InsaneJournal

Some moments it seemed to Sabrina like she and Nick had been at the Morningside apartments for months, but she knew it had only been a handful of days. She hadn’t been able to face anyone from home or anyone else really and the space had been welcomed. Now though it felt stifling, nothing about it familiar which she’d found herself yearning for something normal. Nick was around though and that helped, her fear rising when he wasn’t within earshot, remembering how he’d arrived in her makeshift realm, being entirely too lackadaisical about what he’d done. It was an irrational fear, she knew he wasn’t happy with what he’d done at home, but she couldn’t help but worry.

It seemed to be the one constant wrapped up with the grief that wanted to weigh her down. She’d let it bowl her over, not bothering to do much beyond laying around in the unfamiliar bed or on the couch. The sounds of the city below had been soothing at first, but she was beginning to miss the chirping of birds and Claire’s laughter that usually filled the mortuary at some point during the day. Which was why she had finally said she was ready to see her cousin. The only way to get back to normal was going to be by facing the others and moving forward.

Plus she missed him.

The knock at the door alerted her to Ambrose’s presence and Sabrina sent Salem over to lead him into the place, rolling her eyes at her familiar’s pointed look when she continued to lay on the couch.

It had been a tense few days for Ambrose. There had been very few moments throughout that he hadn’t been thinking about Sabrina. So when he’d gotten word that she was ready to see him, he wasted no time in going to her. He knew she had monumental strength and resilience of course, but he still needed to see for himself that she was doing okay. Plus he missed her too.

After greeting Salem, Ambrose followed the familiar into the apartment. “Sabrina?” He called her name before his eyes found her lying on the couch. He gave her a soft smile and made his way over. “Budge up then.” He motioned for her to make room so he could sit with her.

She pulled her feet up, making herself a little smaller on the couch so that he could sit down as well. Sabrina didn’t quite know what to say when she looked at him. A lot of mixed emotions turned over inside of her, ranging from sorrow to bubbling anger, but she pushed them aside, thankful to actually lay eyes on him again.

She remembered a conversation they’d had when she was considering the mandrake spell and how giving her powers over to it would mean she’d die a mortal. And how that would utterly devestate the aunties, him, and Nick. She hadn’t died a mortal, but it seemed the outcome had still been the same.

What good was saving the world when she left everyone she loved?

Sabrina didn’t have an answer for that and shifted so that she was sitting. “Hi.”

Ambrose tried his best not to look like a fretful mother hen as he watched her sit up. She had a lot (too much, in his opinion) to deal with and process, but she was still here. Still alive. That’s what he needed to focus on.

“Hello, cousin.” He reached out and wrapped her in a hug, kissing the top of her head for good measure. “I missed you.”

Sabrina hadn’t realized how much she’d needed to hug her cousin until she was actually doing it. She was unwilling to let go of him once they’d started. “I missed you too.” Especially when she was in that other place--the Sweet Hereafter or whatever it was called.

“I’m so sorry, Ambrose.” She’d never wanted to leave them and maybe she hadn’t done that in Vallo, but she had back home, and the memory of doing that was still so raw. “I’m so so sorry.”

They both needed that hug, and Ambrose didn’t pull away. He’d hold her like that for as long as she wanted. His hand rubbed gentle circles on her back.

He’d arrived knowing that maintaining composure throughout the visit was likely going to be a lost cause. He had assumed he’d at least hold it together slightly longer than this. For as soon as Sabrina had uttered her apology, tears stung at his eyes and a lump of emotion lodged itself in his throat. Everything they’d gone though and she was the one apologizing.

It took him a minute to be able to properly get the words out. “I’m sorry too.”

She’d thought she didn’t have any more tears in her, not with the amount of crying she’d done over the last few days, but they spilled forth as soon as she heard his apology. There was no stopping the onslaught of them as she gripped her cousin a little tighter, letting her grief wash over her. It was far better than the anger that simmered underneath, wanting to be unleashed as well, but she was trying to keep that stifled, not wanting to yell at him.

