WHO: Marina & Julia WHEN: Friday afternoon WHERE: Downtown Vallo WHAT: Discussing new memories WARNINGS: References to death
"So there's something I need to know," Julia said before taking a sip of her iced coffee, and glancing over at Marina. They were wandering through one of Vallo's shopping districts, mainly because Julia wanted something to do and probably needed to continue adding to her wardrobe, especially outside of Ancient Vallo. But after having woken up with a few new memories, including having actually met this version of Marina, she had questions, and wanted a more neutral setting to ask them in.
She hadn't actually told Marina this, so her question probably seemed out of the blue.
"Are you still mad at me?" she asked, stealing another glance in her friend's direction.
Marina wasn’t really sure what to expect when the question came up. It was possible that this was regarding classes or regarding the weird outfit from when she’d basically been some version of Joan Jett. There was also a lot of things regarding Texas she probably could still have asked about, but she didn’t. The question she asked was met with obvious confusion.
“What?” She thought back over everything that happened in the past few days, trying to remember if she’d snipped at Julia recently and she couldn’t remember anything.
"I mean, you were mostly mad at Alice," Julia said. "But you definitely put some of the blame on me." For all her friends being dead. "Deservingly, that is. But I figured you should know I have memories of that now, and well, it's not exactly something small."
Marina remembered that moment, but she’d been away from that for a while now, so she squinted briefly. She understood that this meant Julia had probably gotten a memory update, which changed her understanding of this outing entirely. She glanced away for a moment, considering her answer. “It’s been over a year,” she said after a moment. Which was true. The real answer was more complicated. It had been a year, but she was mad at herself just as much as she was Alice or Julia, but she was more annoyed at Alice than she was Julia. She wanted to think if she could have protected her Hedges better, they’d still be alive. Maybe she should have told Henry to go fuck himself. Sure, it was supposed to be a mutually beneficial thing, but he couldn’t protect anyone. She’d seen that in action.
“Do you want me to be mad?”
"No," Julia said quietly. "But I'd understand if you were."
She looked over at Marina, then wondered if they should find some place to sit down and talk. Except she'd decided on the walk because it was more active, with something to focus on other than the conversation at hand and she thought that might be helpful.
"I didn't even get very far, just to where I know I was about to sacrifice my magic in order to restore it for everyone else." She hated those keys. At least she hadn't done so. The last thing Julia wanted to do was wake up without magic.
Marina was clearly not surprised by this information. It was a combination of Julia in Texas and watching the show. She hadn’t exactly gotten into that weirdness. Especially with the others from her home world. She was also glad she wasn’t just a sitting duck that was still indestructible. It would have made jointly taught classes really confusing. But she didn’t say any of that immediately.
After a brief pause, she said, “Well, that’s good. Cause classes don’t really work if only I can do magic.” Even if Julia didn’t really need cooperative magic. She was a goddess.
“And they’re dead. There’s nothing you can do about it now just like there wasn’t anything you could do about it then. You’re not the one that brought your unimpressive boyfriend back to life without a shade and thought ‘hey, this can’t go wrong. Love will definitely win’.” She shrugged. “It’s not like you told her to do it.”
Julia didn't need cooperative magic, but nothing else felt quite the same, even as a goddess. Which was still ridiculous, whenever she really stopped to think about it. But no, even with her divine powers there wasn't anything she could do about it then or now, Marina was right.
"Q was my friend though," she pointed out at Marina's unimpressive boyfriend remarks. But she hadn't gone as far as Alice apparently had after Q had died in their timeline. If she was even really part of that timeline and not Margo's or another one entirely. This was why she refused to get upset again about events that hadn't happened yet.
"You know, if you ever want to talk about it…" she offered, in spite of the fact that she was talking to Marina.
Marina shrugged. She wasn’t that worried about Floppy-Haired Emo Boy. He wasn’t her friend. She was only slightly aware of him. But it wasn’t enough for her to argue about. At least not now.
“Talk about…?” Because she wasn’t really in the mood to talk about anything emotional. She arched an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound like me.” She’d know that from their interaction if she’d been there to see her already.
"You said the same thing about friends," Julia pointed out. "But I didn't mean now."
Instead she changed the subject. "You were pretty upfront with me about what happened." That had actually made the experience of kind of living through it better. "Except you didn't tell me that I'd know who Ghost 1 and Ghost 2 were…"
She was never going to speak of that to Margo or Eliot.
“And I meant it.” Even if she was kind of bad at somehow not collecting friends. It was stupid. But whatever. They just couldn’t disappear or die on her. It was a built in clause.
