he would for Adora, especially when it eased her anxieties.
It was a few beats, before he spoke again. Slow and careful, like he was deliberately choosing his next words. “How do you feel about this plan we’re cooking up? Think it will make a difference?” He had his own inner turmoil, where he was reluctant to have hope in this place that was chock full of uncertainty, but it was hard not to yearn for it and feel like maybe this plan will work.
Adora didn’t argue. Her tongue could be wrong for all she knew. The gardens Sabrina kept had supplied the survivors with a few things she’d never thought they’d have again, but a strawberry was a delicacy these days. And being high had always made her taste buds a little bit aggressive, too.
Her mood dampened a bit the moment Keith asked his question, though. If it was possible, she’d have a miniature dark cloud hovering over her head. She tried so hard not to be vocally negative, especially not around here. She loved Catra and Finn, and she knew they recognized when she was down. She didn’t want that; even though things were shit and she’d lost hope a long time ago, she tried not to let her family see that.
But they knew. Her friends knew. Keith, maybe more than anyone, knew.
With a sigh, she pushed herself up and crossed her legs, looking down at Keith and shrugging. “I don’t want to kill anyone’s hope, but… I’m not really optimistic. Even if it works, it’s like asking Interitus to finally finish the job and murder us all. He’s just keeping us around for sport at this point, anyway.”
Keith had his own demons these days. Clouds of doubt and uncertainty could turn even the most optimistic person bitter and pessimistic, on top of the fact that he had always looked at the world with suspicious eyes. But his lack of trust in things didn’t mean he was incapable of hope, especially when there was good reason for it. So he could see her point of view, but he didn’t necessarily share it all the way.
“I don’t think he’s capable of feeling pleasure,” Keith said with a frown, as he angled his head a little so he could see Adora’s face from where he sat. “I like to think that we’re still here because we’re that stubborn and managing it despite him trying to snuff us out.” He paused to give himself time to put together his thoughts in a way that made sense while high. “I want to be optimistic, but I don’t know if I’m setting myself up for failure here or not.”
Adora nodded along. She didn’t know enough about Interitus on any sort of personal level to know if he derived pleasure from what he did, but the way he’d destroyed Vallo? It felt sadistic. Maybe that was just her falling into negative thoughts. It had become more of a default setting the last few years than it ever had been before.
“I don’t know,” she agreed. “If they muster it up and it all plays out the way they’ve been talking about it, I’ll be really happy to be wrong, I can say that much. I’m just… kinda lacking in faith these days. Especially in magic.”
It hurt to see Adora go from the feisty never give up kind of woman she used to be, to one that had been hurt one too many times to trust again. Yet that was what spurred Keith to have now hope with this plan. For her sake and the rest of his family's, he let hope bloom.
"You know I don't normally go into these things with high expectations, but something feels different this time around." He passed her another one of the strawberries. "Might be the weed talking though."
“I know.” Adora took the strawberry with a small, grateful smile. “I’m glad you have a little hope. I wish I did, too. I really would love to be proven wrong, but even if this plan goes exactly the way it’s supposed to, it doesn’t change what happened.” Her jaw tightened as the urge to let tears flow shook her, but she managed to move past it. “Melog, Kosmo, what happened to you, to Catra, to Adam. It still happened. They can reach back in time, maybe, but they can’t rewind it entirely.”
He couldn't believe he was playing the optimist this time around. Rolling up onto his knees, Keith turned to poke Adora in the side with a slight frown. "No, it can't bring back what we lost. But we can give our kids better lives if we stop him now and I'm going to need you to have a little more pep about that. I want our kids to run free in the streets of Vallo and this might be the way that happens."
“I would love that,” Adora chuckled. She and Catra had officially given up on the twins they were supposed to have a few years ago, but Finn? She wanted their kid to have better. She hated that their whole life – well, most of it – had been marred with the potential for danger at every turn. She hated that they’d lost Melog when they’d been so bonded. She wished they could rewind time, frequently, to go back and have that life the little Finn that had first visited them from the future was supposed to have.
“Fine, I’ll try to hope a little,” she conceded with a playful grin. “But I make no promises I’ll hold onto it long. My reign as the pep queen ended a while ago.”
"I'll take it," Keith said, his frown becoming a small smile as he sat back down on his legs. "Now let's find Catra and play cards. I want to see if we can get her to flip the table again." Because even in the apocalypse, they were trolls.