adam "now he's a spooky 10" lynch (parrish) (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} tamquam) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} valloic,@ 2022-04-21 21:45:00 |
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WHO: Adam, Ronan, and Gansey
WHAT: Adam drags Ronan and Gansey into his dream of Harvard, and has a revelation about Ivy League.
WHEN: Last week, during the dream plot
WARNINGS: None
STATUS: Complete
Adam couldn't remember the last time he dreamed of Harvard. In a literal and figurative sense, the university had been a dream to get out of Henrietta, but the place where he spent the beginnings of his freshman year had started to fade from his mind. Rooms and buildings made vague, generalized appearances—it was just how his dreams worked, by pulling conscious thoughts together to make something feel real—but his dreams had become more abstract puzzles. Tables and chairs and vastness that didn't really make any shape. Adam liked spending his time in Ronan's dreams where things were fully formed and pleasantly shaped.
So Harvard with its brick-and-ivy walls and brassy placards every dozen feet with historical descriptions was a surprise. It felt real, more than real, and for a brief moment, Adam thought he was back in Boston, away from Ronan, away from the Barns, away from that life he made and worry came over him before abruptly disappearing, like his mind said to not to think about it.
He was standing in the center of the main thoroughfare of Harvard Yard. The touristy bit, where campus tours were walking through, and students were sitting on the lawn, and a small class was being taught just beyond the library steps. Thayer Hall was to his left, Massachusetts Ave was to his right, and Adam was overcome with nostalgia. The reminder that this was a dream, and not reality, was the fact that he was wearing the tweed vest that he had left back in his door room—and thus wasn't in Vallo—and his wedding ring.
He clenched his fist and turned around, just in time to catch Ronan and Gansey approaching in a way that had never happened at Harvard, another point toward this is a dream. He met them halfway, and before they could say anything, he blurted out, "I didn't do this."
Ronan almost always knew when he was dreaming. He used to think he always knew, but he’d accepted the fact that sometimes, he could fool even himself. But even knowing that, he knew the place he was in now wasn’t of his own making. It had the touch of other, not the less subtle brand of his own dreams. And besides, he couldn’t shape it. That might’ve alarmed him more, if he hadn’t spotted Adam and Gansey close by. Chainsaw swooped down and landed on his shoulder, which was thankfully covered by his leather jacket to protect him from her claws. She croaked in his ear. Probably a little unsettled by the dream that wasn’t a dream too.
“This isn't me either,” he murmured, leaning his head back to give the campus around them a good glare. “If I dreamed up Harvard for you, none of these other nerds would be here.” He gestured at the strangers around them with his chin. A guy in loafers gave him a wide-berth. Ronan elbowed Gansey. “Except maybe this one. Did you do something with the witches to make this happen?"
Gansey had been wholly distracted, looking around, taking in the view. He wouldn’t have been surprised to know this was their doing, given the wonderful things Ronan had dreamed before, so it was more of a shock when both had wiped their hands of it. Gansey only just managed to side-step running into a student in a rush as he crowded into Ronan’s space after being elbowed. “Me? Of all of us here, I’m the least likely to do something that could cause dreaming.”
He took a step away from them to peer around to take it all in. “I’d had an appointment scheduled for when we got back from the trip to tour, you know. But then--” Well, he didn’t need to point it out that things had kind of went to shit back home, especially at Harvard. “I’d tried to get Blue to look into the Yale program for Environmental Science but was banned from school conversations while we were traveling.” Gansey looked to Adam. “How accurate is this?”
Adam didn't like either of their answers, and exhaled with a frustrated sigh. Not at Gansey or Ronan, just at the situation. Adam didn't feel threatened here, and it was clear that Ronan and Gansey weren't figments of his imagination, but themselves, pulled along in the similar way when Adam slipped into Ronan's dreams. Instinctually, Adam reached to scritch under Chainsaw's beak, as a way to settle himself and recognize that she was here too. He was woefully without trash, but the overflowing public one might keep her entertained.
