WHO Caleb Widogast and Essek Thelyss WHERE Caleb's tower, specifically in Essek's rooms WHEN Evening of December 4 WHAT It's about time they check in about Old Caleb, the future, and how theirs are entwined. STATUS Complete ART CREDIThere WARNINGS Angst of the differing lifespan variety
The evening was a good one, the sort that shouldn't have left any room for thoughts that wandered toward discontent. In the comfortable rooms that Caleb's mind had crafted for Essek himself when he had designed the tower his magic brought to life, the two of them were hidden away in one of the several reading nooks. It was Essek's favorite as it was also the coziest; the sofa they were on being particularly comfortable when the nearby fireplace was crackling, the cats having had dropped off cups of warm beverages with Mittens staying to curl up on the floor to receive the occasional scritch, and Essek himself being lounged out across the cushions, his toes tucked under Caleb's thigh to keep them warm.
In Essek's lap was a book, a light bit of fiction that he had plucked off the shelves of the Nook at random a few days prior. It was an entertaining tale and he was enjoying it, but it hadn't kept his gaze from wandering above the pages to rest upon his company. That had been more often the case as of late, though it wasn't necessarily uncommon. When it came to Essek's focus, Caleb usually did win out against whatever the competition happened to be, but it had been different more recently. It had been different, Essek knew, since he had woken up to a much older Caleb in their shared bed.
It wasn't that Essek hadn't known that Caleb would age, of course. Time was inevitable, even for someone who specialized in it, and it flowed differently for humans and elves. Knowing hadn't made it much easier to grapple with, though; while there were plenty of people with varying lifespans within the Dynasty, the cycle of rebirth among the dens and especially those in similar social standing as a Shadowhand made it less of a focus. Even for someone who wasn't consecuted like himself, Essek knew he would still have a long life and, besides all that, he had very few attachments. All that he really cared about, for many, many decades, was his work and what he could accomplish.
That was no longer the case. His magical research was still important to him, but Essek now had a fair number of attachments at varying degrees, so many of them humans -- chief among them being the man he barely realized he was still staring at.
Caleb noticed the staring. It wasn’t unusual for either of them to do that sort of thing, and usually it devolved into foreplay (or was its own brand of foreplay) but this look felt different, more contemplative, and Caleb stayed quiet about it for a while, flipping a page as he read. Or at least attempted to read.
He could guess what Essek was thinking about, make assumptions, build an entire argument out of it in his head as he wondered and worried. It was easy for Caleb to do, as that was a fairly normal routine in how everything went.
But there was a nagging voice in the back of his head that told him that wasn’t healthy, and he had been getting better about trying to listen to that nagging voice as it cropped up. Eventually, Caleb gave in, and slowly closed his book as he looked over at his boyfriend. “Hi. Is something on your mind?”
Embarrassingly, Essek's gaze immediately darted back down to his own reading when Caleb's eyes lifted to meet his own. Normally when he was caught staring at Caleb, it just bolstered an already saucy mood, leading to banter and a very real shift in focus -- not Essek quickly looking away as the tips of his ears turned plum in a similarly embarrassing blush.
He could salvage it, if he wanted. Essek could look over the edge of his book, smirking and arching an eyebrow. He could simply shrug and claim nothing was on his mind, digging further into the pages of cheesy romance in front of him. That wouldn't be honest, though, and Essek had long since attempted to shed and denounce his shifty past habits, especially when it came to Caleb. Distraction might have been tempting, but it would only prolong the unease.
Slipping his bookmark between the pages of the book, Essek set it aside. "A few things, yes," he returned, sitting up as he added, "for a bit now, if I were to be honest." The movement broke the contact that his using Caleb as a foot warmer gave, so Essek shifted down the couch and onto the cushion directly next to his partner, legs instead tucked up next to him. Reaching out, he tucked a piece of hair behind Caleb's ear, the movement slow and tender. "I do not mean to interrupt your reading, though."
Caleb couldn’t have gone back to reading now even if he’d wanted to. Essek’s words ran worry straight through his brain and down his spine, and he sat up a little more to pay attention. The tender touches and looks continued enough that it put any worry at ease that Essek was about to dump him or something of the sort, but he still had a spike of anxiety against his better judgement.
“It’s a shit book anyway.” It wasn’t a lie, as he’d been pushing himself through the trash, trying to debate if it was worth saying something nice on a little card to attempt to sell it in the shop (it wasn’t). “What is on your mind, schatz? I do not want to pressure you to talk but now that you have said something I will warn you that I will overthink this until the end of time if you do not come out with it.”