“Did me not telling you really change anything? It was going to be shitty one way or another.” She didn’t have the same qualms about whether or not she mentioned it to Margo. Things happened and it wasn’t like they didn’t know they died all the time anyway. “Next time I’ll make sure it’s Deer from Your Childhood and Deer Killer.” Was it helping? Almost certainly not.
“At least it helps you know the dangers of doing magic drunk. He had her earring imbedded in his skin.” Her nose wrinkled as she remembered it. “Super creepy serial killer vibes.” A pause, “So how’s your creepy stalker doing?”
"It was horrifying but probably more because I knew who they were," Julia admitted. "Not sure knowing would have helped." But she laughed as Marina mentioned her stalker. "That was so weird. Even knowing it was coming…"
She shook her head. "I decided something though."
“I mean, it’s weirder now, I guess. But that was my first impression, so you know.” She snorted softly. “Weird first impression. Suuuuper awkward.” But she wasn’t really that bothered by it. There were probably worse or less annoying things that could have happened.
“Oh?” She glanced over at Julia, eyebrow arched. “What have you decided?”
"Forget whatever's meant to happen next. I don't know if it would be the same as yours and Fen's or some other reality like Margo's but what does it matter if I'm not even there? And I'm sure Penny from your timeline is a great guy when he's not creepily trying to make out with me while acting delusional, but that's not my future. Not yet, anyway. So I'm not going to worry about it."
She shrugged. "I'm glad I'm here, just in case in whatever future I'm meant to have, it echoes yours, where we don't get this."
Marina considered it. She didn’t know how to forget what happened when she was still so angry about it. She’d believed in love and it had only proven her wrong and she was mad that she’d given it a chance to. “I guess that’s about as reasonable as anything else. I wouldn’t want to be with a creepy stalker either. Gross romcom behavior.” Her nose wrinkled with the disgust of it. “Creepy Romcom Guy.” Cause that was one of her many names for him besides Scarves or Stalker.
“I’ve been away from home for so long that I’d probably set everything on fire if I had to live through my actual future.” Which was about as much as she’d given on her feelings about the future.
That elicited a long glance from Julia before she turned her attention back to the path ahead. "Yeah, well, you're not bound by it either. Because you're here and thankfully she's not. So you can make yours better too."
Marina shrugged at her words. “I’m just glad she’s never shown up.” Because she didn’t want her around here. She wasn’t sure she’d be that popular around the people that knew her, but maybe they’d like Anna more than they liked her and Marina would have to do something drastic and not well thought out if they did.
“I think the teaching gig is about as good as it gets these days. So far my club’s been left back where it was and that’s how things seem to be going for me.” She shrugged. No one from Tumbleweed she really wanted was here. They didn’t know her the same anyway. Except Sirius. “Which isn’t a complaint. Just a statement of fact.”
Anyway. “So you’re fine with everything then? I don’t need to distract you from some burst of emotion?”
"If she does, we can kick her ass," Julia offered. She wasn't Kady, but she could still throw a punch. Or use magic, as a goddess. "We'd win."
"It does help that you have an amazing teaching partner," she added, ignoring the fact that Marina had already been teaching on her own and excelling at that.
"And no, I'm not expecting any sudden emotional outbursts. Compared to everything, this wasn't bad. I mean, I'm glad I actually remember meeting you now. But now I'm curious as to what sort of distractions you had in mind?"
Marina snorted again, rolling her eyes as she looked over. “I’m sure I could tell her to fuck off.” If she was lucky, she’d forget some of it and she’d just tell er to fuck off and Anna would be confused about it. Maybe this time she’d be the one breaking Anna’s heart instead. That would serve her right.
“Oh yes. My amazing teaching partner,” she deadpanned, lightly nudging Julia as they walked.
As for the distractions. “Probably something involving explosions or big magic. If nothing worked, I’d just shove you at Margo with some expensive alcohol and go.” But probably not. Maybe. She wasn’t really good with emotions as it was.
Julia just matched Marina's eyeroll with a grin, because she really would fight someone for Marina, and honestly, that was Marina's entire MO. She should appreciate it.
"I mean, you're pretty good too," she replied, nudging Marina back.
"And that won't work. Margo already told me that next time I have to find somebody else." Which was still weird that there was a first time, but that's because Julia had stupidly looked up Q's death before she decided it was a terrible idea. Too bad she couldn't have figured that out sooner.
“Of course I am. I’m me.” And she was obviously amazing. And any insecurities she might have had were buried down inside of her. She wasn’t going to show them now because that was ridiculous.
