WHAT: Adora comes to Dan to recalibrate WHERE: Snooze Room at the Chakrabarti Clinic WHEN: Today, late morning WARNINGS: Just a lot of anxiety/mental illness talk STATUS: Complete
The walls in the Snooze Room remained their usual cool blue shade, that âlake on a sunnyâ day shade which vaguely also reminded Dan of pÄua shells. He hadnât changed them because the color was conducive to good sleep, and he also hadnât changed the temperature either. It was a pleasant sixty-seven degrees Fahrenheit, the perfect number for facilitating a good old-fashioned REM cycle, which he encouraged people to do whenever they came by.
And in some cases, he could tell when someone really needed a good REM cycle too. He was happy to help with that, giving a nudge with his particular skill set. It was why heâd set up the Snooze Room and why heâd made sleep his niche at the clinic. There were probably magical ways to do it too, but he also knew not everyone trusted magic which was fair - sometimes science was the prevailing winner, and he also held fast to the belief that each had their time and place.
When Adora said she wanted to set up an appointment to stop by, he was ready. He brewed a cup of tea, something chamomile with its mellow, honeyed sweetness and something that would only add to the experience. He didnât know the entirety of her situation, or why she wanted to come by, but he wouldnât ever turn her away and assumed that she could use some focus on just herself and some focus on good rest too. He had the cup of tea on the Snooze Roomâs desk (the sheets on the bed were printed with snowflakes, since we were still technically caught up in winter) and adjusted the lighting to that perfect rustic warmth. The door was closed and he was wearing his scrubs with his stethoscope around his neck, but he had time for a friend. That was important.
âSo how have things been?â he hedged. Stressful, maybe, but that was Vallo for you.
If Adora was entirely honest with herself, she never really stopped feeling stressed out to a certain extent. Her anxiety did a number on her - she went through spells where it was really rough and spells where it was manageable. For the most part when it spiked, she did what sheâd always done: repressed and ignored it and just hoped it would go away. She had been doing her best to open up to Catra when it got to any extremes, but it could be hard to put into words.
Of course, the stress she felt here still hadnât come anywhere near the constant, near-debilitating stress sheâd felt at the height of the Horde War back home. It was on a smaller scale now - more about her interpersonal relationships, her shorter fuse, her frustrations when she felt she wasnât being understood. Maybe it was all petty - she couldnât say for sure - but it was starting to plague her.
A long time ago (felt like almost forever at this point), sheâd come to Dan to learn how to lucid dream to control her nightmares. She had been diligent about that for the first couple of months, even kept the dream journal heâd suggested. But over time, sheâd gotten so busy with just life, especially her relationship with Catra, that sheâd faded out. The nightmares were fewer now that they were further removed from the war and Etheria, but they werenât gone entirely.
She would broach the topic of starting over at some point, but right now, she just needed a place to destress. If she slept, so be it. If not, maybe sheâd at least get some of the elephant-like weight off her chest.
Right now, she was perched on one of the Snooze Room beds. She would never get over how perfectly soothing this room was - it had a very relaxing vibe that did a good job setting her at ease, which wasnât necessarily the easiest task. She smiled over at Dan, reaching back to pull her hair out of its typical ponytail. It was getting long and wild again, and she was probably long overdue a haircut - a concern for another time.
âCatra and I are really great,â she started off because it was true, and that was an easy topic to discuss. She even smiled softly, tugging a hand through her hair. âAnd with Scorpia and Glimmer and Perfuma here⊠itâs starting to feel like home again. In a good way.â
Honestly, Dan was about ready to suggest anxiety meds for Adora - he couldnât prescribe them, of course, but a psychiatrist could and he thought they would really benefit her. It might take a little bit to figure out the correct dosage and what would work best with her body chemistry but overall? Improving quality of life was the goal, and thatâs what he wanted to see happen for her. Both her and Catra, though Catra didnât seem to have the same level of generalized anxiety disorder that Adora was plagued with (again, Dan wasnât a psychiatrist - but thatâs just what he was picking up on).
For now though, he would help her get some rest - while at the same time addressing the deeper roots of the issue, since it was about time. She owed that to herself. âIâm glad,â he replied, with an encouraging smile. âI think that no matter whatâs happening - with Vallo, or within your interpersonal relationships, itâs good if you have a solid support system. Youâll need that no matter what.â
He wasnât taking notes or anything, since that wasnât what he did - he simply faced her and paid attention. âWhat else?â
Adora nodded, completely in agreement. Even before her friends from home arrived, she felt like sheâd built a good support system. Obviously, Catra, but she also had Dan, Richie, Leon, Wanda, Lance, so many others - she knew there was always a team of people that had her back. There were others she was uncertain about which was probably a big contributor to why she was feeling so stressed and anxious lately.