Even if she couldn’t understand how they couldn’t save her when she’d brought every single one of them back so many times. She’d had to sign her name in a book she’d never wanted to touch to stop the Greendale Thirteen and the damn avenging angel. Had to go back in time to revert the apocalypse that hadn’t been her fault, bring back all of them who’d died, sparing Ambrose from his descent into madness. They’d brought back Hilda. Blackwood got to keep living his pitiful life.

But the seventeen year old? Nope.

It didn’t make any sense to her. Worse was Nick’s fate for her and she tried to push the thought of that down. How had none of them been watching him? How had he gotten to Hell and been able to drown himself? How had they all let that happen?

She pushed all of it back down though, trying to focus on the comfort she was getting from holding onto her cousin instead.

The sound of her grief ripped through him more deftly than any dagger. Ambrose held onto her as tightly as he could manage without hurting her. Tears streamed down his own face, some of them falling down into her hair.

He didn’t say anything- just continued to hold her. The life of any witch was rarely easy, but Sabrina had been through so much more than should have ever been asked of her. She was entitled to everything she was feeling. All the grief, the rage.

There was little he could do to help right what had happened at home, but perhaps the silver lining to these new memories is that they could do better by her here. He’d shoulder as much of her pain as needed if he could accomplish that here in Vallo.

It took a little bit, but eventually Sabrina pulled away from him and sat crosslegged on the couch, looking over at her cousin. She could sense his sadness as well, like a giant rain cloud that was waiting to burst all over them. There was no telling how long it would last. It felt like it’d been tethered to her since her update, reminding her a bit of Eeyore. She thought she might understand the downtrodden donkey a little better now.

“Did anyone even bother to watch out for him?” The words were out before she could stop them and Sabrina knew she shouldn’t blame the others for Nick’s choices, but she couldn’t help feeling like they’d let him down as well.

The question came at him like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of him. Ambrose hung his head and wiped away the dampness from his cheeks. “We did.” He raised his eyes to meet her gaze. “I swear it, Sabrina. I rarely left him alone.” The unsaid “but” hung heavily in the air. But it hadn’t been enough.

Nick was just as stubborn and bull-headed as Sabrina, and despite the best efforts of those around them, they usually both got what they were after. In this instance, Ambrose wasn’t certain he’d ever be able to forgive himself completely for how both their stories had played out.

It made sense that Nick would have taken whatever opportunity he could have to slip away and do what he did. She needed to talk to him about that soon, to make sure it wasn’t something he’d do here if she was ever to disappear. She needed him, all of them, to live their lives. Or her sacrifice meant nothing.

“Don’t…” Sabrina took a deep breath, knowing he might not like her next words. She’d been thinking about it over the last few days, wondering what all they were doing, if they were trying to come up with solutions or simply working to move on. She needed him to know how she felt about that though. “Don’t look into it if you go home. Trying to get me back, I mean. I can’t... I don’t want to leave him there alone.”

Ambrose had shifted himself on the couch so that he was facing her now. One leg still on the floor, the other resting on the cushions. His hands were restless in his lap. He inhaled deeply at her request, his lips pressed together in a thin line.

It was a thought that had plagued him multiple times since the fateful morning he’d woken up with these new memories. Late in the evenings when sleep seemed impossible, his mind would wander to the what-ifs. He exhaled, already feeling the beginnings of a headache in the base of his skull.

He looked at her for a long moment before he nodded. He owed her that much at least. He reached over to take her hand.

She squeezed his hand, knowing that it couldn't have been easy to hear. But they would all have one another to help them continue on. Sabrina could imagine how Nick could deteriorate if he was left there alone. She also knew she would stop at nothing to figure out a way to get him back. Like she’d one when he’d gone to Hell in her place. And that would probably lead to more chaos, more death and an even worse outcome for everyone than the two of them being dead.

They deserved a chance to rest back home.

And a chance to live a life while in Vallo.

“How long have you known?”

