InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Raise your fist and yell!"

WHO: Jacob Frye, Diego Hargreeves, & Serefin Meleski
WHAT: Diego experiences some glacier memories and turns to his friends
WHEN: July 12th
WARNINGS: Reginald was a shit dad? There are HUGS?? Nothing else that I can think of
STATUS: Complete

Despite over two years in Vallo, and navigating modern technology and generally strange contraptions for making life easier, Serefin had developed a particular skill: he could not figure out the coffee machine. There were too many buttons, and there were filters, and what about grinding the beans? It was a complicated mess that Serefin had, perhaps purposely, not mastered. Even the microwave had become second nature, but that was because it required him to simply push a single button. Popcorn for popcorn. Popcorn for warming up meals. When in doubt, he pressed the popcorn button, easy.

By now, all the noise he made—some accidental, and most of it deliberate—would have drawn Diego out of his room to complain, and curse, and then tell Serefin to move over, I'll take care of it. But the door to his part of the train was suspiciously quiet. Serefin banged the pot around more as he slowly stepped closer to Diego's room, and paused. Nothing.

He had wanted to bring coffee and some sort of food not in shake form to Jacob in bed, because a few more minutes lounging around never hurt anyone, but without Diego's swift assistance Serefin was wasting precious time. He wandered back to the door of their room, with the empty coffee pot.

"Apologies, towy nóżczko, it looks as though our morning will require us to scavenge for breakfast and—" Serefin was interrupted by the main door to the car opening, and he spun around to see Diego. "Where have you been? I almost broke everything. Well, not everything, but it could have been everything."

Jacob was - by nature of his training - a light sleeper. But Jacob was also - by nature of his personality – good at pretending he wasn’t a light sleeper. He half-dozed while Serefin banged around in the kitchenette, knowing his lover would eventually return to him. He was determined not to get up until he absolutely had to get up. Serefin talking directly to him was only the precursor to that moment, really. Jacob waved amiably and buried his face in his pillow but it was only for a fraction of a second as Serefin’s next words finally brought him upright.

“Is he banged up? Dragging a body?” Jacob asked sleepily. He couldn’t see Diego from here. Rather than get up, he rolled and scooted across the bed until he could just barely peek through the doorway down the length of the train.

Diego didn’t know what, exactly, drew him to the glacier. For someone who operated on having no plans, ever, Diego tended to follow a certain routine: wake up obscenely early (it was normal, thank you), go for a run, come back to the train, make sure Serefin didn't burn down the train trying to make coffee, make a protein shake, shower. But today felt different, and why, Diego couldn't explain. He kept running when he perhaps otherwise would have made the turn to go back to the train, but he wasn’t bothered by it. His body went on auto pilot, never out of his control, and the waypoint that seemed to be in a new location was as good of a path to take as any.

Honestly, it was the kid that first called Diego to the river of ice. The kid who Lila said was his kid before she twirled on a combat boot and flounced away. And God, when was the last time he’d even thought about Lila, who he really and truly only knew through memories that had been planted in his head but he somehow loved her anyway? Even when she lied about this kid, Stan, after Diego had warmed up to the idea of being a father–but surprise! She was pregnant! With his kid! And while that was a shocker there was the whole side element of the world ending for a third time, but hey, they had new siblings–who died! Because of the machinations of their douchebag father, who knew how to play all of them like a whole fucking orchestra to get exactly what he wanted.

Luther, whom Diego hadn’t seen in forever, got married like he always wanted.

Allison, so incredibly lost in her grief she couldn’t see the forest for the trees.

Klaus, who wanted to believe their father, even when all of the evidence pointed otherwise.

Five, yet again, forced to face an apocalypse.

Viktor, trying to redeem himself, even when it put him in danger.

And Ben, alive and whole and present and very much a douchebag.

God, it was a lot. Diego sat with it all for…awhile. Rewatched some moments. Missed his mom all over again.

And then, he went back to the train.

Diego looked a little shell-shocked. Not hurt, not upset, just very much…overwhelmed. He ran his hands over his face, after blinking at Serefin and finally hearing his words. “I think I had one of those fucking weird memory things? I w–” the word caught. He rarely did it these days, not like his childhood where Diego feared even opening his mouth for what would, or wouldn’t, come out. “Wanted to come home.”

"No," Serefin answered, delayed to Jacob's question, all the humor draining out of him by the second. "Much worse."

He quickly put the pot down, realizing that coffee could wait. In fact the whole day could wait under the words of Diego saying he wanted to come home. He knew what gaining memories could be like—jarring and obtrusive, frustrating because there was nothing you could do except accept them. It was unfair, Serefin thought, that Diego would be privy to this event twice. And Serefin was not particularly a fan of this look that these memories brought in Diego's eyes.

