WHAT: Lena reconnects with Kara, gets some closure (awhile unknowingly kind of breaking her heart) WHERE: Kara's loft in National City WHEN: Tonight WARNINGS: None STATUS: Complete
Kara wouldnât pretend she completely understood what was going on here. In her waking hours, nothing had changed. Alex was home, always nearby, within her reach whenever she wanted her. Lena, too - they werenât gone, and Kara didnât have the faintest wisp of a thought that they might be. She would be lost if they were, passing off sleep because the two most important people in her life were missing, and her mind would have been breaking at the seams.
But once she settled into bed, into sleep, she was somewhere else. She knew in an instant when she had shifted there again, despite nothing really changing. She could sense bits and pieces of the world Alex was in, even while she knew she was grounded in her own universe, fast asleep in her bed on Earth-Prime; it was like she was there but not there, home but not home. The dreamscape was so vivid, just the slightest bit smudged around the edges so there was no mistaking what it truly was.
The âhowâ of it all was beyond her, but Alex had a hypothesis. The void of a universe she and Lena had found themselves in was just called âValloâ, and it was a place built on stronger magic than any of the people pulled there seemed to understand. Magic was what had pulled them away, what kept them trapped there, what brought swathes of others from unimaginable universes there and kept them or disposed of them at its will.
That has to be what brought you here, Kara, sheâd insisted. It has to be.
Kara had decided to accept it at face value last night - if it gave her a way of accessing her sister, her best friend, she wasnât going to question it. She didnât feel the need. She doubted it was something that would last forever, so she was going to take advantage while she could. All she wanted was reassurance they were safe and happy, whatever versions they were, wherever they ended up. And if there was anything she could give them, she would, no hesitation.
It didnât take her long to realize it wasnât Alex she was waiting for tonight. She pulled her hair out of its typical ponytail, ran her fingers through long blonde waves to make herself presentable, and headed straight over to pull her front door open.
âLena,â she breathed, grinning at the bewildered looking woman standing in her hallway. âHey, you.â
Lena knew this door. White, slightly scuffed, larger than average. She knew this hallway. Knew this location, and felt a mix of I havenât been here in forever and I was here not long ago that she couldnât dismiss. She didnât remember her morning. She didnât remember getting dressed, doing her hair - she didnât remember arriving here. She just was here, blinking those glacier blue eyes wide at a face she was so afraid would become a distant memory with time.
But it wouldnât. Kara was unforgettable - she was her best friend, the most influential person in her life. She couldnât remember missing her when she got all those memories and in Vallo, she missed her all the time. Alex did, too. They mourned her absence together. Talked about all the things Kara would love, how Kara would have handled this or that. Her presence - and another version of hers too - had been with them for such a short amount of time before they lost her.
Sometimes she wondered if they would ever get her back.
And right now, with Kara standing before her - as if Lena arrived at her apartment after a long dayâs worth of work - she could almost believe they might. âYouâre -â Lena swallowed, almost speechless. She wasnât someone who could ever be rendered speechless, not that easily. There was so much to be said and yet her brain failed to cooperate, and her hands were extended as if she wanted to hug Kara but instead chose to test the waters by touching her arms with her fingertips to ensure that she was Kryptonian flesh and blood. âYouâre - real? This isnât some simulation, right? Did I fuck with Obsidian Platinum and not remember?â
A bit crass but Lena may need a little reassurance, alright?
âYou didnât,â Kara assured her, with a confidence she only felt because sheâd already experienced this once with Alex. She didnât know quite how to explain that it was real; it was just something she felt, that you couldnât help but feel once you took a few moments to really allow it to sink in. It was a dream and had some of that dreamy quality about it, but it was much more vivid than even the most lucid dreams Kara had ever experienced - and sheâd experienced plenty while trapped in the Phantom Zone for nearly two and a half decades.