One question of many that he’d been dreading her asking him. Ambrose wasn’t quite certain if she’d be furious or thankful that he’d kept the information from her for so long. “It happened just after you all escaped from Dark Vallo.”

He wasn’t sorry that he’d chosen not to tell her, and if put in the same position again, he’d make the same choice. If Vallo hadn’t intervened, he’d likely never have said anything. However, perhaps it was for the best. Ambrose wasn’t certain how long Nick could have kept something like that to himself. “I suppose it was well timed. I could attribute all my hovering to having you back and out of that cursed snowglobe.”

She needed to ask Nick the same question eventually. Had he already told her? She wasn’t sure. Everything from the last few days was a blur, nothing really making sense or lining up. “I’m glad you didn’t.” What good would it have done for her to know that she was going to die? She couldn’t do anything about it. There was no way to stop it from happening while she was in Vallo or back home either.

Sabrina hated that he’d held all of that in for so long though. She knew it had to have been a heavy burden to carry. So at least he wouldn’t need to anymore. “I’m sorry you had to carry that around for so long though.”

That was a small relief, at least. Though he was certain she had plenty else to be angry at him with.

Ambrose shook his head and squeezed her hand. “Don’t. I would do it a hundred times over for you. You’re here. And I got to see you and focus on that every day. Your life here. Your future here.”

His eyes became more intense and focused. “None of it should have happened like it did. And you have every right to grieve and be angry for as long as you need. But this knowledge, while awful, only helps me. Because of it, I will make certain that nothing like that ever comes close to happening to you ever again. I swear it, Sabrina.”

“I don’t even know who to be angry at anymore.” It wasn’t focused on any one individual, just all-encompassing at times and left her drained. She didn’t want to live like that though and knew she’d need to somehow work her way through it. When she was ready to do that anyway.

It had been her choice though. No matter what else had happened, she’d chosen to stop the void the only way she knew how. There hadn’t been another way. Not that she’d been able to see and not that anyone else had come up with. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m never sacrificing myself for any world again.”

She was going to live.

He couldn’t even begin to imagine the complex mixture of emotions his cousin had to be sorting through at the moment. His feelings, however powerful they were regarding the situation, didn’t even come close to what she’d experienced. What he did know was that it wouldn’t likely be sorted any time soon. It would take work and communication and the support of all of them to get through it. But they would get through it. Ambrose wouldn’t let things go any other way.

He gave her a small smile. “That’s a relief, I must admit. What else do you need right now?”

“I think I just need some time.” She wasn’t ready to head back to the mortuary yet. Even seeing her cousin was taking a lot out of her. She was definitely going to end up crashing for a few hours when he did leave, hopefully it would be a dreamless sleep. The idea of being around everyone at the mortuary and even being in her childhood home seemed far too daunting still.

“Can you get rid of the mirror?” The one in her room that Sabrina Morningstar had come through and then died in her arms. “Just...put it somewhere else?” Because she didn’t she could have that constant reminder around of how she’d completely failed her other self, but she didn’t want it gone forever either. Maybe the other girl would be able to come through it someday and not be dead. Weirder things had happened in Vallo.

Both were perfectly reasonable requests and Ambrose nodded his agreement. “Of course. I’ll keep it somewhere safe for you.”

He stood up then, and motioned for Sabrina to lay back down on the couch as she had been before his arrival. “You look exhausted. Do you think you can try to get some sleep? I can stay here until you drift off if you’d like. Or I can call Nick.”

She was exhausted, but at least her dreams had stopped consistently being nightmares now. “Can you stay and call him?” She didn’t want Ambrose to leave right away but she’d prefer Nick be back in case she did wake up and needed him there. “He should be done getting groceries by now.”

Ambrose gave her a soft smile and nodded. “I believe I can manage that.”

He slipped into the next room to find a blanket and send Nicholas a text letting him know he could return. Both tasks accomplished, he returned to the living room and settled the blanket over Sabrina. As he did so, he was hit with an onslaught of memories of Sabrina as a child. It brought another lump of emotion to his throat.

“Rest well, Cousin.”