Despite himself, Essek smiled at that, a small tip of his mouth. He understood that all too well. His overthinking was largely why he hadn't yet brought this up with Caleb in the first place. Though he had talked to Verin, most of his thoughts had stayed within the storm that was his brain, his reading and research and various hobbies not providing near enough distraction.
"You are not pressuring me," Essek assured. He gave a sheepish shrug of his shoulders before going on to admit, "If anything, I think I perhaps have needed a push, however small."
Essek's expression grew a bit sharper, his brow furrowing as he considered what to say next. He had, of course, thought about the subject at great length and had crafted plenty of scenarios and speeches to give, but none of them felt right in the moment. He probably should have predicted that. "I have been thinking about the future. That is, ah. I realize that is vague, but it has been on my mind, ever since all of the time displacements." He paused, eyes roaming to consider Caleb's face, free of more obvious wrinkles, and hair, all ginger. His eyes met Caleb's again. "Ever since yours, particularly."
“Ah.” There was more than that he should have said, but it was all that came out to start. Caleb had known this was coming, but had been putting it off on his own end, likely for similar reasons to Essek.
It still surprised him that someone with the lifespan of a Drow would even want to be with a human, a man that was just a blip in the timeline in comparison. A man that was tired, and had lived a life so far, but did not know if he had it in him to remain around for hundreds of years. Making the choice to figure out longevity was a commitment he did not know if he wanted.
“I suppose it is too much to hope you just wanted to tell me how hot I was?” He’d already heard he aged well, at least once, but still. Caleb could take on an optimistic tilt to his voice when he needed to.
That coaxed an immediate smile out of Essek, as well as a swell of gratitude for this man that he had fallen so thoroughly for. This wasn't going to be the easiest of conversations; if it was, they would have almost certainly had it ages ago, rather than Essek stewing in his own thoughts for longer than he should have. Because of that, he had to appreciate a dash of levity to break any unintentional tension that came with this.
"I believe I described you as a fine vintage at one point," Essek said, listing his head to the side a bit playfully. "And there were plenty of our friends that described you as hot on the network, should you need any vaguely less biased opinions on the matter." Because he was biased, of course, for oh so many reasons.
"But, ah -- " His playful expression turned sheepish, his gaze lifting to the wall behind Caleb. "Though an incredibly attractive reminder, it was a reminder, of sorts." A reminder that Caleb had a lifespan that was only a fraction of Essek's own, yet he was still choosing to spend that short amount of time with him, of all people. Those were big, heavy words that he couldn't yet voice. Maybe in a moment, but until then, his gaze darted back to Caleb's face and he managed a small smile. "Not that I actually forgot, of course."
The corner of Caleb’s lips turned up and he gave a little modest shrug. It wasn’t like him to accept compliments, but he’d allow this one to at least slip by with nothing more than a flush appearing on his cheeks. He didn’t really know how to talk about any of this, but neither of them were strangers to being unable to voice their thoughts and feelings.
It was always easier to bottle that up. Caleb preferred that, even.
Tentatively, he started. “I am very lucky that you are willing to-- enjoy that. So far in the future. That you keep me around.” It was awkward and not exactly what he meant to say, but Caleb was starting to get nervous about where this conversation was going, and-- well. He was not always the smoothest.
It took a beat for Essek's mind to click and for the meaning of Caleb's words to sink in. Immediately on recognition, he felt his expression soften. There was a flicker there, his mind warring between the instinct to school his features and hide away the feelings he felt and his desire to be emotionally honest with his partner. It was the latter that won out in the end.
"I cannot imagine doing anything else." Essek reached out, finding the sleeve of Caleb's shirt to tease the fabric behind his fingers in search of a physical connection, but not wanting to overwhelm, either. The words were firm, honest in the way that Essek could only be with Caleb.
"Besides, I thought that it was myself that was the lucky one," Essek went on to admit, voice quiet. "Your time is, ah." He paused, mouth opening and closing as he struggled to find the words that adequately fit what he was trying to voice in their one shared language. "It is limited," he decided on, despite that even that didn't feel right, "and I feel fortunate that I, of anyone, am the one that you keep at your side."
Oh. Caleb flushed a ruddy red at that, even darker than before. He didn’t lean into Essek’s touch, but he didn’t pull away, either. He chewed on his lower lip instead, trying to figure out exactly how far he wanted to push this conversation. Honesty was good, they had learned that, and had become more and more comfortable telling each other things they would normally have kept to themselves.
