WHAT: Carol shares her Ultron memory update with Nat WHERE: Coffee shop WHEN: Backdated to the beginning of March WARNINGS: Discussion of death and Ultron being a murdering, genocidal dick; spoilers for What If if you still haven't seen it STATUS: Complete
It had been a few days since Carol had woken up to her heart racing and her skin drenched in sweat. For a moment, she’d even felt like she was struggling to breathe – which, unsurprisingly, woke her peacefully sleeping fiancée beside her.
Carol’s first instinct had been to blow it all off and assure Emmeline she was fine. She’d thought about it for half a second with Emme’s concerned eyes on her, but she’d thought better of it. She was trying to be better, to share what she was feeling without suppressing it down and hoping it would go away, given how well that had gone on her last attempt. She didn’t want to screw anything up further, and this wasn’t the same as her situation with Natasha.
It was worse. Much fucking worse.
She’d explained it as best as she could. Nothing much was different in that timeline until Ultron came along – the Air Force, Maria, Monica, the Kree, Captain Marvel, all of it had happened exactly the same. Then, five minutes of smashing that overpowered android (Skynet, she’d called him; she’d gotten that crack in at least) into Xandar’s core, and even the full extent of her powers hadn’t been enough. He had the Stones – all of them – and he won, no contest.
Her life had ended.
She took some time to let it settle, to let Emme comfort her and spoil her, before she reached out to Natasha. She thought about Pepper, about Tony – they’d been through it, too, of course. But, even though she couldn’t explain how she knew, she just knew the world these memories came from was Natasha’s. Her original world, the one where they hadn’t known each other, where the universe had become a wasteland at Ultron’s hand. It just made sense; for some reason, they were linked, no matter the paths their lives had taken separately.
The text she’d shot off was simple – Coffee? Got something to tell you. – and she received an affirmative reply pretty quickly. They were on good terms right now, leading up to the wedding. There was always a touch of sticky awkwardness, but they always got through it, too.
Carol didn’t bat an eye when she strolled into the coffee shop right on time to find Nat already seated at a table with two coffees on the table. A fond smile tugged at her lips as she slid into the chair opposite her and picked up her drink for a sip.
“You know, my COs would have loved you. You’d have put even the most prompt of us to shame, Romanoff.”
“If you’re not early, you’re late.” Natasha grinned at Carol as she sat down at the table.
Any good humor from the comment faded as Nat got a good look at the woman across from her. Carol was pale and looked as though she hadn’t been sleeping well. Natasha’s stomach tightened with unease and she didn’t hide the concern in her eyes. Whatever Carol needed to tell her, it wasn’t going to be good. She tried to restrain herself from trying to guess what it could possibly be, her mind already going in multiple directions.
She reached a hand out on the table and placed it gently on Carol’s arm. Her friend looked as though she could use a little physical reassurance.
Carol knew she wasn’t fully back to herself. She’d seen herself in the mirror before coming here, and it wasn’t the prettiest sight, but she was presentable. She doubted most people on the street would notice any sort of marked difference. But Natasha wasn’t most people; Natasha knew her.
The hand on her arm was a relief, allowing her to ease the tension she was carrying just a little bit. She lifted the opposite hand to cover Nat’s and squeeze appreciatively.
“Guess I’m late then,” she chuckled, playing along without complaint. It was so easy to fall into their same old rhythm, but she knew Nat well enough to see the worry she was carrying, too.
“Look, there’s no way this is going to be a happy subject no matter how I say it, so I’m not going to beat around the bush. I got a memory update. From your timeline, the original one.” She wrapped one hand tight around her coffee cup. “Ultron.”
Natasha thought the coffee shop had gone silent for a long moment, but as the shock wore off and the noise slowly began to filter back in, she realized it had been her own body’s physical response to the news. As if it were attempting to block out the words all together. A crease deepend in her forehead and Natasha’s lips practically disappeared as she pressed them together. She kept her hand where it was on Carol’s arm, though.
She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply and thought what the actual fuck, Vallo before she replied. She opened her eyes again, green eyes assessing Carol’s features. “How long ago?”
Carol had expected the silence. Natasha was a processor while she was more of a reactor, something she’d had to learn the hard way over their time together. She released her coffee to drop that hand on top of Nat’s arm and squeeze from both sides. She hated to drop this on her, but she thought it was only right to tell her.
“Few days,” was her reply. “The merging of universes is a fucking trip.” She’d had memory updates from her main timeline before but a whole different one? It was a deeply uncomfortable feeling and a lot for her to absorb.
Natasha’s gaze held nothing but understanding and empathy. She knew all too well what it felt like to have an entire timeline’s worth of memories crammed into her head overnight. She nodded gently. “It gets- well, not easier…but more manageable. I had a really tough time with it at first too.”
