Remus Lupin (answertoten) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-04-30 18:58:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, remus lupin, sirius black |
Who: Remus Lupin & Sirius Black
When: Backdated: Saturday, April 20th. Evening.
Where: Outside and Remus' Apartment
What: Catching up, making a decision and plotting
Rating: Low
Status: Complete
Dinner had passed without incident, which Remus was quite grateful for. He’d worried that something would happen and Sirius would leave, but they’d managed to make it through dinner with the both of them with all their body parts still intact and no one got stuck to the floor or was forced to stay. They’d both stayed of their own accord and now they were walking out of the restaurant and Remus was wishing the night didn’t need to end. With the exception of the coffee shop, the last time they’d spent any time together, it hadn’t been the best, so the fact that tonight had been a good night almost made up for all of it. Sure, they’d had to wait a little longer than Remus would have liked, because they’d had to postpone their original plans for dinner, what with Remus having so much work to grade since it was nearing the end of the school year, but it had been worth it.
“Thanks again for dinner,” Sirius commented as he walked alongside of Remus. He’d been skeptical about even accepting the dinner proposal, but things had gone surprisingly well. But then again, anything would’ve been better than the coffee shop and the last time they saw each other before he’d been arrested. “So... teacher, huh? Didn’t you get enough of books and classes when you were a kid?” he teased.
Remus chuckled, hands in his pockets, "Didn't think I'd go through with it, did you?" Teaching had been an easy decision for Remus and at the time of Sirius' arrest, he'd still been undecided on exactly which subject he wanted to teach and had almost given up completely and decided to go work in a book store, but then Peter had gotten into Remus' head and told him it was Sirius keeping him from truly making any progress. Why he'd listened to Peter, Remus still didn't know. "But yes, I finally decided on History and until recently I've been teaching mostly on the East Coast. New England primarily."
“Why out there? Get tired of the crazy people here in California?” Sirius smirked and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “I don’t blame you for leaving this place. Hell... as soon as I was out, I left and didn’t look back either. Spent a lot of time just being away and travelling.” He shrugged his shoulders and looked over at Remus. “But yeah... I had a feeling you’d go through with it. It’s not something I’d ever want to do, but you always were the academic.”
Remus shrugged, “I was offered a job out there and I liked the area.” Of course, the real reason he’d jumped at the chance to get out of California was because of everything that had gone down between them. He had missed his parents and James, Lily and Harry, but he’d needed to start over. Starting over hadn’t exactly gone as expected though, because he was constantly thinking about California and his family there, which was what led him to return there mostly during the summers, “What made you decide to finally come back?” Remus asked. They’d talked about a lot of things over dinner, but that particular topic hadn’t come up or Remus had deliberately not brought it up was more like it.
“No reason really. It seemed as good of a place as any and I still had some stuff in storage here. I don’t know really. It’ll sound stupid, but just a feeling that I should probably come back home at some point.” Sirius shrugged and reached into his inner jacket pocket to fish out a pack of cigarettes. “It’s not really like I had anything here to bring me back, you know? I mean, there was James and his family. But I could visit them if I wanted. And Regulus... well, things were always strained between us because of our mother.”
Remus nodded, “I came back, mostly, because of my parents. They’re getting older and I don’t want to have any regrets when it comes to them,” Speaking of regrets made Remus recall one of the reasons he’d asked Sirius to dinner tonight. What Sirius had said to that one woman on Valarnet about finding someone you like and just going for it. All night he’d wanted to take Sirius’ advice and just lean over and kiss him, much like the other had done the first time they’d kissed, but he’d refrained, not wanting to ruin the evening, if Sirius reacted poorly, “I’m sure Tonks is happy to have you back though.” Tonks, of course, was the main reason they were even speaking tonight.
“Nymphie’s been thrilled, even though she hits me every time I call her by that nickname.” He smirked as he lit his cigarette, careful to blow the smoke away from Remus. “I’ve been over to her place and we’ve had coffee and stuff. She pretty much convinced me to stay here and I even bought a house. Once I get everything unpacked and put away, I figure I’ll have a proper housewarming and stuff. But yeah... she’s glad I finally came home. James and I have been talking, but I still haven’t had a chance to see Harry yet. I guess he’s busy with school.”