"I walked by this building every day," Adam said, instead of directly answering Gansey's question. Accuracy was unparalleled; this was Harvard, unquestionably, but Adam tried to find the fault in the dream, the imprecision in the memory, as he cataloged his old life.
"And my dorm is—" He spun on both of them and pointed. Ronan would know. The last time he was here, he had been ceremoniously kicked out. "And there." Adam pointed to a third floor on another building, but instead of brick it was windows to a common room solarium. Ronan and Gansey had never seen him read tarot there, but Declan had. "I spent a lot of time there with Gillian and Fletcher."
Curiosity bubbled up inside him. Adam took a step toward the dorm, hand outstretched for Ronan to take, before adding to Gansey, "We should look and see? Or I will, you don't have to if this is a lot."
Ronan shrugged. “Seemed worth asking. You guys keep trying out new magic.”
The last time he’d been at this campus had been fucked. One more knock towards spiraling out. He’d gone into a depressive slump afterwards. It was different now, of course. No Ivy League ban was going to keep him from his husband. Damn sure not in some too real dream. It could’ve been another dreamer, more powerful than him - the image of Bryde flashed behind his eyes – but this didn’t feel like that. He decided to wait it out. Play along. Slinging an arm around Gansey’s shoulders, he pulled him over next to Adam and jammed them altogether like bumper cars. Chainsaw protested and flapped off to perch on a nearby lamp like the beloved gargoyle she was.
“Come on then. Gansey needs the tour.” He said it like he wasn’t taking no for an answer. “And I need to know what the fuck you did up there with your crying friends.”
Gansey rocked back on his heels and nodded enthusiastically to go along with them. Well, not that he had much of a choice when Ronan was pulling him along, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. He’d heard stories about these friends, both a little from Ronan - reluctantly, and through text messages - and from Adam.
Both had inspired a reasonably moderate level of jealousy, with hearing how Adam fit in so easily. He tried to stomp that down as it surged up now. “I’ve only heard stories about Adam and his-- ah, Crying Club, but I would like to hear more. To see how much Ronan said was exaggerating, of course. Please, lead the way.”
"You're going to be disappointed when you find out the truth, and that it's nothing exciting," Adam said. He hesitated, just for a moment, before dragging them through the yard to the dorm building.
It wasn't as though he was keeping a secret—not to Ronan and Gansey—and it had been some time since he thought about his Harvard friends, but the thread of anxiety that started to weave through him was not something he could ignore. Even in the dream, he couldn't escape the dread of the important people in his life meeting the other side of him. Ronan had done it, and it turned disastrous; Adam hoped none of them were going to make an appearance in this dream.
When they reached the door, Adam realized they needed his student ID to get into the building—a small relief—but he dutifully dug into his pocket and found it there. He stared at the fuzzy picture of himself on the card, smiling all chipper and bright eyed below the Harvard logo, and a pang of longing hit him before he slapped it against the box outside the door.
"I'm supposed to check guests in, but I don't think the dream is going to mind," Adam said, pulling them both inside. They didn't get far, just enough to take up a hallway at the bottom of the staircase. "Common room, main kitchen is down there, laundry to the left, and upstairs is—"
"Hey Adam!" One of the Thayer roommates was clomping down the stairs, with a quick wave to him, then Ronan and Gansey, though more cautious. "Hey Adam's friends! We'll see you in the place later, yeah?" Adam nodded, numbly, before the guy was slapping him on the shoulder and out the door.
"We should figure out how to get out of the dream," Adam blurted out.
Ronan released them as they reached the building and shielded his eyes from the sun in search of Chainsaw. She had her head in a trashcan nearby but seemed to sense his attention and lifted her beak towards him.
"Hey, stay out here and stay out of trouble," he warned her. There was no point telling her to get out of the trash. She made her gwah sound, which was probably her version of fine, dad, leave me alone. With that accomplished, he followed Adam into the building and snagged Adam's ID from him as they went.