She lifted her hands to wind around Lenaâs upper arms, just below the crook of her elbows, and looked at her with a soft smile and steady blue eyes. âI saw Alex like this, too. I promise itâs real. Iâm real, youâre real, Lena.â Her heart was in her throat - Rao, it always was when she was around Lena - but she compartmentalized those feelings away. For now. Right now, all that mattered was being there for her best friend.
âCome in,â she requested, gently pulling Lena into the loft; the door closed on its own behind them, a weird facet of this experience sheâd briefly taken note of when sheâd seen Alex, too. âWine?â She led Lena to the kitchen island, rounding it to scare up two glasses and a bottle of the red she knew Lena preferred.
Oh no. Oh fuck. It was real - and she was sure that no virtual simulation, or even a dream could compare to how Kara was looking at her right now. Scientific explanations were lacking here. A generic âitâs magicâ reason was the only viable one, as frustrating as it was (even with her newfound powers she sometimes continued to try and resist). Lena was stunned, and she should have moved to embrace Kara because itâs been so long but her brain didnât communicate with her limbs.
Lena stepped inside her loft, and Kara stepped away to collect wine.
âI have⊠so much to say,â was what she finally managed to articulate, rooted in her spot by the kitchen island to watch Kara simply exist. Sheâs always loved her loft - loved the way it was very much Kara, and it was bright and open (just like her). And she was here, and they were together.
Pulling herself together she wet her lips and smiled, the slight widening of her mouth dimpling her cheeks. âWineâs a good start, though.â
Wine was always a good start - it was generally their first Girls Night âcourseâ, for lack of better terms. There was something Kara very much enjoyed about the aesthetic of a red wine in Lenaâs hand. Maybe it had something to do with the red lip to match, the smudges of lipstick that came off on the rim and yet remained immaculate on Lenaâs mouth. It was impressive, hard not to notice (and think about, frequently).
She poured out two healthy glasses for each of them, coming back around the island to slip one into Lenaâs hand. Her smile hadnât wavered for a moment; she was glad to see Lena, always, whatever version, in any context. And that smile, the dimples - it was a good thing her strength was so thoroughly self-controlled these days or her glass of wine would have shattered in her grip.
âLetâs get comfy, and you can tell me all the things.â She nodded toward the loftâs living room. The dreamscape had gotten every last detail right, down to the empty popcorn bowl sheâd left sitting on the coffee table during her last visit here, with Alex. She settled onto the far side of the couch, folding one leg under herself and taking a sip from her glass.
The questions Lena wanted to ask about what was happening were endless, but she was afraid that if those were vocalized this reality would cease to exist. She wasnât ready for that. Everything about this felt so normal, so achingly familiar. It was the piece of home she missed that Vallo couldnât ever fulfill, not unless it brought her back to them.
It was Kara.
Joining her on the couch was the easiest thing in the world. Lena followed without a second thought, staking claim on the other side as she cradled the glass delicately in her hands. âHow do you know that I have all the things to even tell you,â she challenged, a single eyebrow quirked at her. The smile never faded. âHow about you tell me what you know instead?â
Kara grinned, leaning forward to set her glass on the coffee table before sinking back into the couch. Her right arm draped across the back of the couch and her left fell to the knee of her legging, picking at a spot where they were becoming threadbare.
âWell,â she began, âI know that the place youâre in is called Vallo. I know that youâve been there about a year, according to Alex, and sheâd been there longer. I know you have L-Corp there and you work on tech for the Defense Department. And I know there were two versions of me there before, one raised by the Kents, and one that wasâŠdating a vampire?â
A grimace followed that last part. Sheâd laughed when Alex had told her because it seemed so unbelievable. She was all about second chances, perhaps even too forgiving sometimes, but she just couldnât fathom being with someone who had wrecked lives for centuries. There were some lines in the sand she wouldnât cross.