"Sit, sit." That was Serefin's first reaction; get Diego off his feet because other bodily functions and autonomy like resting tended not to register. He didn't need Diego toughing it out only to collapse because his legs were weak from running. Not that Diego would allow Serefin to say anything was weak on his body.

"Do you want, ah—well, there is no breakfast. We can talk about it? Or we can not talk about it?" He led Diego to a chair, glancing over to Jacob for some kind of lead. How had Jacob done it for him? It seemed a fault that Serefin wasn't as skilled at this as his partner.

Jacob went from lazy jokester to concerned friend like a switch had been flipped. He rolled off the bed and stepped out into the sitting area, frowning at Diego's face and words. His heartbeat kicked up, both in worry and a little bit of joy at being the place Diego turned to when unsettled.

"Bollocks. Bad?" There had to be some bad - it was the Hargreeves' world after all - but maybe some of it was just Diego's emotional constipation making him looking like he'd been hit by a truck. He poured a glass of water and brought it over. "Sit and drink this since you won't let me pour you a whisky."

Diego had never been good at being on a team. Even when the team was the Umbrella Academy he had been too concerned with one-upping Luther in an attempt to be in charge. Hell, even when he liked his siblings more they still sucked at being a team and got their asses handed to them by the Sparrows. Which, okay, sure those assholes were better at fighting as a team (not better than Diego individually though) but that was a fucking terrible name.

He had a team here, though.

“Shut up,” he muttered, and coughed in an attempt to completely clear his throat and not at all because he was taken over with affection for these two idiots. But he grabbed the glass from Jacob, clapping him on the arm and he shoved Serefin in the shoulder. “No, it’s fine. We can talk about it, I guess, because I know you morons won’t leave me alone unless I do.” Read between the lines on that one, guys.

“Viktor is my brother now,” Diego started, because might as well get the easiest thing out of the way first. And then the hardest. “I think I have two kids now. Technically one. One was fake, but he counts anyway. And Lila’s pregnant, so, yeah, two.” What the fuck would he do with kids? What did he know about being a dad anyway? Not when his only example had been Reginald Hargreeves, whose idea of being a father was to shove one of his kids–the most loyal kid, by the way– on the actual fucking moon. Maybe it didn’t matter. Lila wasn’t there anyway, and neither was Stan. Maybe they were better off for that matter.

“Fuck, where are the Tums?”

Diego was right, not that Serefin would say that immediately. He knew that they would not leave Diego alone unless he fessed up. But it seemed that it didn't require much poking on their part—call it friendship or annoyance—for Diego to explain.

And, well. This was nothing what Serefin was expecting.

He paused, opened his mouth, closed it. He looked to Jacob like he was about to ask a question, reconsidered, turned back to Diego. "Viktor is your brother," Serefin repeated, letting the information roll around in his head, and then nodded like it settled there as fact. He continued with, "And you have two kids. A fake kid and a real one, that has not been born yet. Did I get all of that right?"

Serefin might have teased Diego here, just a gentle ribbing about children, but he had no room to speak when his own child, with Jacob, had coasted into their lives less than a year ago. Fatherhood was such a messy topic between the three of them. He shoved Diego's shoulder back, delayed. "And you do not need those chalky bits, just hang in there while we sort this out with you."

Jacob mirrored Serefin's stunned goldfish impersonation. Whatever he'd expected, it hadn't been "I have two kids". Or anything about a new brother. He felt like he'd missed a step, but since Serefin was laying everything out in neat and orderly lines, Jacob decided to ask the dumb questions.

"Wait, who's Viktor? And for fuck's sake, what does one was fake even mean?" Snagging a bottle of brown liquor from a nearby cabinet, Jacob took a swig and sat down on the edge of a side table. "How much bloody time passed in these memories?"

“A week and change, Viktor was Vanya, is now Viktor, and fake’s not right, that’s shitty of me to say, he’s a real kid too, I meant biologically not mine but what the fuck does that matter anyway really?“ Diego rattled the answers off, ending with a question that was more rhetorical than anything, but he knew that was true. Biology didn’t define a family. But saying you were a parent didn’t make you one either, and that was a train of thought Diego didn’t exactly want to ride right this second.

He groaned and pulled a knife out of a holster Diego still wore even while running, the blade glinting against the light as he flipped it from finger to finger. “Lila dropped a kid off and said he was mine, so I took care of him. Turns out, he wasn’t, but she was pregnant. Or, is, I’m not fucking sure how that works.” That was also shitty to say, and the whole ‘Lila’ piece would be something Diego would have to wrestle with his own feelings later on, right now they were too complicated and tangled up. Betrayed, he thought. Tricked. Abandoned, yet again, even temporarily. Diego had the distance to realize how absolutely shitty of a move it was that Lila had pulled. But he also knew that the Diego from those memories very much wanted to make it work, how quickly he warmed up to the idea of being a dad, having a family, the whole kit and fucking caboodle, even though he right now would have never seen it for himself. So, maybe he did?

