remus lupin (ofwolf) wrote in valloic, @ 2021-03-05 12:04:00 |
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we have each other now
Right then he felt more lost and overwhelmed than he had even thought possible and needed to see his wife and son. The thought that the latter might not be there as well only really hitting him as he turned the corner. But he supposed he'd find out one way or the other in mere moments.
There was an anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach that had been there since he'd awoken in the woods. One that hadn't settled, just swung between wildly out of control and well, more wildly out of control. But seeing Tonks in on the sidewalk, the wildly out of control fell to a somewhat more manageable staggering.
He all but ran the last bit, and without preamble wrapped an arm around her back, his other hand cradling the back of her head. "I'm sorry - Dora, I'm so sorry..." he mumbled, face buried into the side of her neck.
Seeing Remus appear on the notifications of the Outlander network had made her completely stop dead in her tracks while she’d been in the middle of doing some washing. It was part of her own personal agreement when Sirius had offered up a spare bedroom to her at the house -- gotta help around it as much as you can without breaking anything, and doing the washing was easy enough.
“Harry, Sirius!” she called out, drying her hands and hurrying to yell up the staircase. “Check the network now, I’ll be outside!” Tonks didn’t even tell them why they needed to check, but the urgency in her voice might’ve been hint enough.
After what felt like an age and a half, she saw him round the corner and her heart leapt into her throat at the sight of him. It had been a week of emotions for her, but nothing had quite prepared her for this reunion. She jogged to meet him with tears welled in her eyes, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. “Oh, love,” she whispered, a quiver in her voice when she spoke.
He just held onto her tighter when she spoke. The whole situation was so far beyond his comfort level it was ridiculous. Though he supposed there was no way this could be in anyone's comfort level. How could it be.
Eventually he pulled back a little and brought his hands to cup either side of Dora's face. He was sure he looked as overwhelmed as he felt. Exhausted in a way he had never quite felt before. But Tonks helped. The grounding of knowing she was there.
"Is Teddy…?" he trailed off instead of finishing the question. Terrified of the answer, whichever way it went if he was honest. The idea of their son not being there was - daunting. Awful. The idea that he might be and on the whims of whatever force was behind all this was its own worry.
Arriving here utterly alone -- no Remus, no Teddy -- had been one of the worst feelings she could ever imagine enduring, so knowing that he didn’t have to feel that same way was a small comfort, even if she knew that look on his face too well.
She leaned into his touch some and the tears spilled over as she looked at him, arms loose from being around his neck and hands pressed firmly against his chest, one over his heart so she could feel just how real he was. Dora shook her head a little and glanced down briefly, sadly. “No.” She was quiet for a moment before looking back up. “But I - I know he’s all right back home.”
Hopefully that would help ease any of his worries regarding their son. She sniffled a little and then without really being able to help herself any longer, leaned in and pressed her lips to his in a desperate sort of kiss. Hell, she’d missed him so much and knowing what she knew? This kiss felt completely overdue.
He seemed to almost flinch hearing it. But really, it wasn't much different than where he had been only hours before. That moment when he knew he had been bested. That he wouldn't see his son grow up, that Teddy wouldn't know him outside the stories others would tell. It hurt, to know Teddy wasn't there, that their little family was incomplete. But he knew he couldn't go down that path right then, a grief from which he might not recover. Not yet at least.
"He's safe," he said softly. "That's all that matters."
The kiss was a welcome distraction, and Remus easily slid a hand behind Dora's neck. His own desperation more than seeped in and he was sure they looked quite the pair to anyone who happened to walk by. He didn't care. He didn't think he would have ever gotten this chance again, he didn't intend to waste it.
His hand stayed on her face when he pulled back and his forehead fell to hers. He was quiet for a long moment, and sure his heart was beating erratically under Tonks' hand. "How long have you been here?" he finally asked, his voice rough.
At this point, the only other person that existed in her world was him, so if anyone saw them kissing like this outside of the house, she never would have realized or cared.
Dora breathed out a shaky sigh as the kiss broke and a hint of a whimper escaped her, not necessarily because the kiss had ended too soon but because she was just overcome with so many emotions and she wasn’t entirely sure how to let them out. She could figure that out later.
“A week or so? It’s been a bit mad,” she answered softly, one of her hands moving up between them so she could sweetly tuck a bit of his hair back behind his ear. “Though at least you missed the turkeys.” That was added as an afterthought and she snorted quietly in amusement.
Mad was a good way of putting it, and he only had a handful of hours to back that claim. However, Remus had become exceedingly well versed in getting through it during his life. And it was that he leaned on then, easier knowing his wife was there and safe. But that was all he - they - could do really. One foot in front of the other. And though he ached at the idea of her being here for a week alone, he knew he couldn't change that. All he could do was be there for her now.
He pressed a light kiss to Dora's lips at the whimper, a small smile as she tucked his hair behind his ear.
It was the mention of turkeys though that had him raising a brow. "Turkeys?"
“Yeah, when I arrived here, apparently it was in the middle of some… I don’t know, takeover these huge bloody birds decided to try. Downright mean is what they were.” Dora’s eyes rolled a little, but she smirked a bit all the same, able to be somewhat amused by it after the fact. “I was caught completely off-guard, but a young woman with a very large sword came to my rescue.”
