Somehow, even in Vallo, Jake didn't think having a pet squirrel that followed you around could constitute as normal.
That wasn't going to stop him from letting Hot Sauce tag along, even if he knew he would undoubtedly get teased for it. He didn't care. Him and Hot Sauce had become friends at the Outlander calendar photo shoot. One inadvertent wish later and Jake had himself a pet in Vallo.
And now he was bringing the squirrel along to work with him, as he'd told Neal he'd help with more last minute bed and breakfast tasks. But he'd mentioned he was bringing a friend with him, without clarifying that the friend was a squirrel.
"It's okay, Hot Sauce," Jake told the squirrel. He was tempted to get a tiny helmet made for him for the bike. "You'll get along." And no, it might not be normal to talk to squirrels, but Jake didn't let that stop him. Instead, he pulled up to the castle, let Hot Sauce perch on his shoulder, and walked inside.
"Neal, my love, I'm home!" he called out, wondering if Ella was around.
The castle was, in fact, enchanted (much to Neal’s sometimes chagrin and sometimes amusement) - which meant that it would open easily for the likes of Jake, if with a bit of fanfare and dramatics; much like its current owner, the castle had its preferences. Those wooden doors creaked like ropes on an old, old ship though grandly allowed Jake entrance along with his company - Neal wasn’t sure what he was expecting when Jake said he was bringing a friend to help with a few finishing touches on the arrangements but he was definitely up for him bringing whomever he felt like bringing.
Neal had been outside pruning the roses, planning to repair the fences that surrounded the garden - they needed some oiling and tuning up, but between he and Jake he was sure they could handle it even if neither of them were gardeners, specifically. He may need to find someone who actually was, but anyway - the rose garden was almost there in terms of looking pristine. They were a deep red shade, old fashioned roses that gave off the scent of citrus - and when the sun shone through the petals, it made them glow which gave a nice ambiance with the tinkling of wind chimes.
He went back inside just in time to hear Jake’s cheeky greeting. “Finally - couldn’t even call to let me know you’d be late, and here I was slaving over a hot stove,” or not really - he just had a toolbox with him, and a pair of shears. Heading toward Jake, that’s when he saw -
“Why is there a chipmunk on your shoulder?”
"This is clearly a squirrel, mate," Jake pointed out before turning his head toward Hot Sauce. "Don't be insulted. He just doesn't know animals. Maybe they don't have squirrels where he's from."
Turning back to Neal, he smiled broadly. "Told you I was bringing a friend. Neal, Hot Sauce. Hot Sauce, Neal."
Chipmunk, squirrel, gopher - weren’t they all the same thing? Okay, so they weren’t, not really, but Neal didn’t have a chance to study the furry thing’s ears or count the stripes on its body to know for sure. He was real damn entertained by the idea that Jake’s new friend was this forest creature, however. How did this even happen?
“Yo, Hot Sauce,” he greeted the squirrel - though Neal didn’t try to pet it or anything, because he didn’t exactly want his finger bitten off (and it may have rabies, you never know). “Okay, so a couple questions - one, where did you find each other and two, you want to come help in the rose garden? Also three, you’re the prettiest Disney princess now so I guess you fit right in with the castle aesthetics.”
That was more like an observation than a question, however - but it caused Neal’s coffee-colored eyes to crinkle at the corner when he grinned at the thought of it.
"One, we met at the hot outlanders photoshoot for charity, where we were paired up." Jake still didn't know why or how he got paired up with a squirrel but he also didn't ask questions because Hot Sauce was clearly a superior squirrel. "Told him I wished I could take him home with me and well... you can guess? Two, of course I do, that's why I'm here… did I walk right past you earlier? I may have been too excited about showing off the castle to Hot Sauce."
He glanced over at the squirrel who seemed more interested in Jake's earlobe than the castle, proper. "And three wasn't really a question but if you're wondering if you can be my prince charming and you're just too shy to ask, the answer is yes, of course. The love we have is real and never ending. We can break it to Ella gently."
The Hot Outlanders photo shoot. Well, if anyone fit the bill for that - Neal guessed he could see how Jake would. Plenty of people would pay to have him and his rippling abs be Mr. December on their walls or whatever. “Okay, good - I was hoping you’d pick up on my hints,” he snorted, turning and meandering back toward the castle gardens - not only were there red roses but white ones too, white as a dove’s wings. He wasn’t sure if that was magic at play or something else but he hoped it’d be a good draw for the bed and breakfast regardless.
“I think fixing the gate is the main goal,” he added, going past the low hedges and other plants that complimented the roses and helped keep the roots nice and cool - ones with tall spires and flowers shaped like cups; it was all aesthetically appealing. “I brought the tools out here. If you can get the hinge to stop squeaking, I’ll let Hot Sauce have his own room here anytime he wants.”