Marina arched an eyebrow. “You guys live together and she thinks she can escape from it? I don’t even live with Eleanor and I can’t escape it.” She shook her head. “I guess you can always go to the Disney Princess if she’s going to avoid you in your shared living space.”
Julia turned to Marina with a smirk. "That's what happens when you're friends with someone." She wasn't sure how that happened, because what she had seen from Eleanor seemed to indicate that she was the anti-Marina. But maybe that's why it worked.
"Besides, you care a whole lot more than you let on." Yes, that was the other version of Marina she was using as a basis for that claim, but Julia had seen enough now to know the statement stood for this one too. "I think if needed, you would find a way to deal."
This time she nudged her friend. "But don't worry. We don't need to find out if that's true or not today."
Marina wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know about all that.” Because admitting to having friends? Well, that was a once in a lifetime experience. Probably. Except that she guessed she’d sort of accepted it once in Tumbleweed. Which made things complicated. She sighed at her own thoughts.
She opened her mouth to argue about caring more than she let on before the flash of her shouting that she did care presented itself. So she frowned instead. “I’d rather not have to deal, so that’s a relief.” She knew she would because it was Julia and there was a part of her that couldn’t let go of that even if she wished she could. Stupid friendship ruined everything. “But don’t think I won’t dump you on the Disney Princess and walk in the opposite direction.”
"Yeah, yeah. Doesn't sound like you. Except that's a lie." Even if Marina had said she meant it before.
"And maybe you could do that," Julia admitted. She just didn't think that Marina would. For a moment, her voice got softer. "You know, there's no reason to believe things won't keep getting better. We're not at home." Where there was every reason to doubt things would work out. Even with what Fen and Margo had told her nothing really seemed all that good on their end, either.
Here, however? Julia was cautiously optimistic.
Marina frowned at Julia momentarily. “I’ve been to somewhere like this before. Sometimes good things happen, sometimes not.” She shrugged. “That’s life. But home or not, I can only afford to be so happy.” Because she knew their magic was powered by pain and she wasn’t sure if being happy meant losing some power, but it seemed like a serious downside. All the same, she was skeptical of the likelihood of being happy. “But maybe.”
She paused, studying something for a moment. “And don’t doubt me and the likelihood that I could dump you on someone.” Even if there was a softness in her expression she didn’t let that many people see.
Julia slowed down at that, glancing over in time to catch Marina's frown. "This place is full of magic. We can teach people our magic. So there's gotta be a way to get past that magic comes from pain bullshit from our world." Of course, that may have been easy for her to say. Her magic seemed to work differently than the rest of the magicians.
She'd have said something about Marina having been through enough to fuel a lifetime's worth of magic too, but having witnessed her own magic returning after Q's funeral? That was just more bullshit they had to deal with.
"I want you to be happy," she said. "Even if you would just pawn me off to some random person if I was sad," she added, teasing. She knew it wasn't true. She definitely hadn't missed the chance to see a side of Marina few ever saw. "You deserve to be happy," she added.
“There’s Harry Potter magic. Well, I know some of it anyway.” She shrugged. But she guessed she’d find a way. There was probably something. Even if it involved magical batteries. But who knew? She was sure something would swoop in and fuck up whatever happiness she had anyway. But she didn’t really want to think about it.
When Julia mentioned that she deserved to be happy, she averted her gaze. She couldn’t look at Julia in that moment. It felt awkward. “Gross. Don’t make it weird.”
Marina earned another nudge for that, and Julia just offered her an apologetic smile. "Sorry, but I'm not sorry. It's true."
They'd been wandering for a bit now without any real direction, so Julia took in their surroundings. "Hey that's that yogurt place your friend is always on about. Come on, I've wanted to check it out and see if it's that good." She tossed her long-emptied coffee cup in a trash can and then took hold of Marina's arm, pulling her toward the froyo shop.
Marina wrinkled her nose. “You’re weird.” Because she didn’t know how to accept anyone telling her that she deserved to be happy. She’d lived her life and she knew enough about herself to question it every time.
But she was happy enough to jump out of that conversation and into something else. “Canceled Plans is the best flavor. I don’t even care if Beyonce likes my hair.” Because it was true. Marina felt like her look was hers and even if Beyonce didn’t like it, she wouldn’t change it. She allowed herself to be dragged to the shop, stepping in and looking at the list of flavors as if she was going to choose a different flavor. “What do you want to try?”
"Probably not Mother's Love," Julia answered as that was near the top of the first list. She'd take Marina calling her weird. She could live with that. "My mom would have locked me away indefinitely just to keep me from causing her stress." She paused. "There are a lot of flavors but some of them are on here more than once? What does Unmitigated Joy taste like? Or Fixing a Problem? Or Stardust? What should I try?"