"You look like a pod person," he said. A stranger shouting a greeting only seemed to reinforce that statement. The person Adam had been at Harvard made Ronan uneasy. He held the ID back out to Adam. "I can't shape any of this. I already tried."
Gansey had a few things to ask or say in Adam’s direction, but was a little too worried it’d come off as jealous. Which was ridiculous in a dream and he knew it. So instead he gave Ronan a fond look, something similar to now it’s your turn. “You know, when I tell you that, you immediately do the complete opposite just to spite me.”
He caught up to Ronan so he could peek at the badge. “You look a little pale, but I like your shirt.” He was reasonably certain he remembered Adam picking it out specially for Harvard, too. He shrugged at Adam. “But I’m at a loss to get out, I’m not the dream person. Maybe we’re supposed to accomplish some sort of goal?” A pause, like he was thinking about it just now and not that it’d been on his brain since the comment was thrown out there. “What’s the place? Is that secret code with you and your friends?”
Your friends, because Gansey knew damn well that them splitting off after Aglionby was very well the beginning of where “high school friends” and “college friends” separated, and he hated it even with Vallo sandwiched inbetween.
Adam was the dictionary-definition of schooling his features to not give anything away, but that didn't stop him from internally wincing at being called a pod-person. Adam knew what he did, and what he looked like, and how he had cultivated this alternate reality for his history. It had been easier to lie, because the truth hurt more and pity could take Adam out at the knees.
But now? Now he felt like an imposter's imposter. Adam hated that he could feel himself wanting to fall back into old habits of his Harvard version, like muscle memory for a liar.
He huffed, annoyed about the lack of direction in the dream. He didn't like that Ronan couldn't shape it, and that if this was something to solve, the pieces weren't obvious. The only thing Adam could metaphorically see was a choice—the home he built or the future he had always wanted? He shoved the thought away.
"The solarium. It's a common room in the dorm." Adam threw up his hands, and started up the stairs. "I did readings there. But it was, all of it was bullshit. People just heard what they wanted to, and it's, I don't know. Another lifetime, another life, full of other people that I haven't thought about since..." He paused on the landing to look at Ronan and Gansey, before heading up the next flight of stairs.
"Better not be a fucking puzzle," Ronan grumbled at Gansey's suggestion. He rather be grumpy about Adam's college life - Adam's life without him - than have to figure out some kind of stupid riddle. But he kept his eyes drifting over their surroundings anyway, just in case there was a clue in the mundane. Harvard might have been one of the most prestigious universities in the world, but the stairwell was just as average as any other.
Until Adam brought it into sharp relief, anyway. Ronan looked at him and then Gansey before exhaling loudly. "It's okay if you miss this place. That other life. You worked your ass off to get it. And…fuck, your friends weren't the worst. You don't have to treat all this like it doesn't mean shit to you just to spare our feelings."
“I’ll happily pass on another puzzle for now,” Gansey agreed with a shudder. He’d still had his fill from the sphere maze, and wasn’t quite sure when that would wear off. “But if it comes down to it, I’ll embrace the challenge as it comes.” He took the stairs like they were a focus of his, intently hopping from one step to the next while they followed behind Adam.
It worried him a little when Adam got like this, so he tried to keep his own voice and expressions measured, calm. “I suspect we both just hitched a ride with Adam on his dream, and we’re along for the duration of it until he wakes up. I don’t suspect there’s any puzzle to it.” When they reached the top of the stairs, Gansey reached out to squeeze Adam’s shoulder. “Ronan’s right, though, of anything that ever came out of this, we’ve always been proud of you and getting here. I’d personally like a tour and to see all of your usual haunts, if we can manage it.”
"If I was sparing your feelings, we wouldn't be inside here," Adam said. Trotting Ronan and Gansey around his dorm building felt cruel in and of itself, even if it was a dream. Parts of Adam were still stuck between his two selves, trying to keep the separate out of unusual habit, and rectifying it right now on the spot was almost overwhelming. He rubbed at his forehead with the back of his hand, and rested against the banister, looking winded, but not of the physical sort.
