InsaneJournal

Hello cool people and assholes, it's time for Round Two of Gideon's Food Reviews (part one, for the uninitiated, is located here). If you're not aware, I was born in a duct in the Ninth House and my life didn't get much better from there; the Ninth is well away from the sun and whatnot so most of my food I was exposed to was canned, preserved, pickled, powdered, or otherwise made into nutritional paste. So when I arrived in Vallo, I decided to make it my Mission to try as much food as possible. My opinions are my own, and they are correct, but feel free to be wrong in comments if you just can't contain yourself.

GIDEON'S COMPREHENSIVE AND ACCURATE LIST OF FOODSTUFFS - PART II because everything looks better with Roman Numerals

• Bacon: Some people like to make their personality bacon, and while it isn't good enough for that, it is very good. I've discovered I like it lightly crispy (but not too crispy) and it's especially good with maple syrup drizzled over it. 8/10, very versatile.
  
  
• Tater Tots: Potatoes for wee babies. I enjoy them, but they are sometimes soggy and that's no good. 6/10
  
  
• Ahi Tuna: Yes, I tried this a second time. I like the accompaniments, wasabi is grand, rice is fine I guess if you're into rice, seaweed is more delicious than it sounds, but the cold meat on my tongue felt like going to third base with a corpse. 4/10
  
  
• Chocolate Chips: A perfectly acceptable dinner, provided no one is about to yell at you. 8/10
  
  
• Pancakes: Fucking yes. I like the ones with chocolate chips, which I have already established as Good. 9/10
  
  
• Almonds: A "healthy" snack that I briefly tried to enjoy while I was on a diet that I will never again repeat because fuck that shit. Almonds are fine, if you're boring, but they're better when honey sesame'd or made spicy or their healthiness is otherwise destroyed. 4/10
  
  
• Shrimp: All hail the sea bugs; love them with garlic and it's soothing to rip their little legs off. 8/10
  
  
• Croissant: I pronounced this wrong and the lady behind the counter got all butthole-face about it. From now on, I declare that you simply must refer to them as "crescents". Very buttery, flaky, and yummy. Worth the judgment. 9/10
  
  
• Vanya 100/10 heyooooo
  
  
• Apple Pie: I don't know what the fuck America is but if there's these things are lining the window ledges there, I'll check it out. 9/10, 10/10 with good ice cream.
  
  
• Greek Yogurt: Sure, but why??? 3/10
  
  
• Avocado: How do you tell when they're ripe? I still don't know. 3/10 this is too hard.
  
  
• Bagels: GLENN YOU WEIRD-ASS MOTHERFUCKER; YOU'RE MY FAVORITE DON'T LET THE ASSHOLES GET YOU DOWN 10/10
  
  
• Pineapple on Pizza: People feel really strongly about this, which makes me think they need more of a personality. Pineapple on pizza is grand, I declare, you're just wrong. Oh, and add some bacon or ham or something too and you have yourself some MAGIC. 10/10
  
  
• Jerky of Any Kind: Reminds me too much of a Great Aunt 4/10
  
  
• Kabobs: I appreciate how extra these are. A mushroom? Yes, certainly. Bell peppers? Oh, excellent. Steak, why yes, kill that bovine. Onions? Caramelize me. 9/10