Remus laughed, picturing the look she probably gave Sirius when he called her that, "I used to wonder about your family names." He paused briefly, "Not that Remus is much better." His parents had wanted to name him John, after his father, but his grandfather had been the one to insist on Remus, after him. So, it would seem that the Blacks and the Lupin had rather odd names all around. James was the lucky one. "I haven't been to Tonks' place yet. She's been to my apartment though." He contemplated telling Sirius exactly how Tonks had found out about their past relationship, but he refrained for the moment, "I'm sure you would throw a rather entertaining party." Sirius' parties had always been ones to remember, "And I've been back since December and have barely seen Harry, so it's not just you."
“I’m convinced that my family is pretty much insane. With the Blacks, they look down on damn near everyone. So it makes sense that they named themselves after starts. But seriously... I don’t know what the hell Ted was thinking when he let Andromeda name their daughter ‘Nymphadora’. You’d have thought with all the weird ass names in our family that she would’ve picked something a little more normal!” Sirius smirked and just shook his head in amusement. “Remus isn’t so bad though. And your middle name is normal. As for parties, well... it’s been a while. So who knows?”
"I've often wondered that myself. Why anyone would saddle a young girl with a name like that is beyond me." It was no wonder she went by her last name. Of course Tonks suited her far better than her actual first name. "Actually, why any of our parents agreed on these bizarre names is beyond me." The only upside to being named Remus was that he was the only child in elementary school who knew the story of Romulus and Remus.
Looking up, Remus realized that they'd reached his apartment. Since the restaurant was nearby, Remus had decided to walk, because it had given him time to try and settle his nerves, "Would you like to come up for tea?" It was a simple question, but Remus found that he was even more nervous now than he'd been at the start of the evening.
“Who knows? Maybe because she’s got a weird name, so she figured she’d do the same thing to Nymphie. Either that, or we can blame it on whatever drugs she was on during the delivery. At least James and Lily have normal names... and the same for their kids.” Sirius shrugged his shoulders and grinned.
But when Remus invited him up for tea, he blinked and looked up, not even having realized that they’d already reached the apartment. Sirius considered the offer for a moment, then shrugged again and said, “coSure.”
For a moment Remus was convinced that Sirius was going to say no, but when he agreed, Remus let out a small sigh of relief and gestured for Sirius to follow him. Opening the door to the building, he led Sirius up the steps until they reached his floor. Since he’d moved back the only people Remus had, had over were James, Regulus and Tonks. Yes, Remus did notice the fact that the majority of the people he’d had over were from the same family. “Please forgive me for any clutter.” Of course, the only clutter in Remus’ apartment were a few stacks of books on the coffee table and the end table next to the couch and then of course there were the shelves with books, but the overabundance of books shouldn’t have been a surprise to Sirius, after all there would have been even more stacks in their apartment back when they were together, for a lack of book shelves, including the floor in their bedroom.
If Sirius were to take a closer look at the books on the shelves, he would notice that they were all the books he’d had back then. His books were the one thing that Remus always took with him everywhere he moved. His books and his photographs.
“What clutter?” he asked, making a face and rolling his eyes. “It’s just some books, Remus. If you want to see clutter, you should see the mess over at my place. I’ve got boxes of stuff all over the place still. So this is nothing.” Sirius picked up one of the books sitting on the coffee table, looked at the title, then dropped it back onto the stack.
Remus watched Sirius as he closed the door behind him, “I suppose this isn’t exactly a surprise.” Remus and books went together like peanut butter and jelly. “I’m sure you don’t miss tripping over my books.” However, Remus missed Sirius’ reactions when it happened even though the books were always in the same place. “Is there a certain kind of tea that you like?” He needed to change the subject for the moment before he started down memory lane.
“Surprise me... you know what I like,” Sirius replied without even thinking. But the moment the words were out of his mouth and he realized what he’d said, Sirius wanted to smack himself. “I’m not really picky when it comes to tea, so anything’s fine.” He looked at the other books in the pile and finally turned to look over at Remus.