She turned to Marina for advice because she'd actually tried some of these.
She decided to ignore the flare of annoyance that came with the information. “Parents are overrated.” She looked at the list. “I don’t know. I’ve never tried those ones.” She’d stuck to Canceled Plans most of the time. “Not Cilantro,” was the first thing that she replied to Julia’s request for advice.
“You’d probably like Fixing a Problem. Knowing you. Do you like stars that much?” She was not going to reveal that she’d tried Baby Kittens which she’d feared would taste like kitten meat, but just tasted like looking at baby kittens felt. "Pumpkin pie is boring but good and Fall Foliage is okay?”
"Do they do samples?" Julia asked.
Marina glanced over at Julia before nodding. “Yeah. They do samples.”
"That makes this easier then. I'm going to make you try Unmitigated Joy for me."
Marina frowned. “I don’t want to.” It sounded gross. “Why can’t I just have Canceled Plans?”
"Just a sample size," Julia said, stepping off to the side so that someone else could cut in front of them because she still wasn't sure. "You try that and I'll try whatever flavor you want me to. And then you can have Canceled Plans."
“I bet it’s gross. Like men’s feet in the summer. You’re lucky that’s not a flavor cause I’d make you eat it.” And she refused to like it. Stupid happiness. “You can eat Maine Lobster. Sounds as gross as Unmitigated Joy.” She would have said newborn baby, but she didn’t want Julia to never speak to her again, so she stopped herself and chose something that sounded gross instead.
Julia just smiled at Marina with a shrug. A sample size of anything couldn't be that bad, could it? When it was their turn she did order Fixing a Problem, but then she also asked for samples of Unmitigated Joy, Maine Lobster, and Mother's Love. What could she say? She was curious.
"Don't worry, that last one's also for me."
Marina looked at her like she’d lost her mind when she ordered the last sample because that one had to be the grossest of them all. She’d eat Cilantro first. She ordered Canceled Plans for herself and glared at the girl behind the counter when she asked if she wanted Baby Kittens with it this time or not. “I think you have me confused with someone else. I don’t eat kitten meat.”
"Is that your usual?" Julia asked, not buying Marina's attempt to cover it up. "Okay fine, you don't have to try this sample, I will, if you want that instead." She was definitely amused, but she wasn't going to give Marina a hard time about it. Instead she was going to balance her three sample cups and her actual froyo and find a table.
Marina looked over at Julia with a frown. “Shut up.” The samples didn’t look super different, so she didn’t even know what was what. It was like those games where the ball was hidden under a cup and you paid to guess which one. “Do you even know which one is which?” She did let the girl add baby kittens to her froyo, all the same. Stupid kittens.
"Yeah," Julia said looking at them. "That one is…"
No, she had no idea. "Guess it'll be a surprise. You gonna play?" She doubted that, especially as Marina had apparently ordered her usual, a fact that pushed a small smile onto Julia's face because as hard as Marina acted, she was soft enough to appreciate baby kittens.
Marina made a face. “Not with those flavors. If I eat Mother’s Love, I will be forced to cause something physical harm.” There was a small pause. “And if you tell anyone about baby kittens, I’ll bury you in a field somewhere and let people think the system messed up and you went home.” She made sure her face was one of her most serious faces.
"Marina," Julia said with a smile, "You're safe with me." She wasn't going to tell anyone about Marina's frozen yogurt preferences. Instead, she did go to find that table, sitting down and staring at the three sample cups, trying to work out which was which. It was probably preferable to get Mother's Love out of the way first, so she took her best guess and waited on Marina.
Once Marina arrived, Julia asked, "Ready for this?" Because even if Marina wasn't trying any of the samples, Julia was sure her own facial expressions would be something else. And they were. Her first taste was not, in fact, Mother's Love but instead Maine Lobster. And it tasted exactly as though she was eating lobster on the coast, except spooned out of a froyo cup.
"That is so weird… Oh. And that was lobster."
Marina arched an eyebrow. It sounded gross. “Yeah, that doesn’t even look good.” Because really. How could something cold be like something hot that tasted okay. “Based on your face.” She took a bite of her froyo, happily existing in the in between of both canceled plans and baby kittens. It was enough to make her consider getting a kitten. She probably couldn’t do that to FB, though. “What do you think the other two are?”
"Well I had thought that one was going to be Mother's Love which is why I had it first so maybe this one?" Julia asked. But she noted the smile on Marina's face, absolutely genuine, and like the rarest of sights. She didn't say anything in fear of ruining that moment. Though she couldn't help smiling after the next sample because that was the Unmitigated Joy she had planned for Marina. Which was stupidly happy, and Julia wished she had more of the Maine Lobster to tamper that joyfulness down.