Adam waited for a beat, then another, but the feeling inside his chest wouldn't stop putting pressure on what he knew was right. From the moment he opened his eyes into the realistic recreation of Harvard, Adam knew.
"I want to miss it." Adam forced the words out like it was painful to admit this. "I worked for so long for all of this, and did everything I could because this is what I wanted, I've wanted this, so I should miss it." Adam finally looked up at the both of them, trying to relay the absolute distress and relief that was warring inside him. "But I don't. I just don't. I like what I have now."
Gansey's calming voice used to drive Ronan crazy. Even when it worked. Especially when it worked. But these days, it was like a comfortable shirt. It eased some of the tension he hadn't realized was building in his shoulders until they loosened. It made him smirk fondly at his best friend. The feeling doubled as his attention swerved to Adam and the words he was saying. Ronan had to wonder if this was his own dream for a moment.
"Well…fuck." It's not like Adam being happy with his life was a surprise. But not missing Harvard? The dream future he'd held onto so tightly? Ronan couldn't help the baffled smile that brightened his face or the way he sagged against Adam's side, pressing his forehead to Adam's shoulder. "That's really fucking good to hear. Wouldn't have blamed you, obviously…" He frowned and straightened up. "I just...couldn't really picture me in your Harvard future."
Gansey’s smile grew slowly with Adam’s admission. He knew he liked things the way they were now, and Ronan certainly had better in Vallo than at home, given uh- everything. But Adam’s life had always been building up to Harvard to be something better for himself, they all knew how much a highly prestigious college meant to him. Adam finding that family he deserved and making it a part of his heart was enough to make Gansey a little emotional.
He felt a little like an intruder on an important moment, though, and squeezed Adam’s arm once more, “You’re an exemplary human, Adam Lynch.” He moved to disengage with a little pull of his head. “I’ll just let you two have a moment--” Not that there were many places to go in a dream that wasn’t his, but Gansey pulled away gently with the intent to go stare at a bulletin board or make a new friend to leave them to a little privacy.
"And not having you in my future? That's not one I want," Adam said. His hand had come to cradle the back of Ronan's head when he pressed against his shoulder, but he didn't move it, when he straightened up. Adam wanted him close, he wanted him to know that he meant it. Harvard was a place he needed to fit into, but it wasn't really a place the honest version of him belonged.
Then Adam corrected, "Not having either of you." He smiled back at Gansey, always so hard pressed to take a compliment from his best friend, but he nodded in acceptance nonetheless. No one here understood him the way Ronan and Gansey did, and being knowable in a way that was earned and trusted was better than the flimsy connections he had woven together with his peers here.
"No, wait a second—" Adam started when Gansey moved away. He grabbed his wrist with his free hand so that they were all linked, tethered to Adam. "I thought I was giving you the tour?" Adam asked, but it was said like a private joke. One they were all in on. Now that Adam didn't feel so twisted up, Harvard was a novelty to show off, to point out all the flaws that he had willfully ignored. "Show you both where the magic happens. Happened. And if we don't wake up soon, I might be able to sneak you into the library."
Feeling stupidly warm didn't stop Ronan from rolling his eyes and blindly grabbing for Gansey too. He felt safe clinging to them both in a dream. Not that he gave two shits about what people thought in real life either, but well, he gave one shit, annoyingly, and he didn't like being vulnerable in public. Dreams were different though. Even if he couldn't control this one, he felt loose-limbed and satisfied with what this one had already given him.
"Dunno why you think this moment doesn't involve you too, dumbass. Let's see what the magician has up in his old tower." Ronan tucked one hand in Adam's back pocket and gestured forward with the other, giving Gansey a wink over Adam's shoulders. "Excelsior."