For a moment it was just like old times and a small smile spread across Remus’ lips as he turned to go into the kitchen where he set the kettle onto the stove. He searched through the various boxes of tea in his cabinet until he found the one that Sirius had always liked best and took out two teabags. He set them in the mugs then went back out into the livingroom while the water boiled, “It should be ready in a few minutes.”
“Thanks.” Sirius had wandered over to the bookshelf and was looking at the books it contained. “Don’t you ever get rid of the old ones?” he teased. “I swear those are some of the same ones you had littered all over the old apartment.”
Remus couldn’t help but been surprised that Sirius had paid enough attention to his books back then to even realize they were the same books and he was silent for a moment before shaking his head, “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten rid of a book.” He watched Sirius as he stepped further into the living room and finally joined him at the bookshelf. “I’ll admit, I’m surprised you remember which books I had back then.” Closer now, perhaps as close as they’d been since Sirius came back, Remus glanced over at him, hazel eyes taking in all the various details that were too small to notice unless one was standing this close.
“I did read them once in a while, you know... I figured since I spent enough time kicking them on the floor or moving them off tables, I should at least see what they were in case I ruined one.” He shrugged and broke into a grin as he glanced over at Remus. “Besides... the older ones are more dog eared than the new ones... more broken in looking.”
“How did I not know that you read them?” A somewhat bemused smile spread across Remus’ face at the image of Sirius with one of his books, “Did you....did you have a particular favorite?” He couldn’t help but ask the question, curious as to exactly which books Sirius had read. A lot of them were research books, but there were just as many fiction books as there were non-fiction and historical.
“Probably because most people assume I’ve got zero interest in books. Which was mostly true in school, but some novels are fine.” He skimmed the shelf for a moment, then grinned as he pulled out one of the old science fiction books. Sirius tossed it to Remus and nodded as he said, “That one. That one was my favorite. I even ended up buying myself a copy of it in a second hand store a few years back. No offense? But your research books were really boring and I still say they’re only good for leveling out wobbly tables and chairs. But some of the fiction stuff was good.”
Were this any other time Remus probably would have told Sirius off for tossing the book, but he was still far too amused by the entire situation. “This one is quite good.” He held the book for another moment or two before placing it back on the shelf, which brought him the tiniest bit closer to Sirius, which would have been the perfect opportunity for him to kiss him were it not for the tea kettle deciding it was the perfect time to go off.
“And that would be the tea.” He closed his eyes as the whistling started, his tone somewhat disappointed. “I’ll be right back with the tea. You still take it the same way?”
“Yup, same way. Some things never change,” Sirius joked. He smiled and made his way over to the couch and flopped down. For a moment he considered propping his boots up on the corner of the table, but he had a feeling Remus would tell him off. So instead, he opted for just resting on foot on his knee as he got comfortable.
“Right.” Remus headed back into the kitchen, all amusement over the fact that Sirius had actually read some of his books gone. This certainly wasn’t going as he’d hoped it would despite the fact that they appeared to be getting along quite well, considering their past together and what they’d found out the last time they’d seen one another. After preparing the tea, he headed back out into the living room and handed Sirius his cup before sitting down, leaving a little space between them, “I just happened to have your favorite.” Of course, Remus still had an overabundance of tea, because he had a tendency to forget just how much he had when he went food shopping and bought more when he didn’t need it.
“Just happened to, huh?” Sirius smiled and blew across the surface of the liquid to cool it before taking a sip. “Thanks.” As they sat there, he frowned slightly as he tried to think of something to say. Yes, they were getting along much better than their last meeting. But it still felt really awkward to see and be around Remus after all this time, especially now that Sirius knew they’d both been played for suckers by Peter.
Sirius set his mug down on the table and turned sideways so he could face Remus. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I should’ve trusted you and not listened to Peter. And when I did find out the truth, I was an idiot and went off half-cocked to deal with him instead of using my head.”
If Remus had been surprised to find out that Sirius had read some of his books, he was even more surprised by the apology. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Sirius wasn’t sorry for what had happened, but he hadn’t actually thought he’d hear it so soon. Setting down his own mug, Remus turned to face him and without thinking, for once, took one of Sirius’ hands in his own and gave it a reassuring squeeze, “I shouldn’t have listened to him either. I should have known there was more to it. I should have come to see you instead of letting him talk me into writing that letter.” He’d thought about it a lot over the years and even though that fought, Sirius had never actually done anything to hinder his schooling. In fact, he’d always encouraged him. “How did we let someone like him have so much influence over us?”