But she was hesitant to admit it. She knew Dan wasnât going to judge her because that just wasnât who he was. But she was going to judge herself.
âIt sounds petty,â she sighed, both hands fisting into the sheets beside her. âBut I just - the other day - or, well, I guess it was a couple weeks ago now, I sort of snapped at Atreus. I didnât mean to, but it was during the⊠creepy fuckers and Glimmer was still new here, and I was really worried, and heâd given her a weapon, and - â She paused to take a breath and slow down. She was getting rambly here, and she didnât want to be unclear. âCatra had to tell me to calm down and be nice.â
That may not be such a big deal from a slightly more outside point-of-view, but it was a big deal to her. Catra was usually the one with a temper. Catra was usually the one to snap. That wasnât to say Adora hadnât, but the role reversal had really flipped some sort of switch for her that she didnât truly understand.
âItâs not petty,â Dan insisted right away - it wasnât. He meant that, and wasnât saying it just to placate Adora or give her false reassurances. âItâs legitimate. Iâm not a doctor, of course. But I do know that when your body and mind is overwhelmed with worry, itâs more difficult to shrug off things you might normally shrug off. Brings you to a state of irritability more quickly.â
He was sitting in one of the Snooze Room chairs and he shifted, adjusting the stethoscope around his neck. Sometimes, for Outlanders who had come from other worlds where the focus really wasnât on mental health, it could be difficult to understand and explain - but Dan would try, since in Vallo there were resources to treat ailments of both the body and mind. âFeeling on edge, irritability, anger - those are all indications that thereâs something going on, a deeper issue,â he said. âLike how people get colds or the flu - we can develop mental illnesses too. It happens - either due to genetics or a stressful environment or both.â And given Adoraâs upbringing, everything sheâd faced before getting here? Well. Dan would lean heavily on experience contributing to that.
âThere are ways to combat those sorts of ailments though. The first step is figuring out what exactly it is.â
Oh. That wasnât something Adora had expected. She knew mental illness was a thing, mostly from her time here in Vallo - if they were a problem back on Etheria, they were ignored. Sheâd always been anxious and taken the weight of the world onto her shoulders. The pressures were less gargantuan here, but they still existed. Sheâd just never though to think of them as an illness. More of an inconvenience.
âI donât know if itâs anything like that,â she replied hesitantly. She trusted Dan and certainly wasnât trying to dismiss him, but it was a lot to take on as a possibility. âIâve been a little snappier, but not that much, and - I donât know, what if itâs just misunderstandings? Like, with Keith a few days ago, I think it was maybe tone on the network is hard to figure out sometimes?â
She was still beating herself up for that, though. And she hadnât forgotten getting snappy with Shiro while she was wedding planning, but sheâd passed that off as a side-effect of how crazy sheâd gone trying to get everything perfect. Maybe it was deeper than that, but it was hard to think that way.
He definitely didnât expect Adora to leap on the idea right away - she needed time to ease into the possibility, especially because it was such a foreign concept to her. And in her defense, it was like that with a lot of people - it was difficult to hear, in a somewhat direct sort of way, something that you internalized so severely, even something you maybe stigmatized to some degree as well. Without always realizing you were doing that.
âMaybe - you know yourself best,â he said. Denial was often a protective tool as well - it could slow the treatment of ailments though, and Dan didnât want that to happen for her. âBut if looking into it further is something you decide you might want, Iâll refer you. There are doctors who specialize in this sort of thing and will help you figure it all out.â They werenât just going to medicate her and be done with it.
Sliding down a bit, he reached for a pad of paper and clicked the top of the pen he always carried with him (most nurses did and he frequently lost his pens which was a nurseâs curse - but that was neither here nor there). âIâm always willing to help you here too,â he made sure to note. âWith lucid dreaming or if like right now, you just want a rest,â he motioned toward the bed. âFeel free to get comfier.â
Adora smiled at him, tired but appreciative. She liked that Dan wasnât pushy with the subject, but she could tell he was concerned for her. And maybe he should be. Every time she felt like she had gotten control of her life and everything was fine, she started to feel like this. Maybe it was some sort of mental illness symptom.
