Kate Freelander (nostraygrenades) wrote in valarlogs, @ 2013-04-20 13:37:00 |
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Entry tags: | !complete, bellatrix black, kate freelander |
Who: Kate & Bellatrix
What: Kate's trying to save her.
When: A bit after Voldemort's return
Where: Bella's place.
Rating: PG-13ish
Status: Complete!
Some days, Kate wondered how she'd gotten herself into this mess. It was ridiculous. The woman had tried to kill her, but she'd dropped everything and came running when she called. Because, somehow, she still cared.
Bella was insane. Absolutely whacked. No doubt about it. But she had a better side. She might have been damaged, but she wasn't beyond repair. And that was why Kate couldn't stop fighting for her.
If only she would let her in.
Sighing, Kate stepped up to the door and knocked, hoping she wasn't too late to keep Bella from slipping away again.
Bellatrix let her into the building, pretty much yanking her inside and slamming the door behind her. “Were you followed?”
Kate’s first instinct was to look behind her, for all the good it did with a door blocking her view. “I…don’t…think so. Why? You think he knows I’m here?”
Forgive her. She’d be genuinely surprised to find Bella had told anyone about her.
“No, but he might find out. I’d rather you not become a pawn.” Bellatrix folded her arms over herself. She looked agitated and unpredictable. The last time she was like this she nearly tortured Kate.
“I didn’t know you cared.” It just slipped out. Really. “But if he’s looking for a way to get to you, I don’t think I’m the one he’d be watching.”
“I don’t.” Bellatrix narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean? Who do you mean? You don’t mean Caprica do you?”
“You. I mean you.”
“What about me,” the witch snapped, eyes flashing dangerously.
“If he wants to know who’s close, he’d watch you.” She shrugged. “Find out who you spend time with, who visits. You can learn a lot from a person’s habits.”
“Well I don’t see Caprica anymore, so she won’t be in danger. And wait. He’s not that horrible.” Which was a bald faced lie.
“Then why are you so afraid of him?”
“Because he represents..everything I didn’t want to be.”
“Look, I know you don’t care much for my opinions. But you’re stronger than he is.” She paused for a beat, then amended that statement slightly, “You can be.”
“I don’t..I can’t..I don’t want to be, when he’s around? Can’t you see it? He has a control over me!”
“Come on. You push people away. It’s what you do best.” Right. Not much of a pep talk. Maybe she should try that again. “You don’t have to go to him. He can only control you if you let him.”
Bellatrix shook her head. “It’s like...a switch when I’m around him. I want to be with him, I want to please him.”
“Maybe you should try focusing on something else, someone else. You can do this. If you can’t do it to make someone proud, do it to piss them off.”
“Bloody hell I hate you.” Bellatrix shot her a dirty look and turned away.
"Hey. You called me."
“I still hate you,” she said, petulantly.
"Good. Use that."
She looked incredulous, and started to pace, tugging at her hair, her movements shakey and agitated. “This is your way of helping?”
Kate shrugged. "You said you didn't want to talk."
“And you believed me?”
“Last time I didn’t listen, you tried to kill me.” And really, she’d like to avoid a repeat.
“I won’t hurt you Kate. If I wanted to.” She stepped closer, her smile crazed. “I would have.”
That got a tiny smile. God, she really was insane. The woman was threatening her and she was pleased. “Good. So let’s talk.”
Bellatrix plopped into a seat, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around her knees. She just looked at Kate.
Kate moved to sit across from her. “Do you want to go to him? Or do you want to be someone different, someone better than he is? Because you can’t have it both ways.”
“Why not? Why can’t I have it both ways?” She almost sounded like she was whining. And maybe she was.
“Because you just told me you couldn’t.”
“But I want it both ways!” She continued to whine petulantly.
"Then you have to find a way to be stronger than he is. You can't give in to him."
“I don’t know how. I don’t know how. He’s the sun and I’m a comet and I’ll burn up!”
“Then stay the hell away. Seeing him isn’t worth losing yourself.”
“But I want to see him. I dream about it, and ..... “Bellatrix trailed off. She couldn’t explain it in a way Kate would understand.
“And what?”
“I dream about it and it all fits together again. Then I wake and I don’t want it, but I do. And I’ve done terrible things, you KNOW these terrible things. I’m worse there, far worse.”
Kate shook her head, slightly more pleading than she’d intended. “You don’t want to be that.”
“What if I do?” But she was lying. She didn’t want to be that.
"Then I can't help you."
“...why the fuck not?” Bellatrix came over to Kate, pushing her down and straddling her. “I want you to.”
Her hand came up between them, flattening against Bella’s stomach with just enough pressure to keep them from touching. “I can’t if you won’t let me.”
“Show me.”
Kate dropped her hand, letting it rest on the other woman's hip. "What do you need?"
“You.”
"I can do that."
Bellatrix’s eyes grew pleading. “Please..please...just for now. I can’t promise anything tomorrow.”
Kate nodded, pulling her closer. "Just for now."
It was shut up time, and Bella kissed Kate hard.