"Woooooow," she said, drawing out the word after the moment had passed. "That's a trip." Like ecstasy in froyo form. "I'd worry about anyone who ordered that normally." Froyo roulette was a bit much.
Marina studied Julia’s face, noting the expression. She seemed so happy and it almost made her look away, but it also reminded her of the way she’d looked when the other version of her had done collaborative magic with her. Just something so unusually prominent. Marina eventually did look away, the discomfort and awkwardness of it too much. She was now glad she hadn’t eaten it because she didn’t really want to look like that. Not in front of strangers. Not in front of anyone.
“I’m pretty sure they’re deeply unsettled if they are ordering that regularly.” A pause. “Are you sure you want to eat the other one?”
Julia stared at the last sample and then looked up at Marina. "Aren't you curious?" she asked. "Do you think this is catered to individual experiences or is it what it's meant to feel like?" Really, the entire existence of this place was beyond strange but so was Vallo in general, or traveling from world to world like Marina had already done.
Still, she wasn't sure now that there was no longer a chance that it was something else.
Marina looked at the sample cup with a look of disdain. “No. I’m not really curious about it. What do I need to understand that feeling for?” She knew the way her mom felt about her and the way she felt about her mom and she didn’t want a lie. Mother’s Love would be a lie. At least with Canceled Plans and Baby Kittens, they were things that actually existed for her. “Is your mom really worth all that?” She didn’t bother to conceal what she thought on the whole thing. “But if you really want to know, I’m not going to stop you.”
"I mean I just wanted to know if it tasted like disappointment or not, but now…" Julia shrugged and moved onto the frozen yogurt she'd actually bought. Fixing a Problem did not disappoint, at least. "Okay, this? This is really good."
Better than either of the samples she'd actually tried. And it was probably a good thing Marina had talked Julia out of the last one, even if she was still curious.
Marina felt like she was doing her a kindness. Moms were overrated. So was their love. “It’s definitely probably disappointing. With a name like Mother’s Love.” She shrugged, contemplating something. “Did you want to try any of mine?” It was at least not the worst thing she’d ever eaten. Mostly because she liked both canceling plans and baby kittens.
Julia thought about that and then offered her cup over while taking a spoonful of Marina's froyo. The combination was definitely different, though she could feel the self-satisfaction of having backed out of something she didn't want to do, along with the warm and fuzzy feeling of holding a baby kitten.
"I feel like I've just gotten a rare glimpse into the happiest part of your psyche," Julia said. She'd at least offered Marina the opportunity to do the same.
Marina studied her cup, taking it as Julia passed it over. She could at least try some, she guessed. Fixing a Problem was probably not obnoxious. She only took a small amount on her spoon. It was definitely an interesting taste. It was a different sort of satisfaction at having just figured something out that had been trickier. Marina didn’t immediately hate it, but it was very Julia and she was more interested in her froyo.
“Yeah. I know. Don’t make me murder you about it.”
Julia smiled at that admission, but then lightened the conversation. "With a shovel?"
And then, rather than reaching for her frozen yogurt she tried the last of the samples, taking in the feeling of being safe, and an overall feeling of warmth and love. It was weird, to say the least, because those were not at all the emotions she attributed to her own mother, and she was sure her face reflected that conflict.
She immediately took another spoonful of Fixing a Problem.
Much better.
“Yes.” Marina resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at Julia in that moment. It seemed unlike her and perhaps far too friendly and playful. So she stuck to generally looking unimpressed. It was probably the froyo’s fault.
The look on Julia’s face was enough to prove Marina right about the flavor. “Told you it wasn’t worth it,” Marina said after a moment. Moms and parents in general were overrated. “Do you need anything else after froyo or have you gotten what you needed?”
"That eager to ditch me?" Julia questioned. "I see how it is," she teased. "No, I think I'm good." She had meant to buy more clothes but she'd also used that as an excuse to have out with Marina and bring up the memory conversation, which had been the most important reason for them meeting up.
Marina looked over at Julia, eyebrow arched. “Yes,” she replied, deadpan. “I just can’t stand to be around you anymore.”
"Too bad," Julia replied, her eyes betraying her amusement. "I'll miss your cat."
“FB might notice, but probably not.” She shrugged. “Let’s finish our froyo and go or we can take our froyo and walk a little longer.”
"See, knew you didn't want to leave me yet," Julia replied, grabbing her froyo. She was perfectly content to keep walking, and in no hurry to end the afternoon.