Surit Yeni (surit) wrote in valloic, @ 2023-02-03 19:43:00 |
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Entry tags: | ₴ inactive: surit yeni, ₴ inactive: tennal halkana |
Log: Tennal Halkana & Surit Yeni
The club openly catered to queer people and he liked the lighting outside. The inside promised much of the same as they slipped in through the crowds. The music was a pounding rhythm that he didn’t particularly hate either, come to think of it. But they were only a hundred feet inside and he’d already been bumped into four times.
He took Tennal’s hand. It would be annoying to lose him in all of this. And it was a date after all. He kept having to remind himself that he was allowed these things now. Tennal wasn’t a reader held against his will anymore. Well, not with regard to being stuck in Surit’s company anyway.
Brushing a thumb along Tennal’s hand, he leaned close to talk near his ear. “I should mention that the only dance I know is a square dance that you will never see me do, ever, in your life.”
Where Surit might have felt out of place, Spectrum was absolutely Tennal's scene. When he wasn't running to hide from his aunt—and even when he was—clubs held a special sort of space in Tennal's mind. The music, the lights, the press of bodies around him gave him freedom from his thoughts and he could live in the color and sound forever.
Tennal would usually get lost in the wave of the crowd, the currents of people's thoughts thumping to the same heavy beat. But in Vallo the voices were quieter, and he had yet to figure out if that was due to the desyncing from Surit or just the magical vibe this new city had, dampening the often rampant reading that had been both a blessing and curse.
But being with Surit here had thrilled him. Before they even stepped inside, he was moving his body toward the front door reverberating with bass in a half dance-shuffle. And then when he felt he had gone too far inside, he had reached back for Surit, who was already grabbing for his hand.
He tipped his chin up to Surit as spoke over the noise, his eyes scanning over the crowd in a very Surit-esque move. Tennal nearly missed what he said and pulled away offended.
"You can't tell me you know how to dance and then say I will never see it!" Tennal said, his fingers tightening around Surit's. "I was going to work my way up, invite you casually to the dance floor since this is our date, but now..." Tennal was not letting go as he shoulder-shimmied backward tugging Surit with him.
Surit huffed a laugh and let himself be pulled along. He had to speak louder to be heard. "I said I could do one dance, not that I could dance."
In all fairness, he didn't imagine he was a terrible dancer. He was fit and fast, according to all his rigid military guidelines. And he was deeply attracted to Tennal. That had to count for something in the art of grinding on a dance floor. Still his glance around them was a little wild as he tried to quickly categorize the moves people were doing as either doable or ridiculous and never to be attempted.
"I bet you're obnoxiously good at this, huh?" he said, pushing back in close so he wouldn't have to shout. If he put his hands on Tennal's hips and swayed his own, that was practically dancing, right? "You look good here, like you belong. I mean, you always look good, but." Surit grimaced childishly. "You know what I mean."
Tennal waved Surit's clarification away immediately. "They are basically the same thing! One dance, can dance, never dance. Everyone has some rhythm, it's the inhibitions that hold you back. You can't be worried about what other people think."
Despite Surit's question, Tennal didn't think he was good at dancing. He was good at moving, and staying in motion. It was basically a personality trait. But for Surit, he thought he could stay still forever if asked.
His whole expression grew fond as he heard Surit trip over his words. Tennal could tell how out of his element Surit was, and how much he was trying for him. Rocking along to the music, Tennal nodded, stepping in even closer until he was pressed inappropriately against Surit, hips to chest. "I know what you mean. You look good too, for the record," Tennal said, giving Surit an appreciative once-over.
Tennal put his hands on Surit's hips and swayed them to the quick beat so that they were both moving in sync. "Now stop looking at everyone else, that's not how you're going to learn. Just feel it, I know you know how to do that."
Tennal was right; Surit wasn’t worried about what other people thought. Just one person. The one staring at him with soft eyes as he erased the distance between them. He knew his own face had to be softening with affection too. Affection and something more heated as Tennal touched him.
“I’m not looking at anyone but you,” he said, too serious and unnervingly true now that he’d gotten over the momentary distraction of everyone around them. He shifted his arms to loop them around Tennal’s shoulders. There was a joke about primary school dances to be made here but he didn’t care about that either. “You say you know I know how to do that. Are you just doing that thing where you guess and make it sound like a fact or is this something you think you picked up from your time in my head?”
"Make it sound like a fact? It is a fact!" Tennal said. He was going to leave it at that, not actually answer the question because that was more complicated than yes or no, and he was really enjoying the way that Surit had been looking at him. His own heat was reflected back, and there was no hiding the way Tennal was mentally undressing Surit on the dance floor.
