Eleanor very rarely splurged on an afternoon cup of coffee but now that she was working two jobs and getting paid, it felt like an okay thing to do. Besides, she was greeted by her favorite barista telling her that she was going to have a heart attack if she kept up her caffeine intake. Which seemed counterproductive to running a coffee shop, but she wasn't going to say anything.
Waving goodbye to the pixie, Eleanor stepped outside, noticing a restaurant that hadn't been there before.
"No. Forking. Way."
It was the name of the restaurant and how she associated it with Jason that had her reverting to fake good place swearing, and she thought about texting Jason to meet her there, but then she thought it would be even more fun if she surprised him and also that if she went and got him he was less likely to get distracted and no-show. She was talking about Jason, after all.
So it was for that reason she was at his door a few minutes later, having guzzled her latte on the way, knocking excitedly and waiting for him to answer.
Jason had sort of just been figuring things out as he went. Mostly if he needed things and didn’t have the money for it, he got things the old fashioned way - which obviously meant illegally. He’d found some kids to sell fake drugs to. They hadn’t figured it out yet, so it was fine.
He was in the middle of playing Madden on a system he definitely bought with the money from the first day when he heard the knock. He perked up, putting the game on hold before going to answer the door. “Yo, Eleanor! Sup?”
He glanced at the cup in her hand. “Gotta pee? I got you. The bathroom’s...well, you know.” Did it occur to him that they lived next to each other, so she didn’t need to use it? No.
Eleanor laughed because she realized she was his neighbor with a bathroom of her own readily available had it been necessary. But there was something endearing in the gesture all the same.
"No, dude. I'm buying you dinner. Let's go."
“Ohhhh. Dope!” Jason moved to save his progress in the game before turning it off and putting some shoes on. “So what’re we getting?”
"It's a surprise," Eleanor said, and she insisted that the entire way there, even making him close his eyes when they got close enough. Which honestly, leading Jason around when he couldn't see was far more of an adventure than it should have been, but she was also more surprised by that than she should have been.
Finally, they were close enough to the restaurant to smell it, so Eleanor let Jason open his eyes. "Alright man, we're here," she said. "Take a look."
Jason didn’t really question it because it was Eleanor. She was pretty good at picking food. He hoped it wouldn’t be something dumb like veggie burgers, but then again, it was Eleanor. He felt stupid walking around with his eyes closed, though. It was kind of weird, but he guessed it was one of those things.
He smelled something familiar and he started to get excited even before he opened his eyes and looked up at Stupid Nick’s. “Oh dip! That’s Stupid Nick’s! How did it get here?” He wasn’t too concerned because he was definitely going in to get some wings. “Bet you could get some free wings if you take your top off. Then you only have to pay for part of it, which is the smartest.” He found a table and sat down, waiting to see if Eleanor was gonna take her shirt off or not. More cause then it would be super cheaper, but she was also kinda hot, so he wouldn’t have minded.
"Bud, you met me too late in my life, probably cause I was already dead, for me to take my top off for free chicken wings," Eleanor informed him, joining him at the table. Though she had to admit, that seemed like something she would have done before. Since she'd arrived here before being in the actual good place, she had no idea what to expect from the wings. Her knowledge came only from Jason, who may not have been the best judge, and Janet's description. But also, may not have been the best judge.
Still, she was willing to try anything once especially for Jason.
Jason waited for someone to come and he ordered a small wing. He made sure to get one of the spicier flavors, excited about it. He settled for fire squirts because the last time he’d done bad ketchup he had really bad diarrhea and a headache and brain burn was too intense. He’d have to work up to that one if he wanted to eat it.
“So just know that the sizes are kind of weird, but it’s totally fine. Also don’t get bad ketchup unless you want to poop all night. But some people can handle it.”
"Jason I do not need 54 wings…" Especially with the names, and his warning. Gross. She ended up going with mystery ranch, which sounded terrifying but ended up being actually good, but no way was Eleanor eating 54 of them. The only smaller size was ketchup(?!) flavored safety wings on the kids menu and that was still a 38 piece bucket.
She had to admit the "orange drank" was pretty good though.
"This place is insane."
Orange drank was amazing. Jason loved it. He also liked the shake and tried to pick new flavors each time he got it, but he’d gotten almost every kind. This time he went with cauliflower ear. “You could probably take it home. I guess next time you could get something to share and then you wouldn’t feel so bad about eating a lot of wings. But I think sometimes it’s good to have like a lot. Think of the super heroes. They could get something that was like enough. Like Superman or Captain America or whoever. Like what about the Flash?” Cause he needed to eat a lot. Stupid Nick’s was just being sensible, really. They could feed superheroes and like no one would even know about it. Cause Superman wore the glasses and it fooled everyone, so it was probably the same thing.