He did want a tour, so it was easy enough for Gansey to end up back with them, even if he wanted to open his mouth and object that they could have a private marital moment. Gansey stopped himself in time just so he wouldn’t end up with a saucy response from Ronan’s end.
With Adam pulling him back, Gansey had one hand free so he could thump Ronan on the shoulder, both for the joke that he hadn’t even made and the remark. “That’s my line, you ass.” It was affectionate enough to be followed up with a grin. “Alright, onto the tour. Lead the way, magician.”
So Harvard with its brick-and-ivy walls and brassy placards every dozen feet with historical descriptions was a surprise. It felt real, more than real, and for a brief moment, Adam thought he was back in Boston, away from Ronan, away from the Barns, away from that life he made and worry came over him before abruptly disappearing, like his mind said to not to think about it.
He was standing in the center of the main thoroughfare of Harvard Yard. The touristy bit, where campus tours were walking through, and students were sitting on the lawn, and a small class was being taught just beyond the library steps. Thayer Hall was to his left, Massachusetts Ave was to his right, and Adam was overcome with nostalgia. The reminder that this was a dream, and not reality, was the fact that he was wearing the tweed vest that he had left back in his door room—and thus wasn't in Vallo—and his wedding ring.
He clenched his fist and turned around, just in time to catch Ronan and Gansey approaching in a way that had never happened at Harvard, another point toward this is a dream. He met them halfway, and before they could say anything, he blurted out, "I didn't do this."
Ronan almost always knew when he was dreaming. He used to think he always knew, but he’d accepted the fact that sometimes, he could fool even himself. But even knowing that, he knew the place he was in now wasn’t of his own making. It had the touch of other, not the less subtle brand of his own dreams. And besides, he couldn’t shape it. That might’ve alarmed him more, if he hadn’t spotted Adam and Gansey close by. Chainsaw swooped down and landed on his shoulder, which was thankfully covered by his leather jacket to protect him from her claws. She croaked in his ear. Probably a little unsettled by the dream that wasn’t a dream too.
“This isn't me either,” he murmured, leaning his head back to give the campus around them a good glare. “If I dreamed up Harvard for you, none of these other nerds would be here.” He gestured at the strangers around them with his chin. A guy in loafers gave him a wide-berth. Ronan elbowed Gansey. “Except maybe this one. Did you do something with the witches to make this happen?"
Gansey had been wholly distracted, looking around, taking in the view. He wouldn’t have been surprised to know this was their doing, given the wonderful things Ronan had dreamed before, so it was more of a shock when both had wiped their hands of it. Gansey only just managed to side-step running into a student in a rush as he crowded into Ronan’s space after being elbowed. “Me? Of all of us here, I’m the least likely to do something that could cause dreaming.”
He took a step away from them to peer around to take it all in. “I’d had an appointment scheduled for when we got back from the trip to tour, you know. But then--” Well, he didn’t need to point it out that things had kind of went to shit back home, especially at Harvard. “I’d tried to get Blue to look into the Yale program for Environmental Science but was banned from school conversations while we were traveling.” Gansey looked to Adam. “How accurate is this?”
Adam didn't like either of their answers, and exhaled with a frustrated sigh. Not at Gansey or Ronan, just at the situation. Adam didn't feel threatened here, and it was clear that Ronan and Gansey weren't figments of his imagination, but themselves, pulled along in the similar way when Adam slipped into Ronan's dreams. Instinctually, Adam reached to scritch under Chainsaw's beak, as a way to settle himself and recognize that she was here too. He was woefully without trash, but the overflowing public one might keep her entertained.
"I walked by this building every day," Adam said, instead of directly answering Gansey's question. Accuracy was unparalleled; this was Harvard, unquestionably, but Adam tried to find the fault in the dream, the imprecision in the memory, as he cataloged his old life.
