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Well. It finally happened.

I got a gift from my dreams and what do I get?

A mo'fo Zune.

Yeah. That's right. A Zune.

Apparently dream!me is allll about the vintage-ness of life. I mean, hey, it's pre-loaded and has a million cool old songs (okay like 500 but WHO'S COUNTING?!).

I wonder if this means my next dream gift will be like moon boots or maybe some Chia pet...

Anyways, if you're wondering where I am, I'm trying to ebay myself a Zune charger because the universe has a sense of humour.

Is it wrong to feel more at home in space than on terra firma? Cuz the more time I spend on the Quadrant the more it feels like home. Even if we ain't goin' nowhere except within this system.

[Filtered away from the Sons of Ipswich]

So, I need some advice from the hivemind. My friends are now on the network and obviously that means they're going to start Dreaming. Should I warn them in advance or just wait for them to start Dreaming? I'm not sure if one is better than the other and I'm not sure if they would believe me if I try to tell them what we Dream about.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I just stubbed my toe and it was the most fantastic pain I've felt in my *entire life*.

Wow, the Home Alone 2019 trailer looks fantastic!

His name is Chicken

( cut for image )

This was the first year in maybe 10, 15 years that I actually felt like I could celebrate Mother's Day.

My mom passed away when I was about 10 (#fyoucancer).

10.

What 10 year old is prepared to be without their mom? I mean, sure she had her moments and she yelled at me and probably was a total b-word, but she was my mom. She was the one who taught me how to sing, how to dance, how to just let loose and live in the moment. She painted all the time, and she made the best grilled cheese sandwiches and goddamnit do I ever miss her.

So yesterday, Yondu and I just listened to some of her old mixtapes, drank beer, swapped stories.... it was frickin' hard but you know what? Glad I got the old man around. This way, she's never really gone, not when there's at least two people who still think about her and miss her.

Thanks, Yondu. For an old, cranky, ugly man, you're pretty okay sometimes.

But only sometimes.

Happy to report they taste like chicken.

Okay what the hell are these things?? Wierdest, loudest damn creatures I ever seen. And I thought Rocket was bad.

First there were a bunch in the yard that Kraglin chased off and then I get to my ship and they're freakin' everywhere! They're makin' nests IN my ship!

I JUST FINISHED PUTTIN' HER TOGETHER.

I forgot how much fun it is to prank someone on April Fools.

Hope you enjoyed the new 'deodorant', kid.

Your move, Quill.

You know, ever since getting a pitbull, I've kind of been addicted to watching that show on Animal Planet, Pitbulls & Parolees. It's such a tear jerker with a lot of happy endings. I don't understand how people can say pitbulls are vicious. Mine is an adorable, goofy, cuddle bug that would sooner lick you to death than bite you.

So, question to those of you who aren't human, or fully human, anymore because of your Dreams. How do you tell your parents or other family members that aren't Dreamers that you aren't human? Because I won't be able to hide my cat ears from my parents forever.

I'm not really into basketball, but I do a bracket for the NCAA tournament just because why not? Auburn just had to go and bust my bracket, though. Dang it.

Wasn't in my welcome packet but I decided to check this place out anyway. Seems its where all the cool kids are hanging out, or something.

when the hell do these dreams just knock it off.

on top of a sprained knee i've got a healing break now and damn hearing trauma again. so if you talk to me and i yell back, sorry not sorry, the dreams blew out my eardrums again. T_T

i also married a girl i'd known for four days. which honestly is so me i can't even be mad.

I think I almost miss the zombie apocalypse stuff compared to this nonsense. Can barely take a whizz without having to check how far away my new bff is. Seems if you stray too far some invisible force yanks you back 'til you're ass over teakettle.

Best damn thing about the Super Bowl tonight was that Amazon commercial with Harrison Ford. That was funny as hell.

Alright. I need to know if anyone's seen this idiot around. Can't seem to find him in all this zombie/monster crazy. Goes by the name of Peter Quill.

It's ...

It's everything I ever wanted!