So he took the plunge, finally willing up the nerve to look at Essek. “I had no plans to spend any part of my life with anyone else, not like this, ever. That changed for you.” He was quieter still, being forthcoming and shy all at once. “And only you.”
Caleb reached out to touch Essek back, his hand reaching for an arm. “I am sorry that I am not able to be here longer. I know that this is merely a blip in the timeline for you.”
A flush of his own crept up Essek's neck, better hidden than Caleb's thanks to his far darker complexion, but nevertheless there and, once realized, impossible for the drow to fully ignore. It was more difficult than he cared to admit to not simply kiss Caleb at such an admission, Essek instead forcing himself to stay on task with this conversation.
"You know how sparse my, ah, dalliances were in my past." It couldn't have been more true, Essek's past relationships, if one could call them that, having happened many decades prior to his ever meeting Caleb and the Mighty Nein while also being more about curiosity than attraction or desire to have someone close. "I never wanted to let another in my life as we are until -- well, until you."
Essek's chin dipped, his eyes watching as he moved his hand until it tentatively came to rest on Caleb's. "I have been alive for over a century, but I do not think that I started truly living until you and the others uprooted everything. I may only have decades with you, but decades spent as your friend and your partner and," the flush spread further up, turning the tips of his ears an embarrassing plum as he made himself look up to Caleb again, trying out his next words aloud for the first time, "your husband, when we become that." He shook his head once, a smile lifting the corner of his lips. "I would not give that blip up for anything."
A little smile played at the corner of Caleb’s lips, blossoming as Essek’s words hit him. It was both a gentle roll and also barrelling into him all at once, he wasn’t sure how Essek managed, but perhaps some of that was just Caleb’s brain hearing it all over, and over.
It was not long ago he did not think he deserved this - though he and Essek were one in the same there, two people atoning for deeds in their past that they struggled to fix. Here there was nothing to fix or change, so they could just be, but forgetting that was uncustomary. And it did not stop him from wondering if he truly deserved being loved as he was, not just by Essek, but by all of the Mighty Nein.
Caleb had gotten very, very lucky somewhere along the way. “We will have to surprise everyone with that someday, you know. When they all least expect it.” It was likely the only way they would get any peace for it, anyway. He tugged Essek in. “Was that it? That you were worried I would not want to spend my limited time with you? Because I can assure you I would like nothing more than that.”
Essek allowed Caleb to pull him in, settling in closer and allowing the easy comfort that came with that proximity to settle over him. He fit in just right at Caleb's side, over a year and a half of practice making perfect.
"More or less." Essek reached up, catching a lock of Caleb's hair to twist gently between his fingers. He admired the red against his purple skin as he continued. "When I refused consecution, I knew that my years would be short in comparison to those I was surrounded with. I would only have one lifetime and I wanted to make the most of it with an urgency others with multiple lifetimes promised did not always feel." Which, he supposed, led to certain decisions, but he wasn't about to bring the mood down to that level.
Instead, Essek released Caleb's hair and let his hand rest on his partner's chest and continued. "I know it is not a good comparison, given the years I am gifted even without Luxon interference, but I only wanted to... check in, I suppose. Confirm that we were still on the same page, so to speak." He gave a small half smile, all conspiratorial, before adding, "I think that we are, if we are in agreement on future elopement to escape a big party."
Caleb was quiet while Essek spoke, but nodded just a little against the one talking. It was nice to hear they were on the same page, despite the differences and clear challenges before them, and Caleb could feel his heart beating a little faster as he looked forward to the promise of the future.
Of their future. The kind of future he had never expected for himself. It felt nice, comforting and warm.
“Then ja, we are on the same page.” It should have felt more strange to be planning something without so much of a question being presented, or a surprise. But it felt more like them, to be in control like this. With deft fingers, Caleb started undoing the buttons on Essek’s shirt without commentary to it. “I have better plans for our immediate future, if you would like to be on that page as well.”
The confirmation did not surprise him, but a warmth immediately spread through Essek, caused by Caleb's words alone or, just as likely, the rapid opening of his shirt or, even more likely, both. He had daily reminders of just how far off plan he had made for himself his life had veered, but this conversation might have been chief among his favorites. It might even be a good reminder in the future, the next time his thoughts were leaning toward brooding.
Hopefully, at least. Essek had grown a lot in recent years, but there was always room for more.
That was for the far future, though, and Essek was far more concerned with the immediate, as Caleb's words made him grin. He moved closer, climbing into Caleb's lap with the grace of someone that had put in a relationship's worth of practice and took his face in his hands. "Enlighten me, Caleb Widogast," Essek teased, then kissed him.