WHO: Lan Mandragoran & Nynaeve al’Meara WHAT: Lan gets in trouble for celebrating Valentine’s Day. WHEN: Today! Feb 14th WARNINGS: None, it’s FTB. STATUS: Complete!
The flowers were beautiful. They could have passed for wildflowers picked with care if not for this being the dead of winter.
The wrist cuff was precisely to her taste. Just a little bit of sparkle, not too flashy, not anything that would get in her way as she worked, but still so pretty.
And the chocolate. She’d never smelled or tasted anything like it. It was delicious. She could probably eat the whole box in one sitting if she weren’t the type to ration something nice out bit by bit to hang onto it as long as possible.
So of course Nynaeve was absolutely infuriated by all of it.
She didn’t care what Lan Mandragoran was supposed to be king of. He would not be allowed to play with her affections like this. No one, absolutely no one, toyed with her and got away with it. If she had a birch tree handy she would have snatched a switch off it and marched down to his room to whip him with it. As it was, she charged down the hallway armed only with a towering fury and a chrysanthemum yanked out of the flower arrangement.
She didn’t bother with knocking, nor with a greeting. Nynaeve just flung the door open, pointed the flower at the man behind it, and demanded to know, “What is the meaning of this?!”
A younger Lan might have jumped up surprised when his door hit the back of the wall with a loud clang, but Lan merely sat up a little straighter. He had a book resting on his legs, which were propped on a nearby chest for added comfort, and took the opportunity to close it maddeningly slow.
He’d half expected there to be anger, or refusal to acknowledge the gift at all. Nynaeve was a marvel of a woman, who rarely took things in stride - he liked that about her, which felt like a funny thing in the back of his mind given his own tendency to be calm even when he was being yelled at.
Lan slipped his book onto the nearby table and dropped his feet to the floor. “It’s a gift, Wisdom. Unless you mean something else - do the flowers not suit?”
“They’re beautiful!” she snapped, gripping the flower tightly enough that were it a more fragile bloom, she would have crushed the stem. “You know perfectly well that they’re beautiful! What do you think you’re playing at, leaving things for me that you know I’ll like on this stupid holiday that’s supposed to be for lovers!?” The volume dropped out of her voice, but the rage didn’t, leaving the last bit to come out as a growl instead of a shout. “I will not be mocked, Lan Mandragoran, not by you or anyone else.”
Lan’s shoulders slumped at the same time as he let out a sigh. This was a little unexpected, or at least a little more forthright than he’d expected as far as conversations went. “I am not mocking you, Wisdom.” He teased, of course, because that was what he did with the people close to him that he cared about.
Now, though, he took on a more serious stance before she worried herself a hole in his floor. “From what I have read, sending those you care about a gift on the day is often a welcome tradition, it does not have to include expectations. Has no one ever just done something nice for you in the past?”
…no expectations. Of course. Nynaeve clenched her jaw tightly enough that she’d likely have a headache later.
“The fact that you don’t want me for more than a tumble does not mean I welcome your pity,” she snarled, and she stomped forward to shove the flower right into the center of his chest. “I’ve gotten on without any man for all my life, and I always expected to do so. I’m perfectly fine. Keep your flowers.”
Lan’s eyes narrowed but he caught her hand as it shoved into his chest and held it - lightly, just in case she wanted the opportunity to pull back. “You came to my bed, knowing we might very well die the next day. I assumed I was perfectly clear about my feelings, given what I said after.” Though he had walked away from her, they both knew why, and where Moiraine and Rand had to come before any romantic inclinations Lan had, it still stung that his words before were being thrown back to him as pity.
He let go of her hand, but didn’t step away. “We are in a strange world and we do not know what the future holds or when we might return. I am with a masked bond that cuts a part of me off from the world. It is an odd time, Nynaeve, but that does not change my feelings towards you.”
“Which are what, exactly?” She didn’t move away, despite the fact that she was still riding a wave of fury. She still had her hand and the flower pinned to Lan’s chest, and it was stupid, it was so stupid, but she had never been any good at being sensible once she was angry. “When I last pointed out that our lives might be different one day, you told me to find someone else! What am I supposed to think of your feelings, then?”
Because of course she had taken the worst possible interpretation of that last conversation, packed it up with her insecurity, and wrapped it in indignation in hopes that it wouldn’t hurt so much. It was always so much easier to be angry than to be sad.
“I am certain I will never feel for someone the way I do you,” Lan answered without hesitation, even if he was not quite at the step of using the word love, he hoped the meaning was clear. “I have my Warder bond, Wisdom. That, with Moiraine, even masked, will always be my first priority in my life. I am bound to her, willingly. You deserve to be put first and should put yourself first, and another could give that to you where I cannot, no matter how deep my feelings are for you.”