"And my dorm is—" He spun on both of them and pointed. Ronan would know. The last time he was here, he had been ceremoniously kicked out. "And there." Adam pointed to a third floor on another building, but instead of brick it was windows to a common room solarium. Ronan and Gansey had never seen him read tarot there, but Declan had. "I spent a lot of time there with Gillian and Fletcher."
Curiosity bubbled up inside him. Adam took a step toward the dorm, hand outstretched for Ronan to take, before adding to Gansey, "We should look and see? Or I will, you don't have to if this is a lot."
Ronan shrugged. “Seemed worth asking. You guys keep trying out new magic.”
The last time he’d been at this campus had been fucked. One more knock towards spiraling out. He’d gone into a depressive slump afterwards. It was different now, of course. No Ivy League ban was going to keep him from his husband. Damn sure not in some too real dream. It could’ve been another dreamer, more powerful than him - the image of Bryde flashed behind his eyes – but this didn’t feel like that. He decided to wait it out. Play along. Slinging an arm around Gansey’s shoulders, he pulled him over next to Adam and jammed them altogether like bumper cars. Chainsaw protested and flapped off to perch on a nearby lamp like the beloved gargoyle she was.
“Come on then. Gansey needs the tour.” He said it like he wasn’t taking no for an answer. “And I need to know what the fuck you did up there with your crying friends.”
Gansey rocked back on his heels and nodded enthusiastically to go along with them. Well, not that he had much of a choice when Ronan was pulling him along, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. He’d heard stories about these friends, both a little from Ronan - reluctantly, and through text messages - and from Adam.
Both had inspired a reasonably moderate level of jealousy, with hearing how Adam fit in so easily. He tried to stomp that down as it surged up now. “I’ve only heard stories about Adam and his-- ah, Crying Club, but I would like to hear more. To see how much Ronan said was exaggerating, of course. Please, lead the way.”
"You're going to be disappointed when you find out the truth, and that it's nothing exciting," Adam said. He hesitated, just for a moment, before dragging them through the yard to the dorm building.
It wasn't as though he was keeping a secret—not to Ronan and Gansey—and it had been some time since he thought about his Harvard friends, but the thread of anxiety that started to weave through him was not something he could ignore. Even in the dream, he couldn't escape the dread of the important people in his life meeting the other side of him. Ronan had done it, and it turned disastrous; Adam hoped none of them were going to make an appearance in this dream.
When they reached the door, Adam realized they needed his student ID to get into the building—a small relief—but he dutifully dug into his pocket and found it there. He stared at the fuzzy picture of himself on the card, smiling all chipper and bright eyed below the Harvard logo, and a pang of longing hit him before he slapped it against the box outside the door.
"I'm supposed to check guests in, but I don't think the dream is going to mind," Adam said, pulling them both inside. They didn't get far, just enough to take up a hallway at the bottom of the staircase. "Common room, main kitchen is down there, laundry to the left, and upstairs is—"
"Hey Adam!" One of the Thayer roommates was clomping down the stairs, with a quick wave to him, then Ronan and Gansey, though more cautious. "Hey Adam's friends! We'll see you in the place later, yeah?" Adam nodded, numbly, before the guy was slapping him on the shoulder and out the door.
"We should figure out how to get out of the dream," Adam blurted out.
Ronan released them as they reached the building and shielded his eyes from the sun in search of Chainsaw. She had her head in a trashcan nearby but seemed to sense his attention and lifted her beak towards him.
"Hey, stay out here and stay out of trouble," he warned her. There was no point telling her to get out of the trash. She made her gwah sound, which was probably her version of fine, dad, leave me alone. With that accomplished, he followed Adam into the building and snagged Adam's ID from him as they went.
"You look like a pod person," he said. A stranger shouting a greeting only seemed to reinforce that statement. The person Adam had been at Harvard made Ronan uneasy. He held the ID back out to Adam. "I can't shape any of this. I already tried."
Gansey had a few things to ask or say in Adam’s direction, but was a little too worried it’d come off as jealous. Which was ridiculous in a dream and he knew it. So instead he gave Ronan a fond look, something similar to now it’s your turn. “You know, when I tell you that, you immediately do the complete opposite just to spite me.”
