• retired drug connoisseur ollie comstock • (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} leveret) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} valesco, |
It wasn't okay. His consciousness was unreliable, he knew, (he did not remember moving from the firepit, nor did he remember coming here to St. Mungo's), but if there was one thing Ollie felt resoundingly sure about, it was nothing was alright. The same thought played over and over in his mind again and again, making it easy for him to shut away almost all that happened around him. Curled against his hospital bed, half aware of his surroundings, he stared vacantly at which was unseen by him.
It was encompassing numbness that he felt. Parts of him buzzed with weak recognition of their existence--- his toes, his arms, but for the most part, it was his chest that continued to pulse like a great black hole. Why had he been brought to the hospital? He didn't care about getting healed. He honestly couldn't say what had been done to his face, if it had been properly healed or not. He couldn't feel it. He deserved to have his jaw ripped out for what he said.
Some random movement, one he couldn't say if had been there the whole time or not, caught his eye. Dragging his gaze, he realized he was staring at his girlfriend's soft and warm face. Emotion began to twitch onto his own.
"Where's Jake?" Ollie croaked, unmoving from his stilled and slumped position.
But he already knew the answer to his question. Why would he be here? Ollie tucked his chin further toward his chest. What he had said... what if it...? Ollie had so very purposely stayed distant from his friend, for so long these past few months, from unbridled fear of hurting him like he had in the past. And now?
"I hurt him." Tears prickled in his eyes. Sadness smothered his face. He allowed it to choke him. "Willa---"
He hurt her too. He hurt--- everyone around him and he didn't know how to stop it. Why couldn't he--- why was it so difficult? Why was he so incapable of---
"Willa," Ollie racked, not knowing what else to say to her.