“Who told you I wanted to be put first by anyone?” Her tone was demanding, but her voice was quiet. “You call me Wisdom; do you even understand what that is? I have my own connections and duties, and the fact that they aren’t enforced by magic doesn’t make them any less binding. Do you think I took that on because a traditional life with a husband and children was what I wanted? Tell me to find someone else if you don’t want me, but don’t you dare presume to make decisions on my behalf.”
“You just accused me of not wanting you for anything more than a tumble,” Lan pointed out, voice even and reasonable - as much as it could be. There was still an edge to it, as he navigated the waters of her emotions, never quite sure if anything he was saying was the right thing to say. “You have also never said what your feelings are, instead opting to deflect onto me. I might need a little guidance.”
Nynaeve had the audacity to look shocked that she could be accused of not being clear with her own feelings. She had very clearly made a vague suggestion that though a Wisdom never married, an Aes Sedai might! What else could that mean but that she loved him? He wasn’t an idiot, he probably had women throwing themselves at him all the time in the White Tower, surely he had to understand what she meant.
“Fine, since you need it spelled out for you!” Nynaeve shoved him a little–not hard, just enough to put a point on her words without taking her hand from his. “I love you, you fool! I said as much already, or do you think I go around suggesting marriage to every pretty face that crosses my path?”
Lan raised an eyebrow and the very corner of his mouth twitched, but there was no shock that crossed his face. He’d already had this conversation with Stepin, and had long since suspected Nynaeve was not the type to attach herself to anyone she did not have feelings for. It was tricky business. “I assumed,” so maybe he sounded a little smug. “But I think perhaps you needed to say it out loud?”
It was a question, but it didn’t stop him from reaching up to touch the side of her face gently. “I do have feelings for you, Nynaeve, at first against my better judgement but my words back home are still true, you are a lioness worthy of love and respect. I can give that to you, but you know I come with another half of myself, and most people can’t handle a Warder’s bond being linked to someone else.”
“I have a suggestion: let me worry about what I can or can’t handle, and you worry about how you’ll handle sharing me with all the people I find myself responsible for,” Nynaeve sharply replied. Despite the edge on her tone, though, she tipped her head slightly into the warmth of his palm. “You’ve one Aes Sedai; I’ve a whole troop of teenagers who don’t have the common sense of a sheep.”
That was honestly a generous summary of her charges, Nynaeve thought. Sheep could at least be counted on to have some sense of self-preservation.
Lan snorted a laugh at the comparison of the Three Rivers group to sheep, given how he’d had to hold down Mat after he’d made poor life decisions and paid deeply for it. It had been partially his own fault for finding shelter in Shadar Logoth, but a lesson had been learned about not trusting them with total freedom following that.
“Then, in that case, a gift is a gift for someone I care a great deal about, on a day we’re supposed to take extra time to show appreciation for.” He brought her hand up and pressed a gentle kiss to it. “I also solemnly vow to help you with your wayward sheep when we’re around them.”
“And if I can, I’ll help you with your smug Aes Sedai,” Nynaeve returned. She didn’t like Moiraine, but she had developed some grudging respect for her, and most of all, she understood how important the woman was to Lan. It didn’t matter if Nynaeve liked her or not; if anything ever happened to her, Lan would be devastated, so whether Moiraine wanted it or needed it (and she almost certainly did not), she was now on the list of people under Nynaeve’s protection.
“…which ought to be gift enough, but I suppose I might also share the chocolate with you.”
Finally, the walls of annoyance and anger had slipped away, with Nynaeve’s shoulders releasing and her tone softening as she let her hand slip down and curve around the back of Lan’s neck. She at last understood that Lan was more one to say stupid things while trying to protect people than to lie while trying to make people feel better. Not that she could identify with that, as she had never said the absolutely wrong thing by accident while trying to do the right thing. Not even once. Nor could she identify with being much better at showing people she cared than saying so, that was also not one of her flaws. She just understood in an academic sense, that was all.
With a raised eyebrow, Lan leaned back just a bit. “I’ll accept the chocolate, certainly.” He was good at dodging around anyone saying anything about Moiraine, knowing any jabs went straight through her. Well- not anyone could get away with it, but his protective instinct didn’t necessarily kick in then and there.
He leaned in to press his lips to Nynaeve’s anyway, happy to let them both get distracted by their own needs and wants first. It was the day for it, after all, wasn’t it?
After all, what stood in their way? There was no Dark One to fight here, no world counting on either of them to save it, no constant danger threatening them and their charges. If they wanted to spend time together, they were very unlikely to be interrupted by either people or fate.
So Nynaeve pushed herself up on her toes to kiss him back. She’d offer one of those “dates” people kept mentioning later, when she didn’t feel like she was making up for weeks of time she lost being insecure. The restaurants of Vallo would, after all, still be there after they got dressed again.