He caught up to Ronan so he could peek at the badge. “You look a little pale, but I like your shirt.” He was reasonably certain he remembered Adam picking it out specially for Harvard, too. He shrugged at Adam. “But I’m at a loss to get out, I’m not the dream person. Maybe we’re supposed to accomplish some sort of goal?” A pause, like he was thinking about it just now and not that it’d been on his brain since the comment was thrown out there. “What’s the place? Is that secret code with you and your friends?”
Your friends, because Gansey knew damn well that them splitting off after Aglionby was very well the beginning of where “high school friends” and “college friends” separated, and he hated it even with Vallo sandwiched inbetween.
Adam was the dictionary-definition of schooling his features to not give anything away, but that didn't stop him from internally wincing at being called a pod-person. Adam knew what he did, and what he looked like, and how he had cultivated this alternate reality for his history. It had been easier to lie, because the truth hurt more and pity could take Adam out at the knees.
But now? Now he felt like an imposter's imposter. Adam hated that he could feel himself wanting to fall back into old habits of his Harvard version, like muscle memory for a liar.
He huffed, annoyed about the lack of direction in the dream. He didn't like that Ronan couldn't shape it, and that if this was something to solve, the pieces weren't obvious. The only thing Adam could metaphorically see was a choice—the home he built or the future he had always wanted? He shoved the thought away.
"The solarium. It's a common room in the dorm." Adam threw up his hands, and started up the stairs. "I did readings there. But it was, all of it was bullshit. People just heard what they wanted to, and it's, I don't know. Another lifetime, another life, full of other people that I haven't thought about since..." He paused on the landing to look at Ronan and Gansey, before heading up the next flight of stairs.
"Better not be a fucking puzzle," Ronan grumbled at Gansey's suggestion. He rather be grumpy about Adam's college life - Adam's life without him - than have to figure out some kind of stupid riddle. But he kept his eyes drifting over their surroundings anyway, just in case there was a clue in the mundane. Harvard might have been one of the most prestigious universities in the world, but the stairwell was just as average as any other.
Until Adam brought it into sharp relief, anyway. Ronan looked at him and then Gansey before exhaling loudly. "It's okay if you miss this place. That other life. You worked your ass off to get it. And…fuck, your friends weren't the worst. You don't have to treat all this like it doesn't mean shit to you just to spare our feelings."
“I’ll happily pass on another puzzle for now,” Gansey agreed with a shudder. He’d still had his fill from the sphere maze, and wasn’t quite sure when that would wear off. “But if it comes down to it, I’ll embrace the challenge as it comes.” He took the stairs like they were a focus of his, intently hopping from one step to the next while they followed behind Adam.
It worried him a little when Adam got like this, so he tried to keep his own voice and expressions measured, calm. “I suspect we both just hitched a ride with Adam on his dream, and we’re along for the duration of it until he wakes up. I don’t suspect there’s any puzzle to it.” When they reached the top of the stairs, Gansey reached out to squeeze Adam’s shoulder. “Ronan’s right, though, of anything that ever came out of this, we’ve always been proud of you and getting here. I’d personally like a tour and to see all of your usual haunts, if we can manage it.”
"If I was sparing your feelings, we wouldn't be inside here," Adam said. Trotting Ronan and Gansey around his dorm building felt cruel in and of itself, even if it was a dream. Parts of Adam were still stuck between his two selves, trying to keep the separate out of unusual habit, and rectifying it right now on the spot was almost overwhelming. He rubbed at his forehead with the back of his hand, and rested against the banister, looking winded, but not of the physical sort.
Adam waited for a beat, then another, but the feeling inside his chest wouldn't stop putting pressure on what he knew was right. From the moment he opened his eyes into the realistic recreation of Harvard, Adam knew.