Well, probably. “How’d the photoshoot go anyway?”
"They were subtle," Jake agreed. "I'm just observant."
Jake walked over to the gate and then cringed when he tested it out. "Yeah, mate. No one is gonna wanna check out your garden after they hear that noise. We'll get it fixed and Hot Sauce is gonna take you up on that deal and order all the room service he can handle. I mean, he doesn't eat much, but someone will be making multiple trips to his room."
He grinned, checked out the tools and then immediately went to work.
"Oh, the photoshoot was great. Think Tina said there'd be three calendars. Sadly, I will only be in one but make sure you pre-order it, yeah? That way you can gaze upon my beauty for an entire month. We'll celebrate. Call it Jake month."
He stared at the gate for a moment and then tested it out, examining the swing while cringing at the horrifying squeal that emerged each time it moved. "Right. That's on an angle anyway. The lesser of two problems but might as well fix them both."
Pretty soon he was taking the entire thing apart.
"Kady was there too. And Regina, I think. With some yappy dog. But I lucked out the most because I came away with Hot Sauce."
The squirrel was now perched off to the side, observing. "Hand me that wrench?" Jake asked, but the squirrel did nothing. "We'll work on that."
Regina with a yappy dog was kind of hilarious - but yeah, Neal would definitely purchase all three calendars (even though one lone person probably did not need three calendars; he was simply trying to be supportive). “I’ll make sure to draw hearts on your month,” he snorted, reaching for the loppers to get back to hand-pruning the roses - he didn’t know a ton about it but had watched some YouTube videos, at the very least, and had learned that when the blooms swelled, it was time to prune.
Also when there was a bunch of dead shit - because this castle hadn’t plopped itself in Vallo from whatever year it happened to be in the Enchanted Forest all pristine and ready to go. Let’s not talk about the layer of dust, thick as flour, originally covering the books in the library.
Not to mention the squealing gate that sounded like a shotgun blast. But it was in good hands with Jake - Neal trusted him to take it apart. And put it back together again. “What else have you been up to?” he asked, with a snap of the loppers. “Give me all the juicy gossip.”
"Besides risking my life and limb to distract the gremlins? Heroic, if you ask me." Jake had no problem bragging on himself. "Oh you know, winning bets. Eating oreos I won in a bet. Bugging Margo and Kady. Sometimes Ostyia. Sometimes you. Watching Zeke drool over jaeger tech. Finished off the bike and started on a new one. Do you ride?"
Jake looked over the tools Neal had assembled. "Gonna need some lube, mate. Got some here?" He didn't want to have to go out, but in his head he was already imagining the text he could send to Kady, asking her to bring some by.
He could also imagine the face she'd make and the way she'd shake her head.
There were so many ways to take that question - and Kady would definitely not take it in a PG-rated manner but, honestly, that was why Neal liked her. Because to be honest, he had all sorts of dirty quips on the tip of his tongue as well. “Yeah, I’ve got lube,” he chuckled, dropping the rose pruning tool (he’d probably need a saw for some of the thicker, hardier branches) and standing up straight from where he’d been hunching over to work. “Be right back.”
It didn’t take him long - he just grabbed the can of WD-40 from where he’d brought it upstairs (he took the elevator this time and it worked amazingly, thanks) to oil some of the squeaky door hinges on a couple of the guest bedrooms. Then bestowed the gift unto Jake, picking up the loppers again. “Been awhile since I’ve been on a bike but, yeah, once upon a time - I used to ride. I’m interested in both that and these Oreos you’re stockpiling.” Sharing was caring, after all. The gremlins? He could definitely leave those damn things in Hell where they belonged. No thanks.
"Yeah, you'll have to come by the base when time allows. I'm still trying out all the different oreo flavors. There's so many. I feel like I was cheated my entire life until I came here." Jake said, methodically spraying the WD-40 on every part that would need it as he reassembled the gate. He even managed to work in silence for a while, which was unusual, but he got the job done.
"Look, it even latches properly into place now," he said. "But here comes the real moment of truth. The moment that decides whether or not I have any idea of what I'm doing or I've just conned my way into doing this job. For free. Well, really for pizza."
He unlatched the gate and pushed it open… Silence.
"I am a genius," Jake declared, wishing he had brought some oreos with him as that was cause for celebration. Hot Sauce looked on, seemingly unimpressed. "Hey, you get your own room now, mate. A thank you would be in order."
While Jake worked, Neal did too - he really wanted the garden to be perfect, kind of a place of solace (or afternoon tea) for those who came by to stay at the bed and breakfast. He was pretty sure that his father had the right idea, what with the abundance of roses - but it was just that the execution was always difficult when one lived in a castle by themselves and relied on magic to take care of the upkeep.