Sirius just shrugged his shoulders in response. “Peter was smarter than we gave him credit for. He was good at manipulating people and situations to make himself seem more important and needed. The problem is no one ever figured it out until it was too late. I think he felt left out. Everyone else was moving on with their lives and I think Peter was scared that he was going to be left behind and forgotten.”
Over the years, Remus had come to the conclusion that Peter must have been jealous of the bond they had with James and Lily. They had known them longer. Sirius was Harry’s Godfather and Peter was just on the outside of the quartet that Remus, Sirius, James and Lily formed. Of course, while he’d come to this conclusion a long time ago, somehow he’d never once realized that Peter had been feeding the both of them lies. If only they hadn’t listened, things could have been so different. They could still be together today instead of in this limbo.
Taking a deep breath, Remus pulled up all the courage that he must have had in order to be placed in Gryffindor, “Sirius...” If he was going to do this then he needed Sirius’ attention on him.
“Hmm?” he asked, looking directly at Remus. Sirius arched an eyebrow and wondered why Remus was acting all weird. “What? Something wrong, Remus?”
“No. It’s only that...you said that one should simply find someone they’re interested in and go for it.” Using Sirius’ words first, seemed like the best idea before making his move. “And so...” Without another word, Remus leaned forward and kissed him. It wasn’t like the many other kisses they’d shared in the past or even like their first where Remus had been rather drunk. With this kiss, Remus hoped to remind Sirius of all of that and only hoped that he didn’t get pushed away.
“Well, yeah... but...” But before he could say another word, Remus was kissing him. Sirius blinked, eyes widening in surprise for a moment at the sudden turn of events. The last thing he’d expected to happen tonight was for something like this. One part of him said to hell with any consequences and to just go with it. Another part told him this was too fast and that they barely knew each other anymore. But as Remus kissed him, it caused him to remember what things had been like back before everything went so horribly wrong. “Remus, I...”
The kiss didn’t last very long, but it was more than Remus had expected and at least Sirius hadn’t physically pushed him away. When Remus pulled away, he sat there, staring at Sirius, waiting to see exactly how he’d react. If he left, Remus wouldn’t blame him, but he wanted to explain himself first, “I’m sorry. I...I know you wanted to get to know each other again before....I only thought it might remind you of what we had.”
“It did... it does.” Sirius sighed and raked his fingers through his hair as he looked at the other man. “But I’m not the same person that I was before I went to prison. For all I know, you might not want to even bother with me once you get to know who I am now.” He fell silent and stared down at the couch cushion, trying to think of the best way to phrase what was on his mind.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Remus. But at the same time, I don’t want to get hurt again either. It was easy to deal with when I thought you hated me and never wanted to see me again. I didn’t like it, but I accepted it. But finding out that everything we both thought about what happened was wrong... it’s been a lot to take in. I’m pretty sure I know what you want... to give this,” he pointed to each of them in turn a couple of times. “To give us another chance, right?”
Ever the pessimist, Remus expected what Sirius was saying to be his way of turning him down, but when Sirius got to the end, he wasn't entirely sure what was going to happen anymore. "Yes. It's what I've wanted for so long. I still love you, Sirius and I doubt you could have changed so much that I wouldn't want to bother with you anymore." As far as Remus was concerned, even if they'd stayed together back then they would have changed. They were only in their early twenties then, so of course they would have changed, but Remus didn't think either of them would have changed enough to not want to still be together. Alright, so maybe Remus wasn't always a pessimist.
“If you loved me, then why didn’t you even bother to come see me? I already know about the letter and stuff, but you could’ve changed your mind or even sent another one. If Tonks hadn’t glued me to the floor, would we have ever talked to each other?” Sirius frowned and scratched the back of his neck. “I want to believe you, Remus. I really do. But I need time. I need to know this isn’t just one of those things people do because they regret the past. Does that make any sense at all?”