Except 27-pounds seems a little low. I gotta buy two!

you know honestly, the last thing i need is more of these messed up dreams when i'm coming out of a concussion. legit struggling to tell what's real and what isn't right now.

like the costumes. are those really a thing? so many capes. so many weird head dresses. it's just dangerous really.

For my new year's resolution, I will try to stop killing things.

But can a Millenial change their ways?

( Happy New Year from my Lyft!! )

I was going to spend New Year's Eve at home, but then I decided to get dressed and go have a few drinks at my usual place. Anyone wanna join me, I'll be at [name of bar].

Sometimes it sucks to be working with vets and animal shelters at this time of the year. At least this year I think I found a good forever-home for one little puppy. So, Stiles, come over. I have a surprise for you.

Everyone else, if you're thinking of getting an animal for Christmas, consider getting an older pet that might be overlooked, despite them being just as cute. They'll appreciate it and you may have saved your new best friend's life.

Well I ain't lookin' at Frosty the Snowman the same way again thanks to this nonsense.

Guess it goes to show how used to the joint I am now that I don't even blink at a couple of inches of snow.

Glad I got me a truck with some four wheel drive, that's for sure.

Speakin' of this place, just realized a couple months late it's been a year since I moved out here. Can't believe it. Went from retirement in quiet ol' Missouri to the crazy OC. How long have the rest of y'all been here? For you long timers, what's the craziest thing you've seen?

So... The Majestic Sand Beast hasn't gotten bigger. I think. I've had it for a few months now, but I swear it's still the same size as when it arrived.

Anyone know where I can get one of those dog scales they use at vets? It's time for some scientific inquiry.

Dammot. Last time I get a new phone for a long ass while. Dang tbibf is harder to write on. Don't know how to use half the bells ans whistles ot got. Only did it cuz of black Friday. Got me a free 49" bran spanking new TV outta the deal.

I just received via mail an invitation to my ex-fiance, Edith's, wedding to Mr. Bertram Woolvey, to be held early next year. I admit that it came as something of an unpleasant surprise, but it has been over a year since we ended our engagement, and I am pleased that she will finally be able to continue on with her life without constantly being held by my duty. Mr. Woolvey has always been a bit of a prat somewhat arrogant an idiot an upstanding gentleman from a good family, and I've always suspected that he has held Edith in some regard, so I hope that their union will be a blessed and happy one.

Thankfully Unfortunately, I must remain in America, so I had to send my regrets. I'm sure it will be a beautiful wedding, however.

To all those who have served in the armed forces, or are currently serving in them, I wish you all a good Remembrance Day, or Veteran's Day as it is called here in America. I served in the British Army Special Forces in Afghanistan, and to all of my fellow soldiers and veterans, thank you for your service and sacrifice.

A Taste of Home will be opening our doors for Thanksgiving for anyone who has nowhere to go - free full Thanksgiving Dinner. If you're able to, we're taking donations for the food banks but it isn't necessary to get in. First come first serve.

Fuck these dreams. They can go to hell.

Ain't right for someone to dream about dyin', much less in front of the only family you had.

Welp. Gonna need a new Roomba. Mine's got a knife in it, but it seriously had that shit coming. I thought Chickens were terrifying and it was probably one of the few things in life that actually scared the hell out of me, but now we can add 'my automatic carpet cleaner coming to life and trying to kill me' to the list.

It twitched for a bit after I knifed it so I emptied a magazine into it just to be safe. I'm kind of surprised my neighbors didn't call the cops over that one.

Anyway it's been dead for a few days and my microwave finally stopped getting stuck at odd seconds, so I guess this new brand of crazy is over?

Sending out a warning to any trick-or-treaters in the Irvine area. If you see a... well... monster-like truck, please let me know. My pickup seems to be... alive. DO NOT get in front of it; someone apparently put teeth decals on the grill yesterday and today those fangs are very real. It already ate through my neighbor's mailbox on its way down the street.

Again, if you see this truck, do not approach and contact me directly. Thank you.

Well damn. Looks like this stupid Halloween OC shenanigans got me in the end after all.