Goodness, that fucking vampire. Lena had even begun taking a sip when she was reminded of that precious nugget of information, and thankfully she had enough grace and dignity to not spit her drink out. Her brows did flare up so high they could have hit her hairline though. âThis other version of you raised by the Kents - I loved her,â she admitted, and then perhaps realized a little late how that was a statement that could be construed wrongly but she didnât want to make herself obvious by making awkward clarifications. âIt was you if youâd taken the scientific route, utterly brilliant. The you that was smitten with the centuries-old blood sucker, eh.â
Yes, she loved that Kara too because it was Kara despite her lapse of judgment there. Hard to really ding her on it too when Lenaâs made plenty of poor decisions herself that werenât strictly about her love life.
And speaking about that...
âI take it Alex told you she and I are an item?â Lena asked, elbow propped onto the back of the chair as her hand held up her head. The other remained with the wine glass. âI must be some cliche, dating my best friendâs sister.â
It was worth talking about. She did want to reassure Kara that she had every intention of taking care of Alex, even if being in the presence of Supergirl right now was a harsh reminder of how complicated things could be sometimes. She loved Alex.
But looking Kara in the eye, sharing this couch with her and this wine - those old feelings werenât dead. Lena wasnât really over her, and found the idea of being in love with two people terrifying.
I loved her. Oh, that was very nearly enough to make Kara swoon on the spot.
She knew it wasnât some grand declaration of that kind of love. She knew Lena loved her, every version of her, and the feeling was very mutual; they were best friends first and foremost, and that beat out any other feelings that simmered under the surface. Even when things had gone horribly wrong, when Lena had spiraled out onto the wrong path, there had never been hatred there - just betrayal and hurt feelings, trying their best to smother the love beneath it all. She could see that so clearly.
It was taking that next step, saying what so desperately needed to be said, that had always been the biggest struggle. And now, just as she was gathering up the courage and taking the opportunity to speak up (because what better time was there, really, to hope for the best than in some sort of too-vivid dreamscape?), all the wind was sucked out of her sails by that small, casual reveal.
Alex.
Lena was dating Alex.
Alex.
Karaâs eyes widened briefly, but she turned her head as she reached out for her glass again, covering her reaction behind a drink that was more of a swig than a sip this time. How her sister had neglected to mention this - something so big not just for her but really, for all three of them - was a question she wasnât sure sheâd ever get to ask her. It didnât matter, in the end. She hadnât known, and if she had - well, maybe she could see why Alex hadnât told her, after all. Rao, it stung more than she liked.
She decided to play it off, flashing Lena a smile while she resituated herself to sit fully cross-legged. âRight, yes! Thatâs, uh - thatâs so great, Lena. Youâre not a cliche. Alex - sheâs amazing, you know Iâm the first one to say that. Iâm glad youâre happy. If you - are you happy?â
Lena cocked her head to the side. That reaction was - well, she wasnât really sure how to describe it. She liked to think she knew her best friend enough (now that she knew she was Supergirl, anyway) to know all those quirky Kara-isms that were all charming ranges of dorky and cute. The awkward topic of âoh, hey, Iâm dating your sisterâ did get brought up and that might be a little weird to talk about at first since Kara knew of another reality.
One where it was Alex and Kelly, not Alex and Lena. It tracked, then.
âI am,â came her answer, soft and so absurdly genuine she could feel her insides melt. âI will say it was a little - awkward at first, we danced around each other a lot.â Slept with another super-powered blonde with the last name Danvers. Lena took a sip of wine recalling that stunt. âIâm not sure what details she told you so I wonât bore you with the retells. But itâs going well. Iâm pretty fond over anyone with the last name Danvers, what can I say.â
That might reveal a little much, but - what harm could be done if Kara knew? It wasnât like Lena was confessing her undying love, just a hint that there may have been a crush in there so, yes, she thought smirking at her flirtatiously was harmless.
Kara felt torn. She wanted to hear all of this and be the supportive best friend/sister. Alex and Lena were the two most important people in any universe to her, and if they were happy and together, she should be happy for them. She was happy for them. But she also had some of the wounded puppy dog vibe going on right now. She knew keeping her mouth shut meant Lena might eventually, someday find someone else - but Alex?
