Whelp, I think I've officially combed every likely place on this entire island, so this is my last ditch effort before I officially call it quits.
I'm looking for a man named D, sometimes goes by Count D. He's got black, bone-straight hair, cut like a Hanson brother, an untrustworthy smile, a snug, superior tone of voice that'll make your skin crawl, and a sweet tooth that'd put an Oompa Loompa to shame. His right eye is golden and his left eye is violet. If you have any information on him, please contact me, Leon Orcot.
And D, if you're seeing this you might as well give it up and come forward. You've got to be as tired of this cat and mouse shit as I am.
Unrelated, I guess I should finally start looking for work. I've done day labour and cash jobs for the last ten years, if anyone knows of anything like that around.
Before that I was a detective with the LAPD, so if you need something found, I'm your man.