Except she didn’t want to spend her new found time with him talking about turkeys and such, so she shook her head a little, waving it off. “C’mon, let’s go inside.” She leaned in to steal another sweet kiss before seeking out his hand, threading her fingers with his to lead him into the house and toward the family room.
“Right, so… what’s the last thing you remember, love?” she asked, brows furrowed as she looked at him, finally allowing herself a moment to really take in the sight of his appearance and what he was wearing. It was safe to assume he’d come from the Battle as well, but when?
He went easily with Dora, pausing briefly in the foyer to take a quick glance around. While it felt familiar enough from the time he had spent there with Sirius, it looked quite a bit different. Not nearly as drab and macabre as Remus remembered. He hoped that spoke good things of his friend's mental state.
Once in the family room he sunk into the couch, Dora's question a heavy weight on him. But one he knew he had to answer, as much as the guilt of it - the guilt of leaving Tonks… Teddy weighed on him. "I died," he said, his voice rough. "Dolohov," he added, a bitterness to the name. He had vague memories of after, of seeing Harry - but Dolohov was who he could picture clearly. That awful, terrible moment when Remus knew he had been bested.
She was sure the twins would be a surprise to Remus, however the fact that the house was full of children wasn’t something she needed to add to the conversation just yet. Dora moved to settle into the couch beside him, sitting so that she was facing him, one leg tucked up underneath her and the other dangling over the edge. She took his hand again and pulled it to her lap, still holding it as she looked at him.
A flourish of anger rushed over her at the name -- yes, she’d known what happened to her husband after the fact, but hearing it from his mouth hurt. She nodded a little though, keeping her eyes on him despite the sadness behind them. “Then we’re from… well, the same time, I suppose.” Dora sighed a bit. “Fred, too. I think the only one of us here that’s died that didn’t come from our point of death is Sirius, which is just… odd, I suppose?” Not that it really mattered. She gave a small shake of her head, oblivious to the fact that she’d just given Remus news of her own (and Fred’s) death.
Remus threaded his fingers through Dora's in her lap. It felt absolutely surreal to be sitting there with her, in a family room that was far brighter and homier than he could ever remember Grimmauld being. But the more they talked, the more he did start to feel anchored and more like all this might actually be real.
Except then Tonks insinuated her own death and the world was pulled out from under Remus again. He instinctively gave her hand a squeeze. "Dora…" he let out with a sucked in breath. Remus turned to face her better, his free hand lifted to cup the side of her face. It felt wrong. More than wrong. That their son was now without the both of them, that someone as full of life itself as Dora was gone from the world.
He wasn't even sure what to say. What he could say. Nothing would make any of this better or right. His thumb brushed across her cheekbone and instead he just went with, "we have each other now." There was no changing what happened back home, all they could do now was focus on this.
The realization of what she’d said hit her as soon as she saw the look on Remus’ face and she gave him an apologetic look, bringing his hand up so she could kiss the back of it before nuzzling it briefly. It was what it was and she pushed out a quiet sigh, eyes closing for a brief moment when he cupped her cheek. Their relationship hadn’t been smooth by any means, but ever since he’d come home determined to actually be a husband and a father, it had been nothing but moments like this and they’d made her love him all the more deeply.
“I know we do. Thank Merlin for that, really.” She smiled then and leaned into the couch a bit, shoulder pressed into the cushion so her head could rest against the plushness of it as she looked at him again. Admiring him. Because he was here now and fuck, that had felt like the longest week ever.
“Harry filled me in on things though, yeah? My mum looks after Teddy and Harry’s stepped up since he’s his Godfather, helped raise him, took him around to the Weasley’s and such… I assume that’s still the case despite Harry being here, too. My understanding is things at home don’t really stop, people just end up… duplicated, I guess? It’s weird. Bit like a Time Turner in a way, except in two different places.”
Remus knew it would all hit him even more so later, but for the moment it was a weird sort of calmness. Defeated maybe. But he pushed that thought aside. Instead he wrapped his arms around Dora and pulled her in close, all but on his lap really. He nuzzled his nose into the top of her head and was quiet for a long moment as he let her words settle.
He was dead. She was dead. Teddy was being taken care of, and as much as that ached Remus still had to believe joining the fight had been the right thing. If Voldemort hadn't been stopped… well - there wouldn't have been a wizarding world left for Teddy to grow up in. It didn't do much to quell the guilt he felt, but it would have to be enough for now.
The bit about people existing here and there was a little strange, but Remus wasn't in a mindset to question it too much at that point. He'd have time later to go over things more in detail.
"I'm sorry, Dora," he said, well aware it wasn't the first time. But so much was wrapped up in that. Sorry she had been here alone, sorry that they'd both died, that they wouldn't get to see their son grow up. Sorry he had wasted so much time being a stubborn git when time wasn't something they'd had in spades.
Remus knew that eventually they'd have to move. If nothing else he wanted to see Sirius. But for then he was content to just sit with his wife there, his arms wrapped tight around her. There wasn't much he could say to make any of this okay, at least right then, but he could do this.