It hit hard. But she wasnât there in their world, not anymore. It wasnât fair to expect either of them to be alone. And it sounded like both the other versions of her who had been around had kept their mouths shut, too - or maybe this was something exclusive to only this version of herself. She didnât know, but she doubted it.
The signals she was getting were a little mixed, too. Lena clearly loved Alex - she was so open to Kara, as readable as any book sheâd pick up off the shelf - but she smiled at Kara like that, and hope sparked in her chest again. She returned the smile, inching in closer and slipping her hand to rest over Lenaâs knee.
âItâs pretty safe to say weâre both fond of you, too.â More than she knew, more than sheâd noticed. Kara loved Lena and everything she was, the good and the bad and the ridiculous. And one of her more ridiculous traits was she occasionally missed very obvious things. Thankfully, it was also adorable.
That reply⊠wasnât what she thought it would be. Lena expected a cute little snort-chuckle, or her shifting her glasses in some semblance of embarrassment. Something they could joke about, and Lena would tease a little more and theyâd carry on the conversation as if nothing happened. Then this would end, and she and Alex would go back to missing her presence more than words could say.
Her throat bobbed faintly when she swallowed. There was no point in reading into that unnecessarily. Surely, it was innocent. It wouldnât matter anymore anyway, considering the hand life had given her. Vallo.
âCan IâŠâ Lena bit the inside of her cheek, contemplating. Giving Kara this look, a somewhat scrutinizing one. âTell you something?â
Maybe it was time to get this off her chest and give herself a little closure. Maybe this was unfathomably dumb. Maybe she just needed to be honest for once so she could get over her, finally.
âYou know you can,â Kara replied softly. âAnything.â She wasnât sure what it could be - even studying her, watching her reaction, taking in that look and the hesitance that seemed to have emerged - wasnât enough to give her the answer prematurely. She wasnât expecting anything, though, not knowing what she knew now. That hope wasnât extinguished, but she was trying her best to temper it.
Lena wasnât hers anymore. She never had been, but now, this particular Lena, who had lived over a year away from her, was even further out of her reach. But whatever she would accept, whatever she needed, Kara would give it to her.
This was going to be awfully embarrassing, ugh. Leaning forward, she set the wine down on a coaster and settled back into the couch cushions. The back of her wrist touched her forehead, slightly rubbing, trying to find the right words to articulate what she wanted to. Lena was naturally charismatic. Words werenât a problem. Public-speaking was like breathing to her, and even under duress she prided herself in coming off succinct and eloquent.
There were a few exceptions to that rule, possibly. This might be one. But the words she would choose next mattered so it was imperative she didnât fuck this up.
She exhaled a sigh and dropped her hand. âI had feelings for you,â Lena began, doing her best to ignore the crashing wave of anxiety that made it feel as if she was at the tip-top of a steep roller coaster and about to drop. âHave feelings for you. Iâve been honest with Alex about it. It doesnât make me love her any less - I love her, so much. I donât want you to doubt that. Thatâs not changing. Itâs - I just donât think Iâll ever tell you back home. And since weâre here -â Lena gestured vaguely to the loft that probably wasnât technically even her loft; maybe some kind of imitation conjured up by whatever dreamscape magic this was. âI suppose I wanted to get that off my chest. Iâm sorry if this made you uncomfortable. I thought that if I could tell you, then⊠I could let you go.â
That last part was whispered, and her teeth claimed her bottom lip in a nibble that expressed some guilt. Shame, for selfishly bringing this up to her. This wasnât even her problem and Lena was now making it her problem and this might be a terrible mistake, but sheâd like to think if Kara could forgive her for treading the path of villainy then there was a chance she could forgive her for this too.
In any other circumstances, hearing Lena say the words I have feelings for you would have opened a floodgate - the good kind. Kara had spent years wondering if she would ever hear those words, if they would ever get to a place where they felt safe to say them, no more secrets, no looming threats. Finding the time to just be, to figure out what they wanted and how to get there, was a luxury the Superfriends couldnât often afford.