But that was unfair, and Tennal was not in the job of dismissing Surit's inquiries. He just wished he had a better explanation, and one that wasn't a form of lying. Tennal tried to seem nonchalant, took his time answering as he danced under Surit's arms over his shoulders. He made sure not to move his hands from his hips, just squeezed encouragingly when Surit started to get the hang of it.
Tennal eventually shook his head as if to say no, not guessing, then leaned in again. "I was in your incredibly organized mind for a long time, hard not to pick up on things. To know things. Know you. Does that bother you?"
“No,” Surit answered simply, no hesitation. “It doesn’t bother me. I…” He swallowed dryly and gave the dance floor a distracted glance. He didn’t want to talk about these kinds of things here, like this. But he did want to talk about them. “Look, can you just…” Despite how much he was enjoying having Tennal pressed up against him like this, he pulled away and grabbed Tennal’s hand to pull him towards the edge of the dance floor. It wasn’t a tight grip; if Tennal put up any kind of resistance, Surit would’ve let go in an instant. But he knew Tennal too, or at least he thought he did.
There weren’t a lot of choices on where to go, unfortunately. The nearby tables were tiny and packed full. He steered them towards a dark corner a little farther away from the DJ instead.
“Okay, just to be clear, you knowing me is not a bad thing and it never has been. It’s a good thing. It makes me…” He didn’t know how to finish that thought so he changed tracks.”It’s the only reason I’m alive and not a soulless vegetable on a breathing machine, Tenn.”
Tennal followed, easily, eagerly. Despite his calm indifference, he realized that the simple answer of no wasn't going to cut it for the question he broached. Not for Surit, and surprisingly not for Tennal either. Part of him had avoided asking if it bothered Surit because he was afraid that it did, once he got enough time and space from Tennal's mind.
His expression was neutral as they settled into the darker corner; the noise had been a distraction, the dancing even more so. And now it was just the two of them, and somehow Tennal burned underneath his skin more than he had on the dance floor alone with Surit in the corner.
"It's not the only reason," Tennal said, glancing away, trying not to look pleased by the compliment. Was it a compliment? How was he supposed to react when Surit was saying things like that? "I've never saved a life before, and Lights, I couldn't save my own if given the opportunity, but I could do it again. I would do it again for you. Another thing I know is that you lack self-preservation skills, and you'll never be able to do anything self-sacrificing again because I'll be there to stop you."
He paused, then added, "Or save you. Whichever way you want to look at it."
Surit frowned, amusement playing across his sharp features. “You’re cocky about everything else but saving my life, that’s where you want to be humble?” He scooted closer, crowding Tennal against the wall. Tennal promised to protect him from himself and all Surit wanted to do was protect Tennal from everything, ever.
It was probably too soon in this whole relationship thing to say that. But it wasn’t like Surit had a lot of experience on that end.
“I’ll protect you from yourself too. Mister I don’t need anyone.” He reached up to tuck some of Tennal’s wayward hair behind his ear, as an excuse to brush gentle fingers over the delicate skin there. “You were worried.” It wasn’t a question. “That I’d be bothered about you knowing me. Why?”
"I'm humble and I need more than one person. Some people would consider that growth, Lieutenant," Tennal said, trying so hard not to seem affected by how Surit crowded into his space. He had to concentrate, not devolve into pulling Surit to his mouth and distracting him by not talking at all. He lifted a hand to press, not push, against Surit's chest. Steadying himself in the way Surit's presence in his mind often had been, still was.
But Lights, that damn question: Why? The single word seemed to hang between them, and Tennal was horrible at hiding the range of emotions that splayed across his face under the kaleidoscope of lights of the club. His worry had stemmed from the fact that a piece of Surit was still knocking around inside his brain, even after they were no longer synced.
If Surit was against the idea, how would he have reacted to knowing there were parts that Tennal could never unknow? They were intrinsically his, now. Just like his intense feelings for Surit couldn't be unraveled.
In lieu of answering his question, Tennal sighed and said, "I know we just arrived, but do you want to get out of here? It's loud, and if this is our first date, it should at least appeal to half of your interests as well. The quiet half."
Surit smirked at Tennal's claim of being humble. There was no judgment there anymore. He knew Tennal lived up to more of his prideful stubbornness than he even let himself admit. He also knew Tennal was harder on himself than anyone alive, save perhaps the Legislator.