Existential crisis, right here.

“What else? My dad’s a dick.to no one’s surprise. Klaus is invulnerable, somehow? We fuck the timeline and the world yet again? And I,” Diego leaned his head back on the back of the chair until he was staring at the ceiling and didn’t have to look at the concerned faces of his friends, part of his family for all real intents and purposes. “Just, fucking, don’t know. It’s a lot. Sorry I just fucking word vomited all over you.”

This was the most Serefin had ever heard Diego talk in one go. And while he probably would have made a joke about it, and forced a hearty fuck you out of Diego in his direction, it felt ill-advised to tease at what was, clearly, bothering Diego. So he didn't interrupt, just let him ramble, while continuously exchanging worried glances at Jacob.

And then Diego apologized for talking too much and Serefin figured that was enough of that. As Diego leaned back in the chair, Serefin walked around one side, and hovered over Diego's face, truly and provokingly in his personal space. Serefin wasn't about to let him zone out with all the chaos of the memories in his mind. It led to terrible things; he knew from experience.

"Diego, my mentor and role model, my friend," Serefin said, carefully. He knew Diego was on some precipice and he might close off completely if he said something wrong. "What do you want to do about it? You are a problem solver, an aggressive one, but one nonetheless. And I know, we know—" Serefin said, gesturing to between himself and Jacob, "—you will attempt to find a solution too quickly to avoid dealing with it, much like we all do. It is a lot. But that doesn't mean you have to figure it out alone either, especially all that father business."

And okay, maybe Serefin could tease a little. His worried expression grew annoyingly smug. "You came to us for help, or advice, or both. I'm flattered."

Jacob's eyebrows made a slow, crooked climb as Diego clarified and then apologized for it. He was quietly delighted that they'd gotten so much of an explanation without any arm twisting at all, but even more interested in the information itself.

"Well fuck, mate. No wonder you look like you've walked over your own grave." Jacob reached out with a leg and nudged Diego's foot with his own. "Before you decide what you want to do about it, maybe you could decide how you feel about it? I know, feelings, blegh," he said, softy teasing. "But you know. Fatherhood is a big deal. I know the end of the world stuff is old hat and you're used to having brothers so one more is hardly a stretch, but…children?"

Diego wanted to argue. Looked set to do it too, because Serefin looked smug and Jacob looked concerned and neither one of those sat well with him…even though both of those things drew a rush of fondness and gratitude for the people who knew him. Knew him, stuck by him, and would go to war for him, exactly as he would for them. And that was why he didn’t, why he had gone to the place he called home rather than hiding out.

Didn’t mean he wasn’t going to groan about it and roll his eyes, if only so that Jacob and Serefin didn’t worry too much.

But how did he feel about it? Diego had never been great at anything involving emotional maturity, and he knew what his knee jerk reaction was when Lila showed up with Stan and was hitting a button for the elevator before Diego had even realized what was happening. No fucking way. He had a world to save, did not have time for things like whatever it was that dads did with their kids–which was basically, whatever the opposite of what Reginald Hargreeves did. At some point, that had changed. Maybe it was when he looked over at Stan, swearing and throwing things and refusing to back down and saw a little bit of himself (ironic, again, given that the kid wasn’t biologically his). Or maybe it was the abject terror he felt when Stan had disappeared and he and Lila had run straight into the murder hotel looking for him

“I don’t know,” he admitted, finally. Then, a beat. “It doesn’t matter, anyway, none of them are here and what the fuck do I know about being a parent anyway? Maybe that’s for the best.”

Serefin couldn't help but turn his attention to Jacob for a brief moment and flash him an endearing smile. He appreciated his boyfriend's upfront and often cut-to-the-chase methods to conversation. Sometimes the easiest question was the hardest to ask, but Jacob didn't seem to struggle and Serefin loved him all the more for it.

But it was Diego who tore Serefin's attention back to him, and he was back to frowning down at Diego. "Ah, no, no. We're not going to let you go down that path. What do I know about being a parent anyway?" Serefin said the last bit in his absolutely worst impression of Diego's voice. He shook his head, and pushed Diego up into a less slouchy position.

"You know what not to be, and that is by far the first and most important thing to note. I doubt you will stab your child, Children. Either of them. And despite what you may think, you are an exceptional person, even though doing so often gives you heartburn."

He paused, only to quickly add, "However, I believe it might be all the protein powder, I cannot imagine it would be good for you."