Things were different now. Settled. Maybe not perfect but close enough. But right here, right now - it wasnât about what sheâd hoped for anymore. She wanted to be selfish so badly. She wanted to tell Lena she loved her, that sheâd loved her for such a long time, and that she didnât want to be let go. She so rarely got that opportunity; she always tried to do what was best for others - her friends, her family, the world.
Her sister. Her sisterâs girlfriend.
This wasnât that opportunity. She wasnât that person. She wasnât going to cause trouble in her sisterâs - and her best friendâs - relationship, no matter what her own feelings may be. It wouldnât affect her if she did; she would wake up tomorrow morning with no knowledge that any of this had ever happened. She was sure of it after going through it once before. But it could affect Lena. She didnât know if they were carrying these dreams out into their Vallo lives, but for Alexâs sake, she hoped so. And the last thing either of them needed was the weight of her feelings on them when she wasnât even there.
So, she smiled softly, slid forward, and wrapped Lena up in her arms. âYou could never make me uncomfortable,â she said quietly, pressing a kiss to the side of Lenaâs head. âI love you, Lena. All Iâve ever wanted is to see you happy. You deserve that and so much more. And you certainly donât have anything to be sorry for. I wish I could be there for you. I wishâŠa lot of things.â
This⊠wasnât a position she could protest being in, no. To be held by arms that could easily pick up an airplane was nothing to complain about, and this had been the embrace Lena ached for since their greeting. She didnât expect it to be after a mortifyingly honest confession and the kiss to her temple made her heart flutter. Gods, she needed to keep it together but she was sure Kara could pick up on her heightened pace of her heartbeat.
Also mortifying.
But also - this was comfortable, and Lena didnât know when sheâd get a chance for this closeness again. So she may have melted into her, and wrapped her own arms around Kara until they were locked within one another.
âI love you too,â she replied, and surely this was meant in a friendly way - it was the kindest way to reject her feelings (clearly). Lena was fine with that. She expected it. âThereâs a lot of things I wish for too, but I just -â A sigh, before she settled her head against her shoulder. âI really miss you, Kara.â
Kara felt like her heart was being squeezed to the point of cracking. She hadnât expected any of this - sheâd thought now was finally a good time to be open with her feelings. But that was a silly thought, a fleeting fantasy she shouldnât even have entertained. This wasnât real for her, in the end, but it was very real for Lena, for Alex. She wasnât going to mess that up. If Lena needed to let her go, then Kara needed to let her let her go.
But right now, in the moment, it was very real for her. Hearing Lenaâs heart stutter and race had her biting her lip, her grip around Lenaâs shoulder tightened incrementally to keep herself from letting it all spill free. She hated Lena thinking for a minute that she didnât love her, that her feelings for her werenât just as real and strong and there. This wasnât the choice she wanted to make, but it was the choice she had to make.
âIâm always with you,â she murmured, kissing the top of Lenaâs head. âMaybe notâŠphysically but in every other way that counts. I promise, Iâm never really gone.â Her fingers sifted gently through Lenaâs long dark hair, and she sighed, letting her eyes fall closed. She could stay comfortably like this forever, but sheâd take it for as long as she could get.
They were like that for a while, wrapped up in each otherâs arms, content in the quiet. She couldnât be sure how long it was, but her eyes fluttered open when she heard the familiar sound of the front door sliding open. She tracked her sister coming through the door, watching them as closely as Kara was watching her. Part of her wanted to extract herself from Lena right then and there, but she quickly realized there was no need. She knew that look in Alexâs eyes - fondness, acceptance, unwavering love.
âHey,â Kara said softly.
âHey,â Alex replied, clearing a space on the coffee table to sit down across from them, removed but still close enough to reach out to squeeze the hand Kara offered. âEverything okay?â
This was a nice way to exist, wasnât it. Quiet, held. Maybe this is what Lena missed: the moments. Those simple moments with her best friend - close on the couch, intimate in the only way she knew they could be. This was a ship that had long sailed. She had mourned it for a while.