Reluctantly, she settled down more comfortably into the bed, shifting to sprawl out on her back the way she usually slept. For a moment, she wished sheâd brought Spirit along with her for something to hold onto, but there was always a degree of embarrassment for her when she came in here. It had only been a handful of times, but sleeping in front of someone - sometimes more than one someone, if other beds were occupied - as opposed to with someone, like her wife, was a strange experience.
âMaybe Iâm just too sensitive. I donât know.â She had worried herself to death over these uncomfortable moments sheâd been dealing with recently, and nothing seemed to sit right. No matter how much tea she drank or how regularly she took those edibles to clear her mind and try not to worry, it just kept coming back. âBut⊠if you think thereâs some doctor who could help, Iâll try.â
Dan helped tuck Adora in, ensuring she got comfy - it was just them in here, but oh. Oh. Wait a second. He had an idea. âBe right back,â he told her, patting the foot of the bed. He wasnât gone very long - it was only a moment later that he returned with a ball of white fluff and clear blue eyes. Azzie jumped up on the bed, settling near Adora - after headbutting her, of course, because PET ME, DAMNIT.
Cats. Azzie did his job exceptionally well - a psychopomp who had once aided Dan with helping those who were on their way out feel connected to someone and understood, but these days he was more of a therapy cat. Dan brought him to the clinic sometimes - on other instances, Azzie worked in hospice.
Now? Azzie wanted attention before Adora succumbed to slumber.
âI do think itâd be a good thing to try,â he said, rolling over in a chair, referring back to Adoraâs reluctance to see a doctor about her anxiety. âTalk therapy sometimes does the trick - â And edibles too, he wouldnât discount those, â...but everyone is different and benefits from a combo of different things.â
Adora grinned when Azzie popped up beside her and immediately reached out to start petting him, rubbing behind his ears. She was familiar with Azzie from previous visits with Dan - sometimes here, sometimes in the world outside the clinic. That longing for Spirit ebbed away with an animal companion within reach, and feeling him start to purr only set her more at ease.
âWe know a psychiatrist, actually,â she told Dan, one hand running down Azzieâs back. âLeonâs boyfriend, James? Heâs on the network sometimes.â She liked James on a personal level - he was a good, levelheaded guy who seemed to really like Leon, despite the whole âmind controlled shootingâ aspect.
âGood to know,â Dan replied, reaching for his referral - he specifically tailored it for James, the psychiatrist Adora mentioned, so sheâd be all set and would just have to make an appointment. âIâve got everything written down for you. You can take it when you go. No rush, of course - Iâll make sure you get a good nap in.â
Azzie purred some more - it was damn loud, and sounded like a train running through the room. Clearly he was enjoying the attention and would sit here with Adora for as long as she needed. That was his job - and he was always going to do his job.
âThink of something happy for me,â Dan suggested then. Adora had been here before - she knew how it worked. And while there had been lots of hot mess to clean up as of late, there were also plenty of good things too. No doubt getting married to the love of her life had added to that.
The first time Adora had come in here, finding a purely happy memory would have been much more of a challenge. She had happy memories in the Horde, with Catra, and she had happy memories with her friends in the Rebellion. But they were all shaded with memories of war. Pain. Loss. Every kind of heartbreak you could imagine.
Now, in spite of some of the nonsense Vallo had inflicted upon them, there was so much more happiness to choose from. And of course, the first thing that came to mind (and probably always would) was her wedding day. Exchanging vows and rings with Catra and knowing that here, and back home, they got to be each otherâs forever? What could be happier than that.
âWhat a challenge,â she joked with a big grin, letting her eyes fall closed and one arm curl around Azzie.
On Danâs end, he was familiar with that kind of happiness - the wedding day happiness, that is. Where it felt like a connection in space between you and the person you were celebrating the day with - a cool shower on a hot day, or the feel of swallowing the sunâs rays and just having them burst out of you. Nothing was going to ruin that. Nothing had, despite Adoraâs worries and concerns that the day wouldnât be as âperfectâ as she envisioned.
âThere you go, thatâs good,â he said out loud, before he closed his eyes as well - he let the Shining curl outward slowly, a slow and gentle reach so that he could connect to her mind and ease himself in. He never looked at anything, not really - he only focused on what the person in the Snooze Room wanted to show him.
Sleep, he encouraged, as Azzie continued to purr - gentler purrs now, a quiet rumble while he let himself be a fluffy, living, breathing brick of comfort with Adoraâs arm wrapped around him. Danâs breathing synced up with Adoraâs. He pushed those good feelings outward, letting them fill the space in between as mental fingers reached to pull the blinds closed.
No more stress. Just sleep. Sleep. That was all she had to do.