"I wanted to, but by the time I realized how big a mistake I'd made by breaking up with you via that stupid letter, I didn't think you'd want to see me, let alone listen to me." Remus hated that he'd hurt Sirius for virtually no reason and while he certainly wanted to make up for it, that was only one reason he hoped to get a second chance at their relationship. Despite all of their fights, being with Sirius had been the best time of his life. "It does. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." He looked up from where his fingers had been folded together in his lap. "I won't try to...push from now on. I'll give you time." Remus only hoped that time didn't mean space away from him.
Sirius rolled his eyes and reached over, grabbing hold of the front of Remus’ shirt. He knew that look and tone. And there was no way he was going to let Remus start being all pitiful and depressed. “And you say I’m the stupid one,” he commented. Using the hold he had on the front of his friend’s shirt, Sirius pulled Remus closer and planted a firm kiss on his lips. “No pouting. I’m not telling you no and I’m not pushing you away. I’m just saying that it might be awhile before we do the whole committed relationship thing, okay? So we go out, have fun, and stuff like that... dates. Hanging out. Whatever. I’ll bitch about you having books all over the place and you can complain about everything I do that drive you bonkers.”
When Sirius grabbed his shirt, Remus didn’t know what to expect, so to say that he was shocked by the kiss was an understatement. He had been so sure that Sirius was letting him down that he hadn’t even thought that he’d meant they would give it time together. “I....I can deal with that.” Remus felt just as he had that first time Sirius had kissed him; a little dumbfounded and shocked and unsure of whether or not he was dreaming, but happy.
“Good.” Sirius leaned forward to pick up his mug and he took a long drink of his tea. When he saw the expression on Remus’ face though, Sirius smirked and shook his head in amusement. “And you’re the smart one, huh? Have a little faith and stop always preparing for the worst, Remus. You’ll have more fun in life if you relax a little.”
Remus couldn’t have explained just how relieved he felt in that moment and when Sirius smirked, he smiled as well, looking a bit bashful, “Yes, well, my life has been rather dull until recently. Perhaps you can teach me how to have fun again.” He leaned forward for his own tea cup, still smirking as he took a sip, “So, shall we inform Tonks of this latest development or let her stay in suspense?”
“You’re joking, right? Considering how much meddling Nymphie has been doing, I vote that we don’t tell her anything. We should keep her in the dark about this for a long as possible.” Sirius sipped his tea and broke into a huge grin as his eyes lit up with a mischievous glint. “Hell... we could try to convince her that it’s never going to happen and that let her think we’re out trying to date other people!”
Remus was glad that he’d swallowed his tea before Sirius spoke, because it hurt like hell to have tea come out of one’s nose, “You’re absolutely evil. You do know that, right?” Shaking his head, he set his cup back down on the table, “You simply want to see how far she’ll go to continue meddling, don’t you?”
“She deserves it! Look... I love my little cousin dearly, but sometimes she just doesn’t know when to quit. Do you have any idea how many times she’s pestered me about you since I came back to California?” Sirius finished off his tea and set the mug down. “Admit it... you’re curious to see what else she’ll try. She’s determined to play matchmaker, so I say we have a little fun with this!”
“Well now I am.” This discussion reminded Remus of his dreams and listening to James and Sirius plot pranks while he did homework that they would inevitably copy later on. “How long do you think it will be before she snaps?” If there was anyone who wanted them together more than Remus, it was Tonks.
“Dunno. But it’s going to be fun to sit back and watch,” Sirius replied. He clasped his hands behind his head as he smirked and leaned back on the couch. “The best part is that we don’t even really have to do anything! So long as we don’t tell her what’s happening, she’ll drive herself crazy trying to get information and playing matchmaker. And we just sit back and watch the fireworks.”
"And I'm sure she'll try even harder now that she's engaged." Remus still thought she might be rushing into things, but he certainly couldn't tell her what to do. He could only hope that she was making the right decision. As Remus leaned back against the couch, he found that he was very satisfied with the way the night had progressed and looked forward to what would come next.
“Pretty much, yeah. So we do our thing, don’t tell her, and just see what happens from there.” Sirius grinned and leaned forward, placing his hands on his knees. “Alright... I’m going to head home. You...” he smiled as he stood up and pointed at Remus. “Stop over thinking stuff. Just be yourself, okay? And we’ll sort all this out.”