But she learned to accept it too. Kara did say she was always with her - and gods, it was so tempting to press a kiss into the side of her neck, to whisper the softest utterance of I know. It was a line she couldnât cross. Wouldnât, anyway.
Then along came Alex.
âWeâre okay,â she answered with a tired, lazy smile. Lena didnât move either. âI have my two most favorite people in the world here - and I got some bestie cuddles.â Lena brought her hand up to capture Karaâs chin, squeezing it playfully. âDonât know about you ladies but Iâm very content right now.â
Alex didnât mind this at all. Her two favorite people in the world, like Lena said. And Kara had always been the cuddly, touchy, affectionate type. She had benefited from plenty of those cuddles herself pretty recently. Being held like that really was almost therapeutic, and Kara was soft and strong (in every way), and it was impossible not to feel content with her. Safe. And it was more than the Supergirl Effect, too. It was just Kara.
She knew Lena felt that just as much as she did. The three of them had always fit together well, and even though the formation wasnât what she had expected (or what any of them had expected, she could safely say), it still worked. There was still this feeling of being complete here that was always just out of their grasp in Vallo. No one but Kara could fill that gap. Sheâd taken these dreams as a sign they wouldnât be getting that lucky again any time soon, so best to enjoy it here and now.
She watched as Kara smiled down at Lena, genuine but a little bashful and strained. She didnât know what had happened before sheâd appeared here again, but she thought she could guess. She stood, leaning over to kiss her sisterâs forehead, both appreciative and sympathetic.
âIâll be more content when I get to join in on the cuddles, so scooch,â Alex announced, slipping in behind Lena to settle against her. She pressed a kiss into Lenaâs neck, humming when she felt Karaâs hand slide over to splay across her shoulder.
âVery contentâ was an understatement. This - between Alex and Kara - was happiness. This was home. âI scooched,â Lena huffed gently, finally creating this distance between herself and her best friend. It wasnât anything extreme but Alex was here, and while she loved (and maybe even still did love) Kara, this was who she was with and who she loved too.
It did raise the question of how long were you even there when it came to her girlfriend but it didnât seem relevant to bring up.
âDid Alex tell you that we have a cat, by the way? I feel like thatâs some rite of passage in a relationship,â she rolled on with a smile, bringing Alexâs hand to rest cozy under her chin. Lena wasnât there for when the sisters had their moment and she wanted to make sure all the details were covered. It would be good to chat, the three of them - laugh about all the hijinks theyâve been through, funny or traumatizing. âTell me she told you about our stint as Hallmark characters too.â
Kara let out a quiet breath when their positions shifted ever so slightly to accommodate Alexâs arrival. She couldnât help smiling a bit at the sight of them; they did look good together. They looked happy. As much as it may inspire a few pangs in her chest, that was really all Kara wanted for them. If they could be happy together in a strange place where they didnât have her - or anyone from home - how could she be anything but okay with that?
She didnât want to tell Lena that Alex hadnât told her anything - even if her sisterâs reasons had been altruistic (which Kara suspected they had, she knew Alex better than anyone), she doubted Lena would hear that and not get a bit offended. And the sheepish look Alex was giving her told her she was on the same train of thought.
âShe told me a bit, but I want to hear it from you,â she told her best friend with a soft smile. âYouâre a way better storyteller than Alex, anyway.â
âWell - we got the cat from the Hallmark thing,â Lena went on to explain, placing a brief kiss on Alexâs cheek (and somehow, still, oblivious to the exchange of looks between sisters). âBut it was some reality-warping televised event, and somehow a vacuum blew up in my faceâŠâ
It was a fun story to tell. And there was more, obviously - like Theo.
She may have caught a glimpse of something, sometimes, in Karaâs expressions. A displaced look in a split second scattered throughout moments of this time with one another. Lena didnât quite understand but, well, she was probably overthinking it anyway.