vallo

AWW HELL -- no you don't you sonuvabitch; back up. I SAID BACK UP. GIT. GIT. Hey, Vallo, this here's Ashe; I had a... a thingie--- B.O.B. HERD IT AWAY FROM THE GUNPOWDER -- I had a thingie written up but it got deleted, so I figured-- I'll just say it instead of tryin' to write it-- THEY'RE COMING THROUGH THE WINDOW--

All pink and red fireworks half off through Valentines! Come and git 'em. If you help me with these gobblers I take another 20% off the top. If you blow 'em up in MY STORE I'm gonna be madder than a long-tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs. You hear me? TAKE IT OUTSIDE.

Yeah, that's right Vallo. Them turkeys? They got into the city, and they're gonna have themselves a real nice Thankskilling.

FILTERED TO OSTYIA WHASERNAME. Is this filtered? Nah, don't think it is-- shiiiiiiiit, c'mon, it's not that har--- B.O.B.!! B.O.B.!! What did I TELL you?? Get them away from the GUNPOWDER. Yeah. YEAH. Like that. USE THE SHOCK MODE ON YOUR-- yeah!!! You got it. Way to go. Okay what was I-- oh yeah OSTYIA I was gonna be subtle and coy but shit's gone sideways; you wanna knock boots this Valentines Day? I know you like dynamite, and I wanna bang, so let me know if you wanna, 'cause I'm REAL sweet, and-- what in TARNATION-- B.O.B. they're IN MY OFFICE. I'ma wring their pimply little necks with my bare hands-- B.O.B.!! DO SOMETHING.

Y'all have a nice day, ya hear? Hope to see you soon! Mwha! That's a kiss.

[friends of poe dameron]

Hi, in case we haven't met, I'm Ella and a friend of Poe's. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I just wanted to let you guys know that he's in the hospital right now. I guess there were a LOT of those mean turkeys involved and he got hurt pretty badly because of it, though I think he'll be okay even though he's not conscious right now.

Visiting hours are [this] and [this] and he's in room 1322 if you want to see him or yell at him.

[OOC Note: please pretend this was backdated to yesterday evening.]

The Outlander School is cancelled today. There was a hoard of turkeys outside of it this morning. Stay home. Avoid the school building.

So with reports of the turkey hoards (things I never thought would be a problem for 500, Alex?) if anyone is hunkering down inside and needs anything - just leave it here or shoot me a text. I'll make sure it gets to you. I'd recommend the sticking inside personally if aggressive turkey hoards is out of your wheelhouse.

ETA: If you need someone to watch after your kids while all this is going down, Regina has offered up her house. It's protected against the turkeys and I will vouch for her fantastic skills. As well as teleportation if needed.

[FILTERED TO THE GANGSEY + FRIENDS]

By now it's likely obvious that you're aware of turkeys venturing from the forest to the city. Adam and I stopped by the library for a few things and the library got swarmed - a total cluster-puck. But we're fine, and I'm not lying, Jane, I promise there's no need to roast me. Just a few minor scratches.

Everything still quiet at home? Does anyone else need anything? We're planning on coming back to the Barns soon, but we can do supply drop-offs first if needed.

[FILTERED TO DEAN WINCHESTER]

Hello, Gansey here. I wanted to let you know that Sasha was portaled to the hospital just now, following a Turkey Swarm at the Library. Her leg was injured, but I'm not exactly sure how severe it was, but I hope the hospital will be able to tell you more? She was a little out of it.

>> Motherhood is sacrificing your only (currently) pair of Jimmy Choos to turkey carnage if it means getting your daughter a decaf frappe
>> There was even an explosion
>> O V E R I T

Yeah, I'd like to lodge a complaint about the murder turkey's lack of respect to breakfast happy hour. They owe me the rest of my $19.99 bottomless mimosa.

And a new pair of shoes.

>> You okay?
>> Stay away from the murder turkeys.
>> There's a sentence I never thought I'd say.