My truck decided to have a mind of its own and start rollin' up and down the block like a damn...zombie, is my best guess. I mean, it was slow as hell and makin' all kinds of noises. Even kept moving despite the fact it was OFF and the brakes were engaged - which means I need new brakes. And tires.

I had to bust each one just to keep the damn thing from runnin' over trick or treaters.

As if these dreams weren't enough, my kitchen's decided to turn on me. Yesterday my toaster decided to attempt self-immolation, and this morning I learned that it actually is possible for coffee machines to spray boiling water at you. So that's been fun.

[Private to Rachel]

It might be safer for you if you stay out of the kitchen for the next few days.

So had the first casualty of my living out here finally - RIP coffeepot. You served me well over the years, kept me well caffeinated with my insane schedule and family. Now to find your successor before next week since I know I'll need one at my place on Halloween if I'm going to survive work. What's the best place to buy one out here? And if anyone suggests I go to a place that sells nothing but those damn Keurig machines I make no promises about resisting the urge to cuss your ass out.

This time of year is always filled with fond memories of pumpkin pie and taking my little brother trick or treating.

Though with him, it was as often a trick as a treat.

Loki, remember the time you made me think you'd gotten your hand caught in the disposal? Good times!

So I'm not much for decoratin' on Halloween. Not like I want those little rugrats comin' around asking for free candy and all that.

But I figure, maybe this time I'll give it a shot.

( Cut for image )

'Course I think I'll put an extra chair there for me on the day, so I can just sit there and drink along with 'em as my blue, beautiful self.

I think I've joined the Dream bandwagon. I don't like it. I don't want to dream about some weird town, high school, and werewolves.

Also, has anyone ever had something show up from their dreams?

I really need some work to distract me. The downside of being muscle for hire. None of you happen to need someone punched or shaken down, do you?

Fuck Boko Haram

Um...is it normal for someone to try and get your attention to take off your headphones to ask if it hurt when you fell from heaven?

I think the only thing stranger than bein' an alien is bein' the teenage version of my alien self and not rememberin' much. Still managed to raise some hell though.

Still mixed on whether I'm proud of teenage me or not on that point.

I don't know why the hell I'm blue or got this fin on my head but I sure as shit appreciate this flying arrow thing. Ain't nothin' funnier than watchin' the Law nearly piss themselves as you pop all their tires 'fore takin' off in a car you're just 'borrowin'.

Shouldn't the children be in school this time of year? Why are they all running about? Is it a holiday? Do I not have work?

Well, that's the last time I get into a drinkin' contest. This badass alien physique might be able to hold its liquor pretty damn well to a point, but the hangovers are a bitch.

So I dunno about any of y'all but I ain't doin' much for Labor Day weekend. So if anyone doesn't have any place to go I figure I'll just do a big 'ole barbecue. Y'all are welcome to stop by. Been here long enough, might as well get to know some of you a bit better.

My place is at [Address].

Okay look this place is kind of. There is something going on here. Alright?

People keep disappearing... and they're always trying to make me sleepy. They took my weapon away. I told them it was for in case the imps and undead came back but even though the curtains are still singed they keep saying there were never any imps here at all.

I don't care if I AM starting to get better, I need to get out of here. I swear either I'm going insane or this place already is.

Edited the next morning:
Well, that's a hell of a sedative/painkiller combo they dosed me with. Show's over, folks.

That said, I'm pretty well done with this place regardless of how fucking crazy I sounded last night.

So...

What should I do if I wake up to fine an enormous pink lion on my bed? Not really sure that my dad's place can accommodate such a large cat but Lion does what he wants. He's a cat...a BIG, pink cat...

And he's definitely gonna hurt my chances of finding an apartment of my own. I need options.

Also, he's so fricken cute!

Dammit! Stupid Dreams dumped more pieces of my ship on my lawn. Could barely get out the damn door this time.

Anybody else got problems like this or am I just the lucky one?

Well, shit. I went to check in on how my ship was doing, as someone had offered a while back to put it together for me, and I find she's up and gone and my ship's still mostly in pieces, abandoned.

I don't know where or how I'm gonna move all this and sure and hell don't know how to assemble this big ass jigsaw puzzle.