"I want to miss it." Adam forced the words out like it was painful to admit this. "I worked for so long for all of this, and did everything I could because this is what I wanted, I've wanted this, so I should miss it." Adam finally looked up at the both of them, trying to relay the absolute distress and relief that was warring inside him. "But I don't. I just don't. I like what I have now."
Gansey's calming voice used to drive Ronan crazy. Even when it worked. Especially when it worked. But these days, it was like a comfortable shirt. It eased some of the tension he hadn't realized was building in his shoulders until they loosened. It made him smirk fondly at his best friend. The feeling doubled as his attention swerved to Adam and the words he was saying. Ronan had to wonder if this was his own dream for a moment.
"Well…fuck." It's not like Adam being happy with his life was a surprise. But not missing Harvard? The dream future he'd held onto so tightly? Ronan couldn't help the baffled smile that brightened his face or the way he sagged against Adam's side, pressing his forehead to Adam's shoulder. "That's really fucking good to hear. Wouldn't have blamed you, obviously…" He frowned and straightened up. "I just...couldn't really picture me in your Harvard future."
Gansey’s smile grew slowly with Adam’s admission. He knew he liked things the way they were now, and Ronan certainly had better in Vallo than at home, given uh- everything. But Adam’s life had always been building up to Harvard to be something better for himself, they all knew how much a highly prestigious college meant to him. Adam finding that family he deserved and making it a part of his heart was enough to make Gansey a little emotional.
He felt a little like an intruder on an important moment, though, and squeezed Adam’s arm once more, “You’re an exemplary human, Adam Lynch.” He moved to disengage with a little pull of his head. “I’ll just let you two have a moment--” Not that there were many places to go in a dream that wasn’t his, but Gansey pulled away gently with the intent to go stare at a bulletin board or make a new friend to leave them to a little privacy.
"And not having you in my future? That's not one I want," Adam said. His hand had come to cradle the back of Ronan's head when he pressed against his shoulder, but he didn't move it, when he straightened up. Adam wanted him close, he wanted him to know that he meant it. Harvard was a place he needed to fit into, but it wasn't really a place the honest version of him belonged.
Then Adam corrected, "Not having either of you." He smiled back at Gansey, always so hard pressed to take a compliment from his best friend, but he nodded in acceptance nonetheless. No one here understood him the way Ronan and Gansey did, and being knowable in a way that was earned and trusted was better than the flimsy connections he had woven together with his peers here.
"No, wait a second—" Adam started when Gansey moved away. He grabbed his wrist with his free hand so that they were all linked, tethered to Adam. "I thought I was giving you the tour?" Adam asked, but it was said like a private joke. One they were all in on. Now that Adam didn't feel so twisted up, Harvard was a novelty to show off, to point out all the flaws that he had willfully ignored. "Show you both where the magic happens. Happened. And if we don't wake up soon, I might be able to sneak you into the library."
Feeling stupidly warm didn't stop Ronan from rolling his eyes and blindly grabbing for Gansey too. He felt safe clinging to them both in a dream. Not that he gave two shits about what people thought in real life either, but well, he gave one shit, annoyingly, and he didn't like being vulnerable in public. Dreams were different though. Even if he couldn't control this one, he felt loose-limbed and satisfied with what this one had already given him.
"Dunno why you think this moment doesn't involve you too, dumbass. Let's see what the magician has up in his old tower." Ronan tucked one hand in Adam's back pocket and gestured forward with the other, giving Gansey a wink over Adam's shoulders. "Excelsior."
He did want a tour, so it was easy enough for Gansey to end up back with them, even if he wanted to open his mouth and object that they could have a private marital moment. Gansey stopped himself in time just so he wouldn’t end up with a saucy response from Ronan’s end.
With Adam pulling him back, Gansey had one hand free so he could thump Ronan on the shoulder, both for the joke that he hadn’t even made and the remark. “That’s my line, you ass.” It was affectionate enough to be followed up with a grin. “Alright, onto the tour. Lead the way, magician.”