“We could have a Stupid Nick’s party where people come over and try Stupid Nick’s and it would be dope! Oh! Like if we had a party like Tahani would throw! But it’s just Stupid Nick’s.” As he thought about it, he took a sip out of his smoothie. “Do you think we could throw it here?”
"I mean, if you don't ask all the women to take their tops off, yeah we could probably throw a party here," Eleanor replied, somewhat warily. At least then people could try different style wings and not risk death from the oh-so-questionable flavors. But knowing Jason, he could probably throw a party anywhere and still get people to come.
Honestly, she couldn't see Stupid Nick's turning down the business, but maybe it would do better than expected. The wings weren't that expensive given you got 54 of them. She still wanted to know why. Outside of the Flash needing to eat.
"Or you could probably get them to cater somewhere else." With a second food option. "I'm now picturing Tahani throwing a party and serving these wings. Or trying them…" The idea was hilarious and Eleanor was sad to not be able to witness such a feat.
“I think they might like it if they could get wings for free, Eleanor.” If he was a lady, he’d take his top off for free wings. But he wasn’t a lady. Which was both a good and bad thing now that he knew he couldn’t get free wings. “I would take my top off all the time if I got free wings.” Which seemed like a ‘duh’ sort of thing to say.
He sighed. “She would make a dope party. We could throw a dope Superbowl party, but that’s forever from now.” The last part was said with a slight whine. “Do we have a reason to throw a dope party? Is that our new task? That’s probably why Stupid Nick’s is here. So we can throw a dope party! I wish Janet was here so she could get us the wings without paying. Do you think Janet would just appear them or like take her top off for them?” Jason kind of hoped she’d take off her top. But she was always saying she wasn’t a girl, so she probably wouldn’t.
Lame.
"There's a lot you have yet to learn about women, man," Eleanor said, shaking her head. "And I think Janet would just appear with them, the way she did with everything else." Except maybe if the two of them were alone, but that was still weird to think about.
"And I think it's your task. My task was to bring you here. And to figure out what to do with 40 plus remaining wings." She had so many questions and so few answers. Still.
“You’d be surprised how many ladies took their tops off.” He nodded sagely like he’d just given her very important, very obvious information. Duh, Eleanor. It was obvious. That’s why it was a thing. Topless ladies ate for free. Like, sure not everyone ate for free cause there were lots of dudes and some ladies didn’t take their top off, but if you were hungry and you were a lady, he wasn’t sure you would be picky. Especially if you forgot your wallet.
“This one time this girl we were chillin’ with left her wallet, so she took her top off to get the wings for free. And then people come in bathing suit tops a lot, which is basically the same as topless.” He shrugged slightly when she answered his question. “Still wouldn’t have to pay for it, though. That’s what’s dope about Janet. You could ask for anything and she could get it. I bet she could have gotten me a monkey and everything.” Or another Pikachu balloon.
Without any outward mention of the thought progress, he drew in a breath, eyes wide. “Do you think I could get a real Pikachu?”
Oh right. Being friends with Jason was conversational whiplash, going from topless women to Pikachu. "Uh… maybe?" Eleanor replied. She vaguely recalled something about one of the Pokemon on the network but she hadn't really paid attention to it.
"This place is weird, man. You probably could."
Jason latched onto the potential for Pikachu as he finished his shake. “Oh dip!” It would be the best thing that ever happened. Except for like...Stupid Nick’s being here. That was definitely the best thing that ever happened. Here. He couldn’t really remember if marrying Janet was the best. “I hope I get one!” Because that would be THE BEST.
He grinned. “Well, at least the wings come in buckets, right? It’s super easy to carry them and shit. Which will make it easier to take it home. You can ask them for a lid and take it. Now you have dinner for later, which is cool right?” He still had orange drank, too.
Eleanor was pretty sure she'd have chicken wings for days and she still didn't trust the "mystery" part of "mystery ranch" even if they had been good. And that's what she'd direct anyone feeling uncertain about the menu to if they did have a party here. "Yeah leftovers are good." She didn't wanna spoil Jason's mood. Even if it was near impossible to keep him down for long.
"And I hope you find a Pikachu too, bud. Live your best Vallo life."
He was pretty happy with his wings, but he didn’t have nearly as many left as Eleanor. “It’d be dope, right?” He finished his orange drank. “You wanna come play some Madden after we get back? You can play um...anyone but the Jags.”
"Sure. I'll play the Titans and we're gonna kick your ass," Eleanor replied, but they both knew she did not have the skills to compete even though she tried. But trash talking? That she could handle.
He gave her a look. “You’re so on. I still have Bortles on Madden, so you’re going down, Eleanor!”