Case in point, Tennal requesting to meet him halfway with this date. Surit had already memorized the exits he'd seen in the room - not because he was paranoid but just because that was how his brain worked, see something, remember something - so he took Tennal's hand and led him towards an exit that didn't have a fire alarm warning. It dumped out into an alley beside the club where a few smokers lingered. The club's music could still be heard here but muffled, the beat a headier rhythm without the shock of extreme volume and people.
"I just wanted you to have a good time. And I knew I'd enjoy seeing you dance," he shrugged. "But we can dance anywhere. Or we can go wherever you want. Don't think I've forgotten that you didn't answer the question, though."
Of course Surit would know where the exits were. Of course he would be ready in a moment's notice to get out of here. Tennal assumed it would be exhausting to anyone else who wasn't Surit. He was tired just thinking about how much information was tucked away inside Surit's mind; Tennal was certain that he had barely skimmed the surface when they had been synced.
"I am having a good time." Tennal was quick to correct Surit the second they were outside. He squeezed his hand as if to punctuate the statement. "Don't overthink it, in fact, you might need to underthink it. I'm with you, a good time is implied." Tennal knew it sounded like a line, something that was flirtatious and charming, if he was using it on anyone else to get into their pants. But his company with Surit was different, and so Tennal kissed his cheek, and kept pulling him down the alley and away from the club.
A walk seemed better to burn through the energy he had, and it was a good excuse to keep holding Surit's hand.
Tennal didn't speak for a long time, not until he deemed them far enough away from the club. It was an arbitrary distance, he didn't need to be away from people to say, "To sort of answer your question, I think there is a piece of you still inside me. Not that anyone can verify that here, or maybe they can, I haven't really asked around because I haven't exactly told them I can read people. I feel like that would be a different conversation, and I was so busy learning about all the best date spots—and please say something, or I am going to keep talking, and I do have a lot of queued up topics."
Surit felt a burst of warmth at Tennal saying being with him was an implied good time. Historically, people didn’t find Surit very “fun”. But Tennal wasn’t people. Anytime Surit expected a response out of Tennal that he usually got from others, he ended up surprised by the result. Which seemed all the more true with the rest of what Tennal said.
Surit had let himself drift comfortably in the silence of their walk so it was a bit like coming up to the surface of a lake when Tennal’s admission hit its mark. He blinked at him.
“Easy, take a breath,” he murmured, stepping closer, stroking soothingly up Tennal’s arm. “The medic did say you would be altered. That a part of me would remain. I thought he just meant my architect abilities. It’s more than that…?” Did that mean there was a piece missing from him beyond his ability to control minds? Or was it just so strong an echo that it felt like the real thing? Surit didn’t frown so much as stare thoughtfully at Tennal like a detective trying to puzzle something out. Worry flickered in his intense gaze. “Does it feel like you’ve lost something of yourself? Like when the sync was getting worse?”
Tennal, who would have normally glanced away at anyone staring him down this intensely, looked at Surit right back. That was why he could see the moment the shift from curiosity into concern crossed Surit's face. "Guidance-fucking-Lights, not that. Definitely not that. I'm still myself. And that was absolutely awful, and you'd—" Tennal made a vague gesture with his hand between the two of them, as if to say, you'd know. Surit always sensed something was wrong with Tennal before Tennal did.
He made a quick glance to his left then right, to see they were moderately alone from prying eyes— well, ears— and stepped in closer. It seemed almost impossible, physically, but Tennal's body was still responding to the lack of sync when he was near Surit; what his mind couldn't do, his body tried to.
"It's more like just you. Not the architect part, though that is a whole other situation, but kind of like the stuff we tried to keep away from one another when we were synced and you were being stubborn," Tennal said, going for a hint of a joke, to try and knock that worry off Surit's face. "I don't think I lost anything, I gained. I thought it was just left over from the sync, maybe some weird after effects of putting you back together, but a few days went by and it's still the same."
Surit wasn't nearly as confident that he'd know if something was wrong with Tennal, but he liked to think he'd know before most people. So far, nothing had rung any warning bells. And he hadn't wanted to pressure Tennal into addressing the architect situation until he was ready. Now here was a situation he hadn't anticipated at all.
"Well, then…I'm envious," he said, giving a gentle little shrug. "I wish I could've kept a piece of you with me. It was lonely in my head when you left." Less chaotic too, but Surit hadn't needed a lot of self-reflection to realize that Tennal's wild, willful spirit was the perfect balance for his own organized and rigid one. He didn't think he was a cold person but sometimes his mind felt like it anyway. "You said it feels like you gained. So…you don't feel like I'm invading your space. Right?"