Neal wasn’t about to rely on magic - not for everything. And he thought that he struck a pretty good balance with that when it came to getting The Princess and the Pea (what he’d decided on as a name for the bed and breakfast - or rather, he asked Henry what he’d name a b&b so technically his kid came up with the name) all set up.
“You are a genius,” he complimented, dropping the loppers to check out the brand new function of the gate. Neal swung it back and forth to test it further, latched and unlatched it; a blissful experience with no hellish squeaking. “Both you and Hot Sauce. I’ll make sure to have the most comfortable pillows for him too. Oh, and Oreos - the white chocolate fudge covered ones though.” Banging.
"Wait, I haven't tried those ones yet. Hot Sauce, you're sharing the spoils of your… my victory." In reality, Jake would totally rent a room at the Bed & Breakfast. If he had someone to stay with. Besides a squirrel.
"Gonna have to find someone to stay here with just to check it out. This feels a bit weird for a platonic stay… It's all those pretty roses you're making look so beautiful."
Oh, now that caught Neal’s attention. Teeth flashed in a bright smile, one that reached his eyes, brows poking upward. “Have anyone in mind for a not-platonic stay?” he asked and, well, he didn’t think Jake meant the squirrel. Hot Sauce was cute and all but that would be a little weird.
He was almost done with the rose garden too - by the time the bed and breakfast opened, it would look like paradise out here, fresh and floral and from a dream. “Come on, let’s head inside,” he suggested, wiping off his brow with the back of his arm. “I can find some nuts for your furry friend and you can tell me all about anyone you have in mind for a romantic getaway.”
Surely there was someone - Jake was the total package, wasn’t he? Neal would advise anyone smart and available (on the market, so to speak) to get on that.
"No," Jake replied. "My friends with benefits situation got more complicated?" He was pretty sure if he asked Margo to go spend a weekend at a bed and breakfast she would disappear and he'd never see her again. "I mean I'm not looking for romance, really," Jake said. The word felt weird even as he said it. "Just to take advantage of this amazing place you have here."
It made sense to him, at least. "Besides, you're my one true love and you're spoken for. It's okay though, my heart will go on."
“Oh, right. Friends with benefits - that can sometimes tip over into feeling feelings, huh?” Neal asked rhetorically - and there was nothing wrong with that. It happens sometimes. It had definitely happened to him. Granted, he sort of felt an instant spark with Emma the first time they encountered each other (trying to steal the same car - talk about a ‘meet cute’ kind of story) but everyone was different. And sometimes relationships evolved over time, sometimes they fizzled out - that was all part of the journey.
In the castle kitchen, close to the gardens, he found a container of various seeds - for the birds, literally, but squirrels would eat seeds too and he’d let Hot Sauce run amok on the counter or jump on the table, enjoying his snack; he seemed like a fairly domesticated squirrel, especially if he was going to ride on Jake’s shoulder. “But yeah, no pressure for romance - here’s hoping you iron out the complications though.”
Neal may have been asking rhetorically but Jake replied anyway. "I don't think there's feelings involved," he said with a laugh. Unless the sudden urge to flee counted. He was probably safe there.
Hot Sauce was in squirrel heaven, stuffing his cheeks full with seeds, greedily trying to gather them all as quickly as possible. "Hey you," Jake said to the squirrel. "You can take your time. I promise Neal and I aren't gonna steal your food." Hot Sauce turned toward Jake's voice, staring for a moment, and then promptly ignored him.
"I hope so, yeah," he said, turning his attention back to Neal. "Don't wanna ruin that friendship. I could always sign up for that speed dating thing. Find love at booty camp."
While Hot Sauce was being all ‘chubby bunny’ about the whole situation (squirrel cheeks stuffed with seeds), Neal went with a better option for the humans - and that option was cake. A double toffee cake, sticky and delicious - an icebox cake that required no baking and a good lesson in the fact that anything tasted fantastic if you added enough chocolate or enough cream. Maybe both.
He cut them both slices, snorting out a laugh when Jake mentioned booty camp. “You should definitely do it,” he encouraged. “I guess it’s good for meeting new people too? Expand the circle? And who knows what could happen with love.” He wasn’t sure if it happened at first sight, but as stated, Neal definitely believed in sparks flying at first sight.
"You say that, as you feed me cake. Bad luck, mate. If we'd met earlier…"
He flashed Neal a pout, yes a pout, before laughing and diving into the cake. "Sure, I'll give this a chance. If I find love, you'll be the first to know. Or you know, in the more likely event that I at least find love for the night."
“Alas - how does it go? ‘Had we but enough world and time’?” he recited, trying not to laugh again. “But, hey, love for a night works too.” Neal toasted with his fork, to twelve-hour romances, before indulging in his own slice of cake. They’d worked hard, they earned it - and Jake had to prepare himself for booty calling.
Not like Neal had any idea how dessert would help with that, but you know. Sometimes you just didn’t even need an excuse.