They sat there, arms and hands entwined. There wasn’t a magical thing to say that would make it all better. It was traumatic and life changing. Despite Carol’s tendency to put on a good show for those around her, Natasha knew this had shaken her to her core. “Do you want to talk through it? Tell me what happened?”
The showmanship still bled through sometimes, even around someone who knew Carol as well as Natasha did. Her response was a shrug, casual like it was nothing, as she replied. “Not much to tell. He got me, just like everyone else. I tried to stop him on Xandar, and I failed.”
It wasn’t as simplistic as all that. For a woman who had always thought of herself as invulnerable – or at least damn close to it – living through another timeline where she’d died had definitely shaken her. She’d seen a lot of death and destruction in her life, and she knew it was arrogant of her, but she’d never expected to be among those stats.
Natasha couldn’t help remembering back to an argument the two of them had once had back at home. Carol had gotten caught up in a mission and hadn’t been able to contact her for a few weeks. Nat, still reeling from the events of the Snap, had assumed the worst and was absolutely furious when Carol had sauntered back into the Compound unable to comprehend exactly how worried Natasha had been. She knew how hard this had to be hitting Carol on multiple levels, and the look she gave her then conveyed as much.
“I wish you hadn’t had to go through that. I can’t say I understand Vallo’s logic in dumping that on you. But I’m here with you, whatever you need.”
It was a sweet sentiment, and Carol knew Natasha meant it without a doubt. She had been the Avengers’ foundation for as long as Carol had known her and then some. Small but mighty, she’d always called her, teasing before she grabbed her and kissed her. But she didn’t have that luxury anymore. They were past that point, and as much as she could lean on her, she knew a more cautious degree was necessary nowadays.
“I know.” She smiled a bit, giving Nat’s arms in her grip a fond, tight squeeze. “I’m dealing with it. Dying wasn’t really on my list of possibilities, but now I know. Not so invulnerable after all, just like you always told me.”
Pain flickered in her eyes for just the briefest of moments. Not at Carol’s words, but for Carol. Natasha wasn’t the I told you so sort. She’d openly share her opinions on things, but generally tried not to focus on that as much when proven right. While she knew that ultimately it might be better for Carol to understand that her abilities did have their limits, it still hurt to watch her processing it in real time. “He probably just got lucky,” she said with a small smile.
Carol smirked, eyes fond and grateful as she met her friend’s gaze. “Your ego-stroking skills are still strong,” she joked before quickly sobering. “He overpowered me, simple as that. He had all the Stones, and that was that. Even I couldn’t fight that.”
As Carol laid out the hard truths of what it was to go up against Ultron armed with the Infinity Stones, suddenly it wasn’t enough for Natasha to rest a hand on her arm. She extricated her hand carefully, while also quickly getting to her feet. Not particularly caring that they were in a public setting, Natasha reached out to pull Carol out of her chair and into a very tight embrace. It wasn’t romantic in nature, but one of a kindred spirit. They’d both gone through the unimaginable and were still here standing. Carol put on a good show of acting tough, but Natasha needed her to feel that physical showing of support.
There was a moment of surprise when Natasha suddenly got up and tugged her to her feet, but it passed quick enough. Carol didn’t resist Nat’s arms around her, couldn’t if she tried, sinking easily into her frame and letting all the tension finally bleed out of her.
“I’m sorry,” she sighed, clutching at Natasha’s shoulder blades. “I should’ve had it. I should’ve been able to take him out.”
It was unreasonable to say. There was just no way, not against those Stones. Ultron would have been a formidable enemy all on his own, but it was those Stones that continually fucked them over in these situations. When the wrong person got their hands on them – Ultron, Thanos – there was no stopping them.
Natasha continued to hold her. She could feel the muscles begin to release that tightness, but she didn’t let go. She’d stay right where she was until Carol pulled away. Captain Marvel carried the weight of the universe on her shoulders, and if Natasha could lessen that by even a fraction, she’d do it in a heartbeat.
“Hey.” Her voice was low and warm. “It’s not always only on you. You can’t beat yourself up over this.”
Carol scoffed, pulling back to meet Nat’s eyes with a smirk – but it was tempered, a little sad. “I can and I will,” she retorted, smoothing her hands across Nat’s shoulders. “Love you, short stuff. Thanks for taking on all my shit, as usual, but I’ll be fine, promise.”
“I know you will be.” Natasha’s reply was quick and confident. Of course Carol would be okay. “Doesn’t mean you have to be right now.” She gave her friend an affectionate nudge. “I promise not to tell.”
“Well, if you promise,” Carol drawled, giving her another quick squeeze. It wasn’t the easiest task for her to drop the tough guy act, but there were few she trusted as much as Nat to make the attempt. “Buy me a cookie and we’ll talk.”
Natasha’s smile widened. Her hand slipped into the pocket of her jacket and reappeared with a large peanut butter cookie wrapped in cellophane. “Well what do we have here?”
She slid the cookie onto the table and took her seat once more. “Come on, Danvers. Sit down and eat your cookie.”