He wasn't sure he could bear that thought. After everything they'd been through. After what he'd promised Tennal from the start.
It hadn't occurred to Tennal that Surit might miss the messy disorganized chaos his oceanic mind would have left behind. Tennal had assumed he liked the peace, much like Tennal enjoyed the peace that Surit's brought in his head. Now it was his turn to give Surit a inquisitive look, his expression brightening significantly as each second passed.
"Surit, Surit," Tennal repeated, his voice pouring with affection, as he reached his hand up to place it against Surit's face. He loved this man so much, Tennal couldn't seem to think straight when they got like this. Overwhelmed, his mind supplied, he was overwhelmed with the feeling in all the best ways. "If I had my way, which I usually do an exponentially large number of times that it seems unfair, you would still be in there. And if you'd have me, I'd be in yours. Not the bad parts, mind you, I'd remember to use my own lungs to breathe and everything."
His thumb started to nonchalantly brush against Surit's cheek. Tennal didn't need to know Surit to understand his concern. "Now who is the one who is worried about it bothering?"
Relief swept softly across Surit’s face, before he pressed his face a little more snuggly into Tennal’s hand. That feeling of being touch-starved flared again. He was starting to think that was just a Tennal thing and not an after effect left over from the sync. He was starved for all things Tennal. And it was an even bigger relief that Tennal might feel the same.
“Really? You’d sync again?” He was surprised and yet not. Tennal came off as fiercely independent but Surit suspected that was the result of necessity not choice. He grazed a kiss against Tennal’s thumb as it passed close to his mouth. “If it wouldn’t kill us…I would too. Some of it felt so…right.” He was a little ashamed of that truth, after all that he’d fought against syncing. He dropped his eyes. “I just…I was only worried that you were stuck with something against your will again. I don’t want that ever to be me.”
"You don't think I worry about that too? You have everything so put together, so aware of everything, six steps ahead of everyone else, and then I come in there and rifle through your things and eat your leftovers out of your fridge like I own the place. You'd be synced with that again. The worry goes both ways, boss," Tennal said, only pausing briefly to let a visual shiver run through his body. He was not as unaffected by Surit's touch as he might have led him on.
Tennal ducked his head to catch Surit's attention, tsk-tsking at him that was middling between serious and teasing. "But you and I have a lot of work to do, if you believe being stuck with you is something I don't want. The opposite, actually. I wouldn't want it to be anyone else but you." Tennal was often so unsure of himself, hiding it behind layers of his own grandstanding, that he might have allowed Surit to believe something that was untrue.
"For someone so clever, sometimes you can be so, you can be so—" Tennal struggled to find the word that was both exactly what he meant and not be wildly insulting. He dragged Surit down into a kiss instead; it seemed like a better use of his mouth in this conversation.
Surit was incredibly easy to drag when Tennal was the one doing the dragging. Most things he kept at a distance. Most people. Tennal had started eroding that defense mechanism so early on, it was nearly gone altogether. At least like this, with Tennal's mouth and warm hands making him forget they were in a public place of sorts. Someone coughed not far away and Surit made himself pull back with a flustered smile.
"You're so, too," he murmured nonsensically. "And just so we're clear, I would let you eat my leftovers any time." For some reason, that came out sounding dirty. He wasn't sure if it was because they were still pressed together and he was talking close or if it was just his brain wanting things to be dirty. "Why don't we…" Surit reluctantly disengaged and took Tennal's hand. "...go out to Galdin Quay? There's a little private beach that's weirdly always warm and a little pier. We can take off our shoes and stick our feet in the ocean…?"
Surit was already picturing them rolling around in the sand on a moonlit beach and feeling hot under the collar for his trouble.
Tennal beamed, bright and unwieldy, like he couldn't contain all the happiness he had been storing away. Maybe it was for this precise moment, for when he was watching Surit banish all of Tennals concerns with a few simple words. And then casually ask him—technically—on a second date. Moving locations counted, right? Tennal thought so, and he stroked a reassuring hand up Surit's arm, squeezing with the other pressed into Surit's palm.
"No takebacks about the leftovers, but I would very much like to stick my feet into the ocean with you," Tennal said, in a way that implied it might not be as innocent as it sounded. Then he started to do the extraordinarily difficult task of peeling himself away from Surit so that they could actually walk toward their next destination, away from nosy people interrupting a perfectly normal and, in Tennal's standards, tame display of affection.
"Galdin was on my list, you know. Best date spots in this city," Tennal began to say, swinging their linked hands between them. "I get the sense we're going to get through them faster than I can find them."