Jacob pointed at Serefin as he said you know what not to be, silently seconding that motion. Not that he didn't understand Diego's point. God knew he wasn't sure how he'd managed to parent a smart and competent bloke like Adrian. And they were all three the perfect examples of sons who grew up with bad fathers and who stumbled over it one way or another. But they were still upright and had pretty good lives if you asked Jacob, the best they could string together in complex circumstances anyway. With that thought in mind, he leaned forward, arms propped on his knees and nodded at Serefin.

"He's got a point. About the parenting and the protein shakes." He scratched at his stubbled cheek. "It does matter though. How you feel about it. They could show up any minute, for one. But also, just…well, you're a good man, Diego. You deserve to think about a future with a family if you want it. Mind you, if it just horrifies you--" He was reasonably sure it didn't, but he made this offer anyway. "--then you can say as much as we can distract you from the potential burden headed your way…"

“I need to think about it,” Diego settled on, even though it was becoming clearer and clearer to him even in that short amount of time what he thought. For all of Diego’s talk about being a lone wolf and wanting to live in a cave as a hermit, he didn’t do well alone. He wanted family, found or otherwise. And he knew that if any kid showed up claiming to be his, it wouldn’t have mattered, he would have stepped up and been a parent. It would have been stupidly hard and terrifying, but Diego knew he wouldn’t have let a day go by without any kid of his knowing they were wanted and loved. Every kid deserved to feel that way, hell, every person did (with the exception of Reginald Hargreeves, who could officially go fuck himself).

Ugh, God. Emotions. Well, since he was in for a fucking penny and was off-kilter thanks to getting suckerpunched in the head and heart, he stood up and–

God.

–wrapped both arms around Serefin, thumping him on the back once. “You,” he said, voice rough with emotion. “For everything I’ve taught you, you’ve taught me just as much. I’m never giving up on you, you little shit.”

Before he could think too much about it (and hopefully before either one of his friends thought to grab a way to document the momentous occasion), he grabbed Jacob in a hug immediately after, tapping the side of his head against Jacob’s. “And you were my friend before I knew I even wanted one and had my back from the very start. You idiots have made me a better person. Even though we all know I was fucking amazing to begin with.”

This was unexpected. Serefin had actually stepped back, put his hands up in a half-aborted defensive stance. He didn't think Diego was going to punch him—what he said hadn't been so terrible, right? And Jacob was agreeing with him, so he knew it wasn't the wrong route to take in soothing Diego—but he didn't know. The embrace startled him enough that over Diego's shoulder, momentarily stunned, he gave Jacob a look of is this really happening?

But it wasn't a quick hug, not a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment, and that had drawn Serefin's arms up to hug back, giving Diego a few hearty slaps against his back for good measure.

He then let Diego move on from him to Jacob, waiting until their moment of emotional brotherhood passed. Serefin felt they unlocked some new level of friendship, and for all their teasing and joking about Diego not hugging or being unable to show emotion, this was the peak. Memories tended to bring the best (and worst) out of others. It was definitely the former with Diego.

"I'm never going to give up on you either, you little shit," Serefin said, the last part in Tranavian. A diminutive, not derogatory. He was grinning, inordinately pleased despite the circumstances of their conversation. "I'm going to consider being an idiot an excellent quality, if it's made you better for it and if anyone disagrees, I will be sending them to you to explain."

Jacob, too, was startled by the show of emotion and quick to hug back. It wasn't their first hug ever but it might've been the first that didn't feel quite as involuntary. It felt like they'd always been headed here. Bonded. Through even the weirdest bollocks Vallo had to offer. Jacob didn't love the swell of emotion that made his voice tangle on the way out but what could you do? He was soft for his family when he wasn't butting heads with them.

"Bloody hell. Right back at you, mate. You're a stubborn and incredible friend. I imagine you'd be much the same as a father, for the record." He stood up, hooked an arm around Diego's neck, and reached out to tug Serefin closer too. "Whilst you take your time mulling over the future of one Diego Hargreeves and company, should we provide a distraction? Before you internally combust, I mean?" He lifted Diego's collar and winced. "I think I see a little smoke. Could be we only have seconds to spare!”

Diego was not going to engage in anything resembling a group hug. He had, after all, just given two actual hugs, anything else was pushing it. Sometimes Diego wished he was better with words, so he could fully express what it meant to him that he knew he could rely on people. Not all that long ago he hadn’t wanted to return to an empty apartment, and the Chaos Crew had all said stay with us. Not all that long ago he was seeing the ghost of his father repeating some of the same shit he’d always had and they’d insisted Reginald Hargreeves was the weak, broken one.

They didn’t really need words, was the thing. It was just how things were.

Diego let himself be pulled in, groaning all the meanwhile like it was so offensive. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, idiots, let’s get out of here.”